If you’ve read enough content with my byline on here, you already know that I am definitely all about people having healthy, thriving, and consistent sex lives. One example of this is an article that I wrote a couple of years back entitled “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.” When you get a chance, check it out because it serves as a pretty solid reminder that, although sex feels absolutely amazing, there are some practical benefits that should convince you to partake as much as possible too.
Today, though, we’re gonna dive into what happens specifically to your body while you’re in the process of climbing walls and hanging off of chandeliers. Because although you may get in theory that quite a few things are transpiring during coitus, you might be surprised at just how involved different parts of your body are in the act — not just how but also why.
1. Your Breasts Get Bigger
GiphyAlthough you probably don’t usually give it much thought, the next time you’re getting in or out of the shower, look at your breasts. Do you notice that they contain a significant amount of veins? Well, when you become sexually aroused, those veins fill up with blood, and that can cause your breasts to increase in size by as much as 25 percent. Not only that, but some medical professionals say that your areolas (the darker-colored skin that surrounds your nipples) also produce pheromones; these substances can help to improve one’s mood and heighten one’s attraction to their partner.
2. Your Vagina Gets Larger and Darker
Although the exact length can vary a bit when it comes to the size of your vagina, it tends to be somewhere around 3” when you’re not aroused and between 4”-5” when you are. This makes a lot of sense considering the fact that the average size of a penis when it’s erect is 5.5”. However, it should go on record that no amount of sex or no size of a penis can permanently “stretch you out.” So, if there’s some man in your world who believes that, send him this article ASAP.
Another thing that happens to your vagina (the inner tube that goes from your outer opening to your cervix) is it gets darker due to all of the vessels in it that also fill up with blood. As far as your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) goes, while it might look a little flushed after climaxing, for the most part, it remains the same in appearance.
3. Your Clitoris “Leaves” You
GiphyYou know the saying, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it? Believe it or not, this actually can apply when it comes to your clitoris (check out “10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris”). That’s because if you go long periods without sexual activity, that can cause your clitoral skin to become thin and dry and even shrink (crazy, right?). This can also happen during menopause as your hormone levels go through a significant shift.
And while it does usually get larger during foreplay, another time when your clitoris will probably get smaller is when you’re on the brink of climaxing. For whatever the reason, when you’re about to orgasm, it prefers to disappear inside of your clitoral hood (check out “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood”) and snuggle up next to your pubic bone. This actually may be why your partner becomes a bit more aggressive (in a good way) during cunnilingus. He might not say it, but he very well could be looking for your clit — which would make total sense.
4. Your Cervix Tilts
One kind of orgasm that some women are able to have during penetrative sex is a cervical orgasm. Although your cervix (the tube/canal that connects your uterus to your vagina) can’t exactly be penetrated, it can be stimulated. It should go on record that while one woman may find cervical stimulation pleasurable, others actually find it to be close to painful. So, if you happen to fall into category B, aim for another kind of climax; there are plenty of others to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
That said, when you’re aroused, it’s pretty common for your cervix to pull back closer to your uterus in order to accommodate a penis (or sex toy). It’s also normal for it to tilt — in other words, to rock back and forth. If you’re wondering if you’ll notice…eh, probably not.
5. Your Body Temperature Increases
GiphyThis one is probably the least surprising of all when you stop to think about the fact that sex is a form of exercise and cardio tends to cause your temperature to go up. In fact, this is probably why so many say that wearing socks during sex can improve your chances of experiencing the Big O.
Some studies claim having socks on can increase your chances of climaxing by as much as 30 percent. Why? Well, one reason is due to the fact that wearing socks increases one’s blood flow and body temperature. Not only that, but it can help you to feel cozier when it comes to being intimate with your partner.
Personally, I hate wearing socks to bed (for any reason), and I hate feeling hot even more. But if you’re just the opposite, here’s a hack that could make sex even better for you. Report back if it does.
6. Your Brain “Lights Up”
When it comes to this one, I am absolutely not exaggerating. When you’re having sex (and especially when you’re on the brink of having an orgasm), there are different parts of your brain that light up, just like a Christmas tree — the genital sensory cortex, hypothalamus, thalamus, motor areas, and the substantia nigra. All of these parts work together to send information to different body parts, trigger the production of various hormones (that work to make sex more pleasurable) and help you to focus on what’s happening in the moment.
7. Your Brain Also “Turns Off”
GiphyLAWD. If you don’t get anything else from this lil’ read, please take this point in. While on the one hand, there are parts of your brain that become more active, there is another part that actually decreases during sex. It’s called your lateral orbitofrontal cortex, and it’s responsible for things like your reasoning capabilities, your judgment calls, and your decision-making process(es).
This is DEFINITELY reason one billion why you shouldn’t rely on sex to help you decide if someone is a good fit for you or not. Hmph, let your lateral orbitofrontal cortex tell it, it doesn’t have a clue (check out “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.”).
8. Your Pain Threshold Increases
If you really stop and think about how it can sometimes take a bit of maneuvering and finessing to get a tampon or a menstrual cup into your body, doesn’t it make sense that your threshold for pain would increase during sex? I mean, a penis is a lot larger than either of those, and between the penetration and all of the thrusting — yeah, like I said, it makes all of the sense in the world.
So, exactly how much does your threshold tolerance go up? I once read a science-based study that said the threshold skyrockets to almost 40 percent more while pain detection is somewhere around 53 percent. (This might explain why BDSM engagers experience pleasure when you really stop to think about it, huh?)
9. Your Immunity Strengthens
GiphyWell, here's a solid reason to ramp up your sexual activity. Did you know that people who have sex more than three times a month have a significantly stronger immunity than those who engage less than that? That's because something else that sex does is increase your body's ability to fight off pathogens. In case you're wondering, pathogens are organisms that literally cause disease.
Speaking of immunity, something else that can help you out is giving fellatio. Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but there's plenty of data out there on that, too (check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm").
10. Your Skin Looks Younger
To be honest with you, during copulation, there really isn’t one part of your body where blood flow doesn't increase. When it comes to your skin, specifically, the more blood it gets means the more oxygen that it receives. This is a real win because oxygen helps to increase the production of collagen in the body — and collagen is something that we all need to keep our skin clear, supple, and younger-looking. That’s why it’s actually not just a saying that sex can get rid of blemishes and give you great-looking skin. There is science to totally back those claims up — as you just read.
As a bonus, because sex can also increase your production of estrogen, word on the street is it has the capability to help your hair to stay long and healthy too. Another win, indeed.
11. Your Desire to Bond with Your Partner Significantly Grows
GiphyUntil the cows come home, I’m gonna stay on-repeat about the fact that oxytocin is one hell of a drug (well, hormone) when it comes to sex. And since the late philosopher Thomas Hobbes once described hell as truth being seen too late, this is something else to keep in mind when it comes to using solid discernment as it relates to sex.
I say that because a huge part of the reason why oxytocin has earned the nickname “the love hormone” is it has the amazing ability to make people feel very close to their partner during things like kissing and cuddling — and especially during sex.
This can be a good thing when a secure relationship is already established. It can also put you on quite the emotional roller coaster ride if you’re not sure where things stand, yet oxytocin is somewhere in your body yelling, “Don’t worry about it! If it feels right, it must be right.”
Yeah, don’t fall for that. It’s another article for another time, yet there is something to be said for things like logic, common sense, emotional intelligence, and paying attention to patterns — no matter how good a man can make you feel in the bedroom. In other words, please make sure that once oxytocin boosts have calmed down that you notice what’s happening outside of the bedroom too. And then act accordingly.
12. Your Vagina “Bounces Back”
Even if your vagina appears a bit larger right after sex, that’s nothing to be concerned about. After all of that back-blowing (wink), the friction can lead to a bit of swelling initially. However, what you can be absolutely sure of is things will return to their normal/regular size after a few moments. Listen, we’re capable of pushing out baby heads. Ain’t no penis in the world gonna cause you to lose your elasticity. Always remember that.
Let Your Partner Know: Your Vagina Contracts
GiphyWhenever women brag to me about how good they are at faking orgasms (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”), I’ll usually say something along the lines of, “Then your partner isn’t paying close attention to what’s going on” because, unless you’re pulling off hella kegels as you’re acting like you’re seeing the mountaintop, he should notice that your vaginal walls aren’t contracting.
Yep — it doesn’t matter how much screaming and hollering you might be doing, something that transpires for a woman during an orgasm is the muscles in her pelvic region start to involuntarily contract (this happens to your anal muscles during anal sex as well).
So when it comes to concluding this article and debunking the myth that faking it is hard to detect — unless some wall-shaking is going on, the jig is up.
The good news on that is now you both need to figure out how to make your body do all of this stuff — without you having to try and act like it’s happening. Feel me?
Something tells me that you absolutely do.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock