Most would agree that this pandemic showed us who our friends are. But let's be empathetic and fair, this pandemic has caused us never-ending heartache, grief, and stress. And at the end of the day, we have to take care of ourselves first. As life happens, it's a struggle to balance family, work, personal issues, and friends; let alone carve out 15 minutes for ourselves. As we get older, it naturally becomes harder to maintain friendships near and far. We become so caught up in our everyday lives that we start to drift from the ones that mean the most. I'm hella guilty of this, now more than ever. But it's not intentional. Your girl is out here creating a whole new life. I'm the type of friend who shows up. I try to check-in most times, but most days I can't. And sometimes, I might beat myself up over it too.
I'm not in the business of transactional friendships, building deeper connections is what I do. I always want to return the same love, kindness, and energy that is given to me.
I moved out of my home state 10 years ago. I live 2,000 miles away from most of my lifelong friends. And over the years, my circle of friends has expanded. I have friends who live 20 minutes away or hours away. I also have friends in different states, countries, and continents. Catching up through social media used to be enough. Liking pictures or commenting on threads just doesn't do it for me anymore. Scrolling through pictures, posts, and videos is cool, but it doesn't tell you how someone is really doing. It only provides a glimpse into parts of their life they choose to share. I need more than just a glimpse. I need to know if my friend is OK. I'm also the type if I don't hear from one of my friends in a while – I will reach out. And when I touch down in their city, I come all the way through. I'll be the first to say, "Where you at?", "Where we going?", and "What we doing?" With advanced notice. If you ask my friends, they will tell you this too.
Here are a few practical ways I maintain my long-distance friendships and keep my friendships in good standing.
1.Hit Them Up
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Reach out. I mean, does it matter who reaches out first or not? Nope. Text, call, or FaceTime. Leave a voice note or video message. Slide in their DMs with a quick note. With so many different messaging apps and social media platforms, our only excuse is time. Friendships require time. Don't be that friend that only comes around for good moments or bad moments. Sometimes, that's exactly what it is though. Strive to be the friend that reaches out when it gets too silent. When your intuition is telling you something is off. Your efforts will be appreciated.
2.You’re Never Too Old To Be A Pen Pal
My greatest friendship grew over emails. We were once new friends and now we are great friends. We've maintained daily emails to each other for 10 years. When I moved to Florida we somehow decided to keep in touch via e-mail. We shared dating stories, relationship drama, and personal struggles. It helped our workday go by faster. There wasn't a minute out of our day where we were not emailing each other. If one of us didn't email that day, we both knew something was wrong. A text would be sent with, "Hey, are you at work?" So, write your friend that letter or email. I love receiving cards, letters, or care packages. And I'm sure your friends would too.
3.Group Activities For The Win
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A few childhood friends of mine and I decided to do a running challenge together. The three of us committed to running a mile a few times a week. With me on the east coast and them on the west coast. We used the Nike Running App to stay connected. While they dropped off after a few weeks, I continued with my runs. It was fun while it lasted. We kept each other motivated and celebrated our wins. Find an activity that you can do with your friends and watch how you grow together.
4.Remember The Important Dates
Stay connected. Not only do I calendar my friends' birthdays, but I remember scheduled graduations and wedding anniversaries too. I try to remember significant events in their lives. I can safely say I know the birthdates of all my friends' children. I'm forever auntie. And if I don't remember the exact date, I at least remember the month they were born. I'll usually call to say happy birthday to their child. If they're of age and have a phone, I might send a text hello or happy birthday. I have even texted my friend's 18-year-old son to hug his mother. Other times, I'll hit up her husband or sister to check-in. Yes, we're that close. All of us have been friends for over 15 years.
5.Schedule A Date
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This can be a virtual or an in-person date. With COVID, we still want to play it safe and protect our loved ones. Cook dinner together, play a game, watch a movie, or enjoy some cocktails over FaceTime, Houseparty, or Zoom. I try to connect with friends face-to-face when I can. Because of time differences, I am a few hours ahead of the west coast. I know one of my homegirls works from home, so, I might hit her with a video call around the time she wakes up. And no, she doesn't mind either. Hey, you gotta get it in where you can. Oh, and after multiple failed scheduled FaceTime dates with my homeboy a few days ago, he hit me up as I was walking out of the gym. I stayed in the parking lot and sat in my car for a whole hour just talking to him. We laughed. We smiled. We reminisced. I love a good car conversation whether it's in person or not. It's little gestures like this y'all.
6.Plan A Visit or A Friendcation
I know, I know. BUT COVID. Don't let this stop you from connecting with friends. You can still plan a visit or a vacation. You just have to be smart and safe about your planning. What better way is there to catch up with your homegirls and get some uninterrupted one-on-one time? Consider meeting up at local spots, like restaurants, nail salons, art museums, day spas, wineries, or beaches. Think of major cities and short road trips. Maybe this looks like a weekend sleepover filled with girl talk, secrets, wine, and comfort foods.
Whatever you decide to do – just know there is always a way to maintain long-distance friendships. There is no need to feel jealous or like you lost a friend. It just takes a little creativity, thoughtfulness, and effort.
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It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
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Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
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