

Actor David Oyelowo Talks Faith, Family & Why Love Should Be More Give Than Take
As a young girl, I can vividly remember one of my favorite uncles always greeting me with: "Hey little Black child!" To which I would smartly retort, "I'm not Black, I'm brown!" He always laughed and picked me up afterwards, much to my frustration, excitement and utter confusion. Such was the struggle of a five-year-old who had yet come to terms with the concept of semantics. But in spite of it all, what was abundantly clear was the amount of love my uncle and I shared. And in the new Blumhouse thriller Don't Let Go, starring David Oyelowo and Storm Reid, that sentiment is undoubtedly the beautiful undercurrent that steers this psychologically twisted tale.
Shown through an exhilaratingly suspenseful yet understandably confusing lens, what stands out most of all in this film is the loving yet nuanced dynamics of family. Which is a theme Oyelowo admits he was extremely drawn to from the beginning. "I was very just blown away by how much the script packed in. The action, the time travel, the suspense," the Selma star tells xoNecole during our midday chat. "And then in the middle of all of it, is this beautiful and unconventional relationship between an uncle and his niece. And this sort of heart-thumping question of, 'Is he going to be able to save her?' I was just really taken with it."
In Don't Let Go, the 43-year-old Nigerian English American stars as Detective Jack Radcliff, who gets a shocking phone call from his recently murdered niece Ashley (played by the "emotionally mature and very special" Reid). Working together across time, they race to solve and prevent her murder before it can happen.
In this xoChat, we talk exclusively with the Golden Globe nominee about his latest project, being a father of four, and why self-sacrifice is paramount in marriage.
xoNecole: This movie deals a lot with not taking things at face value, without giving too much away. Was there ever a point in time where you walked into a situation and it turned out to be the total opposite of what you were expecting?
David Oyelowo: Oh gosh, I mean you know the adage: don't judge a book by its cover. I think it's very apt. You know, everyday we make judgements based on what's in front of us. And I can tell you for a fact that if someone I love and lost suddenly called and told me they were calling from a different time plane--I would definitely be skeptical and that's what was fun to play in the film. You're watching this character do what I definitely would do and I think most people would do. Where we get to say, "Am I going crazy? What is this? Is someone trying to trick me, is this a prank? Oh my goodness maybe this is real. It is real. How am I going to tell everyone? They're going to think im crazy" (laughs). You know, I just loved that I got to play the reality of that instead of just the fantasy
Lacey Terrell/Universal Pictures
Definitely. This movie also touches on the importance of time and choice in probably a more nuanced way than a lot of other films. And seizing the small moments in our day to day lives. Particularly in the film, Uncle Jack and his niece have these seemingly nonchalant conversations but we soon learn that we should’ve all been paying a bit more attention.
100 percent. You're alluding to a scene where she calls me and I'm busy and as you say, I don't pay her the right amount of attention. I do think the film is about not taking anything for granted. You know, treasuring those relationships. And in the case of my character, what someone would then be prepared to do once they realize how painful it is to lose someone you love and what you're prepared to do to get them back.
Lacey Terrell/Universal Pictures
"I do think the film is about not taking anything for granted. You know, treasuring those relationships. And in the case of my character, what someone would then be prepared to do once they realize how painful it is to lose someone you love and what you're prepared to do to get them back."
If you could go back in time and alter an important event in your life, whether good or bad, would you and why?
There were definitely some fashion decisions I made in my day probably in the 90s, particularly. My kids really enjoy making fun of me thanks to the photographic evidence. I did have a Marky Mark, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air phase. Those photographs are devastating (laughs). So yeah.
You know what? I would LOVE to see those.
You will NEVER see it (laughs). Just picture a high top and every opportunity to show off my Calvin Klein underwear possible. That's basically what that one was.
I’m disappointed but that’s actually hilarious to hear. So besides fashion choices, what would you say is the biggest difference between the David at the beginning of your career and the David now?
Oh my goodness, that's a good question. The David now very much recognizes that you have got to really just enjoy the journey and be less focused on the results. I think earlier on in my career, it was all about box office, and the reviews, and accolades, you know--tangible evidence of success. But there's no way of predicting how any project you do is going to come out. And sometimes there are mitigating factors that you just can't control. In fact, ALL the time there are mitigating factors you can't control. And I have in the past allowed those things that I can't control rob me of the joy and achievement of just getting to be in things and tell stories.
