
Why I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Moving Home To Be A Stay-At-Home Daughter

What is a dream deferred in 2025 with the rising cost of living, a trash job market, and an administration that is determined to make my life a living hell? Chile, let’s get into it.
For as long as I can remember, I have had dreams of being the Black Carrie Bradshaw, prancing around New York City as a fashion writer. The stylish apartment, the popping dating life, the impeccable wardrobe — that was all I wanted. (Lucky for me, the impeccable wardrobe has always been a constant.)
Bishop Carrie once said, “In New York, they say you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. So, let’s say you have two out of three, and they’re fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don’t have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?”
What a powerful question.
Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of
In 2022, I made the exciting move to New York City. Everything seemed to fall into place effortlessly: I secured a comfortable apartment and found myself immersed in a thriving freelance market. I even embarked on a new romantic relationship, a first for me. However, the tide began to turn by mid-2023. The once-abundant freelance opportunities dwindled as various platforms faced funding cuts and the media industry experienced a downturn.
Fast forward to 2024, and my mom, the woman who gave everything to raise me, is experiencing some health challenges. It felt as though the universe was pushing me towards a change. Around the same time, I began to question my career path as a fashion writer. The continual need to be "on" and present everywhere was exhausting, and the ups and downs of the job application process, including interviews and rejections, took a significant toll on my mental health.
The allure of New York City, with its bustling streets, towering skyscrapers, and the promise of endless possibilities, was beginning to fade.
The vibrant and exciting metropolis of the past now felt overwhelming and chaotic. The constant noise, the crowds, the fast-paced lifestyle – it all started to feel like a suffocating burden. The city that never sleeps had become a source of anxiety and restlessness, and the charm of the New York state of mind was slowly giving way to a sense of disarray and unease. There was always this sense of living in a dream coupled with overstimulation.
Given the current state of the world—rising costs of living, shifting career landscapes, and the emotional weight of supporting aging parents—it was time for me to be so real with myself. Did I really need to be in New York to be a fashion writer? Because opportunities have been presenting themselves that aren’t tied to location or a timeline.
The answer became so clear to me — it was time to go home.
Shifting the Narrative: Embracing the Return Home as an Empowered Woman
For generations, the concept of moving back home has been shrouded in negativity, often perceived as a regression, particularly for women who have strived for and achieved independence.
I want to challenge this outdated narrative and reframe the return home as a conscious, empowered choice. This exploration delves into the multifaceted emotions associated with moving back home, dismantling the guilt that often accompanies this decision, and embracing the evolving role of a daughter as a source of strength and support for my family.
From a cultural standpoint, returning home is also a radical act of preservation.
In a society that often devalues Black familial bonds and misrepresents our communities, choosing to be close to kin is an assertion of our values. It’s about honoring the aunties who raised us, the cousins who feel more like siblings, and the grandparents who built legacies from scratch. Our family structures are ever-evolving, stretching to support and uplift in ways traditional Western models don’t always understand.
When we come home, we’re not just coming back to a place—we’re coming back to a lineage of resilience and love.
In This Economy…
The economic realities of today make this decision even more practical. Skyrocketing rent, stagnant wages, and inflation have forced many of us to reconsider what independence really means. Living at home, or closer to home, can offer the breathing room to save, strategize, and build with intention. But beyond the numbers, there’s an emotional currency we gain too.
Home can be a sanctuary—a space where we don’t have to code-switch, perform, or constantly explain ourselves.
In a world that often demands our labor but rarely affirms our humanity, returning home can be the most freeing, grounded choice of all. And in full transparency, there’s a part of me that felt shame about going back home to Memphis out of concern for how others would see it. Memphis isn’t as bright and shiny as Denver and New York, these big cities where I had created a life and made a name for myself.
But why should I care? No one is paying these bills and dealing with the ups and downs of working in fashion with me. It’s just me. I’ve finally come to a point where I realize that I can no longer live for the cheers because if I do, I will die by the boos.
I am most concerned with the way my life feels instead of how it looks.
I Thought I Was Failing — But I Was Finally Healing
With that said, I am now rebranding myself as a "stay-at-home daughter."
More than ever, I want to highlight the ways in which women can contribute to their families while also pursuing personal growth and fulfillment. This exploration feels like a way to inspire and empower women to embrace their decision to return home, shedding societal expectations and redefining what it means to be a modern daughter.
I have the deepest feeling that this chapter is going to be healing for me and my mother, and we deserve.
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Featured image courtesy of Joce Blake
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Meet Kiara Walker: The Bold New Voice Giving Men A Safe Space To Be Real On ‘xoMAN’
Kiara Walker was born to entertain. Her childhood experiences helped shape her destiny as a media personality, and now she’s taking her talents to xoNecole.
A Dallas, Texas native and Atlanta transplant, Walker will host the newest Will Packer Media and xoNecole production, xoMAN podcast. This fresh podcast series provides a platform for authentic and transformative conversations that bridge the gap between the introspection men crave and their real-life experiences.
xoMAN started as an Instagram Live series and is now a full-cast production, with Walker as the host. Initially, she was skeptical about joining as the new host of xoMan. Not because she doesn’t have the chops to thrive in the role, but because coming in on something that wasn’t her original idea initially seemed daunting for the media personality.
