
Happy August, babes! We've finally closed out that wild ass eclipse season and Mercury retrograde madness just in time to end our hot girl summer on a high note.
Most of the action this month takes place in magnanimous Leo before we transition into ambitious Virgo motivating us to finish out the Summer strong so we can reap the blessings of the harvest season this Fall. Check out your monthly horoscope below to see what awesomeness August has in store for you!
Aries and Aries Rising

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The cosmos is showering you with blessings this month as Jupiter, the benevolent, goes direct on the 11th opening up new opportunities for you that allow you to flex your innate leadership qualities. You may be playing the role of teacher, mentor, or guru to people near and far and this transit could even bring you the gift of adding a new stamp to your passport. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, making your communication even more feisty than usual. When it comes to romance and dating, be mindful of your aggression which may be better suited for a high intensity workout that could definitely take place behind closed doors.
Your creativity is at a peak this month and you're likely to attract tons of attention for simply expressing the greatness of who you are.
Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to review some of your long-term financial goals and to revise accordingly. This transit will help you figure out how to make money by doing more of what you love and value. On the 15th, the Full Moon illuminates your friend circle and social networks. This can result in the dissolution of certain bonds that give you the freedom to connect with new people that are more in alignment with your vision. Virgo moves into Mars on the 18th and you're feeling motivated to whip your body into shape. By the end of the month, the Sun, Mercury and New Moon in Virgo are setting you up for some much-needed changes in your daily routines that are more beneficial for your mental and physical well-being.
Taurus and Taurus Rising

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The month begins with Jupiter ushering in the blessings when it comes to your finances. You've got the potential to strike gold with some back taxes, a credit boost, or even just some extra support from a benefactor. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Leo, making you the center of attention amongst your household. Be mindful of stirring up drama amongst your family at this time and use your influence to uplift your loved ones instead. Uranus begins its retrograde in your sign and the next several months is taking you through a deep, inner metamorphosis regarding your personal values. It's time to free yourself from any limited conceptions of who you've known yourself to be until now. On the 15th, the Full Moon brings some good news regarding your career achievements. If you're feeling unfulfilled within your current job, you may decide to call it quits in pursuit of something more meaningful. Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, helping you to buckle down on those creative projects.
Push past those dreaded perfectionist tendencies and give yourself a chance to really express yourself. Your voice, and art, matters but it's up to you to validate it!
When it comes to love, you may be feeling more pressured to get serious and with Venus moving into Virgo on the 21st, you've got the potential to attract exactly what you want. The Sun moves into your sister sign on the 23rd, giving you a boost of energy and the clarity needed to break through any creative blocks you've been experiencing. With Mercury moving into this same part of your chart on the 29th, spending a little extra time with your munchkins is important. If you're interested in starting a family, this is a great time to talk with your OBGYN to get you on a fertility plan for a healthy, successful pregnancy. The New Moon in Virgo on the 30th can be a potent time to plant the seed (if you know what I mean). Even if the idea of children makes you gag, this lunation invites you to get in touch with your own inner child. Loosen up and have some fun! Life doesn't always have to be so serious.
Gemini and Gemini Rising

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Jupiter, the benevolent, is coming through with the blessings when he goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune in your relationships, whether it be a significant romantic connection or key business partnerships. Do I hear wedding bells? Mercury moves into Leo the same day and you're making quite the impression on your social media platforms and with your gift of gab. Give me drama, dahling (not the Love & Hip-Hop kind but more so the Broadway kind of flair). Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to do the inner work that will liberate you from karmic contracts that impede on your flow of wealth. It's time to clean up your subconscious money programming, my love. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius places you in the spotlight as a teacher or guru of some sort.
Stay humble and keep in mind that with great power comes great responsibility.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, motivating you to get organized in your home. With Venus following closely behind on the 21st, you and bae will prefer the comfort of your sanctuary versus being out and about. This could also be a time of discussing family planning for those of you ready to take that step. The Sun moving into Virgo on the 23rd has you hyper-focused on your family. Avoid being overly critical of your loved ones, Gemmie. We all have our imperfections—even you. As Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the opportunity to create more healthy bonds amongst your family and the New Moon on the 30th marks a much-needed fresh start when it comes to the way you relate to them. Some of you could even find yourselves shacking up with your significant other or relocating around this time due to an expansion of your family.
Cancer and Cancer Rising

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You finally made it through that hectic eclipse season. Your birthday season likely brought a lot of twists and turns along with your celebration of another year of life. If you feel like you got the short end of the stick last month, Jupiter is here to make up for it when it comes to your health, daily work, and routines. Your schedule should be smoothing out a lot more with this benevolent planet going direct. Some of you may be in for some amazing new work opportunities, or an adjustment in your current routine, that will benefit your overall well-being. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th as well and you're extremely dynamic when it comes to bringing in the cash. Don't be afraid to strut your stuff! Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate your long-term goals. Are they truly in alignment with what you love and value?
On the 15th, the Full Moon helps you break through psychological trauma or intimacy issues that get in your way of feeling connected to the collective.
Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, motivating you to connect with your sibling(s), friends, and local community. Acts of service are favored during this time. In what ways can you give back to these groups of people? On the 21st, Venus moves into Virgo and you could be attracting someone that is enamored with your intellect. Online dating is favorable during this transit. Once the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you may consider planning a short distance trip to end the Summer on high note. Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th encourages you to get that oil change before hitting the road. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo inviting you to communicate your ideas in new ways. Maybe it's time to start that blog or YouTube channel to share your wealth of wisdom as an act of service to others.
Leo and Leo Rising

