We’ve all been there at least once (or a few times) along our dating journey. Maybe you’ve had a date or two with a potential suitor, but the spark just wasn’t there. Perhaps you convinced yourself that just “one more” date would help you overlook a non-negotiable ick. At this point in the dating cycle, you’ve probably reached the point where you must decide to either communicate “why” things won’t be moving forward or simply ghost them.
What Is Ghosting?
“Ghosting” refers to the act of suddenly and unexpectedly cutting off all communication with someone you've been dating or talking to without any explanation or further contact. It typically occurs in the early stages of dating but can also happen after a few dates or even in more established relationships.
The act of ghosting has become quite a common practice in our modern dating culture and can manifest in a number of different ways. From days of ignored text messages and phone calls out of the blue to not showing up for pre-arranged plans and sometimes disappearing from someone's life without any notice or explanation.
Morsa Images/Getty Images
The Problem With Ghosting
Being ghosted may seem like a harmless act of “self-choosing,” but the person on the receiving end of your decision can be left feeling confused, rejected, and even abandoned, wondering what happened and where they went wrong.
And we get it, what explanation do you owe someone for leaving after a few cocktails and a $100 date? While that may seem like the perfect opportunity to cut and run, taking an alternative approach to fizzle out a fling is a great time to practice clear and effective communication that can pay off in the long run.
While there is a time and a place for ghosting (and even blocking) if your boundaries have been crossed or safety has been threatened, if we’re looking to live out our best healed, secure-girl summer, there are ways to date freely without leaving others with damage of their own to recover from.
Being honest and upfront about your feelings while being respectful of the other person's time is the best way to leave a situationship or fling with both parties emotionally unscathed. So if you’re looking for ways to break things off with care and consideration, we’ve provided five text scripts to send instead of ghosting somebody’s son:
Morsa Images/Getty Images
5 Texts To Send Instead of Ghosting Them
1. If you want to take the honest but gentle approach:
"Hey [Name], I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I've been doing some thinking, and I don't see this going any further. I wanted to be upfront and honest with you rather than leaving you wondering. I wish you all the best."
2. If you want to express gratitude before saying goodbye:
"Hi [Name], I wanted to reach out and say thank you for the time we spent together. You're an amazing person, but I think we're better off as friends. I hope you understand and that we can still maintain a positive connection."
3. If you want to leave a note of appreciation:
"Hi [Name], I wanted to let you know that I've had a great time with you, but I don't think we're compatible for a romantic relationship. I appreciate the moments we shared, and I hope we can both find what we're looking for."
4. If a face-to-face convo is needed:
"Hey [Name], I've been doing some thinking, and I believe it's important for us to have an open conversation about where we stand. Can we find some time to talk about our relationship and how we both feel? I think it's important to address things honestly."
5. If you want to keep things cute and concise:
"Hey [Name], I've realized that we're not on the same page, and it's best if we part ways. Take care."
Featured image by Morsa Images/Getty Images
- Are You Guilty Of Making These Dating Mistakes? ›
- My Ex Ghosting Me Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me ›
- The Classy Way To End A Relationship ›
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
Welcome to Black Girl Whole, your space to find the wellness routine that aligns with you! This brand-new marketplace by xoNecole is a safe space for Black women to activate their healing, find the inspiration to rest, and receive reassurance that we are one small act away from finding our happiness.
Want to discover where you are on your wellness journey? You don't have to look far. In partnership with European Wax Center, we're bringing you a customized wellness quiz to help you up your wellness game. Answer our short series of questions to figure out which type of wellness lover you are, what you need to bring more balance into your life, and then go deeper by shopping products geared towards clearing your mind, healing your body, and soothing your spirit.
Ready to get whole? Take our quiz now!
If there’s one thing that Tracee Ellis Ross is not afraid of, it’s showing her fans and admirers the beauty of aging and the beauty secrets that keep her in top shape — even when they involve unconventional tools.
In a now-viral TikTok video, the Black-ish actress revealed the beauty staples that she calls “torture tools,” to sculpt and massage various parts of her body.
y’all think this sh*t is a game?!? 😂😂 thank you @Olfa Perbal for these torture tools that seem to lift and smooth this 50 year old kit
“50 what?” Ross jokingly exclaimed to the camera while rolling her wooden gadgets along her legs. “50 what? Years old.”
The wooden tools, which clinked and clanged throughout the video, may seem bizarre from afar, but they’re key instruments used for a form of lymphatic drainage massages known as wood therapy.
Wood therapy is a non-invasive, massage and body sculpting technique that involves the use of wooden tools to manipulate the body's tissues. These tools are typically made from various types of wood and are crafted into different shapes and sizes to target specific areas of the body.
During a wood therapy session, the therapist uses the wooden tools to perform a variety of massage and contouring movements on the skin. These movements are designed to stimulate the lymphatic system, improve blood circulation, reduce the appearance of cellulite, and promote relaxation.
The Paris-based massage spa Olfa Perbal Paris that provided Ross with the wood therapy tools indicated that “the pimple” tool used on her inner thighs and bottom “breaks up the fatty deposits after having absorbed them.” The rolling bell, on the other hand, is a “2-in-1 tool to absorb and smooth fatty deposits.”
“This is the one I like on my booty,” Ross said before moving along to begin a circular massage motion across her butt. “I want to lift it up but I can’t do that right now because I don’t have undies on.”
It may seem like it takes a lot of work to keep our bodies lean and contoured as we age, but if the process is as fun as Tracee makes it look, sign us up!
Featured image by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Tiffany & Co.