However, since she loves a challenge, the CockTales: Dirty Discussionspodcast host embraced the task with an open heart and mind.
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“I was like, this is a cool concept, so I’m so glad that they decided to turn it into a podcast,” Walker tells xoNecole. “It’s been interesting to take somebody else’s idea and try to turn it into a thing, put it together, and bring it to fruition. I am anxious, nervous, and all things, but above all, I’m excited.”
When xoNecole's managing editor Sheriden Garrett approached Walker to take on the position, it felt like fate. She had previously attempted to get Garrett on her CockTales platform about six or seven years ago due to her expertise in the love and relationship space.
“I was like, wait, y’all listen to the show? And you want me to host a show where I’m only talking to men? And I’m listening to them and not giving them a hard time? I say that because sometimes I feel like, on my show, I may come off like I don’t even like men," she says.
"I love men, but it can be frustrating sometimes on that platform, social media, and other places when they continue to regurgitate the same rhetoric about what I like to call Twitter topics, like constantly talking about who’s paying as a man, as a woman. You should do this. You should do that…It’s been cool hearing the stories with the men we’ve spoken to so far at xoMAN, hearing these stories, and hearing them let their guards down.”
A Howard graduate, Walker almost didn’t enter the world of media after listening to advice from elders who said she would make a great lawyer because she loves to debate topics and sometimes argue (haha).
"It’s been cool hearing the stories with the men we’ve spoken to so far at xoMAN, hearing these stories, and hearing them let their guards down.”
After traveling to the nation’s capital to study political science, Walker soon discovered that her only motivation for becoming an attorney was the potential income and witnessing how boss women like Erika Alexander’s Maxine Shaw character on Living Single would look in their suits as career women.
“I realized that this was for real,” she says, studying law at Howard. “This is a lot of work, and when you think about what you do, I was like, this is not a performance, and I just wanted to talk. I wasn’t trying to defend anyone.”
A visit to a fair showcasing the different organizations on Howard’s campus, combined with her affinity for celebrity gossip and entertainment news, ultimately led Walker to explore a radio career. Soon, she auditioned for a show and landed the gig. By the spring semester, she was on the radio, ultimately leading her to switch her major to journalism with a concentration in broadcast news.
Soon after earning her degree in the field, Walker decided she didn’t want to do anything related to hard news. Instead, she became involved in lifestyle content. She used her friends' love of hearing her stories to motivate her to get into podcasting.
The rest is, as they say, history.
“Before podcasts became what they are, I was in a living room with a microphone before ultimately moving to a studio and refining the show. I loved it and knew people were listening because I monitored the analytics and everything," she explains.
"When we decided to do a live show, the show sold out in two weeks, and I was so nervous. I was like, 'Are we ready? Are we gonna be able to sell out this venue?' We didn’t have any sponsorship. We were still independent and had to front the money for everything.”
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“When they sold out in two weeks, not only did I price my tickets too low, but I thought, wow, we’ve got something. I was like, people spent money to hear me and my co-host talking about our shitty love lives. This is wild, all from an idea in my head. It made me feel like I was on the right path and encouraged me to stop doubting myself. I have imposter syndrome," she reveals.
"Even to this day, I’m constantly biased. But it’s like, if not me, then who? And, like, why not me? If people can do it with way less and way more. I’ve been trying to encourage myself and other people to eliminate the doubt that we have in ourselves so we can do whatever it is we want to do. I love it. No matter how many sleepless nights I have, I will continue to have bags under my eyes until the end of time because I’m enjoying it.”
"I have imposter syndrome. Even to this day, I’m constantly biased. But it’s like, if not me, then who? And, like, why not me? If people can do it with way less and way more. I’ve been trying to encourage myself and other people to eliminate the doubt that we have in ourselves so we can do whatever it is we want to do."
In between garnering a strong social media presence for her work as a podcast host, lifestyle influencer, and beyond, Walker has managed to use her many gifts and talents, like cooking, and most importantly, giving a strong opinion about the things she does (or doesn’t) believe in to carve out a lane of her own.
As she embarks on this chapter as the host of xoMAN, where she has already spoken with actors Devale Ellis and Skyh Black and Dear Future Wifey podcast host Laterras R. Whitfield, Walker hopes that it encourages people, especially women, to look at their male counterparts from a different perspective.
“I hope that anyone listening can listen to the first few episodes, hear how different each man is, and learn to let down whatever preconceived notions you have about me or a specific man, whoever it is in your life," she says. "Just listen, talk to them, ask them how they feel, and listen with an open mind, without thinking that you already know what the answer is.”
“I just hope that people learn to, again, not put people in boxes and make the other person, whoever it is, men specifically for this show, but sit down and talk with an open mind and listen to understand, not to respond. Help someone feel safe.”
xoMAN officially launches on Tuesday, June. 17.
Feature image courtesy