September is bringing things full circle. This year has had a lot of ups and downs. There have been some major wins in the start, but there have also been a lot of moments of growth, some more uncomfortable than others. With September beginning in Virgo Season, with Mercury retrograde in Virgo, and Venus retrograde in September, there is a balance needed to be had with what is falling away and what is coming in.
The insights are powerful in Virgo Season, and there is also an underlying energy of pressure to get it together. Remember this time is not about overworking or overthinking and that the energy of the month is more about bringing things together and coming to positive conclusions.
September 2023 Horoscopes: An Overview
Venus officially goes direct in Leo on September 3rd and will remain direct in this fire sign until October 8th. Venus in Leo is inspiring, creative, and bold. Take what you have learned in love, especially about yourself in love, and use this energy to create more abundance and happiness in your life.
Jupiter goes retrograde in Taurus the following day, facilitating a different set of areas of growth and influencing finances as well as love. Jupiter will be in retrograde until December 30th, so the rest of this year is really about planning thoroughly financially while also setting your intentions and believing in miracles for yourself here.
On September 14th, there is a New Moon in Virgo, and this New Moon is bringing a fresh perspective. This is a time of harvest, and many will be seeing the manifestations they have been working on since springtime, bloom for them now. This Virgo Moon is here to create divine order and stabilize blessings.
With Mercury moving out of retrograde and going direct in Virgo the following day, the Virgo energy this month is creating impactful change, a new beginning, and much-needed closures of what wasn’t working. This is a month of turning a new leaf and standing in your power.
Finally, before the month ends, the Sun moves into air sign Libra, and Libra Season officially begins. Libra Season is different from Virgo Season as in Virgo Season, we are inspired to work, get it together, and take care of everything we have been putting off. In Libra Season, we are inspired to love, tend to our relationships, and create beauty and art in the world that Virgo Season helped us build and manifest.
On the last day of the month, there is a Supermoon in Aries, and just when you thought the energy was settling, some big changes and closures occur.
Keep reading to learn what September has in store for your zodiac sign.
September 2023 Monthly Horoscopes for Each Zodiac Sign
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
In September, you are being reawakened, Aries. This is an eye-opening month for you and a time when a big impact is being made in your life. You are seeing things in a new light, and you are spiritually evolving. Jupiter goes retrograde at the start of the month and highlights your financial zone. This month is the starting point of a four-month-long journey of defining your values, your integrity, and planning for the future.
Toward the end of September, the Sun moves into your 7th house of love, and you get some more time to spend on your relationships, your pleasure, and your heart. You are getting redirected this month and putting yourself on the path that is going to serve you and your goals the most. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in your sign, and you are truly breaking free and stepping into your power.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
September is a much-needed reality check, Taurus. You are getting the answers you are looking for, but it’s taking some time to adjust to new perspectives. What you thought was put in the past is being brought to your attention again, and thankfully, you are ready to put down the defenses and come to some important conclusions. Venus moving out of retrograde and going direct on September 3rd will be helping you facilitate that new beginning, especially in the home.
The most important transit happening for you this month is Jupiter in Taurus going retrograde from September 4th until December 30th. For the rest of this year, you will be unpacking, processing, and getting to know yourself better. Jupiter wants to open your eyes to more of who you are, and this time is all about showing up, using your voice, and honoring your multi-faceted, growing self. Surrender to the unknown, knowing the universe is supporting you every step of the way.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
A chapter is closing in your life this month, and you are ready for a change, Gemini. This transformation you are moving through in September couldn’t have come at a better time because you are tired of the emotional stagnation you have been feeling. Jupiter goes retrograde in your house of endings, healing, and closure this month for the rest of this year, and this is helping you heal. You are making sense of the patterns and stories that have been playing out in your life and are moving on.
Your ruling planet has been retrograde since late August and goes direct on the 15th of this month. With this breath of fresh air coming into your life in mid-September and a Supermoon in your 11th house of community and friendship the week following, you will have moments of freedom, connection, and acceptance that are profound. Even though you are moving through some changes that are, at times, uncomfortable, you can clearly see the good you are creating in your life as well this month.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
September is a month of happiness for you, Cancer. The Sun is shining, and you are elated with its beams shining on you. This is an inspiring month and a time when you are seeing the happy outcomes you have been wishing for. You deserve to feel good, to feel healthy, and to be in your power, and this month is reminding you of that. The New Moon, happening on September 14th, is a new beginning for you in regards to open communication, and you are liking what you are hearing this month.
Moving further into September, the energy shifts as the Full Moon occurs in your 4th house of home and family and helps you open your eyes to where you can gain more stability in life and where you can put more of your efforts. The key this month is to not let anyone steal your joy or your shine but to also give a helping hand and to use your newfound inspiration to help better the lives of others as well. Your life is expanding, and it’s beautiful.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Your dreams are coming true, and it’s time to act as if it’s already so. Your belief systems are key this month, and your guidance is to focus on what you want and to believe and know that it’s yours. You have come so far and are reaching some important achievements and milestones this month, Leo. The month begins with Venus in Leo finally moving out of retrograde and allowing you more room to breathe in self-love rather than the self-criticism that has been more prevalent as of late.
