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These 12 Tips Will Improve Your Sleep Patterns. And Your Sex Life.
A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” When you get a chance, please check it out. The gist is that if there’s one thing that sex and sleep have in common, it’s the fact that they can both do wonders for our holistic health and well-being. Problem is, sometimes getting a good night’s rest or pregaming in order to have some amazing sex can be a bit of a challenge.
If you can relate, no worries, I got you. What we’re gonna tackle here are 12 things that you can do that are almost guaranteed to make it easier to fall — and stay — asleep…and, if you’ve got someone sexy in the bed with you, these tips will make some prior-to-sleep sex, middle-of-the-night sex, morning sex (or all three) totally off the charts too.
1. An Intimacy Ritual
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Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling." With that being said, I once read an article that said intimacy should be broken down into four different categories: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. Basically, if you don't feel a sense of closeness, friendship, and acceptance in those areas, something is awry.
I couldn't agree more. Since, to me, all of these things speak to feeling safe, that's why I think it's essential to cultivate intimacy rituals, especially in the evening as you're winding down for the night. It doesn't matter if you're with someone or not because if there's one person who you should feel safe with, most of all, it is yourself. Do some journaling. Meditate. Verbally acknowledge some things that you accomplished throughout the day that you are proud of. Soak in the tub while listening to some of your favorite music. Forgive yourself for a mistake that you made. Do something that makes you feel safe — or safer — within.
And if you do have a boo who shares your bed with you — get in the tub together, give each other a massage, communicate what you adore about each other, share a toast…all of these are things that can make you feel calmer and more relaxed. And when you're holistically in that frame of mind, it's easier to fall asleep. Plus, it puts you in the mood to want to have sex — or even better sex.
2. Some Rose Petals
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There are plenty of studies to support the fact that smell has an effect on, not just how quickly you are able to fall asleep but the quality of sleep that you will have too. Research also backs up the fact that odor sensitivity can impact how good — or not so good — your sexual experiences are too. So yeah, there’s no way that I could do an article like this without giving the sense of smell some thought — and one that can benefit how you sleep and improve your sex life is rose.
The reason why I recommend rose petals is that, from an Ayurvedic medicine standpoint, there are several different ways that you can use them to your advantage. The scent is soothing and relaxing. When you put some into your bathwater (especially if it’s along with some coconut, almond, or oat milk), rose petals are an awesome skin moisturizer. If you boil them, they are powerful when you steam your face (and hair). You can also let your rose petals dry and turn them into potpourri to put on your nightstand.
However you choose to incorporate rose petals, they will provide a dose of aromatherapy that will complement your sleep and/or sex plans. That’s for damn sure.
3. Blue or Green Lighting
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If you’re about to move into a new spot or you’re thinking about doing a bit of renovating in the place that you already have, consider painting your bedroom a shade of blue or green. Studies indicate that blue helps to create a sense of calm while, since green represents nature, it can help to soothe your senses.
The same thing can go for installing a blue or green light bulb into one of your lamps or getting a night light in either hue. Even if you don’t keep it on all night, these are two colors that can relax you and make it easier to get into a sleep and/or sex routine. (By the way, a literal blue light is awesome if you struggle with soundly sleeping. You can read more about how and why here.)
4. Turning Down Your Thermostat
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Have you ever wondered why you might go to bed feeling comfortable or even chilly only to wake up in the middle of the night in a hot sweat? While it could mean that you are perimenopausal (which means an onset of hot flashes is going on), don’t automatically jump to that conclusion (without speaking with your doctor first).
There’s a huge possibility that things like exercising an hour before bed, engaging in a super intense sex session (no joke), and not getting a proper amount of ventilation (open up those windows) can cause your hormones to move all over the place too.
So, if you hate sleeping hot as much as I do, be intentional about setting your thermostat to somewhere between 60-68 degrees (I tend to hover somewhere around 66-67). It will help your temperature to stay regulated, keep your electricity bill down and make random middle-of-the-night coitus more comfortable since there’s a good chance that you both won’t be sweaty and sticky (especially if you sleep naked…you do sleep naked, right?).
5. Having Breakfast for Dinner
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Question: When’s the last time you had some pancakes for dinner? Aside from the fact that having breakfast foods around that time of the day is cheaper, quicker, and tends to be less calories than a traditional dinner-themed meal, it can also help with your sleep patterns and your sex life.
For one thing, foods like pancakes and bagels contain carbs that can reduce your energy levels (yes, make you sleepy), breakfast meals have fat and protein in them that can slow your digestive system down (also make you sleepy), and oatmeal has melatonin in it — and that can definitely help you to catch some zzz’s.
As far as your libido goes, the magnesium in spinach (spinach omelet, anyone?), the amino acids in watermelon (how about a homemade watermelon smoothie?), the vitamin C in strawberries, the potassium in bananas, the antioxidants in pomegranate juice — all of these nutrients work together to give you one hell of a sex round — or two.
6. Walking Together After Dinner
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Next question: When’s the last time that you and your boo thang took a leisurely stroll around your neighborhood after dinner? On the health tip, it’s a brilliant move because, not only does it help you to digest your food better (as you get some fresh air that your body probably needs), even after only two minutes of strolling, you help to lower your risk of diabetes as well.
Since a lot of us toss and turn all night because our system is still “processing” our meals, you can probably see how walking can improve your quality of rest. Also, since walking has been proven to improve moods and blood circulationand since it’s also an awesome way to get some (probably) much-needed intimacy time in with your partner — yes, carve out 15 minutes (or so) to hold hands and circle a block or two with them. TONIGHT.
7. A Calf Massage and/or a Belly Rub
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Nothing is more relaxing than a massage. Well, did you know that when it comes to promoting sleep and increasing your libido on the way heading there, there are certain pressure points that are more effective than others? While a calf massage is soothing, it also stimulates blood flow to your nether regions. And if you and your partner rub on each other’s bellies, it can serve as an all-natural energy boost that will arouse you at the same time. The more you know, chile. The more you freakin’ know.
8. Drinking Tart Cherry Juice
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You’ve probably heard that if you’re having a difficult time falling asleep, a glass of warm milk will do the trick (especially if you add honey). Well, if milk (or even milk alternatives because they work well, too) aren’t exactly your thing, next time you’re at the grocery store, pick up some 100 percent pure (none of that sugared-up cocktail mess) tart cherry juice.
In the article, “8 Foods That Will Keep You Cool, Calm & Totally Relaxed,” I mentioned that cherry juice is effective in all three of those ways (in part, due to the tryptophan that’s in it). And here’s the deal — the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to fall asleepand experience orgasms. And since the antioxidants that are in it also do things like promote brain health and strengthen your immune system — yeah, you definitely should at least try to give some tart cherry juice a shot.
9. Doing Orgasmic Meditation Together
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Remember how I said at the top of this piece that it's a good idea for people to create some sort of intimacy ritual — whether they share a bed with someone or not? Well, if you happen to be in a coupledom, it certainly can never hurt to engage in some orgasmic meditation. It's basically a meditative practice that consists of deep breathing, mindfulness, and the gentle stroking of your partner (and vice versa). The couples who I've recommended it to are actually huge fans because it helps them to relax and feel closer to their partner. Yeah, it can definitely prepare you for a night of cuddling, climaxing, or (hopefully) both. Anyway, you can read more about it by checking out "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?".
10. Counting Your Blessings
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If you've ever wondered where the practice of counting sheep actually came from, one theory is it's what shepherds in medieval Britain did back in the day. Basically, the belief was that if they counted sheep at night, they could make sure that they all were present and accounted for as they drifted off for the evening. Now, as far as whether it actually works? Some health professionals say that it's not so much the sheep but the repetitive mind play that makes it potentially effective.
My take? Whether the motive is to fall asleep or get it on, swap out the sheep for your blessings — either what you are grateful for or what you appreciate about your partner. Listen, there is plenty of intel out in cyberspace to support the fact that being grateful makes you happier, reduces stress, and improves the quality of your relationships with other people. So, whether you're counting alone or with someone, it's gonna make for a better night.
11. NO ELECTRONICS
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There's a married couple I know who pretty much have a non-existent sex life. SMDH. Whenever we discuss it, one of the things that they both say is they have basically fallen into a rut of getting into bed every night and binge-watching a show and/or playing on their phones until they drift to sleep. While clearly, the electronics in their bedroom is not the only issue that you've got going on, it certainly doesn't help — and I mean this when it comes to the quality of their sex life or the quality of sleep that they both need.
There is plenty of data out in these cyberspace streets that say screen time around bedtime affects (which is more like infects) melatonin production, your brain calming down, and your body transitioning over into full-on REM sleep. And as far as your sex life goes — I mean, if you're distracted with other things, how can you give sex (or sexual activity) your all?
I say it often because it continues to be true: interior designers have stated for years that the bedroom is for sex and sleep ONLY. Hey, you can be like the couple that I just mentioned and ignore that fact, yet if it's ultimately costing you quality rest and intimacy…is it worth it? Is it really?