Sometimes in the moment you don't recognize that, especially [in] films and television shows. So you know, I have grown into the knowledge of: just do the work, enjoy the journey, and then just trust that that work will eventually be seen and appreciated.
"In the past allowed those things that I can't control rob me of the joy and achievement of just getting to be in things and tell stories... Sometimes in the moment you don't recognize that. So, I have grown into the knowledge of: just do the work, enjoy the journey, and then just trust that that work will eventually be seen and appreciated."
I want to switch gears a bit now. There's often a lot of talk about millennials in particular: what we do right, what we do wrong, what we don't know, what we think we know...
Mm-hmm. Right.
So I’m curious, what do you think millennials get wrong or right about their perception of love and family?
I think there's a notion that independence is the absolute epitome of self-realization. I actually feel people are designed to be dependent on each other. And I think this striving for independence is why you have so many lonely people. It's why "commitment" has become almost a swear word, if you will. Because there is this notion with the younger people--and I don't know what we've done in terms of society--but there's this notion that empowerment, true femininity and masculinity is tied to being able to be self-reliant entirely.
And anyone who's lived on a deserted island for a week will tell you: I just don't think we're designed to be alone (laughs). I think we're designed to rely upon each other. I think we're designed to be vulnerable with each other. And I truly do believe that we are, we are designed to love in a way that is not just about what I can take, whether it be sexually or financially or, or emotionally. But to give, I think giving is the height of who we are. And that is also something that is in short supply these days.
Lacey Terrell/Universal Pictures
"There's a notion that independence is the absolute epitome of self-realization. I actually feel people are designed to be dependent on each other. And I think this striving for independence is why you have so many lonely people. It's why 'commitment' has become almost a swear word if you will... There's this notion that empowerment, true femininity and masculinity is tied to being able to be self-reliant entirely."
What’s the biggest misconception you feel people in general have when it comes to the conversation of love, marriage, and family?
Well, I think something missing in terms of both love and family is just how important family is. There are real challenges to the--and I don't really like calling it an institution--but to the beauty of marriage. I've been married 21 years next month and my parents were married before my mom passed away, for all of their adult lives. And I know there are reasons why people end up breaking up and all of that, but I feel like in society now, I don't know that we work as hard as we should to stay together. I think that there's a misconception that love should always feel like butterflies and be romantic. But there's an element to love that is work. There is an element that is pure self-sacrifice without the desire to get anything back in return.
And if two people are doing that to each other: then you are loving and being loved at the same time. So, I think that the sheer amount of work that needs to go into keeping your family together and keeping a marriage together, is something that we're losing as a skill.
Lacey Terrell/Universal Pictures
"I think that there's a misconception that love should always feel like butterflies and be romantic. But there's an element to love that is work. There is an element that is pure self-sacrifice without the desire to get anything back in return. And if two people are doing that to each other: then you are loving and being loved at the same time."
I know you yourself are married as well. When did you know that you were ready to put in that work to give and receive love? You know, where you knew that this was something you were fully capable of doing.
My dad didn't get married until he was quite a bit older. He was 40 when he got married. And my dad's my hero. So, I just assumed that, you don't get married to you're later in life. But then at the age of 19, I met this amazing girl who was 17, and we became friends. And before I knew it--I had fallen in love. And I was shocked by this because I always had in my head that being with someone for life is something that wasn't going to happen until later. I don't know, there was just something about her. But the moment I realized I was in love and couldn't do without the lady I'm now married to, was when I literally couldn't picture my life without her in it. And that was the moment beyond which I thought, 'Okay, I guess this is my forever person.' It was that revelation that made me feel brave enough to jump in.
That’s beautiful. And so what do you know now about love or family that you didn't know before?
What I know now about love and family-- I'll relate this to my kids. If you have more than one child, what I know about family and what I know about children is that they are all different. You can't apply all of the same parenting methods to one child as you do another. You have to get to know them. I think it's good to have core values, but you have to adapt to your child's needs. And I have three sons and a girl; each and every one of them are different and it has been imperative to respond to who they are as people as opposed to a blanket approach to all of them.
