If you’ve read enough content with my byline on here, you already know that I am definitely all about people having healthy, thriving, and consistent sex lives. One example of this is an article that I wrote a couple of years back entitled “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.” When you get a chance, check it out because it serves as a pretty solid reminder that, although sex feels absolutely amazing, there are some practical benefits that should convince you to partake as much as possible too.
Today, though, we’re gonna dive into what happens specifically to your body while you’re in the process of climbing walls and hanging off of chandeliers. Because although you may get in theory that quite a few things are transpiring during coitus, you might be surprised at just how involved different parts of your body are in the act — not just how but also why.
1. Your Breasts Get Bigger
GiphyAlthough you probably don’t usually give it much thought, the next time you’re getting in or out of the shower, look at your breasts. Do you notice that they contain a significant amount of veins? Well, when you become sexually aroused, those veins fill up with blood, and that can cause your breasts to increase in size by as much as 25 percent. Not only that, but some medical professionals say that your areolas (the darker-colored skin that surrounds your nipples) also produce pheromones; these substances can help to improve one’s mood and heighten one’s attraction to their partner.
2. Your Vagina Gets Larger and Darker
Although the exact length can vary a bit when it comes to the size of your vagina, it tends to be somewhere around 3” when you’re not aroused and between 4”-5” when you are. This makes a lot of sense considering the fact that the average size of a penis when it’s erect is 5.5”. However, it should go on record that no amount of sex or no size of a penis can permanently “stretch you out.” So, if there’s some man in your world who believes that, send him this article ASAP.
Another thing that happens to your vagina (the inner tube that goes from your outer opening to your cervix) is it gets darker due to all of the vessels in it that also fill up with blood. As far as your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) goes, while it might look a little flushed after climaxing, for the most part, it remains the same in appearance.
3. Your Clitoris “Leaves” You
GiphyYou know the saying, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it? Believe it or not, this actually can apply when it comes to your clitoris (check out “10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris”). That’s because if you go long periods without sexual activity, that can cause your clitoral skin to become thin and dry and even shrink (crazy, right?). This can also happen during menopause as your hormone levels go through a significant shift.
And while it does usually get larger during foreplay, another time when your clitoris will probably get smaller is when you’re on the brink of climaxing. For whatever the reason, when you’re about to orgasm, it prefers to disappear inside of your clitoral hood (check out “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood”) and snuggle up next to your pubic bone. This actually may be why your partner becomes a bit more aggressive (in a good way) during cunnilingus. He might not say it, but he very well could be looking for your clit — which would make total sense.
4. Your Cervix Tilts
One kind of orgasm that some women are able to have during penetrative sex is a cervical orgasm. Although your cervix (the tube/canal that connects your uterus to your vagina) can’t exactly be penetrated, it can be stimulated. It should go on record that while one woman may find cervical stimulation pleasurable, others actually find it to be close to painful. So, if you happen to fall into category B, aim for another kind of climax; there are plenty of others to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
That said, when you’re aroused, it’s pretty common for your cervix to pull back closer to your uterus in order to accommodate a penis (or sex toy). It’s also normal for it to tilt — in other words, to rock back and forth. If you’re wondering if you’ll notice…eh, probably not.
5. Your Body Temperature Increases
GiphyThis one is probably the least surprising of all when you stop to think about the fact that sex is a form of exercise and cardio tends to cause your temperature to go up. In fact, this is probably why so many say that wearing socks during sex can improve your chances of experiencing the Big O.
Some studies claim having socks on can increase your chances of climaxing by as much as 30 percent. Why? Well, one reason is due to the fact that wearing socks increases one’s blood flow and body temperature. Not only that, but it can help you to feel cozier when it comes to being intimate with your partner.
Personally, I hate wearing socks to bed (for any reason), and I hate feeling hot even more. But if you’re just the opposite, here’s a hack that could make sex even better for you. Report back if it does.
6. Your Brain “Lights Up”
When it comes to this one, I am absolutely not exaggerating. When you’re having sex (and especially when you’re on the brink of having an orgasm), there are different parts of your brain that light up, just like a Christmas tree — the genital sensory cortex, hypothalamus, thalamus, motor areas, and the substantia nigra. All of these parts work together to send information to different body parts, trigger the production of various hormones (that work to make sex more pleasurable) and help you to focus on what’s happening in the moment.
7. Your Brain Also “Turns Off”
GiphyLAWD. If you don’t get anything else from this lil’ read, please take this point in. While on the one hand, there are parts of your brain that become more active, there is another part that actually decreases during sex. It’s called your lateral orbitofrontal cortex, and it’s responsible for things like your reasoning capabilities, your judgment calls, and your decision-making process(es).
This is DEFINITELY reason one billion why you shouldn’t rely on sex to help you decide if someone is a good fit for you or not. Hmph, let your lateral orbitofrontal cortex tell it, it doesn’t have a clue (check out “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.”).
8. Your Pain Threshold Increases
If you really stop and think about how it can sometimes take a bit of maneuvering and finessing to get a tampon or a menstrual cup into your body, doesn’t it make sense that your threshold for pain would increase during sex? I mean, a penis is a lot larger than either of those, and between the penetration and all of the thrusting — yeah, like I said, it makes all of the sense in the world.
So, exactly how much does your threshold tolerance go up? I once read a science-based study that said the threshold skyrockets to almost 40 percent more while pain detection is somewhere around 53 percent. (This might explain why BDSM engagers experience pleasure when you really stop to think about it, huh?)
9. Your Immunity Strengthens
GiphyWell, here's a solid reason to ramp up your sexual activity. Did you know that people who have sex more than three times a month have a significantly stronger immunity than those who engage less than that? That's because something else that sex does is increase your body's ability to fight off pathogens. In case you're wondering, pathogens are organisms that literally cause disease.
Speaking of immunity, something else that can help you out is giving fellatio. Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but there's plenty of data out there on that, too (check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm").
10. Your Skin Looks Younger
To be honest with you, during copulation, there really isn’t one part of your body where blood flow doesn't increase. When it comes to your skin, specifically, the more blood it gets means the more oxygen that it receives. This is a real win because oxygen helps to increase the production of collagen in the body — and collagen is something that we all need to keep our skin clear, supple, and younger-looking. That’s why it’s actually not just a saying that sex can get rid of blemishes and give you great-looking skin. There is science to totally back those claims up — as you just read.
As a bonus, because sex can also increase your production of estrogen, word on the street is it has the capability to help your hair to stay long and healthy too. Another win, indeed.
11. Your Desire to Bond with Your Partner Significantly Grows
GiphyUntil the cows come home, I’m gonna stay on-repeat about the fact that oxytocin is one hell of a drug (well, hormone) when it comes to sex. And since the late philosopher Thomas Hobbes once described hell as truth being seen too late, this is something else to keep in mind when it comes to using solid discernment as it relates to sex.
I say that because a huge part of the reason why oxytocin has earned the nickname “the love hormone” is it has the amazing ability to make people feel very close to their partner during things like kissing and cuddling — and especially during sex.
This can be a good thing when a secure relationship is already established. It can also put you on quite the emotional roller coaster ride if you’re not sure where things stand, yet oxytocin is somewhere in your body yelling, “Don’t worry about it! If it feels right, it must be right.”
Yeah, don’t fall for that. It’s another article for another time, yet there is something to be said for things like logic, common sense, emotional intelligence, and paying attention to patterns — no matter how good a man can make you feel in the bedroom. In other words, please make sure that once oxytocin boosts have calmed down that you notice what’s happening outside of the bedroom too. And then act accordingly.
12. Your Vagina “Bounces Back”
Even if your vagina appears a bit larger right after sex, that’s nothing to be concerned about. After all of that back-blowing (wink), the friction can lead to a bit of swelling initially. However, what you can be absolutely sure of is things will return to their normal/regular size after a few moments. Listen, we’re capable of pushing out baby heads. Ain’t no penis in the world gonna cause you to lose your elasticity. Always remember that.
Let Your Partner Know: Your Vagina Contracts
GiphyWhenever women brag to me about how good they are at faking orgasms (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”), I’ll usually say something along the lines of, “Then your partner isn’t paying close attention to what’s going on” because, unless you’re pulling off hella kegels as you’re acting like you’re seeing the mountaintop, he should notice that your vaginal walls aren’t contracting.
Yep — it doesn’t matter how much screaming and hollering you might be doing, something that transpires for a woman during an orgasm is the muscles in her pelvic region start to involuntarily contract (this happens to your anal muscles during anal sex as well).
So when it comes to concluding this article and debunking the myth that faking it is hard to detect — unless some wall-shaking is going on, the jig is up.
The good news on that is now you both need to figure out how to make your body do all of this stuff — without you having to try and act like it’s happening. Feel me?
Something tells me that you absolutely do.
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Featured image by Giphy
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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A Brown Liquor Connoisseur's Honest Review Of Beyoncé's SirDavis American Whisky
My mama once told me ladies don't drink brown liquor. She's the epitome of class, a true lady with quick comebacks (think a fusion of Pattie LaBelle and Diahann Carroll’s characters in A Different World) and I think she just wanted me to embody that sentiment.
After dinner with my dad one night, I asked his opinion on her thoughts; he laughed and said, "I know a lot of ladies who drink brown liquor." I called her and told her what he said, and like only my mother could, she responded, "Your father never met a lady after he met me." Imagine her surprise years later, when I told her that Beyoncé just released an award-winning whisky.
My journey into enjoying brown spirits began during Megan Thee Stallion's hot girl era in my mid-twenties. Between 2018 and 2019, she had every Black girl I know singing along to "Big Ole Freak" and my personal favorite, "Cognac Queen," while driving the boat. Upon my first taste, I realized that I enjoyed brown spirits much more than tequila, vodka, or gin. Growing up in a household where drinking wasn't encouraged, I didn't try wine until I was 19 and didn't taste hard alcohol until I was 21.
My initial experiences with vodka and whatever tequila was trendy in college felt different from this era; it felt more intentional.
As I entered my thirties, I sought a more refined drinking experience. Still a hot girl, just a refined hot girl with limits. Alongside my newfound love for sustainable Black-owned wine, my go-to drink became a French 75 with D'usse instead of gin. I started serving Hennessy mules at my Christmas parties (I heard Oprah does this, so I did it too, lol), preparing summer sweet teas with Uncle Nearest or Maker's Mark, and topping my homemade southern pecan pie with Grand Marnier-infused whipped cream every Thanksgiving, which has become a dessert that my entire family loves.
When the news of Beyoncé releasing a whisky was announced, I thought, 'Finally, something for the girls who love brown liquor.' Naturally, we know that she loves her D'usse, but whisky was a surprise to me. It felt like a homecoming for the Texas native. Cowboy Carter's release, while meant with much criticism to me, gave Black women permission to own every part of their background, the roots, and upbringing that make them who they are.
So a whisky named in honor of her great-grandfather felt like a reaching forward to a new avenue of entrepreneurship, while further firmly planting herself into her consistent branding of family values, lineage, and purposeful partnerships.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Before We Sip: Let's Talk The Sir Davis Breakdown What Is SirDavis?
SirDavis is an Award-winning American whisky founded by Beyoncé Knowles-Carter and crafted in partnership with Moët Hennessy and five-time International Whisky Competition Master Distiller of the Year, Dr. Bill Lumsden, who holds a PhD in biochemistry and has been in the whisky industry for almost 40 years. This tells me the Texas native did her homework and called in the experts to curate something special.
SirDavis also gave me the confidence not to shy away from being a woman who appreciates the rich, complex flavors of brown liquor and leans into my pride in my grandfather's family and his older brothers who sold moonshine in The Carolinas.
Curating My Own SirDavis Tasting
As a meticulous Aries, I pride myself on my attention to detail. Upon conducting thorough research (aka scrolling via TikTok and Twitter), I uncovered that during a private SirDavis tasting, the ambiance exuded a mysterious allure, with an abundance of SirDavis flowing, accompanied by a fact sheet, thoughtfully crafted cocktails, honeycomb, and southern food pairings (My kind of party Bey, where was my invite?!)
In this same vein, with Cowboy Carter in the background, I invited my godsister over, and we savored SirDavis in three distinct manners: warm, over ice, and artfully incorporated into two of their ten suggested cocktails.
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My Honest Review of SirDavis American Whisky
When I enjoyed SirDavis warm, it was like a smooth, sexy dance on my palate. It felt like something you should sip with your man in the evening after a long day or solo like Bey. I recently purchased a vinyl player, and I could see myself grabbing one of my records, a glass, and sipping slowly, snapping my fingers to the beat, swaying my hips, and letting the evening take me where it needed to.
If I were playing Beyoncé, I’d put on "Be With You," "Superpower," or "Gift From Virgo." That said, for me, enjoying the whisky warm would only be during a sexy night, lol; on a regular night, I'm not at a slowly sipping whisky stage just yet.
Once I added ice, I had another sip and was ready for Davis Old Fashioned, which I tried next. It's a mixture of the desire to sip slowly and needing a bit more sweetness. It was my favorite drink, and I'll add that to the rotation. I didn't always enjoy the drink, I thought I was a little too young for it to be honest.
But a few months ago, I had an Old Fashioned with black lemon bitters, toasted black sesame Averna, kikoi rice whiskey, and bourbon, and I was hooked. The Davis Old Fashioned took me back to that same feeling.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Davis Old Fashioned
2 oz SirDavis American Whisky
.25 oz Honey Syrup
2 dashes Angostura Bitters
Next, I tried The Honey Bee cocktail. I enjoyed it, but as a fan of the French 75, I would prefer to add some prosecco or champagne to it. My sister really liked the drink, but I wanted a bit of fizz as soon as I tasted the lemon juice. This would be a girls' night cocktail that I’d offer if friends came over, and definitely a bottle I’d request someone bring me as a hostess gift.
The Honey Bee
2 oz SirDavis American Whisky
.75 oz Lemon Juice
.50 oz Honey Syrup
My Honest Takeaway
I'll absolutely keep SirDavis in the rotation. The whisky has an exquisite, refined taste that demands you to savor and appreciate every flavor and aroma, from cloves and tangy Seville oranges to raisins, cinnamon, ginger, demerara sugar, and toffee. It's a drink for those who confidently enjoy dark liquor and for a new generation of ladies. And who knows, maybe I'll even get my mom to try some with me.
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Featured image by Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole