Happy August, babes! We've finally closed out that wild ass eclipse season and Mercury retrograde madness just in time to end our hot girl summer on a high note.
Most of the action this month takes place in magnanimous Leo before we transition into ambitious Virgo motivating us to finish out the Summer strong so we can reap the blessings of the harvest season this Fall. Check out your monthly horoscope below to see what awesomeness August has in store for you!
Aries and Aries Rising
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The cosmos is showering you with blessings this month as Jupiter, the benevolent, goes direct on the 11th opening up new opportunities for you that allow you to flex your innate leadership qualities. You may be playing the role of teacher, mentor, or guru to people near and far and this transit could even bring you the gift of adding a new stamp to your passport. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, making your communication even more feisty than usual. When it comes to romance and dating, be mindful of your aggression which may be better suited for a high intensity workout that could definitely take place behind closed doors.
Your creativity is at a peak this month and you're likely to attract tons of attention for simply expressing the greatness of who you are.
Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to review some of your long-term financial goals and to revise accordingly. This transit will help you figure out how to make money by doing more of what you love and value. On the 15th, the Full Moon illuminates your friend circle and social networks. This can result in the dissolution of certain bonds that give you the freedom to connect with new people that are more in alignment with your vision. Virgo moves into Mars on the 18th and you're feeling motivated to whip your body into shape. By the end of the month, the Sun, Mercury and New Moon in Virgo are setting you up for some much-needed changes in your daily routines that are more beneficial for your mental and physical well-being.
Taurus and Taurus Rising
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The month begins with Jupiter ushering in the blessings when it comes to your finances. You've got the potential to strike gold with some back taxes, a credit boost, or even just some extra support from a benefactor. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Leo, making you the center of attention amongst your household. Be mindful of stirring up drama amongst your family at this time and use your influence to uplift your loved ones instead. Uranus begins its retrograde in your sign and the next several months is taking you through a deep, inner metamorphosis regarding your personal values. It's time to free yourself from any limited conceptions of who you've known yourself to be until now. On the 15th, the Full Moon brings some good news regarding your career achievements. If you're feeling unfulfilled within your current job, you may decide to call it quits in pursuit of something more meaningful. Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, helping you to buckle down on those creative projects.
Push past those dreaded perfectionist tendencies and give yourself a chance to really express yourself. Your voice, and art, matters but it's up to you to validate it!
When it comes to love, you may be feeling more pressured to get serious and with Venus moving into Virgo on the 21st, you've got the potential to attract exactly what you want. The Sun moves into your sister sign on the 23rd, giving you a boost of energy and the clarity needed to break through any creative blocks you've been experiencing. With Mercury moving into this same part of your chart on the 29th, spending a little extra time with your munchkins is important. If you're interested in starting a family, this is a great time to talk with your OBGYN to get you on a fertility plan for a healthy, successful pregnancy. The New Moon in Virgo on the 30th can be a potent time to plant the seed (if you know what I mean). Even if the idea of children makes you gag, this lunation invites you to get in touch with your own inner child. Loosen up and have some fun! Life doesn't always have to be so serious.
Gemini and Gemini Rising
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Jupiter, the benevolent, is coming through with the blessings when he goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune in your relationships, whether it be a significant romantic connection or key business partnerships. Do I hear wedding bells? Mercury moves into Leo the same day and you're making quite the impression on your social media platforms and with your gift of gab. Give me drama, dahling (not the Love & Hip-Hop kind but more so the Broadway kind of flair). Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to do the inner work that will liberate you from karmic contracts that impede on your flow of wealth. It's time to clean up your subconscious money programming, my love. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius places you in the spotlight as a teacher or guru of some sort.
Stay humble and keep in mind that with great power comes great responsibility.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, motivating you to get organized in your home. With Venus following closely behind on the 21st, you and bae will prefer the comfort of your sanctuary versus being out and about. This could also be a time of discussing family planning for those of you ready to take that step. The Sun moving into Virgo on the 23rd has you hyper-focused on your family. Avoid being overly critical of your loved ones, Gemmie. We all have our imperfections—even you. As Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the opportunity to create more healthy bonds amongst your family and the New Moon on the 30th marks a much-needed fresh start when it comes to the way you relate to them. Some of you could even find yourselves shacking up with your significant other or relocating around this time due to an expansion of your family.
Cancer and Cancer Rising
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You finally made it through that hectic eclipse season. Your birthday season likely brought a lot of twists and turns along with your celebration of another year of life. If you feel like you got the short end of the stick last month, Jupiter is here to make up for it when it comes to your health, daily work, and routines. Your schedule should be smoothing out a lot more with this benevolent planet going direct. Some of you may be in for some amazing new work opportunities, or an adjustment in your current routine, that will benefit your overall well-being. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th as well and you're extremely dynamic when it comes to bringing in the cash. Don't be afraid to strut your stuff! Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate your long-term goals. Are they truly in alignment with what you love and value?
On the 15th, the Full Moon helps you break through psychological trauma or intimacy issues that get in your way of feeling connected to the collective.
Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, motivating you to connect with your sibling(s), friends, and local community. Acts of service are favored during this time. In what ways can you give back to these groups of people? On the 21st, Venus moves into Virgo and you could be attracting someone that is enamored with your intellect. Online dating is favorable during this transit. Once the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you may consider planning a short distance trip to end the Summer on high note. Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th encourages you to get that oil change before hitting the road. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo inviting you to communicate your ideas in new ways. Maybe it's time to start that blog or YouTube channel to share your wealth of wisdom as an act of service to others.
Leo and Leo Rising
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Happy birthday, superstar! Jupiter is showering you with blessings once it goes direct on the 11th, enhancing your world with even more romance, adventure, and creativity. Mercury moves into your sign on the same day, making you the social butterfly of the season. Your dynamic energy is irresistible at this time, so use it to your advantage to make your birthday wishes come true. On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your career path and whether it's truly in alignment with what you personally value. Don't be surprised if you find yourself embarking on a new path once this transit is all said and done. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius highlights a committed partnership or business connection. However, some of you may be realizing that a key partnership no longer meshes with your long-term goals which could result in a separation.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo bringing your focus to finances. This is a good time to reassess your budget and spending habits.
With Venus moving into this part of your chart shortly after, you could be on the receiving end of some extra cash or gifts. When it comes to love, attracting a partner with more long-term potential is possible during this transit. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo which could have you feeling a little raw and exposed due to you being overly critical of yourself. Be easy on yourself, mamí. Mercury moving into Virgo encourages you to use those positive affirmations to counteract the negative self-talk. The month closes out with a New Moon on the 30th that can bring in a new money-making opportunity for you that may alter your daily routine and your bank account.
Virgo and Virgo Rising
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Happy (early) birthday, Goddess! Jupiter is gifting you in the area of home and family once he goes direct on the 11th. Some of you may be relocating or even expanding your family in the months ahead. Don't forget to thank your ancestors as they play a big role in the blessings you're receiving during this transit. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, enlivening your dream world with clues as to how you can tap into your star potential. You may even experience some past life recall of your life as a former entertainer which will ultimately help you embody that energy in this current lifetime if you choose. Uranus goes retrograde on the 11th as well and you're headed back to school (or diving deep into self-study on topics of interest).
It's time to expand your wisdom about the ideologies you value the most.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your sign and you're feeling more motivated than ever before. It's time to take the world by storm! Venus moves into your sign on the 21st, making you even more attractive than usual. Expect to be showered with attention, gifts, and money during this transit. If you want to switch up your look at all, this is a favorable time for a makeover. Virgo season officially begins on the 23rd and the world essentially revolves around you for the next month. Mercury moving into your sign on the 29th makes you the social butterfly of the zodiac at this time. Get out there and mingle. You could be meeting some important movers and shakers during this transit. On the 30th, the month winds down with a New Moon in your sign, inviting you to set an intention for what you'd like to accomplish in the year ahead.
