A Deep Dive Into 'Love Is Blind''s Tyler & Ashley's Kids Controversy

Love Is Blind season 7 has shaped up to be one of the franchise's most jaw-dropping seasons, and not because of anything that aired on Netflix. Instead, the latest season's most intriguing drama is what has unfolded on social media. Between Ramses and Marissa, Alex and Tim, and Hannah and Nick, there was controversy abound. And we peeped when the creator of the show responded to the controversy around the vetting process for contestants by saying, "We aren't the police." Netflix, this you?
From self-produced scenes to NDA-where? behavior, the season 7 cast has been all over social media, and probably not for the reasons they'd like. Two such cast members at the center of the social media discourse are Tyler Francis and his now-wife Ashley Adionsier.
For Love Is Blind fans, Tyler’s fixation on having kids throughout the season raised some eyebrows—but what he wasn’t saying turned out to be even more revealing. In an episode that aired on Oct. 2, Tyler dropped a major bombshell on Ashley outside the pods and after their engagement, confessing that he had fathered three children through a past sperm donation to a lesbian couple. What's the issue here? Well, in the pods, Tyler had previously told Ashley that he didn’t have any kids. Point blank.
This, plus other allegations about him spreading like wildfire while the season was airing, had social media giving the reality star some major side-eye.
"I'm not upset by you trying to help a couple have kids," Ashley says in the clip. "I think that's admirable in certain ways, but the issue comes in with me feeling like I was not getting the full picture of you. And once you're not given the full picture of something, it's hard to not question everything."

She continued, "Me being a single woman before this, to come in this scenario, fall in love with a guy who has three sperm babies, sperm-donor babies is a lot to absorb. And the wedding is in like two weeks."
The revelation, paired with Ashley’s reaction—she referred to them as “sperm babies” in a clip now making the rounds on social media—left both Ashley and viewers shocked and questioning his honesty. They also wondered why he couldn't have just said that from the beginning versus waiting so close to their wedding day to make the big reveal and feared that he had blindsided Ashley by concealing "the truth" from her for so long.
Tyler Francis 'Love Is Blind' Kids Controversy, Explained.
Ahead of the season 7 reunion, the mother of the children, Brietta "Bri" Thomas, would break her silence on social media in a series of Instagram Reels detailing her side of the story "to attempt to protect them from a narrative that must end." In the now-deleted videos, which you can watch in full here, Bri describes Tyler as one of her best friends and the father of her "three beautiful children." She explains that Tyler was not supposed to act as a father figure to her son as that was understood to be a sperm donation dynamic for her and her now ex-wife.
During her separation from her ex-wife and while caring for her son as a newborn, Tyler was there for her as her best friend while she was going through an "extremely, extremely tough time in my life." Bri claims that Tyler reached out and asked if he could step up as a father to their son to which they had a deep conversation about what that would look like, and she later agreed. Since then, he has been both the bio dad and an active father to their son. Bri then clarifies that their twin girls were not at all in a situation like their son.
"The twins were simply unplanned. If that needs to be spelled out for some people [the twins] are the result of natural, unplanned intercourse with absolutely no complexities surrounding parentage. They were conceived before [their son] turned one. And I admit, fully admit, I have not always been the most comfortable with that truth due to the fact that I've lived the majority of my life as a lesbian. Nonetheless, it is exactly that: the truth."
For Bri, the issue wasn’t about jealousy—it was about Tyler abandoning his commitment to the children he helped bring into the world. After actively being in their lives for years, he suddenly distanced himself, only to mention them on a reality show in a dismissive way, reducing them to "sperm babies" to suit his own narrative. Bri was frustrated by his decision to frame their lives this way, despite the reality being much different. Hence, she decided to come forward with "the truth."
Social media called BS on Tyler's version of events then, and after Bri's statement, social media knew they'd clocked it.
