If there is any time of the year when many of us are showing as much skin as possible, the summer season would have to be it. This means two things. One, we've got to make sure that our skin looks as even-toned and healthy as possible. Two, we've got to do whatever we can to protect it from the damage that spending hours out in the summer season sun can potentially bring. This article is gonna tackle both of these points.
It's interesting because, as I was thinking about what to entitle this, "glow" came to mind. I'm glad it did because one definition is "incandescent". Another is "rich and warm in coloring". Still another is "showing the radiance of health". If this is how you want your skin to look right through here, I've got 12 all-natural ways to definitely make that a possibility. Let's do this.
1. Cold(er) Showers
While standing in the shower for long periods of time might feel really good, if your ultimate goal is to retain moisture (and lower your water bill in process), opt for showers in cooler water that lasts for a longer period of time.
The reality is, that hot water zaps our skin of a lot of the moisture that it needs. Not only that but cold showers are good at energizing, increasing blood circulation, soothing itchy skin and even upping your metabolism levels.
Listen, no one is saying that the temp has to be as cold as ice. Just opt for cooler than usual. Again, your skin will thank you for it. Plus, it can actually feel really refreshing after a hot summer's day.
2. Tea Bags in Bathwater
If baths happen to be more your thing, when's the last time you dropped a few tea bags into the tub? If the answer is "never", hear me out. Black tea can help to reduce inflammation. Green tea can soothe muscle soreness. Rose tea is loaded with antioxidants. Lavender tea can relax you. Calendula tea is a natural eczema remedy. Orange blossom tea can soften your skin. And that's just for starters.
Since tea bags contain dried herbs in their most potent state, it makes perfect sense that dropping a couple of them into some warm water and then soaking in the tub for 15-20 minutes could be super therapeutic for your skin, as well as the rest of your body, right?
3. DIY Body Wash
Of course, you wanna be clean. Still, if there's something that you should strongly consider skipping out on, it's traditional soap. A lot of them contain fragrances that can trigger allergies or dry your skin out. Many also have the detergent sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) in them which can rob your skin of its natural oils, not to mention parabens (a type or preservative) that has been linked to (breast) cancer. For all of these reasons (and more), at the very least, read the labels of the soaps and body washes that you plan on bringing them home. Even better, why not make your own body wash? It's really not as difficult as it might initially sound (I've done it many times before).
A really easy recipe consists of ½ cup of liquid castile soap (it's a really healthy skin-cleansing base that also provides the suds that you may be looking for); one-fourth cup of Aloe vera juice (it's a rich source of antioxidants that can also decrease symptoms related to psoriasis and dermatitis); one tablespoon of grapeseed oil (it's loaded with vitamins C and E to improve your skin's elasticity); one tablespoon of glycerin (it acts as a humectant which will draw moisture from the air), and 10 drops of citrus essential oil and five drops of rose essential oil (both will soften your skin). Put it all in a bottle, shake well, and use. It's healthy. It's chemical-free. And you can feel proud that you made it all on your own.
4. Exfoliating Gloves
There are a billion reasons why it's a good idea to exfoliate your skin. It sloughs off dead skin cells. It helps to unclog pores. It will draw out impurities. It can soften the appearance of scars over time. And it definitely can make your skin feel softer and smoother. While body scrubs are definitely a great way to exfoliate your skin (feel free to check out some great recipes here, here and here), on the days when you may be in a rush, wash your body with some exfoliating gloves. They get the job done and are mad convenient.
Special note, though. Because exfoliating gloves do get dead skin cells off of you and we reportedly lose somewhere between 30,000 to 40,000 every minute of the day, it's best to replace them every 4-6 weeks. The main reason is because, sometimes the cells can get trapped in the gloves which, over time, is a lot like…cleaning your kitchen counters with a dirty washcloth (if you catch my drift).
5. Herb-Infused Oil
Something that has brought me so much joy over the past several months is making my own herb-infused oil. I actually started doing it for my scalp and hair; however, I've been easing into applying it to my skin and I definitely have no regrets! The cool thing about applying herb-infused oil is it's a powerful way to get the most potent benefits of the herbs that you choose to use. And just how do you know which herbs will best suit your needs? I won't lie, it takes a minute to do your research. Thankfully, sites like Annie's Remedy can help you out. It's got a list of 400 different herbs and benefits that you can check out here.
Once you've decided on a specific herb (or combination of them) that you want to try, sites like Etsy have dried package herbs that are affordable and can be shipped directly to you (go to the site and put "dried herbs" in the search field). Then you'll need a mason jar, a favorite carrier oil (remember that coconut oil solidifies in cooler temperatures, so you might want to go with something else like sweet almond, avocado, or jojoba) and a pot to boil some water in. Then you're good to go (a video on how to infuse your herbs is located here). You can also put your herbs and oils into your jar and let them sit in a dark space for 30-45 days but — who's got time for that? Anyway, it's a lick and then some if you want your skin to glow. Definitely give it a shot. I definitely have not one regret.
