"I could never be in a long-distance relationship."
I used to tell myself that because I truly thought it was close to, if not, impossible. Whenever the topic would come up, my rebuttal often included questions like, "How would we stay in touch?", "How would I know if he's being honest?" or "How would we stay connected?"
I guess that's why they tell us "never say never" because all of that changed when I met Eric. I went from thinking a long-distance relationship would never work to actually giving it a try. Even though I was adamantly against it initially, Eric convinced me that for nine months, he would drive nine hours as much as he could to see me. I didn't believe he would, but he did at least once or a few times every single month. Now, 14 years later (and married 12 of those 14), we're still together.
Interestingly enough, our experience and similar stories like this ring true for many other people. Recently, xoNecole spoke with three couples to discuss some of the things that have contributed to their successful long-distance relationships, as well as advice and tips for couples who are currently separated by distance. Moreover, all of them previously closed the distance and/or got married, so thankfully their relationships haven't really been affected considering COVID-19 and quarantine.
These couples are real-life examples of the classic statement, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Despite the distance and despite the naysayers, these couples have figured out what it takes to make long-distance relationships work.
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Manning & Katelyn Bennett
Status: Married nine months (Together for three years)
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Two years
Distance: 850 miles
How They Met: Facebook
Bradley Bolivar & Brianna Friedman
Status: In a relationship for two years
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Nine months
Distance: 209 miles
How They Met: College pool party
Thornton & Deandra Paul
Status: Married two years
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Seven months
Distance: 6,000+ miles
How They Met: Nightclub in Dubai
Although you’ve closed the distance now, approximately how often would you see each other?
Manning and Katelyn Bennet: "We would see each other approximately once every two months. Manning would drive alone on the weekends to surprise me, and both of us took turns flying to see each other."
Brianna and Bradley: "We saw each other every two weeks, sometimes once a month, for a few days at a time. Each time, Bradley braved the roads by himself just to come see me and stay with me."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "Despite the distance (6,000+ miles) and eight-hour time difference, we spoke every day, and saw each other at least once a month - twice in Dubai, three times in London, three times in Boston, and once in Portugal."
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What’s the most exciting, exhilarating, or beneficial thing about being in a long-distance relationship?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "The traveling alone was thrilling for us. It gave us something to look forward to when we planned dates to see each other."
Brianna and Bradley: "Most exciting thing was the anticipation of knowing when he'll arrive. I'd cook, clean, and make sure everything was ready for him. The most beneficial is getting to really talk and learn one another to the best extent we could. Our connection grew very strong from not being able to see each other."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "For us, the most exciting part was the opportunity to travel between countries to see each other. Although it was bittersweet every time we had to say goodbye, we were able to enjoy different cities together and make lots of memories early on."
What would you say has helped the most in terms of staying connected and maintaining the relationship despite the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "When we started dating, it was really important for us to surround ourselves with like-minded people. We knew there were people who didn't believe in long-distance relationships and doubted the concept. So, we were mindful and cautious about what we shared about our relationship. Nowadays, it's popular to constantly post and publicize your relationship, but we chose not to do that."
Brianna and Bradley: "We FaceTimed a lot, and if we knew we were going to be busy, then we made sure to check in throughout the day. When Bradley worked overnight shifts, I would stay up as long as I could just to make sure we had time to talk to each other. We often used our voices and body language as signs of love and affection. It was difficult at times, but when you have the connection and the love, it doesn't feel like you're miles away from each other."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "When we couldn't see each other, FaceTime was our 'savior'. We made sure we spoke multiple times a day. We never skipped a day. Many times, we woke up only to realize that we fell asleep while we were still on the phone."
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Oftentimes, there are misconceptions about long-distance relationships. Considering your success, are there any preconceived notions you’d like to demystify?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "People often say, 'long-distance relationships don't work,' but they can work if you work it. We made up for the distance by being creative. Ultimately, it's about effort, communication, and trust. Because of the distance, we learned how to really communicate, and we built a solid foundation on trust."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "For a lot of people, long-distance relationships can be daunting. To be honest, neither of us were too keen on being in a long-distance relationship prior to meeting each other. Before we met, Thorton lived in Boston and would have never considered dating someone in New York. However, we've learned that with the right person, distance is irrelevant. When you really want each other, you'll do what it takes to make it work."
"We've learned that with the right person, distance is irrelevant. When you really want each other, you'll do what it takes to make it work."
What did your plan look like for closing the distance, and what would you recommend for those looking to close the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "Honestly, we didn't have the luxury of planning and making sure everything was right. It was out of necessity that we chose to close our distance. We knew we loved each other, so we decided to take action. For those who are planning to close the distance, decide on a place that's mutually beneficial for both of you in terms of growth, comfort, and opportunity."
Brianna and Bradley: "We decided to move in together once Brianna's lease was up, and we don't regret it. We're closer now than ever before, and we learn something new about each other every day. It's important to have a plan in place when it comes to closing the distance whether that means moving in or closer to each other. Even if it takes some time, knowing that you have a goal and something to look forward to really makes the experience much more bearable. We reveled in the idea that one day, we were going to spend forever together…talking, cuddling, dancing, laughing, and loving each other face-to-face."
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Now that you’ve closed the distance, what’s the most significant advice you have for couples who are currently enduring the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "Enjoy the distance from each other and take time to learn more about yourself and appreciate the person you are. Do the self-work and focus on your dreams and goals, so that when you close the distance, you'll be able to build and grow together."
Brianna and Bradley: "Stick it out! If you truly want the same things and share the same vision such as holy matrimony or sharing a life together, then the wait and distance will be worth it."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "Remember to communicate as much as possible, and try to see each other as much as you can (when travel is permitted)."
Featured image by Shutterstock
RELATED
Lifting as you climb is the idea that ascending to success should not be a lone undertaking, but rather a group effort in which everyone must lend support to those attempting to follow in the footsteps of others. This mentality sets the great apart from the good. It separates those who will be remembered in history from those who will be remembered for now.
During the 2024 Paris Olympics, many have exemplified the "lift as you climb" spirit as retired Olympians returned to support those in their sports. However, none have shown it with the grace and ease Simone Biles had. When returning to the games, Biles was seen as a fan favorite and a possible contender for gold. However, many were skeptical if she would have the appropriate mentality to be able to finish the games or if she would withdraw as she had done before.
Nevertheless, many hadn't realized that if Biles had left with ten medals or no medal, she would have still been successful in the Olympic games. Biles sparked an empowering movement that extended well beyond her personal achievements by imparting her wisdom, connections, and Olympic experiences. She kindled a flame in others, inspiring rivals and allies to reach heights they never thought imaginable. And in doing so, she not only made her own life better but also gave others a strong sense of fulfillment and purpose. As she embarked on her Olympic journey, the world watched in awe as she did so while shouting, "Mental health matters."
In her collective ascent, and possibly her final Olympic games, Biles' comeback allowed spectators to walk with her, hand in hand, while she showed us how to create a world where dreams take flight and potential knows no bounds. Here's how she did it:
Tokyo 2020
Simone Biles of the United States during the Artistic Gymnastics Podium Training at the Ariake Gymnastics Centre in preparation for the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games on July 22, 2021 in Tokyo, Japan.
Tim Clayton/Corbis via Getty Images
In the summer of 2021, to the shock of the athletic world, Simone Biles withdrew from the Tokoyo Olympic competition shortly after uncharacteristically balking mid-air while completing twists on the Amantar vault, and nearly falling over when landing.
Known as the "twisties," this dangerous phenomenon causes gymnasts like Biles to lose their perception of their body while in the air. This can result in serious injury because, without awareness, the gymnast can lose their sense of where they are and how they will land. Despite knowing this, Biles decided to compete in the Olympics for the sake of her teammates, even though she was aware of the hazards involved, her mental anguish, and she had been telling people that she was "fighting [her] demons" during her training.
When she competed, she debated her routine at the last minute and changed parts of it to make it safer. Though, in the air, she continued to experience the twisties, which resulted in her completing fewer turns than expected, and landing by chance on her feet. Nevertheless, instead of being thankful that she was uninjured, or concerned that she has developed the "twisties," Biles' first thought was of everyone else.
During an interview with Call Her Daddy podcast, she recalled what she was thinking at the time: "America hates me. The world is going to hate me, and I can only see what they're saying on Twitter now." She added, "Holy shit, what are they going to say about me... If I could've gotten on a plane and flown home, I would've done it. I thought I was going to be banned from America 'cause that's what they tell you: 'Don't come back if not gold. Gold or bust. Don't come back.'"
Immediately after she left the mat, Biles walked up to her coach and stated she had been done for the competition. Not wanting to take any chances, Biles made the bravest choice any competitor could make: she chose herself.
Centering Mental Health
In certain respects, Biles believed that by leaving the vaulting podium, she was letting her supporters and country down. Nevertheless, she understood that she needed to take care of herself in choosing to be the best version of herself.
In choosing herself, Biles centered her mental health.
“I just felt like it would be a little bit better to take a back seat to work on my mindfulness, and I knew that the girls would do an absolutely great job,” Biles explained in the press conference following her withdrawal in 2021. "And I didn't want to risk the team a medal for kind of my screwups, because they've worked way too hard for that. So I just decided that those girls need to go and do the rest of our competition."
After her withdrawal, Biles was met with some backlash, but overall she found solidarity. Many fans, athletes, and celebrities, even the president, commended the act from the gymnast and applauded her stepping aside for the sake of her mental health. Considering the act braver than the Olympic competition, Biles was applauded for mentioning mental health and the importance of maintaining mental wellness as an athlete, where outside pressure is endless.
In her two-year hiatus, the athlete addressed her anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, and advocated for mental health and wellness supports while also participating in therapy.
When she returned to the sport, many were happy the star had done so on her own terms. Simone Biles stated, “The Olympics was not how I expected it to go, but putting my mental and my physical health first will probably be one of my greatest accomplishments.”
At a 2023 event in Illinois, Biles opened up to CNBC about her mental health break, “I worked on myself a lot, I still do therapy weekly, and it’s just been so exciting to come out here and have the confidence I had before."
The World Champions Centre Gymnastics Academy
In 2014, Biles and her family created a gym for gymnasts to feel safe and train safely. Known as the World Champions Centre, the gym has become one of the nation's largest places to train top-level gymnasts. So much so, that five out of the fifteen women who competed in the Olympic trials this year came from the Houston gym.
Originally starting as a "construction project," WCC was created by Biles' parents after she had won her first world all-around title in 2013. However, after five years into their "project," the family realized quickly what they had when their gymnasts started to show continuous improvement.
By that time, Biles had won greatly in the 2016 Olympics, and the concept of training with elite groups instead of individually proved to be fruitful. Biles' form improved as the competition continued, and she displayed skills that no other woman had attempted. This would lead to more gymnasts and competitors seeking the gym to build and maintain their elite skills.
One of those gymnasts was Jordan Chiles.
Jordan Chiles
After being passed over for international meets, Jordan Chiles had grown weary of the sport and felt that she had been "stalled out" of the competition. By 2018, Chiles had been ready to quit, however, Biles changed her mind. She encouraged the gymnast to join her at the WCC and to train with her coaches Cecile and Laurent Landi. Once she finished high school, Chiles accepted Biles' invitation and moved from Vancouver, Washington to Houston, Texas in hopes of revitalizing her career and training with Biles.
"We have such an amazing bond. I wish I can explain it to you, but I don’t even know how our bond is so strong," Chiles has said of her and Biles' friendship. "I think we bring different things out of each other. I bring the young self out of her. I bring that, ‘Ooh, let’s vibe and go have fun.’ And then she brings out the motivation, and the encouragement, and the support."
As a result of the WCC and Biles' "lift as your climb" mentality, Chiles transformed into a consistent competitor and eventually found herself heading to the 2021 Tokyo Olympics. There, the then-20-year-old Chiles was slated to compete in two events but had to compete in two additional events in Biles' place following her controversial decision to pull out of the Tokyo Games. In the end, Chiles helped the USA Team win silver and attributed the medal's attainment to the influence of Biles.
Later, due to the WCC, Chiles would win gold and silver in the World Championship 2022 competition and gold in the 2024 Paris Olympics. Over the weekend, Chiles had to return the bronze medal she won in the floor exercise. As of August 12, the US is working to appeal that ruling made by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) on Saturday.
Simone Biles' Comeback Season
During her two-year hiatus, Biles spent time trying to distance herself from the pressure of Tokyo, and the doubters who discouraged her return. She contemplated whether she would return to compete, and still considered whether she would be up for her third Olympics.
However, Biles decided she was ready to commit to serious training and committed to the 2023 U.S. Classics, also known as the Core Hydration Classic. In her return to gymnastics following the Tokyo Games, Biles found herself back in front of a crowd, but this time, she was in control. Now older, wiser, and more confident, Biles soared to victory in her first meet in years. Winning her sixth-career U.S. Classics all-around title (she has since won her seventh), the gymnast dominated receiving a gold medal performance on floor exercise, and a silver medal on uneven bars and balance beam routines.