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Happy birthday, superstar! Jupiter is showering you with blessings once it goes direct on the 11th, enhancing your world with even more romance, adventure, and creativity. Mercury moves into your sign on the same day, making you the social butterfly of the season. Your dynamic energy is irresistible at this time, so use it to your advantage to make your birthday wishes come true. On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your career path and whether it's truly in alignment with what you personally value. Don't be surprised if you find yourself embarking on a new path once this transit is all said and done. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius highlights a committed partnership or business connection. However, some of you may be realizing that a key partnership no longer meshes with your long-term goals which could result in a separation.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo bringing your focus to finances. This is a good time to reassess your budget and spending habits.
With Venus moving into this part of your chart shortly after, you could be on the receiving end of some extra cash or gifts. When it comes to love, attracting a partner with more long-term potential is possible during this transit. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo which could have you feeling a little raw and exposed due to you being overly critical of yourself. Be easy on yourself, mamí. Mercury moving into Virgo encourages you to use those positive affirmations to counteract the negative self-talk. The month closes out with a New Moon on the 30th that can bring in a new money-making opportunity for you that may alter your daily routine and your bank account.
Virgo and Virgo Rising

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Happy (early) birthday, Goddess! Jupiter is gifting you in the area of home and family once he goes direct on the 11th. Some of you may be relocating or even expanding your family in the months ahead. Don't forget to thank your ancestors as they play a big role in the blessings you're receiving during this transit. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, enlivening your dream world with clues as to how you can tap into your star potential. You may even experience some past life recall of your life as a former entertainer which will ultimately help you embody that energy in this current lifetime if you choose. Uranus goes retrograde on the 11th as well and you're headed back to school (or diving deep into self-study on topics of interest).
It's time to expand your wisdom about the ideologies you value the most.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your sign and you're feeling more motivated than ever before. It's time to take the world by storm! Venus moves into your sign on the 21st, making you even more attractive than usual. Expect to be showered with attention, gifts, and money during this transit. If you want to switch up your look at all, this is a favorable time for a makeover. Virgo season officially begins on the 23rd and the world essentially revolves around you for the next month. Mercury moving into your sign on the 29th makes you the social butterfly of the zodiac at this time. Get out there and mingle. You could be meeting some important movers and shakers during this transit. On the 30th, the month winds down with a New Moon in your sign, inviting you to set an intention for what you'd like to accomplish in the year ahead.
Libra and Libra Rising

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Jupiter is bringing in the blessings once he goes direct on the 11th in a part of your chart having to do with communication, transportation, and short-distance travel. This energy is also ripe with breakthrough for any writers or speakers wanting to get themselves out there more. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, helping you boost your social media presence. Shine bright, superstar! On the same day, Uranus begins its retrograde, inviting you to transform your inner psychological landscape as it pertains to your self-worth and money mindset. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius illuminates the world of romance, creativity, and adventure. You may find yourself connecting with someone who has a similar vision to yours when it comes to the long-term goals you want to accomplish.
Meeting someone who shares the same humanitarian interests as you is likely. This is also a great time to drop any creative projects you've been working on behind the scenes.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, giving you the motivation to clean up bad habits that interfere with your ambitions. It's time to put your inner critic in its place, babe. Venus follows shortly behind on the 21st and love matters take a more quiet approach. Spending time in the bedroom with bae will be more preferred during this transit. With Mercury in Virgo as well, the pillow talk will be even more stimulating than usual. By the end of the month, the Sun and the Moon are cozying up in the sky, inviting you to set some intentions that will help you implement better habits and routines into your life that will elevate the health of your mind and body.
Scorpio and Scorpio Rising

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The month opens up with Jupiter, the benevolent, going direct on the 11th which has the potential of bringing in some extra cash for you. If you've been looking for new ways to increase your flow of income, a fortunate opportunity could be knocking on your doorstep in the weeks to come. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, boosting your presence amongst your work environment. You're making quite an impression on some really important people who are recognizing your ability to lead and make shit happen.
On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your relationship values. Are your relationships a reflection of your self-worth?
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, bringing your attention to friends and social networking. With Venus moving into this part of your chart as well, you may be attracting someone from your friend circle. If you're single and open to meeting someone, sign up to volunteer with a local organization or humanitarian cause. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, getting you hyper-focused on those long-term goals of yours. Mercury moves into this part of your chart on the 29th, helping you get organized when it comes to achieving those big hopes and dreams of yours. Just watch out for being overly critical of yourself and the process. Believe in yourself! You wouldn't have the vision if it wasn't meant to be a reality.
Sagittarius and Sagittarius Rising

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Your ruling planet is bringing in the blessings, Saggie. Jupiter is finally going direct on the 11th, so expect a windfall of expansion and abundance in at least one area of your life. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, inspiring you through international travel and foreign affairs. This is also a great time to publish any written work of yours. Some of you may even consider going back to school to expand your knowledge or dive deeper into self-study about esoteric wisdom. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the opportunity to revamp your routines. Ask yourself if your habits really add value to your life. If not, it's time to make the cut. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings up an important conversation or opportunity for you to express your truth.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, getting you motivated to make some boss moves when it comes to your career.
Watch out for workplace romances while Venus transits through this part of your chart. You may find yourself attracting, or attracted to, someone in a position of power and influence. Virgo season officially begins when the sun moves into this perfectionist zodiac sign on the 23rd, helping you dot your i's and cross your t's when it comes to moving up the social ladder within your professional world. With Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the gift of gab and you're making quite the impression on your boss or someone that is interested in hiring you. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, bringing in that job opportunity or promotion you've been waiting on.
Capricorn and Capricorn Rising

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Your spiritual awareness gets a whole lot more expansive this month with Jupiter going direct on the 11th. Say goodbye to that past-life karma and hello to a more liberating experience. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th, helping you to boldly conquer some of your inner demons. Keep in mind that you don't have to go at this alone and confiding in a professional wouldn't be the worst thing around this time. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate whether your dating prospects are a reflection of your values. This is also a good time to give voice to your inner child and heal any self-esteem issues that inhibit your personal expression. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings your attention to money matters. This culminating energy can represent an ending in one source of income but trust that something more abundant is coming in for you.
Use the power of social media and networking to create new opportunities for yourself.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and your wanderlust is insatiable. This is a good time to plan an international voyage or learn more about another culture. Venus moving into this part of your chart on the 21st could have you attracting someone from a far away land. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, helping you get more organized when it comes to your research and studies. With Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 29th, it's a good idea to connect with like-minded individuals to reinforce what you're learning. This is also an opportune time to publish that think piece or book you've been working on. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo, inviting you to connect with a new teacher or guide (possibly even a spirit guide) that will help you transcend to a higher level of consciousness.
Aquarius and Aquarius Rising

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The month starts off slow leading up to the highly anticipated Jupiter direct on the 11th, helping you expand your social circle and reap some blessings when it comes to that long-term vision of yours. Mercury moves into Leo the same day, making your relationships more animated than usual. Just watch out for being too much of a drama queen with your significant other or in a business partnership. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the chance to reevaluate your living arrangements and your family dynamics. It's time to reshape the money mindset imparted on you throughout your ancestral lineage. On the 15th, the Full Moon in your sign places you front and center stage.
It's time to reveal the new and improved version of yourself! This energy fully supports you in revamping your wardrobe or getting that new hairstyle.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and you're motivated to transform your psyche particularly when it comes to obsessive forms of self-criticism and judgement whether it's towards yourself or others. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st, giving you the upper hand in receiving financial assistance from a benefactor. When the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you'll be getting to the psychological root of any health issues you've been struggling with. Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, inviting you to research some better alternatives for dealing with stress and anxiety. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, encouraging you to stick with these new, healthy habits which will completely transform your world in the next six months.
Pisces and Pisces Rising

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Jupiter, your ancient ruling planet, goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune when it comes to your career and social status in the world. On the same day, Mercury moves into Leo, making you super dynamic in your work environment and very popular amongst your co-workers. You've got a lot of energy under this influence, so getting back into your fitness routine is favored at this time. Uranus, the great awakener, goes retrograde on the 11th as well, helping to liberate you from any self-limiting thought patterns that inhibit you from expressing your truth. If you're a writer or speaker in any capacity, this transit is opportune for restrategizing ways to bring in revenue with your skill set. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius releases you from some heavy past life karma that has perpetuated a belief of not being a part of the group.
As different as you are, sweet Pisces, you still belong.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your opposite sign, bringing your focus to relationships. Be mindful of being to critical or judgy of people that you have close, one-on-one connections with. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st and you could be taking your current relationship to the next level. If you're single, you may be reevaluating your relationship boundaries to avoid continuing some unhealthy patterns you've been experiencing in love thus far. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo and you're more interested in connecting with others in a more intimate setting versus large groups of people. Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 23rd could result in negotiations of contracts with a business partner or significant other. The New Moon on the 30th will help solidify this adjustment moving forward.
- August Horoscope - August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope - TheChineseZodiac.org ›
- August Horoscope – 2019 Monthly Horoscope – Astrology King ›
- Aquarius August 2019 Monthly Horoscope Predictions | SunSigns.Org ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope Predictions For All | SunSigns.Org ›
- Your August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
- Your August 2019 Horoscope - Monthly Horoscope Predictions ›
- August 2019 monthly horoscope ›
- Your August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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