Most of us learned in anatomy class that our skin is the biggest organ that we have. It's comprised of three layers — epidermis, dermis, and hypodermis — and five million pores (20,000 just on our face alone!). Yep, our skin is pretty intricate and complex.
Unfortunately, until we have a breakout, notice a little eczema, or are trying to heal a scar somewhere, many of us aren't thinking about giving our skin any more attention than the soap we wash it with and the lotion (or coconut oil) that we apply to keep from looking ashy.
But I can personally vouch for the fact that setting aside 15-20 minutes each day to give your skin some TLC not only reduces blemishes and evens skin tone but can also cause all sorts of random people to have a look of shock on their face when you tell them how old you are and they reply that they thought you were so much younger than that.
Things like lavender, aloe vera, and vitamin E are commonly known remedies for treating skin. But if you're looking for oils, herbs, or vitamins that are great for daily skin maintenance and pampering, here are some lesser-known ones that are just as effective and can provide even more benefits to your face, neck, and body.
Frankincense Oil
A lot of us only think of frankincense oil around the holiday season (you know, frankincense and myrrh?) but it's something that is beneficial all year long. The properties in this oil make it a natural astringent and toner that can reduce pores and tighten skin. Frankincense also promotes cell and tissue regeneration and, when used regularly (at least three times a week), it can reduce the appearance of wrinkles, acne blemishes, and any scars on the skin too.
Helichrysum Oil
Helichrysum is a member of the daisy flower family. It's known as a miraculous essential oil due to its anti-microbial, anti-biotic, and regenerative compounds. Applying this oil to your skin will not only promote healthy skin cell growth, but it will also deeply moisturize your skin too. Something else that's awesome about helichrysum oil is, it's so gentle that it's perfect for skin that is highly-sensitive. And, if you've got any skin discoloration anywhere, it will even out the appearance of your skin over time.
Neroli Oil
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Is your skin oily or highly acne-prone? Get yourself a bottle of Neroli oil as soon as you possibly can! The antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, and antiseptic properties that are found in this oil will balance out the natural sebum in your skin without drying it out in the process. Another cool thing about Neroli oil is it's able to increase your skin's flexibility. Also, because it contains a significant amount of vitamin C, neroli oil helps to elevate the production of collagen in your skin as well. That means it can make your skin look fuller and "plumper" in the very best way possible.
Horsetail
Horsetail is an herb that got its name because it looks a lot like a horse's tail. It's the kind that most of us don't hear about every day but should be in our skincare arsenal. That's because horsetail contains calcium, manganese, iron, flavonoids, tannins, and phenolic acids — all things that our skin desperately needs.
If you've got acne, try dipping some cotton balls into some horsetail tea; it will act like a toner for your skin as it pulls out toxins and reduces inflammation. If you want to tighten sagging skin, make your own horsetail paste by grinding some of the herbs with a plantain and water. Apply it to your freshly washed face, let it sit for 20 minutes, and then thoroughly rinse with cool water.
Irish Moss
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Irish Moss has a great reputation for balancing out thyroid production and also lowering cholesterol levels. It's also a cold-water seaweed that contains plenty of sulfated polysaccharides. This is important as it relates to your skin because sulfated polysaccharides have a remarkable ability to soften your skin as well as your scalp. Irish Moss is also the kind of herb that heals skin rashes and eczema because it's also high in iron, folate, copper, vitamin C, and chlorophyll, making it a blood purifier that can help to prevent breakouts too.
You can make your own Irish Moss lotion by combining a teaspoon of a powdered form of the herb with one cup of distilled water, ¼ cup of aloe vera gel, and two tablespoons of sweet almond oil. Boil the herb in the water for 20 minutes until it turns into a jelly-like consistency. Then add the aloe vera and allow the mixture to completely cool. Put the gel and oil into a blender and mix until it turns into a white-looking lotion. Then apply.
Dandelion Root
Probably the most popular way to get the benefits of dandelion root is to drink it in tea form. It's an herb that regulates the secretion of hormones, opens up pores, and contains properties that fight all sorts of infections including warts and ringworm. That's why it's so good at healing acne cysts. The antioxidants in this herb also soften fine lines, lighten the appearance of dark circles underneath the eyes, and even out T-zone skin.
If you'd prefer not to drink dandelion root, put a couple of tea bags into a boiling pot of water, let the bags steep, and then put your face over the water. You'll automatically have a nourishing and healing face steam.
Vitamin F
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If you're wondering what the heck vitamin F is, it's better known as an omega-6 essential fatty acid. It's something our skin needs plenty of, although most of us are low in it. Vitamin F is really good for dry skin, thanks to the healthy fats that are in it. If you take it regularly enough, vitamin F can cause your face and body to have a natural glow. Something else that's awesome about this vitamin is it provides a barrier to protect your skin from environmental damage. Plus, if you suffer from eczema or atopic dermatitis, it can help to relieve those too.
It really is best to take vitamin F in supplement form (around 12 grams per day) but if you wondering what foods contain it, sunflower seeds, English walnuts, and salmon do.
Selenium
Selenium is a mineral that has a great reputation for being loaded with antioxidants; that alone makes it a must-have for your skin. Since it neutralizes free radicals, selenium can protect your skin from cell damage. Since it's also the kind of mineral that increases white blood cells in your body, it can also reduce inflammation in your skin while keeping skin infections at bay. Selenium is so effective that it is even something that can help to relieve dandruff too.
Even though selenium is really good for you, when it comes to this mineral, you can get too much of a good thing. So, make sure that you take no more than 55 mcg a day. If you'd prefer to eat foods with selenium in them, consume grain or grass-fed beef, brown rice, or Brazil nuts.
Copper
Did you know that if you notice premature greying in your hair it could be because you're not getting enough copper into your system? Copper is one of those minerals that constantly gets slept on yet provides all sorts of benefits. Skin-wise, it helps to maintain the collagen and elastin in your body; which makes copper one of the best anti-aging supplements around. Something else copper has the ability to do is repair DNA damage in your cells as it reverses inflammation, scars, and fine lines that you might notice on your face and neck.
Dosage-wise, it's best to take no more than 900 (mcg) a day along with a zinc supplement. As far as the foods that contain copper, you're gonna love reading this — almonds, oysters, sun-dried tomatoes, avocados, and (yes!) dark chocolate top the list. Every time you eat dark chocolate (that's 65 percent or more cocoa), you're loving on your skin, soooo…eat up, y'all!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Waiting To See If They Are ‘The One?’ These Dating Tests Will Prove If Bae Is A Keeper Or A Counterfeit.
We’ve all been there: you meet the special person who sweeps you off your favorite stilettos. The rose-colored glasses are glued on tightly, and the butterflies in your stomach are fluttering and leave you woozy in infatuation and hope.
You can’t wait to dive into the group chat and gush to your girlfriends that you’ve finally met someone worthy of the goodness of you. And then the caveat hits. “I dunno, girl, I hope they are the one. We’ll see.”
While some women resort to the auspices of time sorting their nebulous love life out, the rest of us with little-to-no patience for wasting precious time, scram to our arsenal of weeding out mechanisms, aka relationshiptests.
Deploying CIA operative-level strategic tests just to prove whether bae is a keeper or a counterfeit may conjure a hard eye roll, deep sigh, or exhaustion–because who really wants to add one more task to an already booked and busy agenda? No one wants to play mental gymnastics when love should ideally come effortlessly. But the more intentional and prudent you are in the initial stages of dating–the more time, energy, and resources you save in the long run. (Not to mention, save on any potential heartbreak).
Here are four tried-and-true relationship tests:
The Soup Test
If your momma, auntie, or granny ever warned you, “Never buy a man a pair of shoes, because they’ll be the same shoes he’ll walk out of life with,” and yet, you proceeded without caution because you were so desperately in love that you bought him Jordans for his birthday on credit anyway, then you already know that gifting bae accouterments–anything from a homecooked meal to material goods–is a defining factor to test whether he’s a seat filler or the main attraction.
One judicious woman on Threads has coined her relationship test as “the soup test.” She suggests, “If you wanna know if someone actually likes you or views you as a convenience/space filler, try the soup test (as long as you’re open to getting dumped lol).”
She hypothesizes, “If you make your situationship something nice to eat as a gift (soup, a nice dinner, banana bread, etc.), they will likely break up with you within the week.”
Meanwhile, the person who does value you and desires a long-term relationship will appreciate you and your thoughtful efforts.
Both men and women are confirming that the Soup Test has merit. One woman shared, “I was seeing a guy for a couple months and made him cupcakes for his birthday. I never got the cupcake holder back…”
One bold man admitted, “Broke up with my last girlfriend after she tried to cook a meal for me in my flat after looking after my pet while I was away. She thought it would be a sweet thing for when I got home, I felt like it was part of a pattern of her trying to make my space ‘our’ space and over-inserting herself into my life. So I guess this is anecdotal evidence from the other side that ‘the soup test’ works 🤦🏼♂️. Still feel like an arsehole.”
