There's been a lot going on in the world over the past year. From group chats to social media to the constant news cycle, there's a million issues being discussed on a daily basis. It's overwhelming. In particular, there are so many issues being discussed within the Black community; yet, we're not talking enough about our finances. We should be.
Earlier this year, I celebrated a major milestone. I paid off $40,000 in 18 months. There were so many sacrifices I made within those 18 months to achieve this goal. I made being debt-free a priority. Our biggest tool to building wealth is our income. When your income is being divided and sent to multiple banks, companies, etc. with debt payments, you're preventing yourself from building wealth. In fact, studies show that most self-made millionaires (not Kylie Jenner), the real ones, live a debt-free lifestyle.
We live in a system of oppression that has hindered us from accumulating generational wealth. Everyone wants to "get money;" yet, so many of us are living paycheck to paycheck. While, there are many factors that impact our finances, there are certainly habits and mindsets that we've embraced that do us a disservice.
I knew when I graduated from Spelman in 2013 that I wanted to save money and build generational wealth. My parents grew up poor in the South Bronx and worked really hard to make sure my circumstances were different, but I knew that I was different from many of those women at Spelman. My family wasn't upper-class, and it was clear in the conversations of how people spent their summers, where they travelled, college funds, etc. I was well-aware of the sacrifices my family made to send me to Spelman and I wanted to use my education and network to achieve financial freedom.
At 27 years old, I am proud to say that I have achieved that financial freedom. I am debt-free! I paid off $40,000 in 18 months following Dave Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps, which I strongly recommend. The baby steps are free to access. No excuses. Here's the key things I learned while following Ramsey's plan.
How I Paid Off $40,000 In Debt In Less Than Two Years
1.Income Is Key When Paying Off Debt.
Getty Images
When I first graduated college, I was working for a large PR agency and was largely underpaid. I chose not to defer my student loans. I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling with a $500 lease payment for a brand-new Mercedes-Benz. I transferred from Atlanta to Los Angeles and received a raise. However, I was still underpaid. I was struggling to make minimum payments and using credit cards for everything. The debt started rising. Here's a rough estimate of my debt breakdown at that time:
- $35,000 (Mercedes Benz Lease)
- $10,000 (Credit Cards)
- $15,000 (Student Loans)
I knew that income was the issue. I simply did not make enough money for the lifestyle that I lived. I was driving a $35,000 car making $45,000 a year. AND I didn't even own the car. I needed to increase my income and get rid of the car ASAP.
Luckily, the lease was up for the vehicle. I turned it in and purchased a USED Honda Accord for $19,000. Vehicles are NOT an investment. They depreciate in value. It does not make sense to drive an expensive car unless you can afford it. Leasing vehicles are irresponsible, especially when in debt and end up costing way more than the vehicle. The total costs of your vehicle/s should not be more than half your income.
Next, I needed to find a new job and increase my additional income. I knew that going to work for a company/brand would pay more than an agency. I was recruited by a major beverage brand and negotiated a $20,000 raise off that transition alone. I busted my behind the first six months, proved my value and received another raise. THIS started my debt-free journey. I began the journey 18 months ago making $80,000 with the following debt breakdown of $40,000:
- $19,000 (Honda Accord)
- $11,000 (Student Loans)
- $10,000 (Credit Cards)
Income is KEY to paying off your debt. At some point, we have to take accountability for the many loans, credit cards, etc. we sign up for. Education is an investment, and you should have a return on your investment. Taking out $100,000 in student loans does not make sense when your trajectory for your career is only going to deliver at max $60,000 in the first five years. We must make smarter decisions when it comes to taking out student loans.
I see the jokes about student loans being with you forever. I do not accept that.
For every monthly student payment I made, that could've been going into an investment account. I refused to be 40 years old, paying off student loan debt.
In addition to the raise that I received, I stepped my side hustle up or as I like to call it, my second career. I am passionate about both. In addition to serving as a consultant/analyst, I am an entertainment journalist and correspondent.
