2021 taught us so much. In 2022, we are applying all that knowledge. More than anything we want to learn how to make ourselves available to both the beauty and pain this new year brings. New year, new me is always the mantra applied to this time of year. But how can we effectiely move forward with what could be without reflecting on what's been? As we look ahead to the next calendar year, we wanted to hear from some women about how their resilience manifested in 2021 and what they are speaking life in 2022.
Here's what they shared.
Rachel Owens
Courtesy of Rachel Owens
How She Made It Through 2021:
"In my opinion, 2021 should be renamed '2020: The Aftermath.' Balancing dealing with the loss of my father, the recovery of my toddler’s two open-heart surgeries as a heart patient myself, building a multi-six-figure business after losing my job, and living the Active-Duty Military Spouse life has challenged every non-emotional bone I thought I had in my body. It has been the year of BIG FEELINGS and challenges. The year of 'oh you thought you were strong?'
"The only way I made it through was GOD, a whole lot of prayer and crying out, some good throwback gospel that will make you fall on your knees, self-care routines, travel, wine, and sisterhood chats. Sometimes you just can’t do it by yourself!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I’m manifesting a continued beautiful and healthy union, securing generational wealth, good health, a life filled with peace and joy, meaningful relationships, seeing more of the world, Black girls winning being the standard and not the exception, luxury being the norm, growth, philanthropy, turning heads and shaking the room!"
Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
Courtesy of Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
How She Made It Through 2021:
"If 'they see my glory, but they don’t know my story' was a person, it would be a perfect summation of my 2021. Wearing the hat of a deployed spouse, mother, business owner, graduate student, model, and advocate of women empowerment pushed me to my limit. Getting through 2021 was possible because I stopped waiting for things to happen and started making things happen. I chose to take up the space in life I earned by making my own seat at every table, allowing my grind to fuel me and not move me. Walking in every room knowing that what’s mine, is mine. Maya Angelou said it best, 'I am the dream and the hope of the slave.'
"The moment I became 'woke' and stopped playing with my own potential, I shifted into my highest vibration. Deliberate of keeping my thoughts and intentions towards myself good, and my motives pure, the baggage became lighter. In 2021, I became teachable and willing to transform, I shifted out of stagnation and the willingness to conform to what society thought I should be, into me. I learned to simply BE, and I BECAME."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"In 2022, I am manifesting new and genuine connections. I am intentionally manifesting self, spiritual, and financial growth for myself. I am establishing new ways to empower women and become the best version of myself in the process. I am walking into situations designed to serve me and believing nothing happened by chance. I will be gracious to myself; I maintain an attitude of gratitude. I care for myself, and as a result, I exude positive energy. I am my ancestors' wildest dreams!"
Imani Nicholson
Courtesy of Imani Nicholson
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 by really honing in on my creative process! I was fortunate enough to work from home so I capitalized on that. I brainstormed, created, brainstormed, and created some more! The removal of my commute to work really freed up time for me to work on my passions! I was also able to connect with other women who love beauty on Clubhouse and that opened so many doors and beautiful friendships for me! Knowing I had that support system really helped with my professional and personal growth!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I am manifesting bigger brand collaborations and pushing the envelope on the quality of content I create so that I connect more with my growing community of beauty and fashion lovers!"
Tomi Obebe
Courtesy of Tomi Obebe
How She Made It Through 2021:
"[2020] was difficult for a lot of people, myself included. As a self-employed business owner with an autoimmune disease, I struggled with isolation. 2021 was dedicated to how I could revive my relationships and intentional check-ins with my closest friends and family whenever I could. I also made a point to travel and experience a few new places with my husband once we got our vaccines.
"It's not until things change that you realize how much you can take for granted. This period in time continues to humble me and remind me of who and what is most important in my life. Without my circle, my faith, and a steady stream of chaotic reality TV (thank you Real Housewives), my year would've been a struggle."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I'm claiming health, wealth, and clarity in abundance for myself and all those around me."
Amanda Johnson
Courtesy of Amanda Johnson
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Honestly, as someone who has a full-time job and also still manages a blog full-time, it has always been a struggle finding balance. I personally feel as if working from home full-time was a HUGE help since I could shoot content on my hour lunch break with my photographer. I also was taken on by an agency and having a manager who negotiates contracts for me has been a game-changer time-wise. I am able to spend more time on content creation while saving time on the nitty-gritty details. They also help me manage my deadlines!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"My personal goal is to double the income that I made in 2021. I was able to accomplish this in 2021 and hope to do the same this coming year. I'd also love to continue utilizing Pinterest marketing and growing my blog views using this!"
Asa Dugger
Courtesy of Asa Dugger
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Through prayer, and prioritizing myself through rest, leisure, and therapy."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I'm manifesting divine provision in my relationships, finances, and emotional health!"
Lynette
Courtesy of Lynette
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Intentionally embracing balance and being misunderstood. Anyone who knows me knows self-care in every aspect of life is my jam. 2021 gave the opportunity to put these skills to practice. As a healthcare professional, balance in 2021 became extremely important not only for self-care, continued reflection, and self-awareness but in navigating which conversations are helpful to yield promising results versus those that increase anxiety and perpetuate division. This [past] year gave me ample opportunity to become comfortable with being misunderstood and embracing not only NOT having the last word, but also NOT forcing dead-end lengthy explanations.
"2021 allowed me to continue to protect my God-provided personal peace and that of my sanctuary at home above all costs, regardless of family, friends, society, or work. Embracing where accountability meets the balance of my inner critic creating self-awareness and taking deep resetting breaths to perpetuate it!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Balance changes daily, so continuing to make habits of everything above, inviting new challenges with God as my pilot."
Codou Diop
Courtesy of Coudou Diop
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 was a hard year but also a great year. I hit a lot of milestones! I made it through the year by being kind to myself and celebrating every small win. I also made it thanks to my community and my family. The pandemic has brought me close to such amazing like-minded creators that I would have never had the opportunity to meet."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Love, health, success, and happiness."
Thaina Blot
Courtesy of Thaina Blot
How She Made It Through 2021:
"This year I said no to fear and yes to my husband and my dream of moving abroad. This pivot has brought so much light to what I value most and has provided the space to focus and cultivate more of those things."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022 I'm manifesting more peace, more love, health, laughter and unapologetically creating art daily."
Jazmyn Creer
Courtesy of Jazmyn Creer
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 with a whole bunch of perseverance and honesty in my pain surrounding my desires. I had been wanting to leave a job for a long time and it felt like it wouldn’t come, but it did. In that, my husband and I would like to have our first child and it seemed like everyone but us have gotten pregnant. Just reminding myself that my/our journey is never the same as someone else’s and there is always a process and reason for what we go through."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I would like to spend more time enjoying the simplicity of life and everything that involves. I don’t want a lot of clutter, be it people, things, tools."
Francesca Murray
Courtesy of Francesca Murray
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 by doing the work to break my scarcity mindset. Be it purchasing a book or course to learn something quickly instead of watching YouTube, or paying extra on a flight for priority boarding and roomier seats. I realized things don't always have to be done the hard way - and that convenience doesn't have to be a luxury. I no longer feel guilty for investing in what facilitates ease in my life, which has been great for my mental health!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"A consistent daily routine that allows me to be as efficient as possible while prioritizing rest - something we all deserve after the past two years we've had!"
Fenique
Courtesy of Fenique
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 was quite the year! Hope, believing in myself, and seeing other Black women glow up in their aspirations got me through this year. I began the year with a new man, a steady job, and plans for my 12.1cm fibroid tumor to be removed. Two weeks before my surgery the man vanished. Several weeks later I found myself free of tumors and a new job. Throughout the first two quarters of 2021, my perspective on my priorities changed. I’ve been working on my career for 10 years. This year I decided to focus on the things that have made me come alive.
"In September, I stepped out on faith in myself and quit my new job. I had no work-life balance and had a part-time job that could help me supplement my life. I really loved sharing my myomectomy story on my YouTube channel as well as my food and fashion content.
"I decided to focus on my brand. I’ve spent the fourth quarter of 2021 on a sabbatical from my 9-5 job. It has been the best decision of my life. I’ve decided to pivot into a different area in tech, go after my influencer dreams, and put my mental and physical health above everything else."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Going into the new year I feel renewed and driven. I’m manifesting happiness, an abundance of peace, and success in all of my heart's desires."
Lakeisha
Courtesy of Lakeisha
How She Made It Through 2021:
"The truth is, I don’t know how I made it. One thing I did do was change my thinking from focusing so much on the future and learning how to take things day by day. I learned how to ask for help, for space, for grace, and for understanding. I spent more time with myself so I could learn about myself and made choices to surround myself with people and energy that fueled me. I read a lot of books so I could learn and understand other perspectives.
" I prayed, I cooked, I sang, I focused on forgiving, and sending love out to the world even when I felt I had none to give. I thanked God every day, even on the hard days. I wrote in a gratitude journal almost every day. I guess you can say I became way more intentional day-to-day and in return, I was given choices and another day to breathe and that’s how I made it through 2021."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I am manifesting a life I don’t need a vacation from. That includes a safe and sacred space to live, a healthy body, mind, and spirit through meditation, exercise, and lucrative connections that are more than just finances. Harmonizing my time to do the things I love while contributing to the bigger picture of my life."
Jacinda F. McDuffie
Courtesy of Jacinda F. McDuffie
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 with faith and family. In 2018, in the blink of an eye, I became the primary caregiver for my mommy; in 2019 my daddy died unexpectedly; in 2020 the pandemic caused my travel agency to come to a screeching halt, and in 2021 things started to slowly gain momentum. I do have a full-time job but my agency is my baby and my passion. Not being able to assist people to live out their travel dreams was/is hard BUT I know God will continue to work all of this out."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022 I am manifesting continued good health for my family, me, and others, a prosperous business and to continue to walk the path God sees fit for me."
Nyla Bland
Courtesy of Nyla Bland
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Every New Year, I select a word of the year. For 2021, I chose 'INTENTIONAL'. Keeping this word in the forefront is what helped me make it through this whirlwind of a year. In my younger days, I tended to be more reactive than proactive. Now I entered every decision with pure intent and calculation. Whether it was prioritizing self-care or choosing to work double to get ahead. Being intentional has become a way of life and has changed me for the better.
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I’m manifesting clarity for women business owners around the world. That their newly formed, or pivoted, or expanded businesses continue to increase. And that they are effective leaders within their communities and organizations."
R'Chelle Mullins
Courtesy of R'Chelle Mullins
How She Made It Through 2021:
"After having a few impactful businesses deals and partnerships fall apart along with a fibroid diagnosis and two major surgeries this year, forgiveness, therapy and, radical self-care played a major part in my survival. Once I forgave others and myself, the road to healing mentally, physically, and emotionally was so much easier. Therapy helped me to appreciate who I am and navigate life with ease and live in the present."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Financial security, more meaningful relationships/friendships, and the launch of my agency."
Amber Spottsville
Courtesy of Amber Spottsville
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 handed me my entire black ass, okay?! But GAWD. A lot of prayer and therapy were involved, approximately 22 bottles of Black Girl Magic Riesling (shout out to the McBride Sisters), and a deep dive into self-care and self-realization. 2021 taught me how to simply let go and let flow. I gave frequent self-reminders that 'comparison is the thief of joy,' I’m running my own race and doing it well evidently because I am still here. I will be 30 in 2022 and I am NOT defeated."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I am manifesting love, both platonic and romantic, health, wealth, and a whole [lot of] growth through me and around me in 2022. And most importantly, I am welcoming all the ebbs and flows with an open mind and heart."
Lauren D. Fisher
Courtesy of Lauren D. Fisher
How She Made It Through 2021:
"The grace of God! [2021] was definitely a year of tests and strength with quitting a job I hated to getting one I love, new love (still figuring each other out), and getting in a wreck totaling a new car after having to get a new car when my 10-year-old baby’s engine went out."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I’m manifesting it all! More travel, a new home, new opportunities, and organic happiness!
Andrea Ellison
Courtesy of Andrea Ellison
How You Made It Through 2021:
"2020 was my precursor for 2021. I left an abusive marriage for the final time and I've been on a journey rebuilding myself from the inside out. As a single mother of three children, it hasn't been easy. I have continued pursuing my second Master's degree in Social Work while working. My friendships have been the epitome of greatness and have been my continued source of motivation.
"To not only just live my best life but to thrive. Being able to travel to multiple places such as taking my kids to Denver to go skiing for the first time and turning up with my girls in Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Paris have been those reminders that I need to remember that my life is worth living at the absolute highest level."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"My experience is serving the foundation for me to be able to assist women who are domestic violence survivors and who are transitioning from divorce and relationships to empower them to redefine themselves and to identify their purpose. For 2022, I'm continuing to come for every blessing that I thought I didn't deserve in every area of my life."
Alicia Myers and Samantha Joseph
Courtesy of Alicia Myers and Samantha Joseph
How They Made It Through 2021:
"2021 proved to be a year of isolation and self-cleansing. Through this process, the discrimination we have experienced over the years surfaced and it was a perfect time to bring to life a dream of ours to create a fashion show that would answer to the inequalities evident in the fashion industry. Samantha and I came together and formed our non-profit organization Color of Fashion which was created to elevate fashion and promote inclusivity by bridging the gap between diversity and high fashion. We made Color of Fashion our utmost priority and it quickly developed into a movement that we will continue to breathe life into."
What They’re Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, we are manifesting a larger impact and aim to shed light on the biases that continue to plague the fashion industry. We plan to maximize our resources and grow exponentially so we can be the change this industry needs."
Featured image courtesy of Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
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Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
Emerging on the other side of this journey not only fibroid-free but with a regulated cycle and a renewed outlook on life, Brandee is now focused on sharing her story and advocating for women’s health. “I know y’all want to hear about P-Valley, but I want to talk about regulating your period,” she said with a laugh.
Of course, she didn’t leave fans hanging when it came to what to expect in the upcoming season. “It is worth the wait. The world is about to go crazy. Oh, the world is about to lose it,” Brandee teased. “Y’all might be mad at us right now, but baby, it’s going to be worth it.”
All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
But what many people may not know is that when they aren’t on set, the pair are together every day, proving that true connection is the real magic. The path wasn’t always easy, but they were both intentional about walking it. Check out this exclusive conversation with xoNecole to find out how a chance encounter, an uncomfortable prank, and two unique perspectives led to a happy marriage.
Let’s start at the beginning. How did you two meet?
Crystal: We have very different answers to that question. I first saw him at a screening where I was supporting fellow actors. But when I first met him in person, I actually walked up to him and introduced myself, told him how great he was at the screening, and gave him my card. But he never called. That was our first physical interaction. It was my way of telling him I thought he was attractive. Also, he was talking to a young lady, and I wasn’t sure what was going on there. They were really close. So I kinda stepped in and was like, ‘Sorry, did I interrupt?’ And once she said no, I just kept talking.
Alfred: Yeah, a lot was going on for me. As she said, we didn’t technically meet the first time, but I remember seeing her, and I loved her green eyes. I remember repeatedly asking my friends, ‘Who is the girl with the green eyes? Then when she came up to me at the actor workshop, I was like, “It’s the girl with the green eyes!’
Courtesy
Okay, now how did it progress? Did y'all start talking on the phone after that?
Crystal: He never called me. I just kept seeing him randomly. I mean he was everywhere – auditions, a barbecue, everywhere. Long story short: he had a girlfriend. But this particular time I saw him, he was with a group of known actors, and I noticed there was an attraction between him and a beautiful super, talented actress who is a friend of ours, and she was interested in how we knew each other – so I uncomfortably answered, ‘well he’s kinda stalking me.’ I made it so uncomfortable. Then I walked off. I was just trying to block that situation.
Down the line, he messaged me on Facebook, which is interesting because he had my number. But still, nothing really happened. Finally, I saw him on 14th Street in Manhattan one day, tapped him on the shoulder, I said ‘hi,’ and we organized a date.
Alfred: In other words, she sabotaged my situation that I may have had going on. You see how much of a good guy I was? So even though I found her attractive, I had to make sure I was playing my cards right. The barbecue situation was hilarious to me. Everybody else looked shocked, but I loved it. That was the first time I really started to focus on her. I think some people would’ve been offended, but it was such a prank, and I found it cool. I tried to call her over to me that day, but she didn't turn back around (laughs).
What was the first date like? Do you remember anything that stuck out?
Crystal: Well, I was living in Brooklyn at the time, and he was moving to Brooklyn from the Bronx. So we met in Williamsburg at a popular restaurant called Taku Taku, that’s no longer around. I’m very funny about time, and he was over an hour late. I was fuming and wondering if I was being stood up. But he kept answering my texts. By the time he got there, I was MAD.
Alfred: Just to let everyone know, before I was a full-time actor, I was sports director at the YMCA – with all the little children. And there was a random crisis in the building going on. You know I love the kids, so I had to take care of that! To all the guys out there, you gotta know your purpose comes first.
So there was a post-work crisis, late to the date vibe going on. How did the energy change?
Crystal: Well, I liked him, and I knew I really wanted to get to know him. I felt like the chaser. I had been super outspoken and gave him my card. Plus, I feel like everybody gets a pass. So, that was his.
Alfred: I don’t feel like she chased me, but she did let it be known that she was interested. However, my grandmother and my mother raised a southern gentleman, so you know, I had to handle that situation the right way at the time.
But yes, on our date, she was visibly upset at first. I was wondering if I was going to have to go to the bathroom and leave because she was giving me such an attitude. But then she warmed up when I explained what happened. After that, it was a lot of fun. I made her laugh, and it all worked out.
I don’t feel like she chased me, but she did let it be known that she was interested. However, my grandmother and my mother raised a southern gentleman, so you know, I had to handle that situation the right way at the time.
Beautiful. Now, talk to me about the courtship. How did the journey develop?
Crystal: Listen, I had the key in like 30 days.
Alfred: Okay, wait a minute. I have a reputation to protect (laughs). Let me defend myself again. So when I moved to Brooklyn, she, of course, was already familiar with the area and used to ride her bike around there for exercise. And I didn’t want to have her just riding around outside. If something happened, her father was going to look at me. So I gave her the key and said if I wasn’t there, she could still go inside. That was the reason - just being a gentleman (laughs).
So that feels like exclusivity. Did y'all have “the what are we talk,” or did it just happen naturally?
Crystal: No, we never had that conversation. Well, not like “Will you be my boyfriend?” Or “Will you be my girlfriend?” We just knew we were in love with each other. I was in my early twenties, and I remember I asked him if he knew what “143” meant and he said it back (laughs).
Alfred: I had to ask my kids at the YMCA what it meant.
Courtesy
As things developed, what challenges did you have to overcome together, and how do you think it affected your relationship?
Crystal: I grew up with a lot of siblings - and brothers. So I was very boyish. I was always used to doing certain things myself. And my father raised me to be very independent and to never rely on men for anything. But I had to learn to come back to myself as a woman and realize, hey, you have an actual physical man here. I had to learn to let him lead and guide.
Alfred: So again, I’m an actor, and I was moving to L.A. at the time. L.A. has some beautiful women but I also have a beautiful wife now, right? So the challenge, I think, for us was the things people said, ‘Well, girl, you know, he's going to be out there and it’s not gonna work.’ And I do think temptation plays a real important role in how the relationship is going to unfold. But I just started to live a bicoastal life. I was living in L.A. but spent more time in New York. So that was able to actually help us, and once we got serious - I moved.
Crystal: I have to add to that, I always said I would never do long distance. We really had to decide to make it work. I had a job that was remote so I could travel anywhere. We got to explore L.A. together, and it ended up being a blessing.
Alfred: And it turns out, living in L.A. wasn't for me. So you have to allow yourself room when you're in a relationship, and your partner gives you room to be – because we had an impasse. There was a night where we had a very real conversation about if we were going to break it off. But we decided to give it a shot. I'm of the mind that people make happen whatever they want to make happen. Everything else is an excuse. Distance is an excuse. It's not saying it's not going to be difficult, but anything worth having is worth fighting for. Me knowing what I wanted made it an easy choice.
I have to add to that, I always said I would never do long distance. We really had to decide to make it work. I had a job that was remote so I could travel anywhere. We got to explore L.A. together, and it ended up being a blessing.
What about day-to-day challenges? What do you typically argue about?
Crystal: Alfred grewup with a lot of women in his house, and he grew up in a way that wonderful West Indian women do things. Everything is in a certain place and done a certain way. I didn't necessarily grow up like that, although I do have West Indian roots. So he likes things structured. If anything is not where it needs to be or in the right place, that’s a conversation.
Alfred: Yeah, I'm a traditionalist, and I believe without order, chaos will ensue. I grew up in a household with West Indian women who were married for 50 and 60 years. And as a boy, I would be able to see them give my female cousins and aunts all these instructions about how to treat their husbands like I was at this university of relationships. I know at times I may seem like a very intense person to her, but I feel like I have very unique insight into why a lot of relationships falter. Some of it is systematic, particularly in our community. We just don't have things in order, and we weren't raised to be in successful relationships.
It’s interesting hearing how your backgrounds shaped different aspects of your relationship. I’m curious, what’s a focal shared value?
Alfred: I think one of the things that we’ve shared and actually impressed me a lot about Crystal was her view on family values. Not to be stereotypical, but she’s half Italian and half Jamaican – and both cultures are known to be big on that. Like during Christmas, we shop for everyone, even the little nephews. I’m always like why are we shopping for all these people? But secretly, I really like that because I come from a matriarch where my grandmother made clear that everything was God first and then family immediately after.
Finally, what do you love most about each other?
Crystal: I love how he loves me. But I also love who he is as a man, how structured he is, and how he tells me what’s best for me even when I don’t want to hear it.
Alfred: The reality is that she has the biggest heart that I’ve ever come into contact with in a romantic sense. I can be mad at her, and the second I see her in pain – I go to mush. It’s priceless. I don’t have children yet, but I understand how fathers melt when their little girl’s face melts. Plus, I’m an artist and a bit intense. You know how that goes. We have self-destructive tendencies sometimes. But I can honestly say that whenever you see me, I represent not only myself but my wife, my family, my mother, and my roots.
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