Last question before you go: at this point in your life, what are you most grateful for?
I am most grateful for my faith. You know, I'm a Christian and that has been a bedrock for me since I was 16. And it's been such a relief and a release to know that I am loved by God. That my salvation is secure in Christ and that in this life--I don't have to strive because I already have the greatest reward anyone could ever have: which is God's love. That's just something that releases me from so much of the things I think I would have been preoccupied with if I didn't have that revelation.
You can catch David in Don't Let Go, in theaters everywhere now. And be sure to keep up with him by following him on Instagram.
Featured image by Getty Images
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
Rachel Lindsay On Leaving 'Extra,' Betting On Herself, & Entering A Season Of 'Rest And Renew'
There are two words that Rachel Lindsay keeps returning to over and over again: Rest and renew.
The ambitious, self-described “type A” media personality just left one of her more prominent roles after three years, and instead of being anxious about the downtime, she’s finally learning to take a few moments for herself.
When we talk via Zoom in late August, Lindsay, 38, has just returned from a lunch date with a friend, the type of midday social outing she’d never had time for previously. In a week, she’ll be heading to Europe for an Eat, Pray, Love trip. It’s the first time she’s had time to go to Europe in five years.
“You ask me what I have time to do? Take care of me,” she says, beaming.
In the past six years, Lindsay has made a lot of changes. After becoming the first Black woman to lead ABC’s Bachelorette dating series in 2017, she fell in love with Bryan Abasolo, the man she chose on the show, and married him. Enamored with the world of entertainment but also accustomed to the stability that being an attorney provided her, she returned to practicing law in her native Dallas, Texas, while pursuing media opportunities on the side.
For a time, Lindsay would fly herself to Connecticut to co-host ESPN’s Football Frenzy radio show. The role was perfect for the Dallas Cowboys fan and sports fanatic who majored in sports management and once dreamed of becoming an agent. In 2019, when she finally felt she’d saved enough money and made enough connections, she made the leap and left the legal profession behind, determined to bet on her entertainment dreams.
Working as an on-air correspondent for Extra was one of Lindsay’s first big roles as a full-time media personality. In this job, she interviewed celebrities such as Halle Bailey and Anthony Anderson. She also notably conducted the controversial interview with Bachelor host Chris Harrison that subsequently led to his departure from the franchise. After Harrison told Lindsay he felt people needed to have “grace” for a contestant who had attended an “Old South” party, Lindsay publicly announced her plans to distance herself from the series.
Today, she cites changes in Extra’s leadership and her responsibilities as the reason for her recent departure after three years. “I just didn’t fit within the new regime,” she reveals to xoNecole.
Lindsay is currently focusing her energy work-wise on her two podcasts with The Ringer Podcast Network, the Higher Learningshow with Van Lathan, and Morally Corrupt. Despite the extremely different subjects – Higher Learning touches on race and politics while Morally Corrupt finds Lindsay commenting on her favorite Bravo reality shows – she gushes when speaking about both, calling podcasting “the most liberating thing you can do.”
On Higher Learning, she’s challenged by her co-host, Lathan, to think in new ways. She’s regularly in conversation with prominent figures such as Tracee Ellis Ross and Billy Porter.
Lindsay, a “Bravoholic” whose favorite Real Housewives franchise is Potomac and whose favorite Housewife is Nene Leakes, is no less passionate about Morally Corrupt, even if the subject matter is much lighter. “I’ve always loved reality TV because it was such an escape from my real world. Part of me admired people who could put themselves out there in a way that I believed I never could, until I went on reality TV,” Lindsay says.
Courtesy of Rachel Lindsay
The podcast host says she never intended to find love when she went on The Bachelor, and she was surprised when she was asked to lead season 13 of The Bachelorette. Going from viewer to reality TV star quickly opened her eyes to the demands of being a public figure. After receiving initial criticism from viewers about choosing and marrying Bryan Abasolo, she realized she wanted to become more protective of certain aspects of her personal life.
“I quickly learned that we had to protect what we had, and stop trying to prove it to other people and convince people to know what we knew to be true,” she says. “I wish I could share more of my relationship. But the moment you do that, you have to continue to provide more and you have to continue to answer.”
In many ways, Lindsay benefited from being on a show like The Bachelorette, where the contestants are confined to a limited environment over a temporary amount of time. She says she doesn’t think she could ever be on a reality show where she’s expected to reveal all aspects of her life constantly. In fact, she says if she ever had pregnancy news or updates about her relationship with Abasolo, she wouldn’t make a big public announcement.
Since walking away from The Bachelor franchise, the former Bachelor Happy Hour host says she’s been approached to participate in recent seasons, specifically this year’s season with Black lead, Charity Lawson. Lindsay says she ultimately declined to participate. “I just started thinking I can have a relationship with Charity – whose number I do have and I have talked to – outside of the show. I don’t need to come on television to put that out there for other people,” she says.
Reflecting on her life today, Lindsay is trying to learn the benefits of being still. She’s not planning to do any on-air correspondent booked for the time being, and she’s not planning to release another book, the followup to the collection of essays Miss Me with That or the fictional Real Love.
As her 40th birthday approaches in a couple of years, she’s been thinking a lot about the popular quote, “You are, right now, as young as you'll ever be again” from the FX drama Fleishman Is in Trouble. If she does start on a new creative project, it might delve into this notion, she says. “I think I could do something in that space about adulthood and getting older and maybe questioning things in life because I think we all do it,” she tells xoNecole.
Lindsay is not rushing the process, though. For now, she’s remembering to rest and renew.
“We'll see what comes out of this state that I'm in.”
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Featured image courtesy of Rachel Lindsay
Tinashe, Coi Leray, Doja Cat & More New Songs To Add To Your Playlist This Week
Before the music business calms down as the summer draws to a close, musicians are releasing the last of their dance songs from their archives. And shouldn't we be grateful for it? This week's new music offered tracks for every aspect of the season, whether it be for the club ("Bongos"), a last-minute relaxing retreat ("My Love"), a scary movie ("Demons"), or an introduction to an autumn wind ("Uh Huh"), this week had a song for everyone. Heading into the new week, here are the latest songs in our rotation.
1.Tinashe - "Uh Huh"
The fourth single from Tinashe's studio album, BB/ANG3L, is "Uh Huh," and what a sweet offering it is. Sung in a whimsical falsetto, Tinashe portrays the ballad as an intimate confession shared with a partner during an intimate moment. In the song, she wonders if the guy she is seeing is ready for a relationship, even though it feels like they are already in one. The question isn't posed in the accusatory manner that we are all accustomed to hearing. Instead, she presents the query as a shooting, consoling lullaby. By the end, she has successfully lulled both her lover and the audience in her lovely proposition of loving another for simply being.
2.Busta Rhymes - "Luxury Life" ft. Coi Leray
Timbaland and Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous" in the summer of 2006 completely dominated the airwaves with its witty and occasionally playfully cringe-inducing one-liners. Busta Rhymes and Coi Leray performed what I can only compare to the more direct rap equivalent in the summer of 2023. With its distinctive funky flow and catchy, throbbing beat that only Swizz Beatz can provide. Busta Rhymes and Coi Leray's second collaboration demonstrates remarkable chemistry between the two emcees as they bounce ideas off one another. With often finishing each other's sentences, this song generates an energetic vibe that is worth playing repeatedly.
3.Tkay Maidza - "WUACV"
You know those scary movies where a repetitive, slower-paced children's song plays in the background and gives you the impression that you're only one "based on a true story" label away from leaving the theater? As I listened to this song's start, I experienced the same sensation. So much so that when Tkay Maidza started the song, I almost didn't listen to listen. However, as I tuned in, I couldn't help but bounce my shoulders and make a stank face at Tkay's constantly shifting flow. As she quickly sped through the lines, she genuinely "woke up and chose violence." A harmony that can only be characterized as the ambulance arriving to pick up the victims of her talented smooth shifting flow screams over the hazardous matter-of-fact repetition of the chorus. This music is strong, lucid, and deserving of a download.