In this deep dive, we’ll unpack the many ways social media has set the stage for what has turned out to be season 7's juiciest revelations, and thanks to Jessie Woo and TikTokers like StorytimewithRikkii, what Bri’s side of the story reveals about the truth of what happened behind the screen.
What Tyler Has Said About His Kids:
Tyler and Ashley would later appear in the season 7 reunion as a united front, with Ashley explaining that they felt the need to bring an off-camera discussion where she learned everything about his "sperm donation" on-camera as a way to be authentic, but that they also wanted to protect "those kids" by not going super in-depth about everything.
Tyler told host Vanessa Lachey, "Those kids, that family, they did not sign up for this. So what is happening now is I try to keep that from happening. Their birth certificates are online. Things that shouldn't be happening are now happening." Adding, "To get into the story, I did help a friend and her wife start a family, but her wife ended up leaving her and left her high and dry. This was my very close friend. So I stepped in, voluntarily stepped in and helped. So there are pictures of me around. You'll see me around."
He continued, "I've spent holidays with all my friends, you know, all their kids. And I played a part that became very shaky with a friend. And there's no rule books to this. There's no set lines to this. But I do wanna let people know Ashley knows all this. This is news to the world. This has never been news to us. And I'm giving this explanation now because I feel like the world is waiting for it. But I don't owe anyone an explanation but my wife. And if she's sitting here with me..."

(L to R) Ashley Adionser, Tyler Francis at the 'Love Is Blind' season 7 reunion
Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
What Ashley Has Said About Knowing About Tyler's Kids:
Ashley shared with hosts Vanessa and Nick Lachey that she had some things to say, "starting with... like, who do you think has better insight on what's going on, social media or me?" She would add that she felt it was "insulting to my intelligence" that viewers saw her as "blindsided" on the show by Tyler's confession and that she felt she needed to make the show an "authentic experience" by bringing an off-camera conversation he brought to her about the kids on-camera which is the scene the world saw.
"The very thing that we didn't want to happen happened," Ashley told Vanessa, referencing the online discourse and what we can assume is Bri's and Bri's mother's statements online. "And the thing with humanity is they have a hard time -- we have a hard time -- understanding anything that we don't get, anything that's taboo, anything that's out of our norm. And that's exactly what's happening. Instead of trying to rationalize, like maybe this was hard to navigate, right? And for me, I just know Tyler, in his heart, to know that it had to be hard to navigate with a friend. Way easier when you're removed.
"And with him growing up in a single-parent household, and in that scenario, when that happened with the divorce, it was very hard for him to remove himself and not be involved when this is now a single mom, right? So that was hard for him, and I just know that he is a good person who went in a little too deep and didn't know what to do."
What Ashley Said Recently on 'The Viall Files':
A week after the reunion episode aired, Nick Viall dropped a previously recorded episode of The Viall Files podcast featuring Ashley called "Going Deeper with Love Is Blind's Ashley" on Nov. 6. In the episode, Ashley doubled down on some things shared on the reunion, as well as anything she is trusting as truth from Tyler. Tyler was not there, but she and the hosts spoke a lot about Tyler's situation with the kids and Tyler's perspective, but most notably, why he's a "good guy" and not the deadbeat social media is trying to paint him as.
According to Ashley, Tyler let the kids call him "dad" and that they knew him as their "bio dad" but that it was a "mistake" on his behalf because it aided in blurring the lines of where they all actually stood. "And it’s very taboo and very odd to think about, but I don’t think there’s any rule book to how adoption, sperm donating, or egg donation should go. I do think that it was a mistake on his behalf to blur those lines so heavily because of the kids.
"Not even just the woman [Bri], but the kids. And I know she wanted him to mainly be a part [of the kids’ lives] for the boy. Main -- not even the girls -- you rarely ever see him with the girls here and there, it’s mainly the boy. And Tyler stepped up. He was like, 'Sure, I’ll be their dad.'"
Ashley said the situation was "awkward" for her to navigate and denied that the kids and Tyler were even that close since it was never a "daily, weekly, monthly basis" sort of relationship, just holidays. "He was never ever ever around on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthy basis." She shared with Nick Viall that Tyler wanted to back off long ago and alluded that he didn't because he wanted to keep Bri as a friend. "And so I think it’s hard for people to digest too because in a normal sperm donation situation, you can pick and choose your involvement, but most of the time you aren’t that involved unless it is like a sister or like a friend or whatever."
She would ultimately say that Tyler didn't feel like the three children and Bri were his family, and that was his breaking point. "He came to a point where he -- whenever she would get in a new relationship, you know with a new woman, she wants to have a family with a woman. And he would always be on the outside looking in. He has no rights, he can’t determine where they go to school, he can’t say anything. He can’t discipline. He can’t do anything.
"So to him, he’s like, ‘I pop up, and I’m an uncle and I play with them and I kiki. I wear these Dad t-shirts that your grandma-the grandma-her mom-is giving me, you know, and you know put on this face, but this is not my family. I’m on the outside looking in.’"
Ashley believes the world has it wrong and reiterates that Tyler is a good guy who just got caught up and that the issue between him and Bri is simply a difference in perspective. "And that’s why I tell people he was a good guy that got too deep and didn’t know what to do next. So when he finally decided to cut the situation off, of course, it’s awkward, and it hurts him as well to know about the kids, but he felt it was better to do it now than to wait any longer, and he’s like, ‘I want my own family. Like I want my own things.’ And she’s probably like, ‘Well damn, you were around, you know? Why this now?’
"They just have two different perspectives, I would say and I think that even Tyler’s friends and parents – and again, it’s kinda a little difficult for me to talk about this because I wasn’t there. I’m only going off of the things that I know, and things I’m trusting. And if anything ever comes out differently, I’ll do like a Reesa Teesa and give you guys the scoop," she told Nick.
Ashley also told the podcast hosts that Tyler had cut Bri and the kids off a year or more before going on the show.
Bri Breaks Down a Timeline of Events with Jessie Woo & Storytime w/ Rikki:
While Ashley and Tyler seem intent on upholding the narrative they've carefully crafted, media personality Jessie Woo and TikTok creator Storytime w/ Rikki, who goes by StorytimewithRikkii on the platform, gave Bri a safe space to speak her piece and respond to some of the things Ashley had detailed in her podcast appearance with Nick Viall.
There, she also provided a timeline of events, highlighting the facts and continues to emphasize her intention isn't to bash Tyler, it's merely to bring clarity to the fact that this is about him coming in and out of his children's lives and then trying to reduce them to certain terms as a means to distance himself from them. As a fan of the show Love Is Blind, she had no problem in the first batch of episodes where Tyler and Ashley spoke about kids. She said it was "hurtful" but she wasn't going to insert herself because her kids weren't mentioned specifically or her.
However, in the later episodes of the season, where the kids were referred to as "sperm babies," she felt compelled to come forward and make the truth clear, which is why she took to her IG to do so. "That’s a lie against me and my children specifically."
Bri doubled down on the fact that Tyler's proximity and responsibility towards their son was never supposed to be anything more than a sperm donor situation. At first, he was helping her and her now ex-wife out. That is the part of the story they both agree on. "He was not supposed to be a father to Cairo. I planned to have this child with a woman," she explained to Jessie and Rikki. Even after her ex-wife left her, she was prepared to be a single mom. "In my mind, I was going to now be a single mom to one child. Tyler reached out to me," she added.
Bri said that Tyler told her he didn't want their son to be raised by a single mom since he was raised by a single mom and didn't want that to be her situation. Bri continued, "If you are stepping up as his father, I would like help in regards to all of those things. And if you can’t do that, then that’s totally fine, like you don’t have to step up.’ He agreed. We both agreed. I said, ‘Let me think about it.’ It took me a couple of days... Ultimately, I agreed. ‘Yes, you are biologically his dad.’ To me at the time, this is admirable…" adding, "I never reached out and asked him for this, but I was grateful that he did want to step in."
Bri said that he had been acting as a father to their son from that moment on and that was back in 2017.
She also described how the twins came into the picture when Jessie asked if the twins were supposed to be a sperm donor situation. Bri confirmed that the twins weren’t planned. "I was never planning on having multiple kids with Tyler. We had sex, and I got pregnant. And there was never an agreement about parenting these children because I had sex and I got pregnant. You’re the dad, I’m the mom, we already have a son that we’re agreeing to and we were going to have three children." Tyler would even cut the cord and sign the birth certificate for the twins.
Shortly after, they transitioned into living together as they co-parent. While she was pregnant with the twins, they lived in the same apartment building, but she said Tyler would stay with her a lot because he was helping her with their son who was a newborn while she was pregnant with multiples, and they would also attend doctors' appointments together. At the time, they lived in the same building together, but he would stay with her a lot to help out during her pregnancy.
"As it got closer to the twins being born, we needed more space. We rented a house together to have a lot more space for these multiple children. And like I said in my other video, he stayed in the basement, I stayed in the main bedroom, we just lived in the house together to co-parent these three children together."
One of the hosts, Rikki, asked if they ever experienced a shift similar to the one they are in now as they were co-parenting and living together. Bri said that they stopped renting a house together in late 2019 because they were arguing a lot, but nothing as severe as this recent cut-off happened until 2021. "This time, it was about financials. And he stopped responding. Basically, cut me -- without telling me -- he just stopped responding. He cut me and the children off. This was March of 2021. We stopped living in this house together [in] late 2019 so he was still around after we moved out of this house for a good amount of time. But in late March 2021, he did cut ties with us and we didn’t hear from him until late March 2022."She went into further detail and explained it was over finances and his wanting to claim the kids on his taxes. Despite arguments and disagreements they sometimes had though, Bri says that they were always friends first and foremost. "That was my best friend. So he was around even though we had these disagreements often about how he could be doing more for the children. If I was going through stuff, I would reach out to Tyler. If he was going through stuff, we’re talking about it. We were friends."
Bri also shared that she saw him the day before he left to film Love Is Blind. She and Tyler had talked about her and the kids going to the wedding. She offered to take him to the airport, wished him good luck, and told him to make a genuine effort in finding true connection on the show. He didn’t think it would work, but as a friend who was “100% supportive,” she encouraged him to give it a real try.
In the back of her mind, she had a thought about him cutting them off again, potentially since he had done it before in March 2021. He reassured her and promised he would never do that to them again. "'Bri, I love you. I love these children. I would never do that to y’all again.' And I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe he would never do this again because if I thought he would do this again, I would [have] never allowed him back in my children’s lives."
Throughout the conversation with Jessie and Rikki, Bri provided proof in the form of texts and screenshots, and the receipts were receipt-ing. In them, Tyler went from texting her pretty regularly about what he was experiencing while filming, but eventually, a lull started to happen in their communication again, and Bri began to understand what was happening again.
Regardless of what Tyler and Ashley might claim, we won't get too deeply into what this looks like, but children aren’t just a "gray area" that disappears when you find your real family on TV. Bri made it clear she wasn’t about to let Tyler pull the disappearing act with their kids' lives whenever it suited him, which led her to take the legal route and the $30K he's now expected to pay in back child support.
So while the receipts have definitely been receipt-ing, this situation serves as a crucial reminder: fathers should take accountability for the homes they help create, regardless of how the family came together.
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Restlessness. It’s a word that we all know the meaning of, and yet, when you are in your bed and you are actually experiencing restlessness — few things are less annoying. Because if there’s one thing that I’m pretty sure we all can agree on, it’s the fact that when we go to our bedroom, turn off the lights, and snuggle up in our sheets, what we want to do is fall asleep and stay that way — not toss and turn all throughout the night.
So, what causes us to have moments when we’re not experiencing the sound sleep that we so desire? While I wish that I had a black and white answer for you, the reality is that several different factors (sometimes working together) may be the cause. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you check out the 10 leading causes below, by process of elimination, you might be able to get to the root of your own restless evenings — so that you can finally get the kind of quality rest that you well deserve.
1. Eating (Too) Late
GiphyLet’s start off with one that has a couple of layers to it. Although it is a good idea to not have a large meal less than two hours before turning in, some experts do say that a light snack that consists of natural melanin, serotonin or tryptophan could be helpful.
The reason why eating too much before bedtime isn’t a good idea is because the digestive process can be a pretty active one. Plus, it increases your chances of experiencing acid reflux and heartburn. On the other hand, snacking on almonds or tart cherries (melatonin), cheese or pumpkin seeds (serotonin) or yogurt or peanut butter (tryptophan) can be just what you need to lull your system to sleep.
Bottom line here: It’s not if you eat but what you eat…and when.
2. Junk Food
GiphySpeaking of foods, if junk food is totally your thing, first check out “Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone” — and then at least try avoiding that stuff if you’re heading off to bed. Fried foods are hard to digest. Sugary foods (and carbs) can raise your blood sugar levels. Processed foods contain a lot of salt and salt can raise your blood pressure which can result in sleep disturbances. So, if you’re in the habit of going through a drive-thru at night, here’s a good reason to rethink doing so in the future.
3. Your Bedroom Is Too Hot
GiphyThis one right here, I can absolutely attest to — because when I am hot in a room, I can pretty much kiss sound sleeping goodbye. SMDH. The problem here is that when your body temperature is high, that can mess with your REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Not only that but, in order for your system to produce the melatonin that it needs to keep you sleeping soundly, your body needs to be at a cooler temperature. And that is why your room sitting at somewhere around 65 degrees is ideal.
4. Your Bedding
GiphyI have a friend who just bought a house and I’m getting him a comforter for a housewarming present. Listen, don’t sleep on the power of amazing bedding because it, too, plays a role in how well you rest. Of course, you need to invest in a good mattress (you can read more about that here and here); however, when it comes to things like your sheets and your comforter, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Your sheets need to be made out of breathable fabrics like cotton, not ones like nylon, polyester or even silk. The reason why is because the latter traps in heat and we’ve already discussed what an elevated body temperature can do to you. Oh, and if you’re someone who enjoys flannel sheets during the fall and winter season, it’s probably better to get some blankets that you can “layer your bed” with instead; flannel can get mighty hot in the midnight hour too.
It’s also important that your sheets aren’t too small or too big for your mattress because that can make your bed feel uncomfortable. And comforter-wise, try and go with a color that doesn’t overstimulate you — neutrals and shades of blues, greens and yellows can accomplish this for you. And P.S., one of the best comforter brands around? Coma Inducer. I’ve been rocking with them for several years at this point and I don’t have not one regret.
5. Java and/or Alcohol
GiphyI’m not much of a coffee drinker (although I do adore coffee ice cream; go figure). I didn’t grow up with it (tea was in abundance in my home) and so it’s not something that I ever really think about. I do have friends who will drink coffee before bedtime, though, and that baffles me because coffee (due to the caffeine that is in it) is a stimulant — and that for that reason alone, you’d be better off having it in the morning instead of at night.
As far as alcohol goes, although it technically it’s a depressant, for the first couple of hours that it is in your system, it acts like a stimulant — which means that it tends to put your system on quite the roller coaster ride; one that you should want to avoid if you’re trying to get a good night’s rest.
My recommendation? Go the tea route and sip on some chamomile, lavender, ginseng, green or passionflower tea. All contain properties that are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit, so that you can fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer.
6. Stress and Anxiety
GiphyListen, the summer of 2025 for me? Whew, chile (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”). Other than the couple of weeks when my mother was on a swift decline (and I was concerned about her physical suffering), thankfully, I didn’t lose much sleep, though — and praise the Lord for that because stress (and anxiety) definitely have a way of jacking up sleep patterns.
That’s because when you are stressed out, your cortisol (which is your stress hormone) spikes and that can hinder sound sleep — which can result in you feeling fatigued and irritable throughout the day. So, if you are stressed out — exercise, journal, meditate, spend quality time with fun and supportive people…oh, and have sex. All of these things are proven ways to calm and relax you — on a few different levels.
7. Late Day Naps
GiphyI adore sleep — always have. So, I can’t even say that it’s my age that has a sistah out here excited about taking a nap in the middle of the day (I work from home). And what I have to watch is not napping for too long or taking a nap that is too late in the day. Why? Because it can totally jack up my sleep patterns because it ends up throwing off my sleep schedule.
According to sleep experts, the way to avoid this is by scheduling your nap out about eight hours before your bedtime and also making sure that your nap doesn’t last any longer than 30 minutes (set an alarm, if you have to). If you do both of these things, you can get the benefits of a nap and the benefits of 6-8 hours of sleep without having to compromise either one.
8. Not Having a Sleep Schedule
GiphyAs humans, we really are creatures of habit. In fact, if you do something consistently enough, it can become automatic to you — it can end up being something that you do without really thinking about it at all. And that’s why it’s a good idea to at least consider coming up with some sort of a sleep schedule; that way, you can train your mind and body to have a pattern of rest.
The beauty of this is a sleep schedule can help you to reduce your stress levels, strengthen your brain, maintain a healthy weight, put you in a better mood and make you more productive throughout the day. On the other hand, not having a sleep schedule can make it really challenging for you to get quality rest at night. It only takes a few minutes to come up with a schedule and it’s well worth your time.
9. Too Much Stuff on Your Bed
GiphyEver heard that a cluttered desk reveals a cluttered mind? If you believe that, how in the world could this not translate to a bed as well? Hell, I even read an article which said that having a lot of stuff underneath your bed can wreck your sleep because it can trigger feelings of anxiety and restlessness and that’s because clutter can overstimulate you and keep you from being at peace.
Look, there’s no telling how many times I’ve said that bedrooms are for sex and sleep only (many interior designers feel the same way) — which means that your bed shouldn’t look like a makeshift office, it shouldn’t have clothes all over it and, even if you are an avid reader, it shouldn’t look like a horizontal bookshelf (where’s your nightstand at?).
You need to feel free to move comfortably about on your bed throughout the night — which ALSO means that, although I personally call pillows “stuffed animals for adults,” you still don’t need a ton of those on your bed either; two for sleeping and 2-3 more for décor purposes are typically ideal.
10. Your Damn Cell Phone
GiphyYou’ve probably heard this before and yet, since reportedly most of us check our phones somewhere around 205 times a day — I’m willing to bet that at least 10 of those times are while you’re in bed or when you’re up to make a bathroom run in the middle of the night. Yeah, as tempting as that might be, try to break that habit because the blue light that emits from your phone can disrupt how your system processes melatonin — and that is another way that you can find yourself really struggling to fall asleep again.
Whatever is on your phone, it can’t wait. It’s not worth your beauty sleep, chile.
BONUS: Imbalanced Hormones
GiphyHormonal imbalance is absolutely something that can have you tossing and turning all night long. If it’s due to all that is going on with you the week before your period, try exercising earlier in the day in order to help you sleep more soundly at night. If it’s because you are in the latter stages of perimenopause, consuming foods that are rich in phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) could help to level things out. Some of those foods include sesame seeds, garlic, peaches, berries and cabbage.
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YOU NEED SLEEP. Yes, I am yelling it because nothing is worth compromising it.
So, if you see yourself in anything that I just said, try making some adjustments tonight.
Within a week or so, you should find yourself sleeping more and tossin’ and turnin’ a heck of a lot less.
Beautiful.
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