No one wants to hear that dreaded phrase, “We have to terminate your employment,” especially when you’ve got bills to pay and things to do. (And that cliche “You’re fired,” seems to be something that only happens on TV. Even as a manager, I’ve never yelled “You’re fired,” when letting someone go, but I digress.) It can seem like one of the worst days of your life to be let go from your job, but you know, the first time I heard that “terminate” phrase, I was relieved.
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Life Lessons After Getting Fired
It was at a job I hated. My manager at the time was toxic, would gaslight me, and disregard my concerns about work-related issues (of which I was actually asked my professional opinion), and I was given duties that weren’t on the original job description. The job turned out to be a horrible catfish that I really wanted out of from day two. My mom didn’t raise a quitter, and at the time, I didn’t feel empowered to just leave. I cried. Stuck it out. Almost lost my mind. Then that termination day came. While I had a pretty decent salary and several financial obligations, I still felt like I was given a huge favor.
Sometimes losing a job can teach valuable lessons about self-worth and boundaries that no other experience can really teach. Here are a few:
1. It's okay to set boundaries and stick to them. As a matter of fact, it's essential.
When I was offered the position, I was told I’d be able to use my previous experience in the role and that I’d have autonomy. Well, I found out, through observation as to how my manager behaved the first week, that this wasn’t the case. If I would have nipped things in the bud from the beginning, I would have at least gotten a boost to my confidence and might have been able to avoid a terrible snowball of toxicity down the road.
Some employers need a reminder as to what work was actually contracted, what you were promised in the role, and the various legally binding insights that were shared as part of the job offer process. And some managers will also try you until you kindly and professionally remind them of what you were hired to do, based on the job description and offer letter you signed (which is indeed legally binding.) Again, set those boundaries early through open communication and stern, but respectful language when you see things going left.
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2. Standing up for yourself doesn't make you 'difficult.' It empowers you.
I could liken the manager I had at this particular job to a schoolyard bully, and my mother always taught me, “A bully will always mess with you if you do not stand up for yourself. You must stand up for yourself.” I can remember the one bully I had, in all my school years, who thought they’d try to threaten to beat me down in front of the whole school during lunch period one day. Well, let’s just say she learned the hard way that I’m not one to bully. Good thing she chose a public place. I defended myself, and not only did she never bully me again, but no one ever bothered me, either.
The same can be said about a manager or supervisor in the workplace who just seems to always be riding you–always down your throat about something or being super-unprofessional in the manner in which they talk to or relate with you in the workplace.
After being let go from the company, I reminisced on that day in school, as that confident young girl I was, and thought to myself, ‘Janell, you should have spoken up for yourself and quit.’
You can professionally approach addressing toxic behaviors in the workplace, and be sure to have them on record, by at least reporting them to human resources or other parties who are responsible for HR-related issues. Even if you don’t feel like it will do any good, at least it’s on record, especially if, like me, you’re fired. You might also need these insights on record for getting unemployment benefits, suing the company for wrongful termination, or disputing when the company fights against your receiving any benefits.
3. Never connect your value as a human being to insights (or opinions) about your job performance or experience.
Oftentimes, the manager I had during this awful firing experience, would be very disrespectful and mean, both in manner, voice tone, and words. Sometimes I found myself, as a result, feeling less-than, inadequate, and beat down by the end of a workweek. I came to the position with great references, amazing industry experience, and a great attitude, yet I’d allowed another human being to make me feel low and unworthy as a person. (That’s called abuse, by the way, something of which I’d been a victim in personal relationships both as a child and an adult. I have always had to cope with the healing from those experiences, but had never been victim to it in the workplace at the level of this particular job.)
I had to remind myself that it was the job (well, the manager really) not me. Also, even if I was not doing a great job, that does not mean I’m not a great person. Our value, as human beings who deserve love, respect, and dignity, does not diminish because of issues at a company.
(And trust me, I did the best I could, as a high-achieving leader, considering the very unorganized, toxic environment I’d been working in.)
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4. It's okay to walk away almost immediately when you feel unsafe, unhappy or know that the job simply is not a good fit for you.
It can seem daunting to quit anything, especially, if, like me, you were raised to just stick things out, ‘put on your grown-woman panties’ and overcome. Well, not every situation is worth the trouble, and oftentimes, our early fears or insecurities about a job are proven valid and problematic in the end. As an experienced professional, I now know that it’s better for me to walk away as soon as I see major red flags. That firing experience gave me the confidence to not only quit a job when I knew it was just not a good look for my long-term success and wellness but to feel totally secure and unapologetic in doing so.
I’m not saying you should just give up as soon as someone on your job tap-dances on your nerves a bit too hard, or when a job seems like it’s challenging you a bit too much. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t stay in any environment where you consistently feel unsafe, unworthy, or loathful coming to work every day.
And sometimes the reasons have nothing to do with the work environment. It could just be the fact that the job just isn’t a good fit for you. Maybe you're not at your best because you're simply not passionate about the type of work you're doing. Maybe there are some personal things you need to work through. Maybe the company culture, while awesome, just isn't your vibe. Just like you’d break up with someone in a romantic relationship who, while nice and wonderful, is just not the right person for you, leave that job that’s not compatible, too.
You can go through a benefit-of-the-doubt process where you bring up your concerns to your immediate manager or escalate things to a union rep or HR manager, but at the end of the day, if you know, that first week or month, that deep down in your gut, that the job is not right for you, it might be a better idea to just gracefully bow out early, with your dignity and mental health intact.
5. Life indeed does go on, and you will, indeed, be more than fine. You'll probably be even better after the experience.
Many of us can feel “at fault” when it comes to being fired, even if whatever situation led to the firing really wasn’t our fault. There’s shame, self-defamation, and other horrible fall-outs that can happen when you’ve been let go. But let me tell you: Since that experience, I’ve gotten several amazing jobs, made way more money, I’ve traveled the world, and I can look back on that day and laugh knowing that I am well taken care of by God, today.
I did a bit of self-work after that experience, and I found that much of the reason I stayed in the position even after all the red flags I’d noticed during that first week, for me, had to do with self-worth issues and old traumas I’d experienced in the past that I had not addressed within myself. I also learned to forgive, especially in reference to that manager, because I held on to a lot of hurt and anger about the situation. I’d had high hopes for that job—things that were promised to me by the manager—that never materialized.
I take my work seriously, and when something doesn’t work out as someone says it should in a position, it’s like my whole world ends thinking about all the amazing things that could have been accomplished had I been given what I was promised and allowed the chance to thrive in the role. I’d also turned down other opportunities to take that job and felt a lot of resentment about that. You can’t get time back, so that part really made my blood boil. I had to forgive myself as well.
It’s an amazing feeling to be able to take your power back by looking inward, rallying support from family, friends, and mentors, and remembering who you truly are as the person God made you to be. I’m an auntie, a sister, a lover, an advocate, and a damn good writer and editor. I’ve blessed folk with opportunities, mentorship, and financial investments. Being fired did not define me, stop my coins, or destroy me.
I’ve continued to seek God, work through healing, and take the lessons to be a better person and professional in the long run.
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty
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- 4 Reasons Getting Fired Can Actually Be A Blessing in Disguise - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
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xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023