Who else is as excited as I am to watch the next episode of Love Is__ on OWN?
The budding love story between Nuri, the successful television writer, and Yasir, the broke, absentee father who's still living on his ex-girlfriend's couch, captured me within the first few minutes of its premiere episode and leaves me wanting more every damn time.
The series is inspired by the real-life love story of the show's creators, husband and wife producers and screenwriters Mara Brock Akil and Salim Akil.
Mara Brock Akil is the storyteller and producer of some of our favorite shows over the past decade including Girlfriends, The Game, and Being Mary Jane. The creative professional recently hit her stride in her new home with the OWN Network, and she is gaining even more die-hard fans. Every Tuesday night, Love Is___ gets all the trending Twitter love.
Mara Brock Akil, Michelle Weaver (Nuri), and Will Catlett (Yasir) recently sat down with The Breakfast Club to discuss the inspiration behind the show, how the actors approach playing the parts based off of their bosses, and how love truly is all around us.
Artists are known for drawing inspiration from their lives in order to create, and the Akils have found a way to share their compelling love story by way of their latest hit series. Mara said:
"I use the facts of my life as inspiration...Marriage is a construct of society but the heart committed 20 years ago."
The Black Lightning duo are not only best friends, but they have been creating together for quite some time. Their work with Akil Productions has garnered them a lot of success, and with proper boundaries, they've also managed to keep their marriage thriving. They recognize that love is the only thing that keeps marriages together, and stress the importance of a strong support system. When asked about the work/love dynamic, Mara says:
"He's literally my best friend… We create boundaries even for each project we decide going forward who gets the last say so that we don't carry that argument into the other aspect of our relationship. I think you know when your relationship is a little rocky, so there's been times where even families have had to step in. So it's also important who you surround your relationship around, who's your sounding board to pull you guys back together. Our parents have mediated for us. It gets rough."
The series is a reminder that love is, well, complicated. The plot is even more complex given the fact that this story is based on actual events, which ultimately puts a great deal of pressure on the show's cast to get it "right". Michelle Weaver, who plays Nuri on the show, says that she didn't spend a lot of time studying Mara, which allowed her to relate to the role from her own perspective. She told The Breakfast Club:
"I think that was what was good because I wasn't trying to imitate a human, I went in there free and just truthful. That's the great thing about Mara she's very simple the way she writes but she's very very deep, like life. You know life is very complex but yet simple. So, I'm glad I didn't because I was able to be free and just enjoy the process. And then after meeting Mara, she gave me direction and I was like, oh. She gave me the full view, and then from there, I knew this is where I'm going to go."
Will Catlett was also a relatively new actor when he was cast for the show. In order to prepare, he says he had to take small moments from his interaction with Salim Akil in order to truly understand his nuances and his deep love for his now wife. He tells listeners one of the most endearing nuggets when he says:
"One time, Salim, on the set of 'Black Lightning', when Mara came, he looked at her, and I promise you, the way this man looked at her was like he seen her for the first time but he didn't want her to go. So I was like OK...it was subtle, you know, and I was like OK, if I can get that, I'm good, I don't need to know nothing else."
Swoon!
Without dropping any spoiler alerts, she reminds fans that because she is a storyteller and using her own life as inspiration. Because her life parallels the story of so many Black Americans generation after generation, she knew she had a responsibility to depict her story with transparency. She revealed:
"We're still unpacking a lot of pain, and as a storyteller, I wanted to get this right. Especially because it's our story, especially because I honor and love this man and his family. Again it's inspired by, it's not direct. I wanted to get this right for us personally and I wanted to get this right personally for us black people...what's been depicted for our narrative, it's not done well enough."
Some of us believe in love at first sight, while others cast the theory aside as a myth. With that being said, we all know that something as simple as the way a person looks at you to capture your heart forever. Mara describes this phenomenon as seeing the other's light. We all need more lessons in recognizing the light in each other, and Love Is___ is a beautiful depiction of what that looks like. In explaining what drew Yasir to Nuri, she says:
"He was drawn to her light. No, he doesn't know her yet really, even after four hours... but you can recognize light in each other. I think if we start to look for and teach our children and reteach ourselves how to look for light in each other, and share our light...let's keep looking for light, who's feeding you? Oprah--cuz I talk to Oprah now [laughter]--Oprah's like, 'You go where the love is.' Let's teach that, let's show that: go where love is."
This show proves that you can find love in a package you weren't even expecting. Sometimes you have to just trust your instinct and open up your doors.
To check out the rest of the interview with The Breakfast Club, click here.
Love Is___ airs on OWN Tuesday nights, 10/9c. Have you been watching? What's your favorite scene so far?
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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