Mercury is retrograde in your 2nd house of income and finances until September 15th, and once Mercury goes direct, you are seeing yourself in a better position financially than when you started this retrograde in late August. You are learning more about the importance of valuing yourself and your dreams this month and are overall seeing the positive progress that has come from you just believing in yourself and your vision for your life.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Happy Birthday, Beautiful Virgo. The Sun is in your sign for most of September, and you are feeling the creativity, passion, and divinity in your life. New paths are opening up for you, and you are the perfect one to pave the way. You are inspiring others, shining your light, and creating experiences in your life that not only benefit you but those around you as well. The New Moon is in your sign this month on the 14th, and this further signifies the new beginning and magic you are personally bringing into your life this month.
September is a great time to manifest and focus on creating what works for you and what lights you up. With Mercury being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you have had to deal with miscommunication, delays, and disagreements. Mercury goes direct on September 15th, and you are seeing things clearer than ever and communicating with more clarity and strength than before. Through the challenges you have been through, you have only come out of it stronger and more fierce.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
September is about protecting your energy and using your time wisely, Libra. You have figured out who and what you want in your life and what you don’t- and there is no going back now. The more you can choose yourself, choose your values, and choose self-love, the greater impact the decisions you are making can have. The energy begins to move into your sign this month, and the focus turns on you, however, it’s up to you what you do with it.
Libra Season officially begins on September 23rd this year, and you are done with moving mountains and are ready to enjoy the view at the top. You have shown yourself what is possible for you in life, and you have stood your ground on the things that are important to you. On September 29th, there is a Supermoon in your opposite sign, Aries, and you are coming full circle in love. What goes around comes around, and your good karma in love is coming around.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
September is a spiritual month for you, Scorpio. The month begins in Virgo Season, and you flow well with this earthly energy. You are focused on stabilizing your emotions and really understanding your thought processes and inner discoveries this month, and it’s serving you well. Jupiter has been in your 7th house for the past few months, opening your eyes in love and blessing your relationships overall. This benevolent planet goes retrograde at the beginning of the month, and you may be feeling more tested over the next few months to see if you have done the work here.
The decisions you have made and the paths you have walked have all led you to where you are right now, and you are making sense of it all this month in a more vulnerable way. You are lighting your way forward, and the New Moon on the 14th is inspiring you to new heights. Manifestations are appearing, and you are recognizing your power as a creator. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in your 6th house of health, work, and routine, and you are taking care of business as the month ends.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
This month is all about working smarter, not harder, Sagittarius. The potential for overworking or overthinking is likely this month, and you are being guided to take things one step at a time. You haven’t gotten to where you are now without your stamina and determination, and that energy isn’t going away now. With the Sun in your 10th house of career for most of the month, you are thinking about the legacy you want to lead right now.
Your ruling planet, Jupiter, goes retrograde this month and will be moving in retrograde motion in an area of your chart having to do with your daily life and well-being. Taking care of your health, planning thoroughly, and leaving room for growth in your working life is what this time is all about. A Supermoon is happening on the 29th before the month ends, and you are ready to focus more on love, your happiness, and the romance that you are being inspired by in your life right now.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Success is yours this month, Capricorn. This is a dynamic, powerful, and abundant month for you, and your efforts are being acknowledged. Something is shifting in your life in September, and you are truly feeling appreciated for who you are. You are inspired by the beauty you see in others, knowing this is a direct reflection of yourself, and you are claiming your blessings in September. Own your power, own your purpose.
The New Moon happening this month is occurring in fellow earth sign, Virgo, and it’s creating a new sense of adventure in your life. You are not attracted to the norm right now and are ready to step out of the box, learn new things, and connect with people who support you. The Supermoon on September 29th will be closing a chapter in your life, and this chapter has to do with your home, family life, emotional well-being, and sense of security. This month is about balancing your home and personal life with your professional one and knowing there is a difference.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
September is all about patience, Aquarius. The work you have been putting in will show fruition, but more time and dedication may be needed this month. This is a good time to develop your skills and talents, expand your mind, and take intentional action on the things you are looking to grow in your life right now. With the Sun in your 8th house of commitment for most of the month, there is a lot on your plate, so remember to ask for help or support when you need it.
Mercury goes direct on the 15th in the same area the Sun currently is, your 8th house. With Mercury going direct mid-month, you are starting to see new developments, more ease, and greater balance in your close relationships. Intimacy feels like it’s blooming into something beautiful in your life, and you have been moving through an emotional transformation. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in your house of communication, and you can expect a message from the universe at this time. Listen to the guidance that is coming through for you this month.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
September is a month to take a step back, process, and gain some renewed energy before moving forward again, Pisces. Mercury is retrograde in your 7th house of love until mid-September, so for the first half of the month, you may be dealing with some communication challenges and a lack of understanding of the heart. Your love life is going through a change, but you need time to process and define what that is truly going to mean for you in the long run.
Jupiter, one of your ruling planets, is also going retrograde in September and will be moving retro in your house of communication until the end of this year. Jupiter overall will be helping you find your voice and encouraging you to take up space. Remember that sometimes being you is more important than being understood. There is a New Moon on September 14th, and this is a good time to set your intentions for where you want to see your love life and relationships head, where the support is in your life, and how you can grow with love.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
- Surviving Mercury Retrograde: What You Can Expect This Mercury Retrograde ›
- Venus Goes Retrograde This Summer, Here’s What This Means For Your Love Life ›
- Your August 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Release & Ushering Love Into The Forefront ›
- What Summer 2023 Has In Store For You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign ›
RELATED
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
____
‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock