When "Bodak Yellow" came out last summer, Cardi's verse: "And I'm quick to cut a ***** off, so don't get comfortable" had all the girls hype. Like, we would literally drop out three verses early just to get ourselves ready to yell that line at the top of our lungs and *snip snip* that invisible man out of our lives.
I'm a Virgo, so my default will always be self-preservation. We are the OG cutter-offers. On Saturday, we were singing love songs, but by Sunday, you no longer exist – cross the wrong one and she will freeze you out forevaaa (in my Cardi B voice).
But, hear me out: Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to cut people out of our lives.
While I am in no way condoning toxic friendships/relationships or suggesting that anyone tolerate less than they deserve, maturity has illuminated the importance of clear communication channels and the two-sided nature of perspectives. On more than one occasion, I have looked back after the dust had settled and then realized that maybe I had misinterpreted something or perhaps… I was wrong. *gasp*
We are currently living in a generation where people are quicker to ghost or block one another than communicate. No one is promising that it will be all sunshine and rainbows, but sometimes you need to confront a mess with a mop rather than a blow torch.
Protecting your peace should not always be synonymous with the inability to listen. Some of the people demanding "no drama" are the same ones who incite it by refusing to entertain other points of view.
we grown. communicate— TheDan🤍 (@TheDan🤍)1529809660.0
Here's a checklist to consider when considering whether or not to cut someone off:
- Do they make me feel less than?
- Do they consistently carry a negative energy?
- Do I give them too many chances?
- Do they take more than they add to my life?
- Do they force to me to challenge my ideas?
- Do they disagree with me?
- Do they tell me the truth?
- Do I give them a chance to get a word in?
- Do I treat them the way I want to be treated?
While you definitely should not tolerate anyone who makes you feel negatively about yourself or abilities, just because someone disagrees with you or pushes you to confront your bad habits should not be grounds for permanent removal. And more often than not, any decision that was made in the heat of an emotionally charged confrontation did not leave time to consider any of the above checklist items.
There is a big difference between stepping away and stepping out. You can take a short period of time, be it a few hours or days to step away and reflect on the situation at hand. But stepping out, blocking, ghosting, etc., leaves no room for conversation or further consideration.
Not all relationships are worth fighting for, but you would hope that the truly genuine ones can withhold adversity and push you to continuously evolve. Trust your gut, but don't block your future husband or maid of honor because he/she tells you things like they really are. Lean in.
"Acquaintances tell you what you want to hear. True friends tell you what you need to hear."
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