I started booking more hosting gigs, brand ambassador gigs and increased my writing opportunities. I increased my additional income significantly. I even went as far as to work mall shifts at a local mall near my day job. I worked 9am – 5pm, then headed to the mall for part-time shifts from 6pm-11pm, and then I would write articles and host red carpets on the weekends. ALL of that extra income went to my debt payments. I was EXHAUSTED, but I had my eyes on the prize. I knew that it was a short-term sacrifice that would pay off.
2.Pay Your Debt FIRST.
You can ease your way into debt, but you can't ease your way out of it. While beginning my aggressive debt-free plan I treated those major payments (as much as $2,000 a month) as a "necessity." Rent, Food, Utilities, Transportation, Debt Payment. That was my order. I didn't even give myself an opportunity to spend the money on anything else. As soon as I was paid, I went in that order. NO exceptions.
3.Use The Snowball Effect To Pay Off Your Debt.
Dealing with billsGetty Images
A key differentiator from Dave Ramsey's plans and other financial experts is that he encourages people to pay off the smallest balance first, as opposed to the debt with the lowest interest rate. Paying off debt is not just about math. It's psychological. When you get aggressive and start seeing those debts disappear, it sparks something in you. I listed my debts from smallest to largest and tackled them that way. My credit cards were first. Student loans were second, and then the car.
4.Live Within Your Means To Pay Off Debt.
I made a lot of sacrifices. I did not get my nails done at all. I painted them myself and saved money. Getting your nails, hair done very week, eyelashes etc. all add up. I cut down on brunch and eating out. I didn't even shop. I work red carpets for major awards shows and film releases. I reached out to friends and other correspondents to borrow outfits. I reached out to stylists. I had no shame. If I had to purchase something, I would go to Goodwill. My wardrobe struggled, and I definitely didn't purchase anything designer.
Your net worth is your total assets minus your debt payments.
The reality is that most people are BROKE, but we aren't living as such. Those purses and designer shoes. They aren't helping you achieve wealth. I didn't pay for ANY travel. I had several trips that were the luxury of my entertainment gigs. Those trips were paid in full. I used my airline miles to pay for a flight to Bermuda for a weekend trip with my girls. I budgeted for the weekend and didn't use any credit cards. I was also able to use airline miles to cut down the costs of my holiday travel.
5.Stick To Your Budget To Pay Off Debt Quickly.
Getty Images
Making a budget and sticking to it is ESSENTIAL to paying off debt. Have the discipline and hold yourself accountable. Personally, I am old school. I created an Excel template that I used, because manually looking at my bank account and monitoring my transactions really helped.
Dave Ramsey also offers a free app "Every Dollar" that helps with budgeting. The easiest way to mismanage your money is to not budget for every dollar and to not monitor your behaviors. EVERY DOLLAR that I made had a designation.
Dave Ramsey's plan has helped millions of people become debt-free. As a next step, I'll be building an emergency fund ($15,000) and then saving for an investment. This is no promo. Dave Ramsey is a free resource that I found extremely helpful and wanted to share my journey.
If it's easy to obtain, it will not make you wealthy. Credit cards. Car notes, etc. are all easy to obtain. They will not make you wealthy. Also, while I understand that there are people who have way more debt. Understand this. If I paid off $40,000 in 18 months that means that I could pay off $80,000 in 36 months. I strongly encourage you to not make excuses. To feel motivated. To listen to a few debt-free screams on Dave Ramsey's YouTube channel and be inspired. It's worth it.
Many believe that when you start to show God and the universe that you know how to manage your money, you begin to get rewarded with more of it. I am walking proof of that. This year, after paying off ALL my debt, I am slated to earn more than $110K.
I have an 800+ credit score and have made a vow that I will NOT take out any debt except for a mortgage. I will not have credit card debt. I will not buy a brand-new car. I will save and invest and live the lifestyle that I deserve.
Click here to view Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps. Good luck on your journey!
