Is There A Such Thing As A Genuine F*ckboy?
After a hiatus, I decided that I would give the dating world another try after much contemplating. Honestly, I wasn't too excited to dive back in after hearing horror stories from my single friends. The dating world was just as I'd left it...complicated. Their most frequented ways of being contacted were still via social media, and the timeframe of a man asking them for pictures that weren't already posted on social media after a decent conversation was 1.2 hours. Is this what I had to look forward to?
It was one thing to be open to dating, it was another to actually be approached at the right time by the right guy.
On a recent mini vacation to see a friend, I was approached by several men within a 48-hour period. I can't lie, the trip helped me in more ways than one. It confirmed I wasn't completely invisible and men still approached women. I learned that while most f*ckboys are easy to spot, others have perfected setting themselves apart by becoming the "genuine f*ckboy".
What's a Genuine F*ckboy, you ask?
He's the guy that comes off sincere until you truly dissect his words and intentions. For instance, he'll replace complimenting your looks with the new cliché, "I like your vibe" or "I like your energy". I'm sure I'd heard that at least five times on my short trip from the men I met. He thinks this makes him stand out from the other guys that are only attracted to your physical attributes. Trust me, he is attracted to you if he approached you.
I quickly noticed that the Genuine F*ckboy likes to skip or even rush steps. He'll quickly try to point out that you have a connection before you can even establish a true one. Somehow, he skates past the stage of first becoming friends. He's smooth and swift with his words. He speaks of plans for the future such as vacations, five-year plans, and romanticized gestures all before you've gone on your first official date. It's almost as if he's rehearsed his lines a hundred times before getting to you. Initially, you can get swept away at the thought of it all. Genuine F*ckboys tend to lay it on thick with the flattery.
The Genuine F*ckboy tends to have a good job.
He is taking care of business. In fact, he may have his own business. He's successful in his own lane, ambitious, money-conscious, and checks a few other boxes on your list. However, he tends to use his "busyness" to be conveniently unavailable when it counts. Of course, he'll have a grand gesture to try and make up for it, but what's the real reason he can't keep to a commitment? He commits to his trips with friends, he commits to showing up to work on time, he even commits to his car note and mortgage that he pays monthly ON TIME. Yet, he hasn't deemed you to be in favor of receiving a respectable time commitment. It always has to be convenient for him, otherwise things can become flaky. Often, his job is the number one excuse. And who wants to argue about his proactive ambitions? Not a woman who respects a man and his hustle. As a result, you fall silent.
The Genuine F*ckboy isn't always aware that he is one.
Because he is sometimes highly sought by women, he gives himself a pat on the back comparing himself to other men that he feels are subpar to him economically. He isn't looking for a handout from you. He has graduated past asking you juvenile questions such as your favorite color, food, and drink because he knows how to start and continue good conversation. Yes, ladies, it is flattering. But let's be honest, it is part of his charm. While you may enjoy the dates, the flowers sent to your job, and the couples' game nights hosted at your best friend's house, you realize this man still hasn't mentioned having an exclusive relationship with you. If you mention it, he says that you guys should just go with the flow because things are going good. This is in alignment of typical F*ckboy behavior.
The Genuine F*ckboy leaves you dwelling in limbo and yet you don't push the subject further because he brings more to the table than most of the men you dated in the past two years combined. While he may be skipping steps in order to Netflix and chill at your place after two weeks, communicate mostly through text for his convenience, or rapidly fire off questions to rightfully gauge your sanity, exclusivity isn't a hurdle he's leaping to get over. You realize this isn't going anywhere and quickly become stagnant.
Before you know it, you realize that he's nothing more than an F*ckboy that has managed to reinvent himself to stand amongst all the rest.
Perhaps in the future, he'll shed his F*ckboy demeanor and become a great partner, but we aren't waiting around for that day to come. In the meantime, we'll thank him for the dinner date, the midday text message exchanges, and the conversations that have reminded us to never forget to ask the important questions all while we move on. We won't allow him to waste our time, nor will we waste his. No one is perfect and we all have room to grow, but let's be fair and remember that we are no more than F*ckgirls if we're allowing a man to pay for dates and waste his spare time if we know we have no intentions of things going further.
Though newly open to the idea of dating, I've learned that a lot of things haven't changed. Now I know to watch out for the seemingly Genuine F*ckboy.
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CB Nicole is a millennial whose passion to live a God-led life has inspired her to use her life lessons and messes to inspire others. Each unpredictable day makes for a new unpredictable journey that she's ready to conquer.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Crystal Renay Is Prioritizing Healing, Her Kids, And Her Coins Amid Divorce
Crystal Renay is reclaiming her time and her identity after dealing with heartbreak. The model was married to Ne-Yo for seven years and they share three young children together. However, after a cheating scandal that resulted in a baby outside of their relationship, Crystal decided to end her marriage to the “So Sick” singer. Now, she is focusing on her bag and her kids. She is co-owner of Johnny’s Chicken and Waffles, launching a lip kit line, and is back on TV starring in the new WE TV reality series Bold & Bougie.
But it wasn’t an easy road, especially with reality TV. From the beginning, Crystal and her castmates bumped heads due to misconceptions and alliances with her ex-husband’s former partner, Monyetta Shaw. However, the mother of three exclusively tells xoNecole that she doesn’t regret her decision to join the show.
Crystal Renay
Photo courtesy
“Honestly, being in that space, we had a– you know, when you're first getting to know people, sometimes it can be smooth, and sometimes it can be rocky,” she says. “In our case, it was a little bit rocky and just getting to know each other, and I like to call it growing pains. And I felt like we had a couple of moments, but all in all, like the experience was really good for me, and I would do it over again.”
Crystal describes herself as “career-oriented” and says she is in her selfish season because she is now prioritizing herself first. But she admits that she is still healing from her divorce. The reality TV star shares some tips for others who may be going through the same thing.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation,” she says. “But we can't move off of emotion because 10 times out of 10, a few months later, you're not going to feel like that. So, I'm a firm believer in not doing things that I will regret later. So I would just say be patient with yourself and stay positive.”
While there may be an opportunity to find love again, that’s not Crystal’s focus at the moment. She is in the rebuilding phase of her life, emphasizing the importance of self-care, personal growth, and finding her own happiness. She has had her share of challenges, including dealing with negative emotions and the public's perception of her, but her priorities involve spending quality time with her children and running lucrative businesses.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation.”
“With my kids, I'm very hands-on. I’m team mother with soccer kids, and they don't really make no goals because they like five years old, but I'm there cheering them on every week,” she jokes. “I want to travel, especially this summer, with my kids and take them somewhere internationally because they're at the age where they can handle a long flight. So, me just spending more time and more new experiences with my kids is my main focus with them and showing them all the love that I could possibly give them.”
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Photo courtesy of Crystal Renay