Fall is officially here to restore the balance between night and day as well as our relationships with much of the energy focused on Libra.
Power struggles within our connections, and even within ourselves, will be eased as Pluto goes direct, assisting us in harmonizing our lives. As we move along into the month, the focus shifts to matters of intimacy, healing, and psychological rebirth as more of the inner planets transit through Scorpio.
Check out your horoscope below to see what October has in store for you.
The Sun spends most of the month in your opposite sign, Libra, encouraging you to balance out your relationships and revise any contractual agreements. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping you get more clear about how to wield your authority, particularly within the workplace. This is a good time to put the lessons you've been learning about authentic power into practice. Mercury moves into Scorpio the same day and you're yearning for more deep interactions during this transit. Topics ranging from psychology, healing, and even the occult will pique your interest during this transit. Your ruling planet, Mars, moves into Libra on the 4th, inviting you to take a win-win approach when it comes to your key connections.
On the 8th, Venus moves into sultry Scorpio and love matters get even more intimate for you with a little sexual healing on the top of your to-do list. Your Full Moon takes place on the 13th, illuminating parts of your identity that you no longer resonate with. Just like the leaves fall from the trees during Autumn, you're shedding old layers of yourself to make space for the new. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio with a New Moon following shortly behind, initiating you into a deeply transformative time that will give birth to a more healed, whole, and integrated version of yourself. The month winds down with Mercury going retrograde on Halloween, giving you a chance to revisit an important conversation you had earlier this month or to delve even deeper into your psychological metamorphosis.
Most of October has you focused on getting more organized in your daily routine and enhancing your health while the Sun transits through Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct in Capricorn, giving you the opportunity to share your personal experiences to benefit the growth of others; keep in mind that with great power comes great responsibility. On the same day, Mercury moves into your opposite sign and your conversations with others take on more depth than usual. Mars moves into Libra on the 4th, giving you even more energy to get back into your fitness regimen.
Venus, your ruling planet, moves into sexy Scorpio on the 8th, setting you up for an erotic exchange with your lover. Be careful of mixing business with pleasure during this transit. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries gives you the push to clean out karmic residue lingering in your life. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio followed by a New Moon, which has the potential to bring a new connection, romantic or professional, in your life that has more lasting potential. This is also a good time to take your existing relationship even deeper. October winds down with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st giving you a chance to work out any kinks in the contracts or agreements you've made earlier this month.
The Sun spends most of the month in Libra amping up the charm factor for you. If you're open to romance, make sure you get yourself out there. Prince Charming isn't just going to show up at your doorstep. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct after dragging you through a season of transforming your relationship with power. In what ways have you misused, abused, or abandoned your sense of power? Moving forward, it's time to harness this energy from a more healed and integrated space. Mars moves into Libra on the same day and you're feeling motivated to create, play, and date! It's time to let your hair down and have some fun, Gemmie.
Venus, planet of love and money, moves into Scorpio on the 8th; be mindful of workplace romances. If you're open to meeting someone, try the gym or a wellness seminar. This is also a great time for you and bae to get fit together. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th makes you the center of attention amongst your social group making this a great night to celebrate any accomplishments or just life itself. The Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd, with the New Moon trailing behind on the 27th, inviting you to create some new routines and habits for yourself that will lend to a greater sense of overall wellbeing. The month wraps up with Mercury going retrograde, encouraging you to get into the details of your new health regimen and solidify those new habits you're creating.
Home and family matters have most of your attention while the Sun transits through Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct and you're taking on a more empowered approach to your relationships moving forward. No more playing the doormat or mommy for other people (especially adults). You've got needs as well, so make sure you're voicing them. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day making you even more alluring than usual. You'll be feeling very romantic and creative around this time. Who knows? Maybe your current love affair will be the inspiration for your next masterpiece (or a baby).
Mars moves into Libra on the 4th and you're focused on getting your house in order or closing a deal on that property you're investing in. This is also a good time to smooth out any family drama. On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio and you could be bringing in some extra cash from your latest creative projects. When it comes to romance, you'll be attracting people that have more depth, and even an air of mystery, to them. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th places the spotlight on you in matters of career and achievements. It's time to level up to bigger and better opportunities. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio with the New Moon following shortly behind, inviting you to express your deepest sentiments through some form of artistic expression. If you're ready to add a new addition to your family, this could be a potent time to seal the deal. The month ends with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st giving you the chance to get into the details of that project you're working on or for fertility planning as well.
The month begins with your focus on learning new skills and expanding your social reach with the Sun transiting through Libra. Pluto, planet of transformation, goes direct on the 3rd granting you the wherewithal to overcome any bad habits and even addictions that have had their way with you. It's time to get back in the driver's seat and take control of your life. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day setting you and your family up for some Iyanla Vanzant-style breakthroughs, and breakdowns, over the month to come. Keep in mind that healing is on the other side of the chaos.