4.Cardi B. - "Bongos" ft. Megan Thee Stallion
After "WAP," I knew Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion would reunite, but I didn't anticipate their arduous reunion. I stopped this music at the 12-second mark when I originally started it. Why? Because I knew I would need to take a breather in that little amount of time. I didn't take notes after that since I was so engrossed in the video's pure amusement. But after concentrating, I've come to the conclusion that this was just so damn entertaining. The fact that it isn't "WAP" isn't always a negative thing. Even if the song continues to discuss sex and butts, it has its own charm and is entertaining thanks to the choreo in the video and the beach-themed elements for the final getaway of the summer.
5.A Boogie Wit da Hoodie - "Her Birthday"
Contrary to its fun title, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie's song "Her Birthday" is about heartbreak and difficult realizations. ABWDH is irritated when he meets a lady who insists on having a relationship with a gold digger after realizing he is in yet another unsuccessful relationship. However, as the song progresses, it becomes apparent that he shares some blame for the relationship's--if you can call it that--end because he knew their first hookup wasn't anything significant. And it only makes sense for them to leave things as they are after some of his dubious behaviors, including sleeping with her "best friend" out of retaliation, occur. They intentionally aim to harm one another, and they only seem to be on this rollercoaster because the long nights happen to be good.
6.Leigh-Anne - "My Love" ft. Ayra Starr
For this one, you must view the song's music video while listening to it. "My Love" is an upbeat summer bop with Caribbean-Afro beats that serve as a love letter to one's love and self-confidence. I've listened to this song so many times that I wish it had been released earlier in the summer and that more people had heard of it. I do, however, hope that it continues to catch on with its alluring, scenic, and dance-filled sensations. The English singer draws on her Caribbean heritage as she asks how much of her love can be taken with Nigerian singer Ayra Starr. They check in with their respective partners and muse on how much they ought to be prepared to invest in their relationships.
7.Tee Grizzley - "IDGAF" ft. Chris Brown and Mariah The Scientist
When a person feels fulfilled in a relationship, there is always someone else who offers to break their relationship off—usually unsolicited. They don't care and just want to spend the night without any strings attached, making it obvious that they would keep it quiet. Chris Brown and Tee Grizzley play that role in the song "IDGAF." Although Tee Grizzley is aware that the lady is dedicated to her relationship, he is still optimistic that his enticement would be strong enough to get his ex back for the night. Mariah The Scientist, on the other hand, isn't having that and scoffs at his arrogance for even phoning her. She is happy and doesn't intend to ruin either of their relationships anytime soon.
8.Nicki Minaj - "Last Time I Saw You"
I must say that I didn't anticipate Nicki Minaj to release this song. Not that she hasn't already recorded an excellent slow song in the ballad style. However, they have never been this...refreshing, so that is a positive. This song is the sensation of taking a deep breath after smelling something pleasant or after going for a while without air. It was like going for a walk in the park. When she brokenly confessed that she pushed her love away because she thought she bored her love, it also gave off a faint heartbreak-like feeling. Minaj starts rapping over a stanza, remembering the times with her former love and the end of their relationship as barriers rise to protect her somewhat in her vulnerability.
9.Doja Cat - "Demons"
Even though it's September, Halloween waits for no one. Doja Cat wonders in this song how her "demons look now that her pockets are full." She challenges the haters and lets them know that she is spending the money she has made from her achievements while ignoring their hateful glances. She wants them to know that she recognizes their envy and that she is reveling in it rather than telling them to get over it. She frequently makes fun of them, letting her "enemies" know that as long as she is successful, she will always be the demonic villain in their nightmares. Since she doesn't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, she figures she might as well play the part.
10.Citizen Queen - "Whatchu Want"
With everyone playing games, it's easy to become weary of the same old song and dance. To the point that you start doubting the intentions of your newest suitor right away. Annoyed that they might waste your time. In their newest single, Cora, Kaedi, Kaylah, and Nina question someone's motives in Citizen Queen's "Whatchu Want" and distinctly state what they want. They challenge the person to continue moving if all they want to do is screw about. The girls caution against messing with their feelings in a catchy chorus that has elements of Danity Kane's "Showstopper," allowing for a nice dance break.
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Featured image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images