12. Spooning
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As a doula, I am well aware of the fact that skin-to-skin contact between a baby and their parents can do wonders for their overall health and well-being. And you know what? It doesn't change much as we age, either. Cuddling with your partner can reduce stress levels, block pain signals, and boost your oxytocin levels. When that happens, it can 1) make sleeping soundly easier to do and 2) draw you closer to your partner, not just physically but on a mental and emotional level as well.
This is especially the case if you're not only spooning but spooning naked. The position helps to make you and your partner feel safe and comforted, which is always ideal for resting. Plus, rubbing up against each other with no clothes on? Chile, how could that not get some things going at some point during the night? And since it is indeed a sexual position that is a fan favorite (especially when it comes to easy access and easily receiving penetration and clitoral stimulation simultaneously) — there really was no better way to bring this article to a close. Now was there? Good sex and sweet dreams everyone. #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
In today’s economy, we’re always looking for ways to stretch every dollar. However, the allure of new gadgets, trendy clothes, and the latest dining spots can often lead to impulsive spending. An iced latte here and an Uber Eats delivery there, topped off by a spontaneous online order can add up over time.
For those seeking to curb frivolous expenses and adopt a more mindful approach to their finances, participating in a no-spend month could be the solution to gaining control over their spending.
What is the No-Spend Challenge?
The no-spend challenge is a personal finance exercise where individuals commit to not spending money on non-essential items for a specific period. This could mean cutting off a subscription service, limiting your nights out for drinks, pulling back on online shopping, and holding off on big, spontaneous purchases to see how much you’d save over the month. The challenge encourages participants to evaluate their spending habits, identify areas of unnecessary expenditure, and redirect their financial focus toward savings and debt reduction.
This spending requires one to differentiate between needs and wants, with the base necessities being food, transportation, housing, essential bills, and medical/mental health expenses.
Preparing for a No-Spend Challenge
When embarking on a no-spend month, proper preparation is key to ensure you make the most out of the experience.
Financial expert and founder of The Frugal Feminista, Kara Stephens, says that having a compelling “why” can serve as a motivator to endure the ups and downs of the challenge, especially if it's your first time. “Have a clear idea of what your goals and outcomes are for the challenge. Do you want to be grateful for what you have? Do you want to save a certain amount of money?” she tells xoNecole. “Know what's going to be your ‘after-no-spend challenge' sustainability plan because we're hoping that your habits and your perspective on spending are changing and that you find a way to make that a part of your life after the challenge.”
One of the initial catalysts for the recent popularity of the no-spend challenge is to combat “revenge spending.” This spending habit, triggered by the “life is short” reality of the pandemic, has caused many of us to want to make up for lost time or missed experiences, which can lead to reckless financial decisions and jeopardize future stability.
Because of this, Stephen advises us to reframe our thinking around revenge spending to avoid putting our financial future at risk.
“Try and shift your perspective on revenge spending and say, yes, I want to live my best life, but how can I spend it responsibly?” she says. “How can I revenge spend on a budget? How can I remove the idea of revenge spending from my lexicon and just live well and plan systematically so it doesn't take away from my future financial goals?”
Benefits of A No-Spend Month
Taking part in a no-spend month has a number of benefits, one of which is the self-awareness and gratitude you gain by cutting out non-essential purchases. “You’re more financially self-aware because you're only thinking about what you deem as essentials,” Stephens says. “It can also make you more resourceful because you have to use what you have in your home, rather than going out and shopping.”
Those who take part in the challenge often find they become more intentional with their purchases, distinguishing between what they truly need and what they can do without. The money saved over this course of time can then be redirected towards paying off debt, building an emergency fund, or being put into a sinking fund.
Due to the rigid nature of the challenge, Stephens says that it’s important to have a sustainable framework to follow the no-spend challenge to avoid reverting to old habits. “It can be like "yo-yo dieting,” she explains. “If you were very strict for a certain period, but didn’t create any type of habit or change of mind to continue with it, you could resort back to revenge spending, ironically.”
Things to Keep In Mind
While it may seem like just another financial trend, taking part in a no-spend month can provide precious data about not just how much money you spend but also your mindset and relationship around money. You can observe how your feelings about money change and highlight areas of improvement. Alternatively, you can even start a sinking fund that allows you to put money aside for large purchases or personal experiences.
Ultimately, it’s not that spending money is bad, it’s about how you approach spending in a responsible way that ensures your financial security and success in the long run.
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