This post is in partnership with K-Y.
If I had to give a status to my relationship with safe sex, I'd say it's complicated.
Safe sex, or safer sex, prioritizes health above all else. It's about protecting yourself and protecting your partners. Some of the effective barrier methods are condoms, the ever-popular reproductive barrier, or the use of dental dams or female condoms.
Now, I always make him wrap it up; especially when I'm engaging in a sexual relationship that isn't mutually exclusive. However, that doesn't mean I am typically in love with the sensation that comes along with it. See? Complicated.
Although I know how necessary condoms are for sexual health, I've never had the best perceptions of condoms. I always heard society echoing the buyer beware sentiment of it being too tight, too small, it won't fit, or the tried and true phrase of, "It's like wearing a raincoat in the rain." Aka ladies, your gents can't feel sh*t, namely your famed Aquafina drip. Early on, it seemed like, despite how empowering of a tool a condom was in a man and woman's sexuality and sexual freedom, it was something that went against the very nature of the pleasure we're ultimately after.
Mecca Gamble
The very first time I used a condom was when I lost my virginity. I remember how cold and thick it felt inside of me initially, a feeling I'd liken to a gynecologist's lubed finger when it's time to examine your cervix during your annual pap smear. The slow build quickly caught fire though, and I experienced sheer ecstasy.
Several months and an STI screening later, we experimented with sex without a condom and I truly discovered my niche. While sometimes condoms would dry out and subsequently run me dry, skin-to-skin contact was intense, breathtaking, wild, and truly free. I could feel everything. I was addicted.
Of course, following the demise of that relationship, the importance of safe sex re-entered, but I found myself revisiting the same cycle in my next long-term relationship. Now that I'm single and low key mingling, I've been experimenting with different condoms. It wasn't until recently though, that I experimented with something else, by a brand I never thought to try, despite their impressive stamp in the lubricant market: K-Y Extra Lubricated Latex Condoms.
Mecca Gamble
I was enticed by their packaging. There was something intrinsically feminine about it that made me think my pleasure was a priority. Although morning sex isn't my favorite meal on the menu, he hit it in the morning, in our favorite lazy lovemaking position, the modified spoon. At night, the inner freak came out of us both and we indulged, tasting different aspects of each other, and switching from position to position.
The verdict was more than in: I loved it.
I was reminded of how it felt to have sex without one and my body responded accordingly. I was a fountain and it made both experiences (and the ones after) an incredible ride for me. While it's extremely important to talk about safe sex from a physical standpoint, it's also important to talk about sex from a pleasurable and emotional perspective. Feeling good is a huge part of it, but I think there's room to do both.
Mecca Gamble
In learning to fall in love with wrapping it up unconditionally, and with my condom of choice, is an act of loving myself. Deeply, physically, and wholly. I am reminded of my power in a tangible way.
And that in and of itself makes me feel liberated AF.
I guess these days, my relationship with safe sex has become a little less complicated.
To find out more about K-Y Extra Lubricated Condoms as well as their K-Y® Yours+Mine® Couples Lubricants®, visit K-Y.com.
Featured image by Mecca Gamble
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
