1. Download the Right Sexting Apps

Before getting into all of the ways to make phone sex better, I'm thinking that you're probably most concerned that what you say (and do) remains between you and your partner. Noted. That's where certain sex apps come in. Dust is a sexting app that literally turns everything that transpired to "dust" after 24 hours. If you want to send some screenshots, Confide will "gray out" any of the ones that might be shared with someone other than the originally intended individual. We-Connect is cool because you can connect vibration sensations to your sexts. LokLok is great because you can actually scribble messages to your partner to give a more personalized effect (which is great when it comes to foreplay or afterplay). Wickr isn't exactly a sexting app; still, it's really secure when it comes to sending photos and videos. Bottom line, these are some popular apps that can put your mind more at ease, as far as confidentiality is concerned.

2. Send Each Other a Phone Sex Gift Pack Ahead of Time

Now that you can feel more confident that, whatever you and yours are game for while being on the phone, no one else will have to know about it, it's now time to get into some tips on things that you can do that will help to create the mood. Let's start with making a sex gift pack, shall we? This is something that both of you can customize and then send to each other.

If you're totally down yet you're not sure what yours should include, I've got a few ideas: lubricant; sexy underwear; the perfume (or essential oil) that he likes to smell on you; a handwritten note that consists of some of the things that you want to do to him; a phone grip (so that he can either hold his phone with one hand or not at all); a voice-controlled vibrating egg or cock ring; some satin sheets; a blindfold; some champagne (or a bottle of whatever their favorite liquor is and, some chocolate sauce (or whatever their favorite sexual condiment is).

How can someone not get excited at the sight of receiving items like this, chile?

3. Set the Stage

Whether or not you plan on video chatting, you still should set the stage/scene for some erotic romance. Turn off your overhead lighting and either light some scented soy candles (jasmine, lavender, vanilla, rose, patchouli, cinnamon and nutmeg can all help to get you in the mood) or install a colored LED light bulb (blue, purple and red are really sexy). Get yourself a sex pillow; it can make getting into certain positions, so much easier. If you want to play some soft and sexy music in the background, do that. Shoot, some people like to have phone sex while soaking in the bathtub. Others prefer to roll around on the floor. The key is to create the kind of atmosphere that makes you want to have sex while encouraging your partner to do the same.

4. Dress Up

I won't lie. About half of the men that I know, whenever the topic of lingerie comes up, they tend to shrug their shoulders and be like, "I prefer you just get naked." About another 30 percent say that they like to see their lady in it, with or without sex happening. Then there's the other 20 percent (a lot of them are husbands) who say that lingerie is like the gift wrap that's around a present. Personally, I like lingerie, even just for me, because it makes me feel sexy, sensual and super seductive, especially when I get something that feels really soft on my skin, that's in a color that I like, that accentuates my favorite parts of my own body. Anyway, whether your man likes lingerie or not, whether you plan on getting on video or not, phone sex should be treated like a special occasion. Dress up for yourself, if no one else. It has a way of putting you into a headspace that is sexually unmatched.

5. Bring in Some, Umm, Sound Effects

This might be a "something new" for some of you. Have you ever heard of auralism? Some people consider it to be a sexual fetish. Personally, because it literally means that you're turned on by sound, I just think it's something that takes arousal up a few notches while encouraging us to tap into all of our senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, hearing). Anyway, when you're physically with your partner, auralism is a reminder that while some people might prefer "silent sex", most of us do not. Use your "dirty" words. Moan. Apply more lubrication, so that you can hear the sounds of wet movement. Don't be shy about the sounds that are made during oral sex. Let loose. It's hot.

During phone sex, you can mimic some things that create certain sounds. Take oral sex, for instance. If you want to act like you are literally performing fellatio, get a popsicle in your favorite flavor. All of that slurping will be sure to turn both you and him on. See what I mean?

6. Watch Your Tone

Although A Different World continues to be one of my all-time favorite shows and I actually own a shirt with a picture of Dwayne and Whitley on it, something that I always wondered was how Dwayne could put up with Whitley's voice. Lawd. Especially in a sexual setting. That said, there's a guy from my past who, while the sex was definitely something special, it was his voice that totally did me in. Matter of fact, when we caught up on the phone a few years ago, I had to cross my legs, a few times, because of just how good his voice sounded through my smartphone.

Yeah, something that is totally underestimated when it comes to giving good phone sex is one's tone of voice. How impacting is it? One of my male friends was just telling me about a woman he's been considering seeing beyond something casual. The interesting thing is, although he's not over-the-moon attracted to her on the physical tip, he can't seem to shake her voice. In fact, her voice has "made his nature rise" (lawd, who invented that saying?), on a few occasions. Enough to make him want to learn—and experience—more. So yeah, there go three examples of why focusing on your tone—as he does the same—during phone sex is semi-crucial.

Sit up straight. Breathe in deeply. Speak slowly. Control your volume. Moan more. Whisper at times. Smile while speaking. Believe it or not, all of these things can help to make your voice sound more soothing which always works when you're trying to seduce your partner.

7. Ask a Few Questions

Some people struggle with phone sex, simply because they're not sure how to get things started. Like, what do you actually say to get the ball rolling? This is where some pre-game foreplay sexting can come in handy. Hours before, text your partner to let them know, just how excited you are about what is coming later on. Also, share with them some of the things that you find to be so appealing and alluring about them in the sexual sense. With one of those apps that I mentioned earlier, send a racy pic or message too.

Then, once you both get on the phone to get the party started, you'll both already know what time it is. From there, you can simply ask each other some questions. Forget that, "So, what do you have on?" generalized stuff. How about something like:

1. What's your favorite part of my body?
2. Where can I touch you to turn you on the most?
3. What do I taste like?
4. What's your favorite sexual position?
5. What's something that we've never done that you'd like to try?
6. How do I feel when I cum?
7. What's your favorite part of me going down on you?
8. What do you wish we'd do more often?
9. What do you wish I was doing to you, right this second?
10. How hard are you?

Between your questions and his answers, trust me, the self-consciousness that you might initially feel will soon be consumed by how turned on you both end up getting.

8. Take a Walk Down Memory Lane

First up, did you know that the more sex you have, the better your memory tends to be? The reason why is a bit complex; however, in a weird way, it confirms why this next point should be incorporated. I've mentioned before that a past sex partner of mine says that he firmly believes in what he calls "sex memory"; that there are certain times of the year when he will crave certain women because 1) that was the time of year when he started having sex with them and 2) the sex was so good that it impacted him long-term. I thought he was being ridiculous until I thought about my own sex memory and indeed, there are certain months when I'll be like, "I wonder how so-and-so is doing" which will follow some sort of memory of a sexual encounter that we had.

Now, if a past partner can have this effect, imagine what recalling some of your favorite sexual experiences with your current boo can do. Be direct. Be specific. Set the scene of where you were, how you felt and the parts of the encounter that were your absolute favorite. Sometimes, it's remembering the past that can ensure that you will thoroughly enjoy the present.

9. Share Some Sexual Fantasies

Some of y'all probably remember when Darius Lovehall said in the movie Love Jones that when people say that romance is dead, what they are really saying is that they've exhausted the possibilities. Say that. SAY. THAT. When you really stop to think about the fact that all men basically have the same equipment and we as women do too, whenever couples talk about how bored they are, if they wonder what it would be like to be with someone new, oftentimes it all stems from a lack of imagination and creativity that's transpiring within their current situation. This is why sharing sexual fantasies can be so important. I mean, think about it. Of course, if you're always in the missionary position in your bedroom at 10 p.m., stuff is gonna get the yawn effect. The "cure" for this is to create your own sex bucket list (check out "This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'") and then to share your list with your partner. And when it comes to some good phone sex? That's one of the best times to bring the lists(s) up. Share together. Dream together. Be as graphic as possible. Getting your creative juices stirred up is a great way to get other things to…flowing.

10. Do Video Sometimes. Sometimes Not.

To use video or not to use video. When it comes to phone sex, that is the question. My two cents would be to alternate. Sometimes, when you solely rely on the video feature, it can make you a little lazy when it comes to finding unique ways to turn your partner on. Besides, if you take the sound suggestions that I already mentioned, just hearing each other get aroused can be enough to bring about a few climaxes. Look at it as a challenge. (If you know what I mean.)

11. Play a Lil’ Bit of ‘Simon Says’

I don't know about y'all but blatant directives during sex is kind of a turn-off (to me). When you're physically with your partner, body language, changes in breathing and dirty talk can go a long way without feeling like you're in the military. When you're not together, though, and you're engaging in some good ole' phone sex, a "nasty" version of Simon Says can be the lick (no pun intended). Y'all remember the game Simon Says as a kid, right? One person would give instructions, starting with saying "Simon says" and they would keep doing it until folks got so used to hearing those two words that they would slip in a directive without pre-empting it with the phrase. Whoever did the directive anyway, they lost the game.

Well, in an erotic version of Simon Says, you and your partner can swap out "Simon" with your own name and "says" for "likes". Then, each of you can take turns playing the game the same way. For example, if your name is "Sharon", you can say something like, "Sharon likes it when you stroke yourself". Keep on giving instructions and then if you go without saying "Sharon says" and he still does what you stated, give him a consequence of something that he has to do. Like maybe rub himself down with an ice cube while you watch. Simon Says will never be the same again, chile.

12. TAKE. YOUR. TIME.

One of the best things about phone sex is it truly is all about the art of seduction. It really is about seeing how good you are at turning on your partner, even when you aren't around, as they do the same thing for you. That said, don't try and see this as a "sprint". Instead, treat it more like a marathon. In fact, right along with Simon Says, have a prize for the person who could hold out (from climaxing) the longest. You might look up and realize that phone sex isn't some lame consolation prize. It might end up being one of the absolute favorite things that you and your partner like to do. Whew.

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