On any given day I suffer from mild to spicy anxiety but with my disability, Attention Deficit Disorder, it can be further agitated by simply taking my Adderall. If you've ever taken Adderall medicinally (not recreationally), then you know that it has a long list of symptoms including but not limited to inducing anxiety making it an overall uncomfortable, lose-lose situation. For every complaint that I have about said effect while on Adderall, I'm next to nothing without it. This proved most concerning in 2018, on the heels of turning 26 and kindly being dismissed from my family's insurance and switching to Medicaid. In addition to Medicaid having stringent rules on who and how one must go about receiving medicine for ADD/ADHD diagnosis, I was faced with prejudice from my doctor's office as soon as I made the switch. The staff over-complicated the approval process, delaying my Adderall prescriptions for six months of my semester.
To say this stifled my ability to work would do what I experienced no justice -- I spent six months paralyzed with anxiety.
Assignments would be weeks and then months late. Yet, somehow my anxiety would grow more intense at the self-imagined thoughts of disappointment and disdain. I eventually received access to my Adderall, but still: anxiety. A different kind, sure, but still very real and present. By the end of my school year, I was exhausted and I wasn't caring for myself properly -- not in ways that were meditative and healing. Taking stock of what I needed moving forward, I decided I needed to take my summer vacation to figure out better coping strategies for my anxiety. Naturally, some of the remedies on the table were obvious: working out and meditation. But, also marijuana and CBD remedies. One of those included "Recess" -- seltzer water infused with "hemp extracts".
At the top of the summer, I committed to finding natural self-soothing ways to care for myself and maintain an academic career. Recess was recommended by a classmate whose anxiety makes my anxiety attacks look like a cakewalk, but I digress. Because I only sampled the drink, I can't say for sure if it would be a lasting solution but here's what I can say:
The product was provided by Recess in exchange for my honest review.
The Flavors
Courtesy of the brand
If you already enjoy seltzer, this is definitely another brand to consider adding to your arsenal. As a seltzer drinker, I'm always looking for new flavors and these not only taste good but they're also refreshing...like actually refreshing and not like when high fructose drinks claim to be. Each can of Recess is only packed with 25 calories and 6 grams of sugar, delivering a mild but tasty kick with the following taste: Blackberry Chai (my fave), Peach Ginger, and Pomegranate. Arguably, an assortment of flava reserved for a boujee palette (It's me. The boujee palette is me).
The Marketing
The drink's creators boast about its ability to replace that afternoon cup of coffee those of us who are caffeine fiends seem to always be looking for, but beyond giving a burst of energy Recess intends to leave you more focused and reduce stress. The effect is produced by the natural ingredients, not limited to hemp extract (calming effect) but including American ginseng (energy), L-theanine (reduces stress), and Schisandra ("boosts immunity").
The Effect
Courtesy of the brand
Personally, I have never been much of a coffee drinker and I do take Adderall as it stands, so I can't say without a doubt that Recess has been the energy boost for me. However, what I can say is that it has helped with the edge of anxiety I experience in my day-to-day life. One of the major symptoms that occur when taking Adderall is teeth grinding which I believe is a result of the induced anxiety that is attached to the medicine (not entirely sure). Nonetheless, while sipping Recess I noticed I was able to control it a bit more than normal and my anxiety slowly dissipated. It provided a gentle yet calming effect, allowing me to be far more productive during the workday rather than spending half of it inefficiently self-soothing anxiety over mundane tasks. So maybe it's sparkling, but maybe it's magic. Dunno. To my satisfaction, it also provided me with an assortment of new tastes that my soda stream or even brands like LaCroix (even in all of their flavor diversity) don't offer.
However magic the sparkles in this drink are, it goes without saying that this is a very niche product, made for those living in a certain tax bracket. The $39.99 (eight pack) and $54.99 when purchased via Amazon (providing four additional cans) price point of the product is a reflection of society at large's unwillingness to make healthy and helpful things accessible to poor Black and Brown people. Because while it absolutely does make me feel better without making me lethargic or crazy-amped-up (you know the espresso vibe), I can't say that this drink is in my every day budget. So even while sampling the water I felt the need to ration it out, picking and choosing when I would douse myself in the holistic effects of this pricey water. However, in a moment of grace, I do understand how supply and demand work and can't say that them not being accessible is solely on them, as opposed to living in a capitalistic America.
Being a relatively new company is hard as is, but being new and working to bring social change (through multiple facets) can be costly when you're working against capitalism. I'm optimistic that as the company grows they will further expand their product making it available on Amazon Fresh (not to be confused with regular Amazon), where they take EBT/SNAP benefits.
But until then, try it for yourself and sip slowly.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
Westend61/ Getty Images
While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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Feature image by Vladimir Vladimirov/ Getty Images
