

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it."—J. M. Barrie
Question: If someone were to walk up to you right at this very moment and ask you what the word "confident" meant, what would you say? Would you say something along the lines of it means to love yourself? Would you associate it with being a positive person? Or maybe a fearless one? Personally, I think those are some of the results of confidence, but the best way to describe it is you are sure of yourself.
It sounds simple enough, right? Maybe simple but definitely not easy. If you're sure of yourself, it means that you don't doubt yourself. If you're sure of yourself, it also means that you're confident, reliable and stable ("stable" is a big one). If you're sure of yourself, more times than not, you move with accuracy and precision, without hesitation or uncertainty. You're also intentional about making decisions that will not bring harm or danger to you or others.
Like I said, confident isn't the easiest thing on the planet to be but man, once you're able to master it, you are literally able to rock this world, in the most profound and powerful ways possible.
Are you ready to learn how to be (more) confident? Here are 10 examples of how confident people live their lives each and every day.
10 Signs Of Truly Confident People
1. Confident People Make Bold Moves
I dig words. "Bold" is one of my favorite ones. Bold people speak their mind. Bold people take risks. Bold people step up to challenges. Bold people don't hesitate to do what is best for them. Bold people define success on their own terms. Bold people don't let their past, their flaws or even their issues stop them. Bold people make history.
To tell you the truth, not everyone likes a bold person. They can come off abrasive and even pushy, at times. But that's the cool thing about them. Most of the time, they're too busy walking in their boldness as they're on their way to greatness to notice or care what other people think.
2. Confident People Can Take Criticism
On the heels of the first point, this doesn't mean that confident people are arrogant or narcissistic. Trust me, over these past few months, I've done more research on narcissism than I ever thought I would (The Royal We is a great YouTube channel on the topic). What I've come to the conclusion of is arrogance and narcissism are false (and toxic) imitations of confidence. The reason why I say that is because if you can't ever be told about yourself, if you can't receive things that you need to hear in order to mature and grow, you are being the mere opposite of confidence.
People who are truly secure in themselves are constantly wanting to evolve, including when it comes to their character. If that requires hearing some hard things about their faults and flaws, so be it. They can take it because they know it will only make them better individuals in the long run.
3. Confident People Are Able to Control Their Emotions
Pop offs. People with tunnel vision. Individuals who constantly react to their triggers. Negative folks. People who stew in their feelings. Something that all of these folks have in common is they usually don't know how to control their emotions. Contrary to what a lot of people think, while sometimes we can't control how we feel, what we can do is control how we respond and react as the direct result of those feelings.
Confident people have the ability to think past the moment they are in. Not only that but they like the sense of stability; this includes emotional stability. So, rather than always letting their feelings dictate what they should or shouldn't do, they prefer to think matters through, apply common sense and woosah themselves off of the ledge of a potential poor decision instead.
At the end of the day, for a confident person, their peace of mind is more important than emotionally reacting (or overreacting) to everyone and everything all of the time.
4. Confident People Like Affirmations. Dislike Gossip.
I'm not sure social media would exist (at least at the level that it does) and I definitely know celebrity blogs wouldn't if we all didn't have even a little bit of interest in gossip. However, confident people can only take so much of it, whether it's true or not (because gossip isn't always salacious; sometimes it's just info that is absolutely none of our business). One reason is because they don't like to hear a lot of negativity. Another reason is because, whenever they do catch wind of some, they are typically thinking, "I could be doing a lot of other things rather than listening to this information that's not gonna change my life one way or another."
Affirmations, on the other hand, they're all about those. That's because it's all about making people feel better, lifting them higher and putting good energy into the universe. Yep, you will hear confident people do more affirming than gossiping, more times than not. You can bet on that.
5. Confident People Don't Need Everyone to Like (or Get) What They're Doing
My friends know that I don't give the "don't judge me" stance much energy. Any time I hear someone say that, I think about back when I used to be a judge for the Titans cheerleader competitions back in the day. The only women who had a problem with the judges' "judgment" were the ones who lost.
And you know what? The main people who don't like judgment, in the general sense, are those who get mad when someone doesn't like what they are doing. Like if they wear an outfit and someone tells them how dope they look, they don't mind that judgment. But let someone tell them that they look a hot mess and suddenly, they don't want to be judged.
Confident folks? You can like or not like what they wear, say or do. They aren't doing it for the applause or approval of others, so it doesn't shake them one way or another. When you can function without a pep rally or parade, pat yourself on the back. You've got quite a bit of confidence, whether you realize it or not.
6. Confident People Are Unapologetic About Their Boundaries
Not too long ago, I was telling someone that if you set a boundary and someone asks you to explain—which is really more like justify—it, that's a clear sign that they already don't respect it.
Boundaries don't require an explanation. If you want to give one, that's a courtesy—no more, no less.
That said, sometimes confident individuals can come off as cocky because they'll say "no" to something without elaborating or compromising. But the truth of the matter is, they are simply honoring their own limits. If you just read that and totally got it, you're probably a confident person. But if you read that and felt some type of way, confidence, at least in this particular area, is probably something you could stand to work on.
7. Confident People Are Genuinely Happy for People's Progress
A wise man once said, "Envy is about counting someone else's blessings instead of your own." Confident people don't know anything about this because they understand that someone else's wins do not prevent them from having some as well, even if they are a different kind and come in a different season.
One of my closest friends models this to me very well. Once upon a time, Rissi was a really well-known Black country musician; now she's a soul artist and activist in her own right (check out her "Seeds" video sometime; it's dope!). Whenever she hears of other Black country artists rising (like Jimmie Allen; he's cool people, so I had to shout him out!) or anyone in general doing their thing, she is the first to clap and get excited for them. No backhanded compliments. No comparing. None of that. Just sheer joy.
Only truly confident people can put out the kind of energy that has a non-compete clause. For real, for real.
8. Confident People Can (and Do) Admit When They Are Wrong
It takes a very insecure person to know they are wrong and still try and find ways to sidestep or deflect from that very fact. Folks who think that they are always right or somehow think that making mistakes and acknowledging them is a sign of weakness? They are people who have a very low level of confidence.
Confidence isn't about being perfect or having all of the answers. Confidence is about having such a strong sense of self that, even when you mess up, you're strong enough to admit that, right your wrongs and try again. You see errors also as a sign of growth; especially when you are able to learn from them. And since confident people are all about growth…there you go.
9. Confident People Hate Stagnation
Remember how I said that confidence is about being sure of yourself? When you're in that kind of head and heart space, failure doesn't scare you. And because it doesn't, you are totally open to taking risks, trying new things and being a trailblazer rather than a follower. In fact, you'd rather fail miserably and know that you tried than stick to a formula or routine just so you won't have to step outside of your comfort zone.
Stagnation can be a really ugly word because it's hard to thrive, personally or professionally, when you're not developing or evolving. Confident people know this. That's why they are always taking steps forward. Small or big doesn't matter to them. Just so long as they do it.
10. Confident People Celebrate Themselves
Something else that's super cool about confident people is that they don't wait for other people to acknowledge them. If they know that they went above and beyond with a project at work, they take their own selves out for a drink. If no one else remembers their birthday, that's fine because they had a spa day planned weeks ahead of schedule. If they set a goal and reach it, you may or may not see them talk about it on social media. They are too focused on what's next to do a ton of bragging.
If you're someone who is in the habit of celebrating yourself, I commend you! It means that you're so in the habit of praising yourself that if it comes from any other source, that's merely a bonus. And having that kind of confidence? You have no idea just how far it will take you in life. Bravo!
Want more stories like this? Check out the xoNecole reads below:
How To Tap Into Your Inner Confidence As An Introvert - Read More
Say These Self-Affirmations To Start Your Day On The Right Note - Read More
15 Affirmations To Inspire A Happier, More Fulfilled Life - Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
- 15 Things Highly Confident People Don't Do ›
- 3 Daily Habits of Confident People - YouTube ›
- Six Habits Of Confident People ›
- 13 Action-Habits of Highly Self-Confident People | Psychology Today ›
- 15 Habits Of Highly Confident People | Care2 Healthy Living ›
- The 7 Thought-Habits of Highly Self-Confident People | Psychology ... ›
- 11 Self-Confidence Habits: Transform your Confidence ›
- 15 Habits of Highly Confident People - Weidel on Winning ›
- 10 Habits of the Most Confident People | Inc.com ›
- 12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently ›
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Pack A Travel Case With These 12 Items For Amazing 'Summer Vacation Sex'
It’s kind of funny that while I’m literally in the process of writing this article, the Los Angeles Times published “How to get lucky on your family vacation” hours prior. LOL. Although this year marks a bit of a dip in the amount of Americans who plan on taking a summer vacation (because this administration ain’t making coin-keeping easy, y’all) — it’s still being reported that around 53 percent will do so in the name of rest, relaxation and spending quality time with their loved ones.
And for many, the loved ones category absolutely includes their bae. And if that is the case, that probably means that sex is somewhere on the menu.
Yep. I actually read one survey (that consisted of 2,000 people) that said folks tend to have twice as much sex while they are on vacation than they do when they’re at home. It makes sense too when you factor in that you have less to do (unless you’re traveling with those folks who act like you need an itinerary for every damn thing — and we all know one…SMDH), which makes you less stressed out, which makes it easier to feel sexy and to want to get sexual.
And so, in the spirit of that indeed being the case, I want to make sure that you carve out a corner of your suitcase or carry-on to include at least half of the following 12 things that are on this list — things that can help to make “summer vacation sex”…that much hotter, y’all.
1. Edible-Grade Sunscreen
It can’t be said enough that, no matter how melanated you may be, your skin needs sunscreen. Not only to protect yourself from the risk of skin cancer (which 1 in 5 Americans will get in their lifetime) but from premature aging that can come from sun damage too. That said, if the urge arises to have sex outside somewhere, I did find some edible-grade sunscreen, in case you’re either worried about what sex in the sun will do to your skin or how all of the chemicals in sunscreen will affect your (digestive) system. The company is called Sky & Sol and you can read up on them here.
2. Flavored Lip Balm
If you’ve ever wondered why your lips are so susceptible to being chapped, it’s because they don’t contain any oil glans to keep them moisturized. This is especially important to keep in mind when the weather is extremely cold or hot because that can do a real number on the sensitive skin that your lips are made out of. That’s why it’s essential to stay well-hydrated and to also keep some lip balm in tow. Lip balm is especially designed to moisturize your lips, reduce chapping, exfoliate, soothe irritation and protect your lips from UV damage. As a bonus, lip balm will also help to keep your lips super soft and kissable; especially if you get the flavored kind. #wink
3. Condoms
I’m still out here, literally shaking my damn head, that reportedly, only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms (and even many of those folks don’t do it consistently). It can’t be said enough that if you’re not in a monogamous (married) or exclusive (dating) relationship where you both are getting regularly tested and are on some other form of birth control (unless you want to get pregnant) — you absolutely should be using condoms and, as a woman, you should not solely rely on your partner to have some that are ready and available.
Not just because you should be responsible for your body and health but because not all condoms are made equal, so you should bring along some that you prefer/enjoy. If you’d like a lil’ help picking those out, check out “These Are The Kinds Of Condoms Your Vagina Would Actually Prefer.”
4. Crotchless Swimsuit
Packing some sexy lingerie? I certainly hope that goes without saying. If you’ve got a hot tub around, though and you want to “get it in” without getting totally naked (so that nosey people won’t see every damn thing), you do know that there are some crotchless swimsuits out in these streets, right? An example of one is here. Of course, you can always do what Beyoncé said in “Drunk in Love” and just move ish over to the side but…I’m just giving you another creative option…if you wanted one.
5. Blindfolds
If you’d like to cultivate an atmosphere of mystery or anticipation, a simple blindfold will do the trick. There is another reason why I think they are great for summer vacation (sex) trips, though — if your hotel room doesn’t come with blackout curtains and you want to have a quickie or two without the room being so bright, putting on a blindfold can solve that “problem” too.
6. Waterproof Sex Toys
Who said that you have to wait until you get to your hotel room to engage in some foreplay? If you bring a couple of sex toys around, you can tease each other practically anywhere — and if they are waterproof, that includes in the ocean or pool. Some, you can pair up with your smartphone in order to stimulate your partner from just about anywhere. Whew, chile.
7. Homemade Sex Toys Too
Speaking of sex toys, you’d probably be amazed at how many things in your house can double up as one. A spatula or wooden spoon is great for spanking. A necktie, some tights and a pair of clothespins work well for BDSM (use your imagination, sis). An electronic toothbrush is its own vibrator. A string of (lubricated) pearls in between your thighs? Girrrl…GIRL. Oh, and cop a silicone ice tray that comes in different shapes.
When you are rubbing ice in the shape of fruit, flowers or even animals over each other’s bodies, you’ll be surprised by how the combination of the cold with the texture of the space of the ice will stimulate you (make the ice out of juice instead of water for an extra sweet treat!).
8. Portable Charger
I don’t know what took me so long to get a damn portable charger but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. What I personally purchased is the ANKER Zolo Power Bank, 20,000mAh 30W High-Speed Portable Charger. I can throw it in my purse, it charges fast, I can use more than once before needing to recharge it; plus, it complements most devices. A great thing to keep in mind, so that your sex toys don’t end up going out on you while you’re…wherever you are.
9. Massage Oil Candle
Going through security at the airport can be a HEADACHE. And while, how long it can take, oftentimes varies on the airport you’re at and the time you are traveling (you can read more about that here), the process is going to be especially annoying if they have to go through your bags. Since you can currently only pack a quarter-sized bag of liquid products on your carry-on, my two cents would be to leave the massage oil at home and pack a massage oil candle instead.
That way, you can still engage in some temperature play (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”) while you’re on the road without going through any security hassle hang-ups. Some edible massage oil candles are located right here.
10. Wine Cooler Sleeve
Say that you end up going on a wine tasting tour while you’re on vacation and you end up purchasing a bottle or you simply want to toast with some champagne but you’re not sure how to store the bottle. Did you know that there are wine cooler sleeves that are lightweight, portable and will help to keep your bottles cold without condensation for hours on end? A brand that comes highly recommended is here.
11. Rose Petals
I think there are a few reasons why rose petals are oftentimes used to create a sexy mood. Red symbolizes love and passion. Rose petals are soft to the touch. The scent of them is considered to be an aphrodisiac as well. For all of these reasons, bring along some fresh rose petals for your hotel bed. If you put a damp paper towel in something like a small Tupperware container and then place the rose petals inside of that, they won’t dry out quickly which will make them feel great once you’re ready to start rolling around in them (you can also keep them in your hotel room’s fridge to further extend their shelf life).
12. Mints
Morning sex. Outdoor sex. Whatever kind of sex — it’s always going to be better when your breath and his smell good. And just so you don’t have to lug around a big bottle of mouthwash, pack some mints. Altoids are always going to be my number one draft pick — yet go with whatever are your personal faves. They’re the perfect hack for unbelievable summer vacation sex. Wouldn’t you agree? Enjoy!
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