On the 4th, Mars enters Libra, and you're in overdrive when it comes to your studies and social networking. This is a good time to take a short, weekend vacay to help you avoid burnout (try to make your plans before Mercury goes retrograde at the end of the month). On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio and you and bae will likely want to cuddle up at home during this transit. There could be talks of moving in together or planning the expansion of your family. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th could put you in the spotlight as a teacher or mentor figure. Publishing any written work is favorable around this time. The Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd with the New Moon taking place just a few days after. Relocating or planning a trip home for the holidays may be on your brain. Once Mercury goes retrograde on the 31st, you'll have some time to work out the details before executing your plans.
October begins with the Sun transiting through Libra bringing your attention to finances, assets, and the things you value most. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, giving you some much-needed oomph when it comes to your creativity and approach to dating. It's time to take back control from the powers that be that inhibit the flow of your authentic expression. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the 3rd and you're feeling more raw when it comes to communicating your truth. This could also be a time in which you're interested in delving into topics like psychology, healing, and the occult.
On the 4th, Mars enters Libra helping you to balance out your budget. It's time to reel it in on the spending. How much have you been saving and investing? Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and convos may run deep with someone you meet online. Just make sure they're not a catfish before you become too emotionally attached.
The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th helps you break through some heavy psychological muck that's been holding back a more fearless expression of your individuality. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio coupled with a New Moon on the 27th. It's time to set those intentions for a new project you want to start—whether it's writing that book, starting that blog, or launching that YouTube channel. October winds down with Mercury going retrograde, giving you a chance to tweak the details before making your big debut.
Happy birthday, babe! The spotlight is on you for most of the month as the Sun transits through your sign. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping you reclaim your power within family dynamics and also giving you a renewed perspective regarding generational trauma within your lineage. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day and money is the topic of discussion for you. Shortly after, Mars begins its transit through your sign, amping up your energy. Be mindful of overexerting yourself or being too aggressive. Try burning off some of the excess adrenaline in the gym. On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio inviting you to reevaluate whether you're getting paid what you're worth.
The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th can bring up some tension between your needs and those of a significant other or business partner. As thoughtful of others as you usually are, make sure your needs are being considered as well. On the 23rd, the Sun enters seductive Scorpio with a New Moon taking place shortly after on the 27th. Set some intentions for cultivating new money-making opportunities and make sure to re-evaluate any beliefs that trigger low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness. The month comes to a close with Mercury going retrograde, giving you the nudge to revise any existing contracts and to raise your prices to match the value of your skills and expertise.
The first part of the month is a bit more introspective for you as you clear your life of things that you can't drag into the new year. On the 3rd, your ruling planet, Pluto, goes direct and you're feeling like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. It's time to move forward in a more bold, authentic expression of your personal power through your communication. On the same day, Mercury enters your sign and you're craving more intimate, meaningful interactions with the people you encounter. Mars, the warrior, enters Libra helping you to take on a different aspect of this volatile energy by embracing the peaceful warrior archetype instead. It's time to be a little more flexible and open-minded in your relationships.
Venus moves into your sign on the 8th, amping up your sex appeal to mega-hottie status. Blessings abound for you in love, and money, during this transit. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries helps you conquer a bad habit, addiction, or even a secret obsession. Health matters could also come to the surface to remind you to take better care of your body. Your season officially takes off on the 23rd with a New Moon following shortly behind on the 27th. It's time to make a wish or even get a makeover that matches the new and improved version of yourself. The month winds down with a delectably spooky Mercury retrograde starting on Halloween, invoking the ghosts of the past to ultimately help you tie up loose ends before your next chapter begins.
Social networking and pushing towards those big-picture goals are top priorities during the first part of the month. On the 3rd, Pluto finally goes direct and you're feeling more confident about charging what you're truly worth after releasing some distorted beliefs based around your sense of worthiness and value; it's time to ditch the impostor syndrome once and for all. Mercury enters Scorpio on the same day and your connection to the Spirit world becomes all the more visceral. Keep a dream journal around this time to unravel the messages that your subconscious is communicating to you. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra and you're hyper-focused on restoring balance within friendships and any organizations you're a part of.
Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and your sex appeal takes on a more subtle, yet undeniably powerful, tone. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries encourages you to create, play, and indulge in some romance! This is a perfect night to get out with bae or go dancing with your friends. Later in the month, the Sun enters Scorpio on the 23rd and the New Moon follows right behind on the 27th. The next few weeks encourage you to prioritize more time for rest and reflection as you release the baggage that you can't drag into your new year with you. On the 31st, Mercury goes into retrograde, giving you even more of a reason to lay low and enjoy some solitude right before your busy birthday season.
The first part of October brings your attention to leveling up in your career and striving towards those professional achievements you want to make. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct in your sign, setting wind in your sails after a grueling summer with Saturn retrograde as well. You're feeling your power and on top of your game like never before. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day and you're more inclined to connect with the friends that you can be your weirdest, most vulnerable self with. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra, encouraging you to keep a level head, especially with your higher-ups or even your worker bees. Diplomacy will take you far during this transit.
Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and you may be developing a crush on a long-term friend, or vice versa. If you're open to meeting someone, try joining an organization that interests you. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th may bring a conclusion to you in the home sector. You could be moving or a roommate could be transitioning elsewhere. This is also a potent time to clear the air with a mother figure or address any family drama. Two words: KEEP. CALM. Later in the month, the Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd coupled with a New Moon on the 27th. It's time to dream big and maybe call in your troops as well. Remember, teamwork makes the dream work. The month winds down with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st, giving you the chance to review and revise your strategy for bringing your long-term vision to life.
Spiritual development, school, and teaching are your top priorities at the beginning of the month while the Sun transits Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto, the planet of transformation, goes direct helping you push past some self-limiting beliefs regarding your personal power. The inner work you've been doing over the past several months has cleared out stagnant energy from many lifetimes so give yourself a pat on the back. On the same day, Mercury moves into Scorpio and a workplace scandal may be brewing. It's best to just play the fly on the wall while you watch your own live-action version of some janky ass reality T.V. show. On the 4th, Mars enters Libra and you're motivated to soak up as much knowledge as possible. There may also be a sudden desire to travel to some distant land. Sometimes life and experience is our greatest teacher.
On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio cautioning you to be mindful of workplace romances. You may be attracting, or attracted to, someone in a position of great power and influence. Just make sure you move wisely; there could even be a secret benefactor offering to assist you financially. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries gives you the courage you need to express your individuality with greater ease, making this an opportune time to launch that blog or start your YouTube channel. On the 23rd, the Sun enters Scorpio followed by the New Moon on the 27th. Set some intentions for how you'd like to level up in the workplace. Mercury goes retrograde on the 31st helping you strategize your way to the top.
The beginning of the month gets pretty deep for you as the Sun transits through Libra. You're in your quiet space of inner-transformation during the first few weeks of October. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping to ease any power struggles you've been experiencing in your friendships or social groups. Mercury enters Scorpio and you're immersed in studying spirituality and esoteric concepts during this transit. You may even have a knack for sharing your wisdom with others in an intimate setting. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra helping you to balance out the light and the dark within yourself. It's best you acknowledge some of your repressed emotions instead of allowing them to lash out at the wrong time. Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and you are falling in love with the Divine all over again. Your connection to your Higher Self is restored and you're feeling way more in tune with your destined path in life.
On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries can bring in a sudden windfall of cash or a new opportunity to make some extra income that is bestowed upon you for being your quirky, weird, true self. This is also a time to release any old ways of earning money that just don't align with who you are anymore. Scorpio season officially begins on the 23rd with a New Moon following shortly behind on the 27th. It's time to plant the seeds for that new project, book, or course you're creating that will help others in their own spiritual expansion. October ends with a perfectly aligned Mercury retrograde, giving you the chance to get into the details of your newest creation.
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Here's Why Very Few Relationships Can Actually Be 'Platonic'
Recently, while in an interview, someone asked me if I think that men and women can be just friends. I didn’t even hesitate to answer; my response was immediate, “Absolutely.” What I followed that up with is what intrigued them — “Life has taught me that not a lot of male/female dynamics are ‘platonic’, though.” When they asked me to expound, the interview ended up taking a whole ‘nother turn.
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY MeansGiphy
So, let’s do first things first — let’s define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of “What does platonic mean?”, the first thing that you’re (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of “of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex” (Merriam-Webster), “designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity” (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, “purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes” (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I’ll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word “platonic” actually come from? From what I’ve researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled “Symposium.” In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire; one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: “Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry.” A write-up on Merriam-Webster’s site stated that, “The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships.” Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that’s another article for another time, though (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”).
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word “platonic” is kind of used in “broad strokes” these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be “just friends,” I’m going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…Giphy
At this stage in my life, I’m pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally, even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I’ll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He’s super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often and some have told us that they assume that we’ve had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: “I told him, ‘He’s my brother. We would never mess around.'”
My Friend: “Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it.”
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: “Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives.” (That reminds me: check out, “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: “Girl, yeah. If I didn’t want to keep you in my life long-term, I would’ve tried to holla a long time ago!” And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these “for real?!” exchanges is, even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a “dormant seed” lying around somewhere…whether it’s one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life, we’ve had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren’t exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you’re not sure about “his”…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?Giphy
Now that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC FriendshipsGiphy
Before I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you’ve got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you’ve never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he’s someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it’s one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who’s been together for more than five years and I’ll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”).
Yeah, just because you’ve filed someone in the “I see him as a good guy” category, that doesn’t automatically mean that y’all’s friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don’t get it twisted — I’ve considered him because, on so many levels, we “fit.” So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are “good friends” yet it’s not exactly platonic.
I’m not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would’ve been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn’t make you want to throw up in your mouth, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All CostsGiphy
Let me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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