6. Or Rosemary Oil
If you're looking for something that is cheaper and quicker, pick up some rosemary oil (a brand that I really like, I pick up at my local Walgreens).
As far as health benefits go, rosemary has the ability to assist when it comes to boosting brain power, relieving pain, increasing blood circulation, decreasing stress levels, soothing joint inflammation and stimulating hair growth. On the skin tip, it's awesome because, not only does it deeply hydrate your skin and, thanks to its antiseptic properties, it can make eczema-related symptoms easier to deal with, rosemary oil is also bomb because it naturally repels bugs.
The ultimate summer skin oil, if you ask me, chile.
7. Homemade Shea Butter Body Butter
When it comes to skincare — especially our skin — I don't know how you could ever go wrong with shea butter. Aside from all of the fatty acids that it contains, shea butter is oh so good for your skin because it deeply moisturizes; it helps to heal damaged skin tissue; it softens the appearance of acne marks and other scars; it speeds up the healing process of pimples; it fights off free radicals; it reduces skin inflammation and, it contains anti-aging properties too.
Sometimes, I'll simply scoop some shea butter out of its container and apply it right after getting out of the shower. Other times, I'll use it as a base for a body butter. That way, I can add some other ingredients and it's oftentimes less oily that way. Some easy recipes can be found here and here. Oh, and if you want to learn how to best formulate body butters so that they are the exact texture that you want (because there are levels to this ish), a comprehensive video is located here.
8. Witch Hazel and Peppermint Spritz
Hands down, one of the cheapest ways to benefit your skin is to cop a bottle of witch hazel, next time you're at your local grocery or drugstore. Usually for under a couple of bucks, you can get something that removes oiliness; dries out pimples (without over-drying your skin in the process); prevents razor bumps; tightens pores; helps to heal bug bites, and tones your skin in a really major way, even from the first time that you use it. If you add to the witch hazel 2-3 drops of peppermint essential oil, the oil's antiseptic and antibacterial properties will soothe irritation, reduce inflammation, and help your skin feel invigorated. I like to combine these and use them as a spritz. It's really great when I put it in the fridge overnight and take it with me when I know that I'm going to be out in the summer sun for a few hours. It pampers my skin and hydrates it too. Another great summer skin hack, if you ask me.
9. DIY Sunscreen
Listen, just because your melanin is poppin', that doesn't mean that you can't experience UV skin damage (check out Healthline's article, "The Sunscreen Gap: Do Black People Need Sunscreen?"). And here's the thing — if you choose to ignore the heads up, over time, that could lead to premature aging or worse, skin cancer. If you're down to apply sunscreen yet you want to use as few chemicals as possible, why not make your own? Wellness Mama is one site that I dig when it comes to natural remedies and DIY tips (you can check out her recipe here). Healthline has some other sunscreen recipes that you might want to peruse here.
10. Lip Gloss
What is the point in your skin looking amazing if your lips are dry, chapped and out here looking a hot mess?
Even on the days when you don't want to put a damn thing on your face, some mascara and a little bit of lip gloss can have you out here looking radiant. Shoot, you can even make your own lip gloss with the help of two teaspoons of castor oil, one teaspoon of vegetable glycerin, a drop of honey and a drop of cinnamon oil. When you're done, put the gloss in a lip gloss container (you can find them at your local arts and crafts stores or at places like Walmart) and apply.
If you want to take even more of a less-is-more approach, dab some shea butter on your lips. It'll keep them pretty and smooth too.
11. Vitamin C-Enriched Foods
Cultivating glowing skin doesn't just happen via what you do on the outside; you've gotta take care of your skin from the inside out as well. Since Vitamin C is a nutrient that is loaded with antioxidants and helps to produce collagen (which gives your skin elasticity so that it can continue to appear luminous and youthful), you definitely need to make sure that you get some of it into your system on a daily basis. Foods that are rich in Vitamin C include dark leafy greens, citrus fruits, berries, potatoes, broccoli, melons, kiwi, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and red and green peppers.
12. Water. Lots and Lots of Water.
We're made up of over 60 percent water so, of course, our skin needs it. Without it, our skin starts to look dull, our pores appear large and it's easier for fine lines and wrinkles to creep up. So, definitely keep a recyclable tumbler of water (even if it's sparkling or infused) with you at all times. It can help to keep your body temperature regulated, your system running smoothly and your skin glowing, naturally, all summer long!
Featured image by Getty Images
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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