This Dance Class Is Helping Women Get Their Sexy Back
“Y'all don't hear me!"
The words echoed throughout the dance studio as Monica Wilson, founder of XOTICY—a dance class for the every-day woman to build confidence, self-esteem, endurance, and sensuality—played back the song that had filled the otherwise quiet room.
She walked to the mirrored wall before taking her place in the center of the class. If we couldn't hear her, she made us listen the best way she knew how: through her body.
I was seduced by thick legs in knee high socks, ass for days, wild curls, and seductive dance moves. Like many I first became intrigued with Monica through her Youtube channel. Her tantalizing movements to sexy and sensual music like Rihanna's “Skin" and Beyonce's “Dance for You" were hypnotizing. But it's a lot more than that; it's art in motion. The way Monica moves is effortless fluidity. She feels the music and interprets it through her body as if its first nature, as if it is innate to her very being.
"I lose myself in the song. I don't sit down and think of steps. I just move. If it feels right, it sticks to my soul."
After my own failed attempts to master her moves through the screen from my living room, I decided that I wanted to join her in real time at a class. What kept me from doing it? Oh, I don't know. An innate lack of coordination? A feeling of shyness? But dancing is good for the body and for the soul, and that particular Wednesday at 8:30pm marked a perfect moment because my love tank was on E, and I needed an outlet to release some of that energy.
The day started with me feeling sexually repressed, and I walked into the Xoticy class hoping to tap into the inner goddess in me that had largely been out of commission for the past week or two. “I give you the tools and the steps, but it's all about the feeling that you have inside of you that you forgot was there because you allowed other people and other things to get in the way of it," she said.
She apologized for the chill in the air that greeted my girl and me, but we were fine. We'd heat things up soon enough. I panned over the room of women, all different shades, shapes, and ages, bodies donned in fishnets and black knee high socks. I felt slightly intimidated out of lack of knowing the moves, but quickly morphed into a feeling of “I don't give a fuck" after the music started blaring.
“Y'all are f-cking up," she said to the class after showing us the first eight counts of choreography.
As I said, none of us were dancers. The moves were even harder to pick up in the class and you instinctively want to move in a mechanical 1, 2, 3, 4-count. But counting isn't sexy. Perfection isn't sexy. The hour and a half long class was no joke and it was a challenge to not only the physical, but the mental as well because it asks you to relinquish control and trust the guidance Monica is offering.
I was in her presence for a couple of hours and sexuality resonated from her aura and spirit so intensely. That's her. She exudes sexiness, confidence, and self assuredness and it's evident why women gravitate towards her to learn her ways and absorb some of her magic.
You have to forget yourself and stop worrying about things that don't matter, like comparing yourself to the next woman or feeling like you look silly attempting to bend yourself like Monica. No, quiet the mind, quiet the doubt, and let that shit go. Connect with what is already in you.
To Monica, that's the true definition of sexy:
“Sexy is the way you feel; it's who you are. It's your walk and your step; it's your groove – it's you. It's in you. As women we go through so much shit. We're moms. We take care of every thing. Sometimes we forget that we can take a step back and reconnect with ourselves. Saying f--k it to everything and just taking care of you every once in a while is sexy."
She encouraged us to let go of our control, to surrender to the song as she does and leave our minds for a bit. I was there. I was sexy, and I felt confident about my sh-t. And I began to understand why women came here, why XOTICY is a movement. My spirit could feel the love I was attempting to give it by taking care of me for a bit. That, to me, was sexy.
Self love in the room was evident, but also an unmistakable aura of confidence. Monica's advice for women struggling with self confidence is:
“Move out of your way. Get the f-ck out of your way. You are put on earth in your own purpose. There are people out here trying to live their mom and their dad's life and wonder why things are not as they should be. Think about self. When you start thinking about self love and you please yourself, everyone else around you should be pleased. If not, you shouldn't be worried about it."
Afterwards, the ladies in the class, Monica, my friend, and I all sat around in a circle having a candid conversation about sex and how the class has taught them to own their lives, both in the bedroom and outside of it. Monica still needs to show me how she slides across that floor so effortlessly. Damn, that woman. I need a pair of those socks!
If you are ever in the Atlanta area on a Wednesday night, be sure to check out Monica Wilson's XOTICY class. It does wonders for the bedroom, but also for the soul, and that's where it all begins anyway, right?
Check out more of Monica's erotic moves below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images