How Moving Back Home Is The Best Decision I've Ever Made
I realized I was over New York City the night of my birthday.
This night was already particularly life-changing since it was the same evening Beyoncé released Lemonade. My friends and I grabbed a speaker, a bottle of Jameson, and sat in the South Beach, Miami sand under the moon. As the waves kissed the shore, the most peaceful calm washed over me, and it was at that very moment I knew the only way I'd feel a fraction as happy in my day-to-day life was if I left the one place I had been miserable in for so long.
Before Beyoncé snatched my edges yet again, I toyed constantly with the idea to move back home to Maryland from New York City, but the guilt of abandoning the urban jungle that taught me how to be independent and toughened me up paralyzed any of my efforts to actually leave. I feared I'd indirectly sabotage my dreams if I left after spending five years carving out my space in The Big Apple. I was caught up in some type of faux loyalty, some abusive comfort zone, where I was dangerously unhappy but stayed anyway. I racked my brain about it for some time. Ultimately, though, NYC was beginning to suffocate me, both creatively and mentally, and depression was setting in.
[embed]https://gph.is/17D20Vx[/embed]
You see, to the outside world (and my followers on social media), my life was lit. I had a good job, a decent Harlem apartment in one of the most unaffordable cities in the world and was rubbing elbows with some of the music industry's elite. I'd accomplished my goal of writing a cover story, interviewed your favorite celebrity's favorite celebrity and had finally launched a fitness and sports business with my colleague. Still, I was largely unsatisfied with my life. Nothing moved me anymore. I didn't feel refreshed and revitalized by the city's energy. In fact, I felt drained and almost lifeless. It was weird, because I felt I was being ungrateful. My lifestyle had afforded me amazing opportunities. And hadn't God given me the lifestyle I'd asked for? Yet, there I was the day I returned from my birthday vacation disgusted by the Subway and nowhere near looking forward to another work week. After such a relaxing week of celebrating a new year, I was on the verge of tears as my anxiety reached a new level.
That Monday, hand to God, I walked in and quit my job without a two week notice. I couldn't last another day writing about bullshit my heart wasn't into. Once I chucked the deuces at my full-time gig, I no longer had cemented ties to the city, and I was closer to that freeing feeling I felt that night on the beach. Was I 100 percent sure about how I'd relocate or what I would do once I got there? Hell no. But I asked God to work it out if it was in His will to make me a Marylander again. The goal was to become a freelance writer, finally start my book and continue to grow my business from the comfort of suburbia, all while maintaining, what I consider, a better quality of life. (Sorry but I just prefer clean cities and a more reasonable cost of living.)
And here I am. So, here are the top three things I learned from moving back home:
1. My bank account looks better.
I'm #adulting so much more efficiently these days that my bank account is actually glo'ing up! Though I have new expenses I didn't have in NYC, like a car and gas, apartments are typically cheaper and have much more space. Trust me, living in my own apartment beats spending an arm and a leg to live with two roommates.
2. I'm learning to trust myself.
I can't describe how incredible it feels to start a new chapter of my life. Not only has my being removed from the overcrowded, speedy hustle of the NYC improved my life, but the process of moving back to the DMV (D.C., Maryland and Virginia area) also taught me to trust myself. Before I flew the cuckoo's nest better known as NYC, I was so afraid to lose the safety net of a 9-to-5. Not to mention, plenty of naysayers believed the move would cripple me. I'd freelanced a few years prior, but I ran back to the corporate world when things got tough. This go round, though, it's either make it as an entrepreneur and author, or fail. I may not be in the mecca of media, but let's just say the odds have reawakened my hustle and excitement for my career.
The fact that I decidedly stuck to what I knew was best for me has also made me more self-aware and reinforced my resilience. I've learned that it's OK to outgrow phases of my life that no longer serve me in a way they "should" or once did before.
3. My relationship with God is stronger.
Uprooting my life from one place to another took guidance that I couldn't always find in my own understanding. I leaned on God heavily to show me I was making the right decision. It's been 30 days since I hit the reset button, and as a result of giving God the wheel, my relationship with Him is stronger. Because my faith is top notch, I feel a stronger sense of self, my energy is much more positive and I've learned to trust God for more than just making sure my ends meet.
So, do I miss New York? Eh. The people and bodega breakfast sandwiches maybe. I even feel a twinge of nostalgia when I see the city skyline fly across my Instagram feed. But please believe, I won't be trading in my peaceful quality of life for another Metrocard ever again.
Have you ever moved back home to get your happy back? What lessons did you learn? Share with us below!
- Moving Back Home Was The Best Decision I Ever Made – The Ascent ›
- Moving Back Home: The Best Decision Or The Worst? | HuffPost ›
- Moving Back Home: How to Make Sure it's a Good Decision ›
- I Was Ashamed to Move Back to My Hometown As an Adult—But the ... ›
- Why There's No Shame In Moving Back In With Your Parents ›
Niki McGloster is a Maryland-based writer and co-founder of her sweat. She has written for ESSENCE, Genius, Billboard, VIBE and Teen Vogue. Follow her on Twitter at @missjournalism.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage