Should You Be So Quick to Cut People Off?

Should You Be So Quick to Cut People Off?

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E, do you know what that means?

Love & Relationships

When "Bodak Yellow" came out, Cardi's verse: "And I'm quick to cut a ***** off, so don't get comfortable" had all the girls hype. Like, we would literally drop out three verses early just to get ourselves ready to yell that line at the top of our lungs and *snip snip* that invisible man out of our lives.

I'm a Virgo, so my default will always be self-preservation. We are the OG cutter-offers. On Saturday, we were singing love songs, but by Sunday, you no longer exist – cross the wrong one and she will freeze you out forevaaa (in my Cardi B voice).

But, hear me out: Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to cut people out of our lives.

While I am in no way condoning toxic friendships/relationships or suggesting that anyone tolerate less than they deserve, maturity has illuminated the importance of clear communication channels and the two-sided nature of perspectives. On more than one occasion, I have looked back after the dust had settled and then realized that maybe I had misinterpreted something or perhaps… I was wrong. *gasp*

We are currently living in a generation where people are quicker to ghost or block one another than communicate. No one is promising that it will be all sunshine and rainbows, but sometimes you need to confront a mess with a mop rather than a blow torch.

Protecting your peace should not always be synonymous with the inability to listen. Some of the people demanding "no drama" are the same ones who incite it by refusing to entertain other points of view.

Here's a checklist to consider when considering whether or not to cut someone off:

  • Do they make me feel less than?
  • Do they consistently carry a negative energy?
  • Do I give them too many chances?
  • Do they take more than they add to my life?
  • Do they force to me to challenge my ideas?
  • Do they disagree with me?
  • Do they tell me the truth?
  • Do I give them a chance to get a word in?
  • Do I treat them the way I want to be treated?

While you definitely should not tolerate anyone who makes you feel negatively about yourself or abilities, just because someone disagrees with you or pushes you to confront your bad habits should not be grounds for permanent removal. And more often than not, any decision that was made in the heat of an emotionally charged confrontation did not leave time to consider any of the above checklist items.

There is a big difference between stepping away and stepping out. You can take a short period of time, be it a few hours or days to step away and reflect on the situation at hand. But stepping out, blocking, ghosting, etc., leaves no room for conversation or further consideration.

Not all relationships are worth fighting for, but you would hope that the truly genuine ones can withhold adversity and push you to continuously evolve. Trust your gut, but don't block your future husband or maid of honor because he/she tells you things like they really are. Lean in.

"Acquaintances tell you what you want to hear. True friends tell you what you need to hear."
– Anonymous

Want more stories like this? Check out the related xoNecole stories below:

When Self-Care Becomes Problematic

Communication Is Key: 5 Ways To Get Him To Open Up More

5 Things That Happened When I Decided To Stop Texting My Boyfriend For A Week

Featured image by Shutterstock

A Black woman in a white bathrobe with a white towel wrapped around her head smiles

With a YouTube channel that boasts millions of views from her hair and skincare tutorials, beauty influencer Candice Jones knows what it takes to look great on the outside. But when it came to her mental wellbeing, Jones started feeling a disconnect. “Because a lot of the things that I was seeing on social media like: take a bath, pour you some wine,” Jones tells xoNecole about her initial attempts at self-care. “I was doing all of those aesthetic things, but it wasn't making me feel better.”

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
We Are Still Under SZA's CTRL

This month, SZA released the deluxe version of her debut album CTRL in observance of the fifth year anniversary of the album’s release. Featuring previously unreleased tracks, including an alternate version of “Love Galore,” which fans got an opportunity to hear during one of the Grammy-winning singer’s live performances, the revamped collection of songs has given fans a chance to reflect on life when the album first came out vs. now.

Keep reading...Show less
This Full-Time Content Creator Went From Making $15 An Hour To Six Figures In A Year

Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.

Full-time content creator Yvette Corinne has made waves in the content creation space. On the outside looking in, while some might feel like you have to have hundreds of thousands of followers in order to make a full-time living as an influencer, Yvette has managed to bring in six figures with a highly engaged Instagram community of more than 24,000 followers. And how did she do it? Well, her journey to wealth wasn't one without struggle. The Los Angeles-based micro-influencer got her start in content creation through blogging in 2016. That would lead to her growing her following on Instagram, which allowed her to balance her part-time retail job with being a part-time content creator.

Keep reading...Show less
Taraji P. Henson Wants A ‘Stress-Free’ Life After 50

Taraji P. Henson has been putting work in Hollywood for decades before finally getting her flowers after she landed her most beloved role as Loretha “Cookie” Lyon on Fox’s Empire. Before Empire, however, she starred in the cult classic Baby Boy in 2001, the 2005 film Hustle & Flow, and the 2008 film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button where she claimed she only made $40,000 and starred in many other roles. She has also released her own natural hair care line TPH by Taraji in 2020.

Keep reading...Show less
The Dating Trends Defining The Way We Date This Summer

The only thing constant in life is change and if these past couple of years have shown us nothing else, it’s that life be life-ing. Amid the pandemic, we saw (and continue to see) a lot of change in the way we lead our lives. It shifted the way we work, the way we approached our health and lifestyles, and the way we dated. This year is shaping up to display change in a different way, as many of us enter a season of a new normal and adapt to dating trends that better mirror who and how we are today. The weather is heating up and so is the potential for romance, as once again, we are shedding our homebody ways and radiating big “we outside” energy.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
A Black woman looks into the camera and gives a closed-mouth smile. She's wearing a black turtleneck

Miss Diddy Kicks Off BET Awards Weekend With 'A Toast To Black Hollywood'

Her annual event to celebrate the culture has a new name and more intention than ever before

Latest Posts