"I feel really good about where I am right now, mentally and physically," Biles revealed in an interview post-meet. "I still think there are some things to work on in my routines, but for the first meet back, I would say it went pretty well. I'm very shocked. Surprised."
She would later go to the World Championships in October and win gold and silver there. After two years, Biles had secured multiple medals and accolades at national and international competitions and returned as a singular, monumental force in her sport.
Breaking More Records: Making Team USA
In preparing for her third Olympics, Biles surprisingly became even better. When creating her routines, she didn't repeat the same routines from her 2023 comeback season. Instead, she added more difficult skills. On the floor, she added a triple-twisting double tuck, which was named after Biles. She also included a new dismount combination on the bars. By the end of the 2024 U.S. Classics, Biles received yet another victory and was guaranteed a spot on the USA Team.
Known as a favorite, Biles was predicted to take medals home during the Paris 2024 Olympics. However, it was clear that though Simone was there to compete, winning wouldn't be her main priority. Instead, she would go out and support her teammates and have a little fun with her routine, now that she had gained her confidence back. Winning was a goal, but it had no longer become a necessity.
Regardless, the legendary medalist showed up and showed out, and broke records while doing so.
At the age of 27, Biles became the oldest gymnast to compete in the Olympics and win individual all-around gold. She led the USA Team to a gold team medal and acquired silver for her floor exercise. At the end of the 2024 Olympics, she had become an 11-time Olympian medalist. In doing so, Biles became the most decorated gymnast in history, displaying a comeback like no other.
Setting the Standards for Gymnastics: 'F.A.A.F.O.'
Before the start of the 2024 Olympic Games, beef broke out between Biles and gymnast MyKayla Skinner, who competed on the 2020 Olympic team together. This drama began after Skinner posted an unflattering video where she explained why she believed the current U.S. team was unsatisfactory.
“Besides Simone (Biles), I feel like the talent and the depth just isn’t what it used to be,” she said in a since-deleted YouTube video. “Obviously, a lot of girls don’t work as hard ... The girls just don’t have the work ethic.” Later on, after receiving backlash for her comments, Skinner attempted to retract her statement by offering a formal apology and clarifying statements to media outlets. However, the damage had already been done, and no amount of backpedaling could stop the current team from their feelings of resentment, especially Biles. As a result, the team embraced the motto of "Fuck Around and Find Out," or what Biles would later call "F.A.A.F.O."
In the process of "finding out," Skinner quickly ate her words when Team USA won the women's gymnastics team event during the Olympics' first week. After the win, Biles posted a photo of the team clutching their gold medals as she captioned the photo "lack of talent, lazy, Olympic champions." The caption provided another nod to Skinner, who has now blocked the gymnasts since she openly called her negative comments.
'Find Out': Simone Biles Claiming Silver and Gold
Simone Biles of Team United States poses with her Paris 2024 Olympic medals following the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Floor Exercise Final on day ten of the Olympic Games Paris 2024 at Bercy Arena on August 05, 2024, in Paris, France.
Naomi Baker/Getty Images
In the 2024 Paris Games, Biles only missed one podium event. After winning four medals, the gymnast rose to prominence as a formidable example of what a "Greatest of All Time" contender should look like. She demonstrated to the world what it meant to be a strong competitor--someone who is prepared to take a step back and reevaluate their goals and reasons for competing. She showed that a fierce competitor was someone who was prepared to treat everyone and anyone in their vicinity as equals and promote those who deserved praise.
Biles showed that a great competitor was prepared to look back and lift those behind them as they climbed.
It is Biles' ability to identify the preeminence of her competition and congratulate their excellence that sets her aside from the rest. The gymnast won silver and gold at the Paris Olympics, but she also won the admiration of many viewers who had the pleasure of watching her break barriers that many would have let topple them.
Whether she was bowing for the Brazilian gymnast Rebecca Andrade, planning TikToks with Suni Lee, or encouraging Jordan Chiles relentlessly from the sidelines. Biles showed that to be a true Olympic hero and considered the greatest of all time, you'd have to have resilience, bravery, and confidence.
Even when the world is telling you all of the reasons why you shouldn't.
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Featured image by Naomi Baker/Getty Images