Libra and Libra Rising
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Jupiter is bringing in the blessings once he goes direct on the 11th in a part of your chart having to do with communication, transportation, and short-distance travel. This energy is also ripe with breakthrough for any writers or speakers wanting to get themselves out there more. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, helping you boost your social media presence. Shine bright, superstar! On the same day, Uranus begins its retrograde, inviting you to transform your inner psychological landscape as it pertains to your self-worth and money mindset. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius illuminates the world of romance, creativity, and adventure. You may find yourself connecting with someone who has a similar vision to yours when it comes to the long-term goals you want to accomplish.
Meeting someone who shares the same humanitarian interests as you is likely. This is also a great time to drop any creative projects you've been working on behind the scenes.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, giving you the motivation to clean up bad habits that interfere with your ambitions. It's time to put your inner critic in its place, babe. Venus follows shortly behind on the 21st and love matters take a more quiet approach. Spending time in the bedroom with bae will be more preferred during this transit. With Mercury in Virgo as well, the pillow talk will be even more stimulating than usual. By the end of the month, the Sun and the Moon are cozying up in the sky, inviting you to set some intentions that will help you implement better habits and routines into your life that will elevate the health of your mind and body.
Scorpio and Scorpio Rising
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The month opens up with Jupiter, the benevolent, going direct on the 11th which has the potential of bringing in some extra cash for you. If you've been looking for new ways to increase your flow of income, a fortunate opportunity could be knocking on your doorstep in the weeks to come. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, boosting your presence amongst your work environment. You're making quite an impression on some really important people who are recognizing your ability to lead and make shit happen.
On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your relationship values. Are your relationships a reflection of your self-worth?
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, bringing your attention to friends and social networking. With Venus moving into this part of your chart as well, you may be attracting someone from your friend circle. If you're single and open to meeting someone, sign up to volunteer with a local organization or humanitarian cause. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, getting you hyper-focused on those long-term goals of yours. Mercury moves into this part of your chart on the 29th, helping you get organized when it comes to achieving those big hopes and dreams of yours. Just watch out for being overly critical of yourself and the process. Believe in yourself! You wouldn't have the vision if it wasn't meant to be a reality.
Sagittarius and Sagittarius Rising
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Your ruling planet is bringing in the blessings, Saggie. Jupiter is finally going direct on the 11th, so expect a windfall of expansion and abundance in at least one area of your life. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, inspiring you through international travel and foreign affairs. This is also a great time to publish any written work of yours. Some of you may even consider going back to school to expand your knowledge or dive deeper into self-study about esoteric wisdom. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the opportunity to revamp your routines. Ask yourself if your habits really add value to your life. If not, it's time to make the cut. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings up an important conversation or opportunity for you to express your truth.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, getting you motivated to make some boss moves when it comes to your career.
Watch out for workplace romances while Venus transits through this part of your chart. You may find yourself attracting, or attracted to, someone in a position of power and influence. Virgo season officially begins when the sun moves into this perfectionist zodiac sign on the 23rd, helping you dot your i's and cross your t's when it comes to moving up the social ladder within your professional world. With Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the gift of gab and you're making quite the impression on your boss or someone that is interested in hiring you. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, bringing in that job opportunity or promotion you've been waiting on.
Capricorn and Capricorn Rising
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Your spiritual awareness gets a whole lot more expansive this month with Jupiter going direct on the 11th. Say goodbye to that past-life karma and hello to a more liberating experience. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th, helping you to boldly conquer some of your inner demons. Keep in mind that you don't have to go at this alone and confiding in a professional wouldn't be the worst thing around this time. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate whether your dating prospects are a reflection of your values. This is also a good time to give voice to your inner child and heal any self-esteem issues that inhibit your personal expression. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings your attention to money matters. This culminating energy can represent an ending in one source of income but trust that something more abundant is coming in for you.
Use the power of social media and networking to create new opportunities for yourself.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and your wanderlust is insatiable. This is a good time to plan an international voyage or learn more about another culture. Venus moving into this part of your chart on the 21st could have you attracting someone from a far away land. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, helping you get more organized when it comes to your research and studies. With Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 29th, it's a good idea to connect with like-minded individuals to reinforce what you're learning. This is also an opportune time to publish that think piece or book you've been working on. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo, inviting you to connect with a new teacher or guide (possibly even a spirit guide) that will help you transcend to a higher level of consciousness.
Aquarius and Aquarius Rising
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The month starts off slow leading up to the highly anticipated Jupiter direct on the 11th, helping you expand your social circle and reap some blessings when it comes to that long-term vision of yours. Mercury moves into Leo the same day, making your relationships more animated than usual. Just watch out for being too much of a drama queen with your significant other or in a business partnership. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the chance to reevaluate your living arrangements and your family dynamics. It's time to reshape the money mindset imparted on you throughout your ancestral lineage. On the 15th, the Full Moon in your sign places you front and center stage.
It's time to reveal the new and improved version of yourself! This energy fully supports you in revamping your wardrobe or getting that new hairstyle.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and you're motivated to transform your psyche particularly when it comes to obsessive forms of self-criticism and judgement whether it's towards yourself or others. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st, giving you the upper hand in receiving financial assistance from a benefactor. When the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you'll be getting to the psychological root of any health issues you've been struggling with. Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, inviting you to research some better alternatives for dealing with stress and anxiety. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, encouraging you to stick with these new, healthy habits which will completely transform your world in the next six months.
Pisces and Pisces Rising
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Jupiter, your ancient ruling planet, goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune when it comes to your career and social status in the world. On the same day, Mercury moves into Leo, making you super dynamic in your work environment and very popular amongst your co-workers. You've got a lot of energy under this influence, so getting back into your fitness routine is favored at this time. Uranus, the great awakener, goes retrograde on the 11th as well, helping to liberate you from any self-limiting thought patterns that inhibit you from expressing your truth. If you're a writer or speaker in any capacity, this transit is opportune for restrategizing ways to bring in revenue with your skill set. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius releases you from some heavy past life karma that has perpetuated a belief of not being a part of the group.
As different as you are, sweet Pisces, you still belong.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your opposite sign, bringing your focus to relationships. Be mindful of being to critical or judgy of people that you have close, one-on-one connections with. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st and you could be taking your current relationship to the next level. If you're single, you may be reevaluating your relationship boundaries to avoid continuing some unhealthy patterns you've been experiencing in love thus far. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo and you're more interested in connecting with others in a more intimate setting versus large groups of people. Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 23rd could result in negotiations of contracts with a business partner or significant other. The New Moon on the 30th will help solidify this adjustment moving forward.
- August Horoscope - August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope - TheChineseZodiac.org ›
- August Horoscope – 2019 Monthly Horoscope – Astrology King ›
- Aquarius August 2019 Monthly Horoscope Predictions | SunSigns.Org ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope Predictions For All | SunSigns.Org ›
- Your August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- Your August 2019 Horoscope - Monthly Horoscope Predictions ›
- August 2019 monthly horoscope ›
- Your August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
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Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'
Okay, so if you’ve read any of my pop culture think pieces on this platform before (like here or here), you already know that I don’t tend to spend a lot of time talking like I know people who I actually…don’t. As someone who grew up in an entertainment industry home and then got my (official) start in journalism in the entertainment realm as well — let me just tell you from very up close and personal experience that nothing is a smoke-and-mirrors game quite like the celebrity world. That’s why it’s wise to not invest too deeply into it/them.
At the same time, since, for better or for worse, we do live in a culture that seems to be constantly consumed with what famous folks are doing. What I prefer to do is use certain news stories (even if they are basically nothing more than tabloid gossip, depending on the day) as personal teachable moments — and since the word on the street is saying that Nelly and Ashanti are giving it another go, I thought that topic would be a great one to tackle.
