Black men and their mental health have been a common thread in the media over the last few weeks.
With the increase in the number of African American men and women being killed at the hands of law enforcement officers and other senseless crimes, there is no surprise that so many black men are suffering.
While the number of African Americans being diagnosed with some form of mental disorder has always been on the rise, it was not until recent months that mental health stepped to the forefront once again with the news of rapper Kid Cudi being checked into rehab and, even more recently, rumors that rapper Kanye West had been hospitalized for what many on social media believe to be a mental health emergency. Although rumors have not been confirmed, it has once again brought mental health to the forefront of our daily discussions.
We live in a culture that I’m still not sure I even understand and that makes us believe that we must always suffer in silence. We, as black men and women, are told to suck it up, get over it and, my favorite, pray about it and it’ll go away. All those things may sound good (at least to the people who say it) but there’s a difference between something sounding good and something be detrimental to your health. Telling someone who’s depressed to suck it up, is detrimental.
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Contrary to the stereotypes the media and entertainment industry often display mental illnesses and depression don’t always involve crying for no reason or killing sprees (although some more serious conditions could include these are not always the tell-tale signs).
Sunday night, Selena Gomez, who has been a known advocate for mental health over the last few years, took to the American Music Awards stage to address her own battle with mental health:
"I had to stop. I had everything and I was absolutely broken inside. I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down but I kept it too much together to where I let myself down. If you are broken you do not have to stay broken."
The night of the awards show was Selena Gomez's first post-rehab appearance. The young starlet was previously admitted to rehab for the first time back in 2014 for anxiety, depression, and other mental issues. Her message was met with much adoration but it also reminded people that there is no way to identify mental illness on the outside.
In light of so many suffering in silence, her speech has opened a much needed dialogue around mental illness and how sometimes even the subtlest symptoms could signify issues in either your mental health or the mental health of those you love.
Read on for more information about the early signs of depression and what to do about it once you've seen it:
Going Off On Any And Everyone For No Reason
We have all had that friend or family member that seems to always be a ticking time bomb. You ask them how their day is going and they get angry and before long, you find yourself in a position where you simply don’t want to be bothered because you’re just not sure how that individual will respond to you.
On the other hand, maybe you’re that person. You’re always ready to go from 0-10 in an instance just in case something decides to pop off. This attitude is often justified in our culture and we often make excuses for those we love who respond in this way but the bottom line is that this behavior comes from a deeper issue. Experiencing irritability, hostility, anger, and feeling “some kind of way” over any sort of appearance of rejection are all common symptoms when depressed. What’s even more shocking to many is that frequent irritability and anger is a red flag for a severe level of depression.
Obsession With Perfection
There are people who are perfectionists and then there are people who are perfect at being a perfectionists. Self-esteem is the common link between perfectionism and depression. Essentially, this is because perfectionists strive to be perfect to fit in and be accepted. Since perfectionists often think that they must be “perfect” to be acceptable both to peers and themselves, when they feel they've failed, it is often to a debiliating result. Having unrealistic expectations not only makes you more susceptible to depression but also opens up the door to low self esteem issues.
Concentration Is Nonexistent
Ever been so overwhelmed by life you can’t concentrate? This is not something that should be ignored. We all have our moments where it would be more entertaining to scroll through Twitter and Instagram than to focus on the tasks at hand, but if you are typically a person who doesn’t struggle with concentration and suddenly can't use your concentration for a significant amount of time you should be on alert. The diminished ability to concentrate is actually an official symptom of depression.
Constantly Insuring Others That “You Will Be Okay” vs. “You Are Okay”
Over the last few years, I have dealt with mental health firsthand in my family. Because of this, I have learned to focus less on what people say and more on what they don’t say. If you find your friend or family member often saying “they will be okay” when you ask how they are doing, you may want to ask a few more qualifying questions. Often times those who are dealing with mental distress don’t want to be a burden on others so they keep their feelings bottled up inside. Simply taking a moment to not just hear but listen could save someone’s life.
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Bottom line, if you’re dealing with depression/mental health issue or know someone who is: DON’T. IGNORE. IT. Don’t just dismiss it with “Oh, they’re crazy girl” or “You know how I am sometimes”.
Instead, learn to know what behavior is typical and normal (not just for them but just for people in general because sometimes typical behavior could just mean there’s been a prolonged unaddressed issue). It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to judge someone who’s not.
Have you had depression or known someone who does? What were the signs? How did you help them or yourself? Let us know in the comments below!
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But the more the discussion progressed, the depth of that answer was revealed. Ebony opened up about how saving during the pandemic, a time when many businesses were forced to close their doors, aided her through difficult chapters. And after our authentic conversation, it made the importance of saving and business research crystal clear. Check out the convo below.
What was your journey like into money management? Have you always been good with your finances?
Yes, I learned it early. My grandparents had a construction company when I was growing up and my grandmother would teach me that with everything they worked for, she’d put 30% away. So no matter how many jobs I’ve had, once I tithed, I’d put up 30% away too. If I couldn’t pay my bills with that remainder, I’d get a second job. As crazy as it sounds, I’ve always been amazing at that.
So you’re definitely more of a saver then a spender, right?
Well, yes, but I do have a shopping addiction. But I save a lot. I’ve gone months and months without buying anything, then I’ll just go buy something big or small. But I’ve always known I still need backup plans. The beauty of having it is that you’re never trying to scramble. Even with my first property, I didn’t have any problems because my money was seasoned. I’ve always been consistent and knew a certain amount of money was going in the bank every paycheck.
Photo by Rari Filmz
Okay, so I can’t ignore the “shopping addiction” comment. Tell me about your splurge
So Louis Vuitton and Chanel are my favorites. Then I’m really big on supporting Black-owned businesses. I put that in my budget every month – sometimes a few times a month.
That’s a good one! What advice do you have for people trying to tighten up their budget?
Prioritize. When the pandemic happened, it gave us all a new outlook on life and what’s important. For example, going out to eat with my friends and family is essential. So I take time out monthly and figure out my expenses. For example, a lot of my friends are Tauruses, so that month, I need to plan extra birthday dinners. It only takes me like an hour, but it makes such a difference. People need to figure out what that looks like for them.
And what is your current final goal? Like, do you have a retirement plan?
Yes, once I get Noveau to 100 million! My biggest goal is for my team members to buy homes and establish themselves. But my end goal would be 15-20 restaurants, with five being investment restaurants. Also, of course, I want properties. I understand the importance of owning land. I think those are the main things.
Okay, so what is the worst piece of business advice you’ve been given?
Someone told me that I don’t need finances to open up a business. People say if you have a 590 credit score you can start it, but why would you do that? I mean you can do it with that score, but the interest looks way different. Build your credit first and avoid the extra costs. I used my own money to start a lot of businesses. Now when I look back I wouldn’t have even done it that way.
How would you have done it?
I would’ve used the bank's money. When you’re building your first location it can be really hard, but they do give them out. But you can’t just come in with a concept with no experience and ask for $100,000. No one will bet on that or believe in it. But if you have a concept, with a real plan and projections, start off with lines of credits. You can start small and build your business with $5,000.
Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on investing and how do you do it?
I’ve invested in two restaurant concepts. Also, I have my own real estate investment company where we build, sell, and flip. I think investments are important to keep. Some of them require work. Personally, real estate is always key. To me it’s a safe option but they’re smart in general. That’s the only way you get to certain goals. Don’t let money sit in the bank – invest it.
Are there any unhealthy habits you had to unlearn in regards to investing or money management in general?
I had to learn to say no. A lot of times, everybody wants something. It’s hard to say no to people who are capable of doing things for themselves.
Heavy on the “who are capable of doing things for themselves.” What’s been your biggest struggle in building your business? Was there ever a moment you questioned it?
As an entrepreneur, we all have those moments where we’re ready to throw in the towel. But my biggest challenge was building a team and getting the word out there. But I also know God doesn’t make mistakes. At the time, the more I prayed and started to get to know the team, I came to the realization that I needed to let go of almost all of them. It wasn’t just about what was aligned with me and my purpose but also Nouveau.
Also, I had to separate myself and the business because I’m not going to care if they’re late three times in a row but the business will. Those were the most challenging things for me: saying no, building the right team, and separating the business and myself.
God heard every prayer though. Because now the team at Nouveau is amazing. They put all the pieces together. It’s all about praying and taking care of your people.
Finally, what does wealth look like to you?
Making sure my family is good and my mother doesn’t have to work again. Also, wealth is ensuring my team is reaching their goals. I teach my team how to save money, too. It makes no sense that I’m the only one that’s profitable. When I became a millionaire, my goal was to figure out who I’ll make the next millionaire. I want families to understand how we get here and how we stay here. Wealth is not a one-woman show.
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Feature image by Rari Filmz