Originally published on March 15, 2019
Featured image by Shutterstock
- I Cleared $35,000 Worth Of Debt While Making $12 An Hour ... ›
- The Budgetnista Tiffany Aliche Reveals How Her Credit Score Went ... ›
- The Budgetnista Tiffany Aliche Reveals How Her Credit Score Went From 547 To 800+ - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How to Pay Off Student Loans - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- YouTuber Lyn Allure, Good Girls Gone Boss Founder - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What To Do If You Have Medical Bills You Can't Afford - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How I Paid Off $30,000 Student Loan Debt - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Generational Wealth Is The Ultimate Form Of Securing The Bag - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- xoNecole Happy Hour Podcast Credit Money Shame - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- How I Paid Off $46,000 In Debt In Less 3 Years - xoNecole ›
- Teacher who paid off $40,000: Saving matters more than earning ›
- HOW I PAID OFF $48K OF STUDENT LOANS IN 18 MONTHS ... ›
- How a teacher paid off $40,000 of student loans in 18 months ›
- How One Girl Paid Off $40,000 in Student Loan Debt by 24 ›
- How Kelsey Paid off 40,000 Dollars of Student Loans in 19 Months ... ›
- Loan Payment Calculator - Quick and easy! | Calculators by CalcXML ›
- How One Woman Paid Off $40,000 in Debt in 3 Years | Student ... ›
- How I Paid off over $40,000 in Debt - at home with Ashley ›
- How To Pay Off Debt Fast - 11 Ways I Paid Off $80,000 Of Debt In 3 ... ›
- How I Paid off $40,000 of Debt in 7 months ›
- How We Paid Off $40,000 of Debt While Saving for a Rainy Day in ... ›
- Lauren Greutman paid off $40,000 in debt she'd hidden from her ... ›
- How I Paid Off $40K of Debt in 2 Years | LearnVest ›
RELATED
One more thing? You’ve got to accept the fact that, just because they chose you and love you, that doesn’t mean that they should be expected to always agree with you or even not challenge you — and because that is the case, sometimes some communication issues are going to arise, whether it’s in the form of an argument or…something a bit less stressful.
And since that is indeed the case, it’s important to know what you can (and possibly should) do when those moments arise — for the sake of you and your partner’s sanity and your relationship’s overall health and well-being. So, are you ready to get a few tips on how to communicate more peacefully and effectively with your partner?
Read on.
Argument, Debate, or Discussion? Learn the Difference
Is It an Argument, a Debate or a Discussion?
GiphyOkay, so let me start off this article by saying that if you are a parent of young children, one of the best things that you can do for them is put an emotional chart up in their rooms (like this one here). The reason why I say that is because I work with a lot of adults who really struggle with communicating with their partner and, the surprising reason why is because, they don’t know how to properly and/or thoroughly express their feelings — and it’s because they don’t know which words to use.
I’m not kidding either. Sometimes, you’re not mad at your partner; you’re confused by their actions. Sometimes, you’re not tired of the relationship; you’re bored. Sometimes, you’re not worried; you’re nervous — and because these different words weren’t expressed and emphasized enough, while you were growing up, you don’t use them as much (or as well) as you probably should now. And that causes you to misuse words as well as put the wrong amount of energy into them — when they aren’t really the ones that you were actually trying to convey to begin with.
And along these lines, the same thing goes for an argument vs. a debate vs. a discussion. When you are exchanging the type of dialogue with your partner that might not be as pleasant as you would like, before automatically saying that the two of you are “arguing with each other” — is that actually the case?
Argument: an oral disagreement; verbal opposition; contention; altercation
Debate: a discussion, as of a public question in an assembly, involving opposing viewpoints; to deliberate; consider
Discussion: an act or instance of discussing; consideration or examination by argument, comment, etc., especially to explore solutions; informal debate
Ah…do you already see where this is headed? If every time that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on something, you automatically call it an “argument,” by definition of that word, you are bringing contention into the space…when it may not be an argument at all.
So yeah, when it comes to learning how to get through certain conversations with your partner, first ask yourself if the two of you are verbally sparring (an argument), if the two if you as simply sharing opposing viewpoints (a debate) or if the two of you are actually having a discussion where you are exploring solutions to a problem (a discussion) — and you simply haven’t come to a common ground on what the solution should be…yet?
