

Surviving Mercury Retrograde: What You Can Expect This Mercury Retrograde
Mercury retrograde is back again, but it is nothing that you can’t handle. Mercury retrogrades are infamous for being times of chaos, although Mercury has a much bigger message to convey during these times. Mercury retrogrades don’t occur to mess everything up, they come in to give clarity on the things that haven’t been working and overall areas of life that can be reviewed, reassessed, or reimagined. Yes, you should still double-check your transportation, technology, contracts, and anything fine detailed more thoroughly this time, but you also do not need to panic, as Mercury retrograde brings the energy of slowing down more than anything.
We are currently moving into the third out of the four Mercury retrogrades happening this year, and this Mercury retrograde transit will be moving through the signs of Libra and Virgo. Mercury entered its pre-shadow phase on August 22, a time when you start to get glimpses of what you are about to embark on with Mercury, and also times when you tend to make more mistakes, detours, or go through the experiences that you will be reviewing once Mercury officially goes Retrograde.
Once Mercury goes retrograde in Libra on September 9, anything that is keeping you away from your peace is being highlighted. Focusing on finding your balance within partnerships, and being in your truth is key right now. On September 23, Mercury retrograde enters Virgo, and Mercury overall enjoys being in Virgo and is exalted here. This energy is more about release, healing, taking what you’ve learned over the past few weeks, and grounding yourself in preparation for the new that is to come once Mercury goes direct on October 2.
The most important lesson that all Mercury retrogrades bring is about inspiring you to see something you may have missed before. The best way to move through a Mercury retrograde is to have a sense of humor, flow with change, and know that this too shall pass. The more you can focus on the growth that is occurring, the better. Ask for grace from the planets, and believe in your ability to renew.
Read below to see what Mercury retrogrades transit from September 9 to October 2 has in store for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aries
Mercury moving retrograde into your opposite sign, Libra, brings attention to your relationships in life, Aries. You could be experiencing more miscommunications within your partnerships during this transit, and it’s about remaining open-minded to all perspectives that are being heard. Strong relationships will only grow closer during this time, and relationships that should be looked at more closely are now changing dynamics. Love wants to show you something during this Mercury retrograde, and it’s all about remaining open to the possibilities, rather than giving too much attention to doubts.
There could be some renegotiations happening within business matters as well during this time as the 7th house, where Mercury is transiting, also rules your business partnerships. Overall, it’s about balancing your needs with those of others and taking responsibility for anything you are putting out there. The end of this Mercury transit is all about your health and taking things day by day as your daily tasks and to-do lists change.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Taurus
Taurus, Mercury retrograde is bringing energy into your day-to-day world, and it’s important to have the patience right now as you see your plans through and attend to your daily tasks. Remember that a change of plans is often a blessing in disguise, and to work with the energy flowing through your world rather than being impatient with it. Misunderstandings at work or regarding health matters can become more pressing during this time, and going over the details is more important right now.
You are going through a review of your health, daily routines, and lifestyle during this transit and overcoming any perceived challenges here. This Mercury retrograde is here to get rid of any unhealthy daily patterns or activities and to create a new beneficial, daily routine for yourself. Once Mercury retrograde moves into a fellow earth sign, Virgo, on the 23rd, this transit will run more smoothly for you and you will be getting more opportunities to engage in the things that make you the happiest.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Gemini
Your ruling planet Mercury is making another one of its retrograde transits of the year, but luckily, Mercury already moved through your sign early this year in May, and you are less in the direct field of action right now. For you, this Mercury retrograde is beginning your house of romance, happiness, and creativity and is a time of reviewing where the joy is in your life/or lack thereof, and asking yourself if you’ve been prioritizing this enough for yourself.
Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and within the heart come up at this time, and you are doing some releasing right now to make more room for the good to enter your life. By the end of this transit the key is to get some more downtime, rest, meditate, and do your grounding rituals, Gemini. Thinking about your emotional stability and security in life is important as you emotionally renew, gain new ground, and find your balance.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Cancer
This Mercury retrograde is hitting home for you, Cancer. With Mercury retrograde moving through your house of family, roots, history, inner foundation, and home life, you are needing to bring more attention to this area of your life right now. This Mercury retrograde is a good time to get back to the basics. You are taking a look at your foundations right now, where you are feeling that support in life, and where you want to continue to grow your roots. Your emotional well-being is the priority, and your safe spaces are where to be to get through this time.
Some misunderstandings with family or close loved ones are more likely with Mercury retrograde, and this is overall a good time to do some inner child healing or to reflect on where in your life you can do some healing, emotional rejuvenating, or where you want to rebuild. Towards the end of this transit you are going to be communicating your needs and ideas, and connecting with those who show up for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Leo
Leo, this Mercury retrograde is starting in your 3rd house, and some extra precaution is necessary when it comes to travel, transportation, and your communication channels. This Mercury retrograde is influencing you in the sense that it’s about overcoming previous communication challenges, and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard. You are seeing where in your life things run smoothly, and where the same hiccups keep coming into play, inspiring you to see where some changes need to be made.
You could feel like your natural flow in the day is a little more challenging than usual during this time, and you are reworking your daily systems and prioritizing what is really worth your energy right now. During the end of this transit, Mercury retro moves into your financial zone and this is a good time to declutter your purse or wallet, pay off any bills or debts, and do a review of your long-term goals.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Virgo
Mercury retrogrades in general are already a little more intense for you than most, Virgo, considering Mercury is your ruling planet and whatever it is doing in the sky, you are going to feel it the most. However, this particular retrograde is important for you as it will be in your sign during the last leg of its transit. The beginning of this Mercury retrograde transit is all about going over your goals and plans and making sure they still align with who you are today and that they are sustainable for the time to come.
Your financial world is being highlighted for most of this transit, and it’s key to back yourself up right now. Mercury retrograde moves into your sign from September 23 until October 2, and you are spending some time reflecting on the personal changes you have gone through over the last year both mentally and physically. It’s about honoring this growth and development you have been going through and seeing yourself in a new, more favorable, and accepting light.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Libra
Mercury retrograde is traveling through your sign for the first three weeks of its journey, and you are getting real with what’s been happening in your life recently. There is a sense of closure and preparation that you are moving into now, and it’s all about self-reflection during this time. A few different aspects of your life will be impacted during this Mercury retrograde since it’s occurring in your 1st house of self. Still, it’s overall about being consistent with this personal growth you are moving through, and about getting your ducks in a row.
Plans change but remember you are the one writing this story and you can reframe and redirect yourself as needed. This Mercury retrograde is about breaking down any self-imposed barriers, and communicating more of yourself and what you need and are looking for in life. You will be leaving this retrograde with a feeling of overall greater self-confidence, Libra.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Scorpio
Scorpio, you are moving into a time of closure, healing, and revelation. This Mercury retrograde for you is all about closing one chapter and understanding the lessons that have come from them. The key to this transit for you is about letting go and flowing with change instead of fighting it. Know that what is falling from your life at this time will come back to you if it’s meant to, or will be replaced with something better.
It’s about being inspired by the transformations occurring now, and not getting too caught up in the head about them. Feel things through right now, and do some daily grounding rituals as the past may be coming up for you more than usual right now. Know that what is being brought up for you now is happening so you can release, replenish, and renew. Get some time away during this time, and allow yourself the space to process, heal, and focus on your intentions.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Sagittarius
This Mercury retrograde transit is beginning in your house of friendship and community, before moving into your 10th house of career. You are finding the balance between your personal life and professional life during this Mercury retro transit, and understanding who you are in both of these worlds. This Mercury retrograde is allowing you to go over some of your goals and dreams in life, and to see if they still apply to where you want to be now.
You are getting a clearer view of where you are headed in life and it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep going on a certain path or if you want to change course. There could be some miscommunication within friendships and your social networks right now, as you are thinking about who your people are, and where you are feeling supported within your friendships and community, and things are switching up for you here. Past goals, future goals, and your progress of them all come up for review for you during this time, Sagittarius.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Capricorn
Your professional world, achievements, and career life are being highlighted during this Mercury retrograde transit, Capricorn. Remember to go over your work thoroughly, and to be flexible with others in your working/social sphere. This Mercury retrograde is overall here to tie up any loose ends and get things organized professionally before moving projects forward again. How you are feeling about your goals, achievements, and where you are in regards to career matters take focus during this time and it’s about being okay with cheering yourself on for a while.
The support will come, but there is something to understand at this time about showing up for yourself regardless of who is standing behind you. With the energy of this Mercury retrograde, you could be experiencing some misunderstandings with the authority figures, clients, or peers in your working environment, however, this energy will change in the last week of its transit starting on the 23rd when you get to explore your horizons a little bit more.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aquarius
Aquarius, this Mercury retrograde will be occurring in your 9th house of adventure, and you are having to slow some things down when it comes to travel plans and the opportunities that are coming towards you. The 9th house rules adventure, travel, education, the higher mind, and spirituality; and with Mercury retrograding here, there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been showing you.
Plans change, paths detour, and you are searching for a new way forward during this time. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born and you are looking at your beliefs, truths, and personal values more right now. You are being guided to redefine what you align with today and how important it is to have faith in yourself and your life. The end of this Mercury retrograde journey for you is about a review of the commitments in your life and finding your balance between giving and receiving here.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Pisces
This Mercury retrograde is influencing your love life and is shaking things up to make sure the foundations you are building for yourself here can last the tests of time, Pisces. The first few weeks of this Mercury retrograde are a time of looking at where you have been feeling the empowerment in your life, and also where you may be giving away your power. Mercury will be highlighting for you what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world as well; and if you’ve been receiving that or not.
There are some shake-ups occurring within your relationships right now, but know that Mercury retrogrades are more about providing clarity, rather than anything else. In the last week or so of this transit, Mercury will enter Virgo, your opposite sign, and will be in your house of love. Remember to allow yourself as much grace and unconditional love as you do so for others during this time, Pisces.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by We Are/Getty Images
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022: What to Know ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Astrology Meaning & Horoscope ›
- Mercury Retrograde 2022: 4 Zodiac Signs Most Affected | StyleCaster ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Will Affect These Zodiac Signs ... ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Will Affect These Zodiac Signs ... ›
Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
Photo Assistant: Avery Mulally
Digital Tech: Kim Tran
Video by Third and Sunset
DP & Editor: Sam Akinyele
2nd Camera: Skylar Smith
Camera Assistant: Charles Belcher
Stylist: Casey Billingsley
Hairstylist: DaVonte Blanton
Makeup Artist: Drini Marie
Production Assistants: Gade De Santana, Apu Gomes
Powered by: European Wax Center
We’ve all been there at least once (or a few times) along our dating journey. Maybe you’ve had a date or two with a potential suitor, but the spark just wasn’t there. Perhaps you convinced yourself that just “one more” date would help you overlook a non-negotiable ick. At this point in the dating cycle, you’ve probably reached the point where you must decide to either communicate “why” things won’t be moving forward or simply ghost them.
What Is Ghosting?
“Ghosting” refers to the act of suddenly and unexpectedly cutting off all communication with someone you've been dating or talking to without any explanation or further contact. It typically occurs in the early stages of dating but can also happen after a few dates or even in more established relationships.
The act of ghosting has become quite a common practice in our modern dating culture and can manifest in a number of different ways. From days of ignored text messages and phone calls out of the blue to not showing up for pre-arranged plans and sometimes disappearing from someone's life without any notice or explanation.
Morsa Images/Getty Images
The Problem With Ghosting
Being ghosted may seem like a harmless act of “self-choosing,” but the person on the receiving end of your decision can be left feeling confused, rejected, and even abandoned, wondering what happened and where they went wrong.
And we get it, what explanation do you owe someone for leaving after a few cocktails and a $100 date? While that may seem like the perfect opportunity to cut and run, taking an alternative approach to fizzle out a fling is a great time to practice clear and effective communication that can pay off in the long run.
While there is a time and a place for ghosting (and even blocking) if your boundaries have been crossed or safety has been threatened, if we’re looking to live out our best healed, secure-girl summer, there are ways to date freely without leaving others with damage of their own to recover from.
Being honest and upfront about your feelings while being respectful of the other person's time is the best way to leave a situationship or fling with both parties emotionally unscathed. So if you’re looking for ways to break things off with care and consideration, we’ve provided five text scripts to send instead of ghosting somebody’s son:
Morsa Images/Getty Images
5 Texts To Send Instead of Ghosting Them
1. If you want to take the honest but gentle approach:
"Hey [Name], I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I've been doing some thinking, and I don't see this going any further. I wanted to be upfront and honest with you rather than leaving you wondering. I wish you all the best."
2. If you want to express gratitude before saying goodbye:
"Hi [Name], I wanted to reach out and say thank you for the time we spent together. You're an amazing person, but I think we're better off as friends. I hope you understand and that we can still maintain a positive connection."
3. If you want to leave a note of appreciation:
"Hi [Name], I wanted to let you know that I've had a great time with you, but I don't think we're compatible for a romantic relationship. I appreciate the moments we shared, and I hope we can both find what we're looking for."
4. If a face-to-face convo is needed:
"Hey [Name], I've been doing some thinking, and I believe it's important for us to have an open conversation about where we stand. Can we find some time to talk about our relationship and how we both feel? I think it's important to address things honestly."
5. If you want to keep things cute and concise:
"Hey [Name], I've realized that we're not on the same page, and it's best if we part ways. Take care."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Morsa Images/Getty Images