My personal recollection of them being together consists of my finding Ashanti’s visual for her single “Good Good” (damn, was that 2008?!) to be cute enough. Plus, I liked how they mostly kept everything off the grid — unlike the other relatively reunited (and does it feel so good? I can’t tell because Ben always looks so irritated) couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, chile). Anyway, beyond that, and then reading some timeline pieces on Nelly and Ashanti (a recent one is located here), there’s not much more that I can say as far as their coupledom goes.
Ashanti and Nelly during Sean Diddy Combs First Fragrance Launch for Unforgivable - After PartyJohnny Nunez/WireImage
However, when I did happen to catch a roughly hour-long Instagram post (here) on Ashanti’s page a few months ago talking about how (among other things) she used to want six kids, and now she’ll “settle for” two or three, I took that to be a subtext that she’s ready to get into something serious/substantial — and sometimes that can mean reconciling with someone from your past.
It’s kind of like a point that was made by Alec Baldwin’s character in the movieIt’s Complicated (paraphrased): “Some people should get back together 10 years after a divorce because the time apart can help each person to grow. And since you already know your ex so well, reuniting later could be the best decision ever.”
Nelly and Ashanti reportedly broke up ten years ago, so maybe they are life-imitating art. Either way, before you use them as inspiration (or ammo — LOL) to get back with someone from your own past, please ask yourself the following questions. Then be serious about the answers. Then run them by a trusted friend (or your therapist). And then, if it all checks out, proceed with extreme wisdom and logic. Because getting back with an ex is a bit like a crap shoot — it can be a real blessing or a HUGE mistake. That’s why factoring as much as possible beforehand is such a wise thing to do.
Why Did the Two of You Break-Up?Giphy
I recently got certified (and soon to be credentialed) to be a professional certified coach (a holistic one). It’s interesting because, when you’re actually learning from an ICF-accredited school, a question that actually isn’t asked in life coaching is “Why?” Why is that? Because while therapy/counseling tends to focus on the past quite a bit, life coaching specializes in asking questions that will empower you to decide what is best for your future.
In this case, though, you definitely need to take your past into account because if you don’t factor in why you broke up with your ex in the first place, it could result in you just repeating the same ish that you did before — and if that ish is centered around things like abuse (neglect is abuse, by the way), constant lying or being taken for granted, you really need to do some serious vetting to see if those things are still a present-day issue.
And yes, this is a critical point to consider because, while some people live by the motto “forward ever, backward never” or my personal favorite, “getting back with an ex is like getting out of the shower and putting the same underwear on,” not every break-up is horrific or even devastating. Sometimes it really is a matter of meeting the right person at the wrong time or the two of you really liking each other, but something just doesn’t quite “click.”
You know, it is Benjamin Franklin who once said, “All highly competent people continually search for ways to keep learning, growing, and improving. They do that by asking WHY.” And since, hopefully, you’ve been learning, growing, and improving as an individual, ever since you ended things with your ex, asking yourself why you broke up and being really honest about the answer, that can help you to see WHY you should consider trying again or WHY the past should totally be left there.
What Lessons Did You Learn? During and Since Ending the Relationship?Giphy
Everyone is a lesson. That is, if you’re humble enough to know how to be taught anything (some of y’all will catch that later). And just so we’re all on the same page when it comes to this particular point, a lesson is a practical piece of wisdom, and wisdom is something that offers insight and heightens your sense of discernment. In other words, if it’s truly a lesson — and you apply it — there will be no reason to repeat it; your insight and discernment won’t let you.
So, when it comes to your ex, what lessons did they teach you? One of mine taught me to not convince myself to be with someone just because they are a good person. Another taught me to not "be a wife" to someone who is not my literal husband (check out "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife"). Still, another taught me to stop mistaking nostalgia for actual love (more on that in just a bit). The first and second lessons I learned during the relationship. The last I learned after. And because the lessons were so profound, they totally altered my way of thinking — which makes getting back together with any of those guys basically an impossibility. Wisdom won't let me.
On the other hand, I have a friend who is kinda-sorta back with one of her exes because the lesson that she learned during the relationship was because she had never been in love before, she kept playing the exhausting game of come-close-go-away. Now that she's had some therapy (and matured a bit), she and her ex are in a far better place which makes it easier to interact with one another on another level. Is it just like it was before? No. In many ways, it's better because, since my friend has less anxiety, there is less stress on the relational dynamic, which makes them able to see where things could go a lot easier for both of them.
I am a firm believer that life is one big school. Thing is, when it comes to the lessons that you need to learn, you can stay in the same class for 20 years, if need be. So yeah, when it comes to pondering about getting back with your ex, did the lessons that you already learn reveal to you that it would be a smart move or a really dumb decision?
Who Reached Back Out First? (Yes, It Is Valid)Giphy
Typically, the "Who did it first?" question leans on the side of silly and/or petty and/or entitled to me. Oh, but not in this case. And although words cannot express how disgusted I am with how Brian McKnight is displaying extremely poor (fellow) Gemini energy, he is a great songwriter, and his song with the hook, "Do I ever cross your mind? Anytime?" — let me just say that an ex who says they never think about their exes from time to time they are a bold-faced liar.
HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that they care enough to reach out or that it's a good idea, even if they're tempted to do so. So, when someone actually does step out and send an email, get in the DMs, or leave a voicemail (your ex still has your phone number? Interesting), that's quite telling — although you do need to take into serious account what it all actually means.
For instance, back when my first book came out, a few of the characters (pun intended and not intended) hit me up. One was my first love. All he really did was send me an email to tell me that he read the book and that he was sorry for the role that he played in the pain of the relationship. And that he would always love me.
Now guess what part I focused on? You can check out "Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour" to get the gist of that. As a result, for several more years, off and on, that continued to be all that my heart (the Bible says the heart is deceitful; always remember that — Jeremiah 17:9-10) honed in on. That man didn't say that he wanted to rekindle anything. He said that he wanted to apologize. Lawd, how much we can spare ourselves if we'd just learn to listen to what is being said instead of editing conversations into what we want to hear.
So, did he reach out first? Yep. Did he want anything? Not really. And from personal experience, that’s why “who reached out first and why” is something else that needs to be given some serious thought. After all, the two of you broke up for a reason…so, if they do reach back out, now more than ever, it’s important to take their words literally. If he only wants to see if you’re well, let him know that you are and leave it there. If he wants to apologize, accept this apology and tell him to take care. If he asks to see you — now that’s when trying to figure out if reconnecting, on any level, is actually a good idea.
Bottom line here don’t make something be what it’s not. Oh, and if you are the one who reaches out first…let me just say that I know a woman who got ghosted by an ex back in college, she decided to reach back out to him some 20 years later, and all they’ve been doing is dating for over ten years now (even though she wants to be married). I mean…he didn’t come looking for her; she went out looking for him — which kind of translates to me that he was fine whether they spoke again or not.
See what I mean? *Elmo shrug*
Is It Love? Or Nostalgia?Giphy
Please, please, PLEASE — if you don't get anything else from this article, get this: just like fleeting passion can be mistaken for lasting love, so can nostalgia; the definition of the word explains a lot of the reason why, too: "a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations."
You know, the mind is a funny thing. "Funny" in the sense that, if you lean into nostalgia, it typically will edit out all of the crappy stuff while encouraging you to focus solely on the good times. For instance, I know a woman right now who got back into something with an ex who was sending her all kinds of expensive shoes and random flowers for the first few months…just like before. Now? Now he's calling her when he's tipsy to vent about his ex-wife.
How did she get caught up in this pattern? Good ole' nostalgia, chile. Initially, reconnecting included discussing fun dates and good sex. Yet, nostalgia is kind of like a drug — it gets you really high, yet sooner or later, you're gonna crash…and that can have you feeling super low.
You know, there's not one ex who I don't have a myriad of good memories of. Yet when I bring logic, common sense, and facts into the dynamic, they all needed to be exes — and honestly should stay just that way. Just because I "love" certain things about them, that doesn't mean that I'm actually still in love with them…and why let the former cause me to overlook the latter?
Pleasant thoughts are fine. They aren't enough to go off of to rekindle a relationship, though. You are far too precious. So is your time. This brings me to the next point.
Time Is Precious: How Would Reconciling Make the Most of Yours?Giphy
It actually wasn't too long ago that I penned the piece, "Let's Finally 'Spring Clean' ALL Of Our Exes Out Of Our Lives, Shall We?" for the site. One of the things that I mentioned in it is there is something known as recycling (making something new without changing its original form), and then there's something known as upcycling (taking an original thing and changing it into something totally different; typically something better). That said, if you are thinking about getting back with an ex, I recommend that you determine if it's going to be an UPCYCLE for you. Otherwise, really…why do it?
Something that I oftentimes tell people in their 20s is it really is time out for acting like that decade is nothing more than being in the 2.0 version of your teens. In other words, if you don't make wise decisions, then, you can end up wasting a lot of time. And then you'll need even more time trying to heal and recover from it all.
Personally, that's one of the things that I mourn about a lot of the moves that I made back then; I had to spend a significant amount of my 30s healing so that, should I ever decide to marry a man, I will be the helpmate that he truly deserves. And that's another reason why I'm good on my exes — I don't have another decade to throw away.
And for those of you who may struggle with taking personal accountability and so you like to romanticize your poor choices by saying things like, "Nothing is a waste of time," — no offense, but that is a damn lie. Waste literally means "to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return; use to no avail or profit; squander," and yes — it is quite possible (and easier than most people think) to involve yourself in something (or with someone) without getting an adequate return…in return.
When one of my surrogate mothers passed away of cancer in her late 50s several years ago, one of the last things that she said to me on her hospice bed was, "It goes by sooner than you think," and I have always kept that in the forefront of my mind. As I get older, I find myself saying, "Where does the time go?" more and more.
An ex coming back into your life could potentially be an awesome thing. "Awesome" if the two of you aren't going to be a waste of each other's time. Again, use the definition of the word as a barometer. Be honest with yourself as you do.
This Time, Be Friends First (or Again)Giphy
I've been in the couples counseling game for a long time now. And if there's one thing that a lot of married and divorced people have told me, it's that they wish they had spent more time trying to cultivate a friendship with their spouse than a relationship — because when the foundation of something is unstable, the house will eventually crumble on some level.
And this brings us back to Nelly and Ashanti — they seemed to last for a good amount of time by keeping things private the first go around, so if they are indeed reconciling, I'm not sure why they would switch up the formula now. Either way, I hope that they and you will make friendship the top priority. Why? Because the best things come out of friendships. The healthiest relationships are included.
When it comes to you and your journey, please check out articles I've penned, like "10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships," "7 Signs Your Friendship...Actually Isn't One," "10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend," "Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?" and definitely "Self BFF: 7 Signs You're Your Own Best Friend." Because if you are thinking about getting back with an ex, the least that the two of you need to be towards each other is hella loyal, honest with each other, and respectful of each other's feelings, needs, and even a few wants. No relationship can thrive without those things intact and every healthy friendship consists of those "ingredients."
And you won't (fully) know if any of this is the case if you're quick to jump into bed or rush into a relationship without seeing how you are as friends…first.
You know, reconcile is a really interesting word. On the one hand, it can mean "to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired." On the other hand, it can mean things like "to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable" and "to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent." And with those definitions in mind, that's what you should focus on most of all.
- Is your ex willing to "win you over" by how they (now) treat you? Are you willing to do the same?
- Would being with them bring more or less harmony into your life?
- How compatible were you before, and how compatible do you seem to be now (sans the nostalgia)?
I will never say that getting back with an ex is a good or bad idea, full stop. I'll just say that if you're going back to your past, make sure it benefits your future. Otherwise, leave it right where it's at: nothing that your present needs beyond a scroll and a click…if that much, sis.
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Featured image by Rick Diamond/Getty Images