Next point.
Before You React, Ask Yourself This One Question:
What Exactly Are You Trying to Accomplish?
GiphyI recently watched an Instagram post which basically said that once you reach the age of 45, you will find yourself saying, “Okay” to just about anything and everything. She wasn’t saying it from the angle of being a doormat — she was saying that you start to value your time and energy too much to go back and forth with folks.
Although I get her overall point, “Okay-ing” ish is pretty passive aggressive, so if you’re one of those people, I recommend that you try and find another approach. However, what I will say is a good takeaway from what she was sharing is, when you are disagreeing with someone, before getting too mentally and emotionally invested in the disagreement itself, ask yourself what you ultimately want to accomplish first.
Hmph. This makes me think of one of my former boyfriend’s family. Boy, talk about a group of know-it-alls. It was wild how they seemed to think that they had the solutions for everything and everybody when so much of their lives were pure chaos — and while I used to get sucked in by trying to prove that they weren’t the only people with an I.Q. in the triple digits, after a while, I got to the point of “What’s the point?” I’m not going to win prize money if I out-debate them and besides, they were so arrogantly addicted to being right that they would consistently “move the bar,” just so they wouldn’t have to admit when they were wrong.
And so, since their goal wasn’t to learn and evolve but to merely teach and patronize (more “B” than “A”), I finally came to the conclusion that it was best for my sanity and well-being to simply tap out. Let them go back and forth, for hours on end, with each other…for nothing…if they wanted to.
And yes, that is the next thing that you have to ask yourself when it comes to the argument or debate or discussion that you are having with your partner: what are you ultimately wanting to accomplish? Is it clarity? Is it a resolve? Is it harmony? Or are you like that family I just mentioned and you simply want to be right…even if none of those other things come as a result of doing so?
Peep the title of this piece again. You know, some people can’t let stuff go between them and other individuals because their ego won’t let them. When it comes to the topic for today, that is certainly worth pondering. Long and hard.
Ask More Questions, Make Fewer Accusations
Did You Ask More Questions or Make More Statements?
GiphyWhen it comes to effectively communicating with your partner, I will forever die on the hill that you are going to get way more accomplished if you ask questions more than you make statements. For one thing, questions give them the impression that you want to learn more in order to cultivate peace and understanding while making statements can oftentimes come off as being accusatory, as if you have all of the answers and/or like you are the only one who has needs, feelings and even facts when it comes to whatever you and your partner are talking about.
Not only that but questions tend to disarm people from going on the defensive. Just think about it: Do you think that you are going to get more from your partner if you say, “You are always trying to get the last word!” or if you ask, “Why does it seem like your walls go up when we have these types of conversations? What are you needing in this moment?”
It’s a man by the name of James Stephens who once said, “We get wise by asking questions.” Wise people self-regulate. Wise people empathize. Wise people always want to learn more. Wise people are self-aware and can self-reflect. Wise people know how to listen. If you want to walk away from the conversation being all the wiser, resolve to not have all of the answers. Ask some questions along the way.
Listening Is a Love Language Too
Did You Actually LISTEN?
GiphyWise people listen — and y’all, listening is something that really is on the endangered species list. SMDH. How do you know if you are a good listener? Well, you can start by asking your partner to hear their thoughts on the matter (straight up).
Beyond that, though — good listeners don’t cut people off while they are speaking; good listeners are aware of their body language while interacting with others (check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”); good listeners listen to comprehend not to immediately respond; good listeners respect that everyone is not like them (nor are they supposed to be) and so they get that they may be hearing totally different opinions and perspectives; good listeners are humble.
Good listeners are open-minded; good listeners respect who they are engaging with enough to not let other things distract them in the process; good listeners respond more than they react; good listeners are perfectly fine not getting the last word (because when you know the value of your words, you don’t need to get the last one), and good listeners want to take something beneficial away from the conversation once it is actually over.
Argument, debate or discussion — imagine how much smoother things would go if both people said, “Wait — before this goes any further, can we simply agree to listen to each other?” and then actually do it? I’d probably lose a third of my clients on this alone, chile. Straight up.
Empathy Is the Shortcut to Resolution
Have You Put Yourself in Their Shoes?
GiphyEven though I know the data, sometimes it’s hard for even me to believe that only 10-15 percent of marriages are sexless (which constitutes to having sex no more than 10-15 times a year). I say that because, easily, 60 percent of my clients have sex-related issues within their relationship.
Currently, I’m dealing with a couple who is working through infidelity. The husband cheated after not having sex with his wife for 13 months because — and these are her words — she wasn’t in the mood. No health issues. No serious marital woes. Sex simply wasn’t a priority to her. Hmph. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times that even Scripture backs that sex is a responsibility in marriage not just something to do (check I Corinthians 7:5) — and so, what I’ve been trying to get her to see is while she didn’t deserve to be cheated on (of course not), he didn’t deserve to be in a marriage where there was no intimacy either. Every action — or non-action — has a reaction. We learned that in what — middle school?
When the issue was initially brought to me, all she could think about was her feelings. As we’ve been working on the concept of empathy, though, some accountability and healing have been taking place. Because for all of you who just read what I said and only thought about what he did — how would YOU feel if your spouse turned you down for over a year straight? Yeah…exactly.
Unless you’re in an abusive situation (which would require a different article entirely), pretty much anything that you and your partner are going through can be de-escalated if you both put forth the concerted effort and energy to simply EMPATHIZE with one another. With that in mind, please stop trying to only get them to see things your way; be open to looking at things from how they see matters as well.
Even if it doesn’t cause you to come to a full agreement, it will still help you to better understand where they are coming from. That way, if the two of you are committed to finding some sort of resolve, you can do it from a place of identifying matters from both perspectives while gaining clear insight from one another too.
Do You Want to Be Right or in a Healthy Relationship?
Know That a Resolution and a Win Are Not Exactly or Automatically the Same Thing
GiphyI went to a private high school that didn’t have a forensics team. Boy, if they did, I sho ‘nuf would’ve been on it, though because Shellie likes to debate (although the older I get, the less I do it). I did have friends who were on teams at their school, though and you can tell because, to this day, they still want to talk to win. LOL. I mean, for the most part, no harm, no foul.
However, when you’re in a relationship, if all you want to do is “win the conversation,” that’s probably not going to be holistically beneficial in the long run. This actually takes me back to something that Dr. Phil used to ask his guests back when his show first aired: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” — and because I personally think that it’s kind of immature to expect to be happy all of the time (does working out always make you happy? You still need to do it, right?), the word I would use in its place is HEALTHY: when it comes to the argument, debate or discussion that you’re having with your partner, do you ultimately want to be right or do you want the relationship to be healthy?
If the answer is “B,” this means that the goal needs to be that the two of you find a resolution over one of you merely winning — and a great definition for resolution is “a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc.” A resolution is a solution andsolutions-oriented people? They are patient. They are creative. They are positive thinkers. They don’t choose to deflect, avoid accountability or make excuses or justifications.They are are flexible and adaptable too.
Because whether the conversation is about finances, household responsibilities or intimacy issues — at the end of the day, a solutions-oriented person doesn’t want to “win the conversation;” what they want, more than anything, is holistic and mutual peace…as soon as humanly possible too.
Don’t Say You’re Letting Go If You’re Not
If You Say You’re Going to Let It Go and Don’t…You Lied
GiphyListen, only a completely delusional individual thinks that relationships should never have conflict; of course, they will because we’re not toy soldiers, we are individuals. At the same time, they don’t have to be traumatic whenever they do go down.
Respect each other’s individuality. Be mutually committed to finding a resolve. Always prioritize peace above just about everything else — and you will be able to “relax, relate and release” in your home.
Yes, even after an argument, debate or discussion has transpired (and not five days later either…but we’ll deal with how to release a grudge at another time). Selah and amen.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock