Feminine hygiene is an interesting topic. The main reason why I say that is because some people can’t actually agree on what it is. While some say that it strictly has to do with what’s going on with our vagina (and vulva) when we’re on our cycle, others say that it has to do with “all things considered” as it relates to cleanliness — and to a certain degree health — down below.
To keep everyone as happy as possible (this time…LOL), I decided to share some tips that will “scratch the itch” on both sides of the fence by providing some all-natural ways to take care of “her” by way of going the essential oils route.
For the record, these aren’t oils that I’ve merely read about before. These are the ones that I’ve tried out myself and can personally vouch for. Ones that, so long as you dilute them first (a few drops of an oil in eight ounces of distilled water can make it a great vaginal wash or spray) and take the “less is more” (along with the, if your symptoms don’t go away, please see your doctor as soon as possible) approach, you can end up feeling really good and super fresh on a monthly basis. Ready?
1. Oregano Oil for Vaginal Odor
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If you’re looking for the kind of oil that is powerful when it comes to the antioxidants that are in it as well as its anti-inflammatory properties, oregano oil is that one. Some people use it to improve their gut health. Others rely on it to lower their cholesterol levels. Word on the street is it can also aid in helping to shed some pounds.
What makes it ideal when it comes to vaginal health is, not only does it contain potential antibacterial compounds that can help to heal a yeast infection, it can help to get rid of vaginal odor too.
2. Rose Oil Reduces Vaginal Inflammation
Let me tell it, everyone should have at least one bottle of rose oil in their house. There are plenty of science-based studies to back the fact that it’s great when it comes to treating symptoms that are related to depression and anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and stress. Rose oil is also awesome when it comes to reducing pain — this includes any that is period-related.
However, because it’s also an oil that is loaded with antibacterial and antifungal properties, if the blood and/or discharge that you’re dealing with due to your cycle is irritating your vulva (the skin outside of your vagina), rose oil can help to soothe the irritation and inflammation (especially if you’re someone who mostly wears pads).
3. Emu Oil to Soothe Vulvar Skin
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Speaking of oils that soothe — emu oil is another gem. From a beauty standpoint, it will help to deeply hydrate your skin, slow down the signs of aging (because Black CAN crack if you’re not careful), decrease the appearance of acne scars, and lighten age spots. If you’re a new mom, another bonus when it comes to this particular oil is it can make your nipples feel less irritated if you happen to be breastfeeding.
As far as your vulvar skin goes, emu oil provides the same benefits to it that it does to the rest of your body — and since moisturized skin is less irritated, it definitely gives a calming effect. Also, since it helps to stimulate collagen production in your system, it can help your vulvar skin to also appear plumper and more youthful-looking over time.
4. Clove Oil Decreases Period-Related Discomfort
I’m gonna tell you right here and right now that if you have a toothache, run out and get some clove oil. It will help to deaden the pain almost immediately. Aside from that, the properties of clove are associated with relieving respiratory conditions, bringing relief to skin that suffers from chronic itching and it can help to decrease muscular pain.
And since your uterus is a muscular organ that contracts in order to shed its lining when you’re on your cycle, that’s why it can be beneficial for you when you’ve got cramps and abdominal discomfort. Simply mix a few drops with your favorite carrier oil, warm it up for a few seconds in the microwave, and then give the lower part of your tummy a nice massage with the oil. You should feel your cramps easing up within 20 minutes or so.
5. Frankincense Oil Stimulates Blood Flow to Reproductive Organs
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This essential oil is bomb on a few different levels. It helps to reduce stress. It can put you in a better mood. Its powerful astringent properties are great at killing fungi and bacteria. It helps to fade stretch marks and surgery scars. It can also help you to get a good night’s rest thanks to its ability to open up your nasal passages and regulate your body temperature.
When you’re on your period, your body will adore it because not only can it help to balance out your hormone levels, but it also increases blood flow to your reproductive organs which can assist with shortening the time of your cycle and make your cramps less intense until your period ends.
6. Rosemary Oil for Vaginal Infections
My skin adores some rosemary oil. Ever since I’ve been applying it to my skin at night, it has evened out my complexion, helped to keep period pimples at bay, and given me a natural glow. It’s also been a reliable oil when it comes to sealing the ends of my hair. In fact, it has a pretty solid reputation for helping to restore hair loss if you're consistent with using it.
If it seems like clockwork that you end up experiencing some sort of vaginal infection when you’re on or right after you come off of your cycle, that’s because it could be causing an imbalance of the yeast and bacteria that’s naturally inside of your vagina during that time of the month. The anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties in the oil can help to heal these kinds of vaginal infections. Not only that but some studies say that rosemary oil can speed up the healing process of trichomoniasis too (speak with your doctor about that one, though).
7. Lavender Oil for Bacterial Infections
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From an aromatherapy standpoint, lavender oil is one of the most popular ones when it comes to reducing anxiety and stress, promoting relaxation, and helping you to get a better night’s rest. Something else that might surprise you is there are studies to support that it can help to decrease symptoms that are associated with diabetes, plus it can help to soothe the discomfort that’s associated with having a headache.
Since it’s also a strong antifungal type of oil, you can also use lavender to help treat bacterial infections. When it’s a top ingredient in a homemade vaginal wash, it can help to get rid of the discharge that’s associated with common bacterial infections.
8. Tea Tree Oil for Yeast Infections
If you want a zit to go away, pretty much overnight, something that will do it is tea tree oil. What I especially like about it is the fact that although it’s potent as hell, it doesn’t dry out my skin (when I use it as a spot treatment) while it’s working. Some other benefits that come with it include the fact that its super potent (and I’m not exaggerating here) antibacterial, antifungal, and antioxidant properties also make it top-notch when it comes to being a reliable ingredient for all-natural sanitizer, DIY deodorant, and getting rid of nail fungus.
It's alsothat one when it comes to treating yeast infections. That’s because its antimicrobial and antifungal properties help to prevent the overgrowth of yeast as well as bring relief when it comes to incessant itching and irritated vaginal and vulvar skin.
9. Thyme Oil Helps to Heal Candida Vaginitis
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If you’re someone who likes to cook with fresh thyme, good for you because, whether you realize it or not, you’re doing some great things for your body. Due to the potent antifungal, anti-inflammatory, and antibacterial properties that are in thyme, it’s great at fighting breakouts, suppressing coughs, and helping your food last for longer periods of time. Since thyme is also high in vitamins A and C as well as copper, iron, and manganese, it’s a good idea to consume it if you’re looking to boost your immune system.
However, what trips me out the most about thyme/thyme oil is there is scientific intel to support that if you combine it with garlic, it’s just as effective as clotrimazole vaginal cream at treating candida vaginitis (vaginal irritation that has an overgrowth of candida in it). How freakin’ impressive is that?
10. Peppermint Oil Is a Vaginal pH Balancer
Let’s wrap this all up with peppermint oil. The menthol in this oil makes it a super bomb oil for treating bad breath. However, it’s also oftentimes used to speed up the healing process of the common cold, nausea, and migraine-related discomfort. Your scalp will also like peppermint because it can reduce itchiness and increase blood flow to your hair follicles which can increase hair growth. Plus, if you like to work out, it can soothe joint and muscle-related pain.
As far as your vagina goes, since peppermint oil acts as a powerful fungicide, it can keep your vagina at its proper pH balance (check out “Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced”); that’s because it kills harmful bacteria that can throw it off. It’s also an oil that can keep vaginal odor under control whether it’s during your cycle or not.
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There you have it — 10 essential oils that are great for when you’re on your cycle or if you want to keep common vaginal issues under control without the need for (a lot of) medication. Just make sure that you use it externally unless you run it by your physician first. Douching, even when it’s with an essential oil, can still do more harm than good, more times than not, because it can throw your vagina’s pH balance off — and that can cause all hell to break loose.
Also, make sure that you go with a reputable brand of essential oil (check out a list of them via The Sprucehere). Believe you me, a lot of people give essential oils the side-eye, thinking that they’re not effective when really they just purchased a cheap (including cheap quality) brand.
Beyond all of this, ENJOY! Again, I can personally vouch for all of these and my vagina and vulvar have only been at (more) peace because of ‘em.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
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“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
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"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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