The Sick Test
Taking wedding vows, promising to love your spouse “in sickness and in health,” isn’t just for married folks; it’s a great temperature test to unequivocally determine if the person you’re dating cares for you and has imprinted you as a meaningful part of their future.
I’ve been using the “sick test,” for nearly a decade, when I noticed how the vast majority of the men I was casually dating (and had high hopes that it would evolve into more) would disappear during my quarantine and resurface once I was back to good health. Only in rare instances, did a couple of long-term partners show up in my time of need, or display deep empathy.
Like my platonic male friend who I had zero attraction for. He’d send both me and our mutual girlfriends care packages whenever we were under the weather. Naturally, upon reflecting on the countless ways he showed up for me, like none of his predecessors, I fell in love with him. His generosity ignited a relationship that lasted four years.
The sick test taught me that if you tell the person you’re dating about your infirmities and they say, “Aww, feel better,” girl, run! Delete, block, and move on because if he or she doesn’t care about you at your lowest, there will likely be more areas of your life that they will be absent or unsupportive in.
Conversely, when you’re the one with a robust roster, the sick test can immediately give you clarity on who to kick to the curb. In the initial stages of meeting two guys–one was a talent manager, the other was an entrepreneur–I’d gone on lovely dinner dates with both guys when the talent manager abruptly became sick and had to cancel our second date. I gave him a long list of healthy natural remedies to quell his flu and wished him well.
Around the same time, the entrepreneur with who I had undeniable chemistry and visions of birthing his children, had also come down with a cold, and though I had a jam-packed work schedule and lived 35 miles away from him, I eagerly offered to buy the same healthy natural remedies I did for the other guy and trek out to his house to make sure he got them.
And then it hit me – I had to snip the talent manager from the short-listed roster. Once I came down with a nasty cold months later, and the entrepreneur was by my side to take care of me, it confirmed that the sick test facilitated the best man winning me over.
The Provision Test
If you are seeking a provider, discerning whether they have a provider spirit before you co-sign the lease, start a family, or say “I do,” will save you tremendous time and effort. Many women often ask, “How do I know if he’s a provider?”
Internet dating guru, Leticia Padua, aka SheraSeven advocates to test to see if a man is a provider by asking him to fulfill a financial need.
“If he offers to do something for you financially; If you come up with a fake problem that costs money to solve, and he solves it.”
A girlfriend of mine was dating a successful Black engineer for a few months, and she had a real problem to solve. Her engineer beau boasted that he was great at building things, and if she ever needed anything to let him know. As such, when she ordered a brand-new orthopedic bed that required assembly, she decided to see if he was a man who was committed to his word and would fulfill her need.
When he asked her what her weekend plans were, she lamented that she needed to spend considerable time assembling her oversized bed. He brushed off her laborious task and said they’d connect the following weekend. It wasn’t until she subsequently broke the courtship off and voiced her concern over his lack of help that he said he would have assisted her if she had asked.
Though she failed to directly ask for his help, a true provider would’ve heard her problem and provided a solution. He would’ve paid for a service like Task Rabbit or rolled up his sleeves since he flaunted that he was “a great builder.” Men who are bonafide providers are generous givers who love to solve a problem. While men who prioritize themselves, are takers who will do the bare minimum or not even lift a finger when you need their help.
The Removal Prayer
Social media is abuzz with endless anecdotes and comedic skits sharing the consensus of the infamous prayer that will expeditiously usher in newfound clarity to the situationship or relationship you’re in.
Coined as “the removal prayer” it’s a simple request, petitioning God to reveal if the person you’re dating is The One. When you can’t see the forest from the trees, the removal prayer mashes the gas pedal on sifting through the frogs and your prince.
But as with any test, you must brace yourself for what happens next. If you don’t have the strength to cut the wrong one off, don’t worry, God will discard them before you can say “amen.” I can’t tell you how many dates I wasted hoping, waiting, and wishing it would work out. After trying every draconian measure in the playbook, including abstinence, I was still coming up immeasurably short. One day, I threw up my hands and relinquished my miserable dating life to God.
Upon exchanging numbers with any new suitor, I began to always ask God to reveal their true character and intentions, and to remove them if they are not “The One.” Ever since then, I’ve witnessed countless counterfeits masquerading as husband material, surreptitiously vanish.
Sometimes, it stings when the one you had lofty hopes for evaporates into the air–especially if you’ve invested several months or years. But it’s better to cut your losses sooner than later and create a healthy space for the right one to find you.
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