

I've got a friend who is a Hallmark-aholic. So, when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday a few weeks back, it was actually no shock to me that she wanted some cards sent in the mail. Selecting the perfect ones wasn't the issue; the problem was, because I spend so much time banging on my laptop's keyboard, it's almost like I forgot how to write cursive. What in the world?! But it was so worth it to hear her almost tear up over the phone because written messages move her so.
Her reaction reminded me of why I oftentimes suggest to my married clients that they handwrite love letters to one another. While, on the surface, this kind of gesture may not seem like that big of a deal, if you humor me for about 5-7 minutes, I'll offer up some reasons why writing a card on some beautiful stationary and gifting your beloved with it could be the kind of investment into your union that will pay off for years to come.
It Can Help You to Tap into Your Romantic (and Creative) Side
If someone were to ask me for the top five reasons why so many married people struggle, believe it or not, "extreme things" like affairs or even financial issues are not what immediately comes to mind. I'm actually more in the lane of sharing the fact that many partners feel disconnected, the passion in the bedroom has waned and/or couples have become plain ole' bored. One definition of bored is "tedious repetition" and, let's be real—when you've vowed before God and your loved ones that you will share the rest of your life with someone, while living in a limited amount of square footage, it's understandable that things can start to feel a little "yawn" from time to time (check out "This Will Get You Through The 'Ho-Hum Seasons' In Your Relationship").
To breathe some life back into your relationship, a very sweet, sentimental and simple thing that you can do is write your spouse a love letter. One reason why I've found this to be so effective is because, oftentimes, when a relationship is new, romantic gestures, on both sides, tend to be at an all-time high. Then, a good two or so years into a marriage, as life "gets in the way", it can be easy to fall into a routine that oftentimes leaves romance totally out of it.
Making the time to express the love—and desire—that you have for your partner is not only extremely thoughtful; it's also something that can help you to tap back into your creative side, so that you can get your romantic juices flowing again. And personally, I don't know any relationship where, more romance, is seen as being problematic. Not in the least lil' bit.
It Can Help You to Clearly Express What or How You’re Feeling
Personally, I find it to be extremely endearing when couples make sure to say "I love you" on a regular and consistent basis. Yet, as wonderful as those three words are, if we're not careful, they can make us lean a little bit on the lazy side when it comes to communicating with our partner beyond a surface level. What I mean by that is, we can take on the attitude that "I love you" should be an all-encompassing statement. Problem with that is, if you or your partner happens to be a words of affirmation person like I am, you/they could end up feeling a little "empty handed". A love letter is a very effective way to go beyond "I love you" and into the reasons behind that sentiment.
Another awesome thing about penning a love letter is it's a wonderful way to express how you're feeling if you're not someone who is big on words or you're not the best at articulating your thoughts. If you want to express how attracted you are to your spouse, the reasons why you are so thrilled to be married to them, or what you appreciate about them that you haven't said, either in a long time or perhaps at all, a love letter can help you to get your thoughts together so that your spouse can know exactly where you are coming from.
It Can Be an Effective Way to Take a Stroll Down Memory Lane
An author by the name of Susan Gale once said, "Sometimes a short walk down memory lane is all it takes to appreciate where you are today." This point can apply across the board, but I like it in this context because—your first date, your first kiss, the first "I love you" exchange, your first holiday together…who doesn't like to revisit memories that basically serve as puzzle pieces to the much bigger picture that is you're here and now with your spouse? Even if you happen to be someone (or happen to be blessed to be with someone) who is a great verbal communicator, it can still be very special for a love letter to be written that consists of all of the moments that brought you and yours to this very point. A love letter can be a collection of memories and something that can be held dear for years to come.
It Can Further Confirm Why You Committed to Your Spouse in the First Place
If there's a couple that I've met with for more than five sessions, an exercise that I typically encourage them to partake in is writing a list of the reasons why they fell in love—or, as I'd prefer to phrase it, chose to deeply love—their partner.
Because I'm such a fan of individuals being proactive (over reactive), I have found that recalling what you adore about your spouse's mind, body and spirit can help to keep things in perspective on the days when, quite frankly, they are either getting on your very last nerve or you find yourself saying, "I honestly don't know why I married your ass." (Trust me singles, married folks tend to get to that point and place, more than once, over the course of their union.)
After the husband and wife jot their reasons down, I then recommend that they either post the lists somewhere where they can look at them every day (like a bedroom mirror or the refrigerator in the kitchen) or that they turn their list into art (like perhaps blowing it up and putting the lists over their bed or in their offices).
This being said, another way to present the list is by putting everything together in letter form. In many ways, it adds to the appreciation of the list because it takes time to sit down and write a letter in your own handwriting. However you choose to do it, recalling when you chose the partner that you did can make you feel more grateful and cause them to feel more appreciated—and seen. It's a win/win in both directions.
It’s a Treasured Keepsake
My godchildren's mom's mother passed away when she was seven. One of the things that she still has from when her mother was alive are the love letters that her mom and dad wrote each other. While she jokes that sometimes they are a bit "TMI" for her taste, she has also told me, many times over the years, that she is so thankful that she has those in her possession. Know what? I've had a few women tell me the same thing—that they too have their parents' love letters and, not only has it made them feel closer to their mom and dad, but it has given them a different perspective on things like love, commitment and yes, romance.
So, whether love letters between you and your spouse are for you two's eyes only (cue Sheena Easton. How many of y'all remember her?) or so that you can have something to pass down to your own children on their wedding day or later up the road, there aren't too many keepsakes that top the preciousness of handwritten love letters. Wouldn't you agree?
Chances Are, Your Spouse Won’t See It Coming. Like, At All.
When's the last time that you did something that was completely out of the blue for your spouse? I don't mean "expected out of the blue" like maybe showing up at their job for work or emailing them a reservation at a hotel (which, if you're that kind of spouse, I most certainly salute you!). I mean something that, not in a million years, did they ever seen "it" coming? Unless you write for a living or you just drip with romance 24/7 (or they do), there's a pretty good chance that they never predicted that they would wake up to a letter on their pillowcase or in their briefcase.
There's no time like the present to catch them totally and completely off guard! Remember that presentation is key, so make sure it's some gorgeous stationary or a beautiful blank greeting card. Then set aside about an hour to pen a love letter. I can almost guarantee that it will be just as revealing to you as the writer as it will be to your partner, the reader. Plus, it will be the gift that keeps on giving, each and every time they read it. So…what are you waiting for? Get off of this thing and get to writing, sis.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube