
Something that I enjoy doing from time to time is treating married couples to a hotel night on me. As a marriage life coach, I am a huge fan of marital intimacy (which is a polite way of saying that I want husbands and wives to have sex, just as much as they possible can). Well, one time, when I extended the offer to a particular couple and I told them that a jacuzzi bathtub was included with the room, I'll never forget what the husband said. "Shellie, that's sweet of you but baths are nasty to me. Who wants to soak in their own filth? The only way that I'll do a bath with my wife is if we take a shower together first." Hilarious. But I get it.
You know, I've written a few articles, shouting out the beauty and benefits of bathing on here before (check out "Did You Know There's A Right & A Wrong Way To Take A Bath?" and "Make 'National Bathtub Party Day' Your Favorite Day Of The Year"). But if you happen to be a lot like the husband that I mentioned or you're simply too pressed for time to always have a long hot soak, I've got a few ways for you to make your showers feel just as pampering and tranquil as if you were taking a bubble bath. All you need to do is apply the following 10 tips and your shower will miraculously turn into your very own at-home spa.
1. Upgrade Your Showerhead
Before we get into anything else that can help you to feel super pampered while you're taking a shower, it's an absolute must that you reevaluate your showerhead; after all, this one upgrade can literally change your entire showering experience for you.
Your best bet is to look for a showerhead that sprays in a wide pattern and offers up a good amount of water pressure. Budget-wise, it's also smart to look for a low-flow showerhead because they can save you as much as 60 percent of the water that you would use without one.
If you really wanna take things up a notch, you can even get shower light showerhead; one that comes in a variety of colors (like this one right here). As far as what a great showerhead costs, you can expect to pay somewhere between $50-100. But when you stop to think about how many showers you take a year, that's pennies in comparison to all of the luxury that it will provide. If you want some help with selecting the best showerhead for you and your personal needs, Consumer Report has a guide right here.
2. Apply a Mask Before Showering
Something that a spa treatment does is rid your body of built-up toxins. Well, one way that you can do that at home is to apply a mask. It can be a mask for your face or even a mask for your armpits, which is where a lot of toxins tend to go unnoticed (check out "When's The Last Time You Detoxed Your Armpits?"). Some other reasons to consider applying a mask, once a week, is it can also refine your pores, firm your skin and even your skin tone. A bonus is, if you apply your mask and let it sit for about 15 minutes before hopping into the shower, you can easily rinse it off once you're in there, so there won't be any mess that's left behind. The Healthy is a site that offers 13 DIY facial mask recipes (that you can also use on the rest of your body). You can check them out here.
3. Buy a Spa Robe
I don't even know a lot of people who own a bathrobe anymore. If you don't, there really are some benefits that come with getting yourself one. On the practical tip, if you invest in a microfiber robe (which is the route I would suggest), they're absorbent (so you can walk right out of the shower and put it on), along with being mold, mildew and stain resistant. On the pampering tip, they also feel really soft and super fluffy. And, if you throw any kind of bathrobe into your dryer for 15 minutes before getting into the shower, your robe will have you feeling so warm 'n cozy that you'll never wanna get out of it.
4. Get a Suction Wine Glass Holder
Some of y'all would like to take a bottle of wine with you everywhere you go. Chile, I already know! If you're unapologetic about being in that number, did you know there is such a thing as suction wine glass holders? A company called Sip Caddy has 'em so that you can have a glass of wine (or a can of beer or anything else you like to drink) while showering or soaking in the tub. Just when you think they've thought of it all, chile.
5. Bring a Plant into Your Bathroom
If you've never had a plant in your bathroom before, I might be able to convince you to consider it. For starters, putting a plant in that room of your house is great because they are really good at absorbing excess humidity and bacteria. Plus, plants have a way of reducing stress levels and helping to put you into a good mood (which is great to know if you happen to wake up on the wrong side of the bed). And, if you get a shower plant specifically, they're so low-maintenance that you don't have to worry about giving them the kind of attention that other plants in your house may require.
Another cool thing is, greenery being around you while you're showering, creates an atmosphere that is oh so tropical and serene. It can literally make you feel like you're someplace else for those few minutes that you're washing up. (You can read up on a list of plants that are ideal for your shower here.)
6. Install a Bathroom Diffuser
Every time I've gone to a spa, something that I really liked was how good it smelled, in every room that I entered. If you want to experience a delightful scent to your own bathroom, how about installing a bathroom essential oil diffuser? It's pretty much a device that distributes essential oil evenly throughout a room. Not only can using an essential oil to disperse various oils pamper your sense of smell, but essential oils can also help to purify your bathroom space as well. Plus, a diffuser is a lot safer than using candles (that could catch fire or burn you). Therapeutic scents for your spa shower time include citrus, peppermint, lavender, sandalwood, neroli and vanilla.
7. Invest in a Shower Bomb
Another approach to achieving diffuser results without actually purchasing one is to get yourself a few shower bombs (some call them shower steamers, by the way). All you've got to do is place one down close to your drain (not too close or it will dissolve really fast). Once you turn the water on, you'll start to notice a dense fog along with a smell that is absolutely amazing. It all will seem as close as you can to being in a sauna without actually being in one. There are plenty of places where you can buy shower bombs (Lush has a cute and affordable collection). Or you can always customize your own. They're really not that hard to make at all. You can check out a few DIY videos here, here and here.
8. DIY Your Bath Wash
One of the reasons why I'm such a fan of homemade bath washes is because a lot of the popular commercial brands contain chemicals that can irritate your skin or throw off your skin's pH balance. This is especially the case when it comes to vaginal washes (check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" and "Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?"). But really, if you want your skin to feel and smell divine, from head to toe, without worrying about what is in your body wash, you can always make your own. Hello Glow's got 11 recipes that are really easy to make and can keep your skin feeling really soft. You can cop 'em here.
9. Try Some Exfoliating Sponge Pads
Each of us sheds somewhere between 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells on a daily basis. Thanks (but no thanks) to dirt, sweat and humidity, sometimes those cells get stuck and can lead to breakouts and dull-looking skin. Something that can help to prevent this from being an issue is exfoliating your skin. Some other reasons why it's a good idea to exfoliate on a consistent basis is it helps to detoxify your pores, increase blood circulation and keep ingrown hairs at bay. While I'm personally a huge fan of DIY body scrubs, another convenient way to exfoliate your body as you're taking a shower is to get yourself some exfoliating sponge pads. They're pretty easy to find. Even most local Walmarts carry them.
10. Apply Some Scented Body Oil Before Getting Out of the Shower
A lot of you have probably heard of sealing the ends of your hair before. Basically, it's a process that consists of locking in your hair's moisture after washing it, so that your ends don't become dry and brittle. Well, if you want to lock in the moisture that you just received from taking a shower, it can never hurt to "seal your skin" too. All this consists of is applying a relatively light carrier oil like sweet almond oil, avocado oil, or grapeseed oil onto your skin, right after you do your final rinse and right before you dry off. Let the oil sit for a couple of minutes and then use your towel (Oprah offered up a list of some of her favorite ones this past July; the list is here) to pat yourself dry.
If you really want to bring a perfect end to our shower spa experience, add 5-7 drops of your favorite smelling essential oil to the carrier one. Oh, and if total relaxation is what you're after, lavender, jasmine, rose, lemon balm, and patchouli, will all have you feeling like you are walking on a cloud. You'll be smelling and feeling truly wonderful; like you just spent a mint on a spa day, when all you did was walk into your very own shower.
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Give Thanks: 10 Tips For Hosting An Absolutely Awesome Friendsgiving
If you’ve never checked out an episode of the ReLiving Single Podcast featuring Maxine and Synclaire — oops, I mean Erika Alexander and Kim Coles — it’s worth listening to an episode or two; especially if you’re someone like me who watches the Living Single reruns on TV One, sometimes, like they just came out. Good times.
And what does this even remotely have to do with Friendsgiving? Well, if you ever wondered what the origin story of this non-holiday-holiday is, legend has it that it’s mostly due to the combination of a 2007 tweet and the show that tries to act like it wasn’t birthed out of Living Single: Friends (I’m not the only one who feels this way either; you can read more about all of that here, here and here).
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor

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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With

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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish

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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail

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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal

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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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