After a hiatus, I decided that I would give the dating world another try after much contemplating. Honestly, I wasn't too excited to dive back in after hearing horror stories from my single friends. The dating world was just as I'd left it...complicated. Their most frequented ways of being contacted were still via social media, and the timeframe of a man asking them for pictures that weren't already posted on social media after a decent conversation was 1.2 hours. Is this what I had to look forward to?
It was one thing to be open to dating, it was another to actually be approached at the right time by the right guy.
On a recent mini vacation to see a friend, I was approached by several men within a 48-hour period. I can't lie, the trip helped me in more ways than one. It confirmed I wasn't completely invisible and men still approached women. I learned that while most f*ckboys are easy to spot, others have perfected setting themselves apart by becoming the "genuine f*ckboy".
What's a Genuine F*ckboy, you ask?
He's the guy that comes off sincere until you truly dissect his words and intentions. For instance, he'll replace complimenting your looks with the new cliché, "I like your vibe" or "I like your energy". I'm sure I'd heard that at least five times on my short trip from the men I met. He thinks this makes him stand out from the other guys that are only attracted to your physical attributes. Trust me, he is attracted to you if he approached you.
I quickly noticed that the Genuine F*ckboy likes to skip or even rush steps. He'll quickly try to point out that you have a connection before you can even establish a true one. Somehow, he skates past the stage of first becoming friends. He's smooth and swift with his words. He speaks of plans for the future such as vacations, five-year plans, and romanticized gestures all before you've gone on your first official date. It's almost as if he's rehearsed his lines a hundred times before getting to you. Initially, you can get swept away at the thought of it all. Genuine F*ckboys tend to lay it on thick with the flattery.
The Genuine F*ckboy tends to have a good job.
He is taking care of business. In fact, he may have his own business. He's successful in his own lane, ambitious, money-conscious, and checks a few other boxes on your list. However, he tends to use his "busyness" to be conveniently unavailable when it counts. Of course, he'll have a grand gesture to try and make up for it, but what's the real reason he can't keep to a commitment? He commits to his trips with friends, he commits to showing up to work on time, he even commits to his car note and mortgage that he pays monthly ON TIME. Yet, he hasn't deemed you to be in favor of receiving a respectable time commitment. It always has to be convenient for him, otherwise things can become flaky. Often, his job is the number one excuse. And who wants to argue about his proactive ambitions? Not a woman who respects a man and his hustle. As a result, you fall silent.
The Genuine F*ckboy isn't always aware that he is one.
Because he is sometimes highly sought by women, he gives himself a pat on the back comparing himself to other men that he feels are subpar to him economically. He isn't looking for a handout from you. He has graduated past asking you juvenile questions such as your favorite color, food, and drink because he knows how to start and continue good conversation. Yes, ladies, it is flattering. But let's be honest, it is part of his charm. While you may enjoy the dates, the flowers sent to your job, and the couples' game nights hosted at your best friend's house, you realize this man still hasn't mentioned having an exclusive relationship with you. If you mention it, he says that you guys should just go with the flow because things are going good. This is in alignment of typical F*ckboy behavior.
The Genuine F*ckboy leaves you dwelling in limbo and yet you don't push the subject further because he brings more to the table than most of the men you dated in the past two years combined. While he may be skipping steps in order to Netflix and chill at your place after two weeks, communicate mostly through text for his convenience, or rapidly fire off questions to rightfully gauge your sanity, exclusivity isn't a hurdle he's leaping to get over. You realize this isn't going anywhere and quickly become stagnant.
Before you know it, you realize that he's nothing more than an F*ckboy that has managed to reinvent himself to stand amongst all the rest.
Perhaps in the future, he'll shed his F*ckboy demeanor and become a great partner, but we aren't waiting around for that day to come. In the meantime, we'll thank him for the dinner date, the midday text message exchanges, and the conversations that have reminded us to never forget to ask the important questions all while we move on. We won't allow him to waste our time, nor will we waste his. No one is perfect and we all have room to grow, but let's be fair and remember that we are no more than F*ckgirls if we're allowing a man to pay for dates and waste his spare time if we know we have no intentions of things going further.
Though newly open to the idea of dating, I've learned that a lot of things haven't changed. Now I know to watch out for the seemingly Genuine F*ckboy.
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