Listen, if you’ve been rocking with me on this platform on a semi-consistent basis, you know that if there’s one thing that I’m a fan of, it’s marriage. BIG TIME. I’m so in support of it that, as a marriage life coach, my niche is actually reconciling divorces (I Corinthians 7:10-11). At the same time, because I also write for a living, I’d be ridiculous if I was out here acting like the divorce rate is still holding steady and that marriage is on a steady incline; some studies say that there’s been as much as a 60 percent drop over the past several decades.
Yeah, marriage isn’t for everyone. And with articles coming out like Gallup’s “Is Marriage Becoming Irrelevant?” and even a piece that I published on here a couple of years back entitled “Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON’T Desire Marriage?” I thought that I would step out and speak with some couples who are totally committed to one another yet have no desire to call each other “husband and wife” just to hear their side of things. Because the reality is, very few things in life are a monolith.
Anyway, 12 couples agreed to share their voices, and I must say that, regardless of the side of the fence that you may be on, they do bring up some points that are worth listening to — and, when it comes to how they choose to love their partner, they share some feelings that are irrefutable too.
*Whenever I do interview pieces, I always prefer to go with middle names; that way, people can speak super freely. This article is no exception.*
1. Riley (28) and George (35). Been Living Together for Three Years.
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Riley: "My parents sucked at marriage. They're still together to this day, and they're just as toxic as I remember them. A lot of folks think I'm not married because of their example, but if that were the case, I wouldn't be living with someone, either.
"I grew up in the church, and the idea of keeping your vows to God and your spouse, I respect. I just don't want to feel like I should stay married out of obligation to those vows, so living with someone takes the pressure off. It works for me, so why change it?"
George: "I would get married if she wanted to. I always thought that women would like the security of things being 'on paper.' But since she's fine and things are running smoothly, I'm cool with this too."
2. Elanie (30) and Malcolm (32). Been Together for Eight Years.
Elanie: "I love who I'm with. I was engaged before him, and it just…marriage feels like it's going to totally switch up the expectations, for some reason. I think I feel that way because I've watched countless friends have great relationships until about a year after their honeymoon. Then there's less sex, more stress, and all kinds of new demands and expectations. We don't want marriage to kill a great relationship. Might seem weird to say, but it is what it is…"
Malcolm: "Anyone who knows how to Google knows that marriage never favors men. We get left the most and still have to pay alimony. It's just not a financially wise decision to me. Luckily, I found someone who gets where I'm coming from. She knows I've got her back, but the web of paperwork and then losing a ton of paper? I'll pass."
Shellie here: He's right. Reportedly around 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
3. Michelle (43) and Jaxson (40). Been Living Together for One Year.
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Michelle: "If you've ever gone through a divorce before, you will totally get why I have no desire to get married again. It's not that marriage isn't beautiful when two people are right for each other; it's that 'right' is more difficult to find than people think, and unraveling your life from someone else is one of the hardest things you will do. I love love. I just don't like [that] there's this assumption that the only way to fully love someone is if you say, 'I do.' I love [Jaxson] more than I ever loved my ex. I think a part of it is because the stress is gone. It feels freer this way."
Jaxson: "My friends are all married, and they hate it. They say there's less sex, more stress, and most of them regret ever deciding to do it. That doesn't make me want to run out and buy a ring. Living together was a big decision, too, but [Michelle] hasn't switched up or expected anything more than when we were just dating. We like living kind of like we're married without all of the heavy expectations that come with it. It works for us better than marriage works for my boys, so…yeah."
4. Lydia (29) and Ezra (27). Been Living Together for Three Years.
Lydia: "I don't remember being a little girl who wanted to get married. I've never gone to a wedding and wanted to catch the bouquet. Wedding dress shopping was not a dream of mine. I dunno.
"I kind of hate that people think that all women want to be a bride or that we're incapable of romantic love unless we've got a ring on our finger. I love my man. I'm not going anywhere — unless he proposes. It's just not the way I see living my life."
Ezra: "Once I decided that I didn't want kids, I didn't see the point in getting married. Talk to a lot of men, especially Black men, and they will admit that choosing a wife is about looking for a good mom to raise children with. We want that structure for our children. That is off of the table for me, so marriage is too. I'm glad I found [Lydia] because all that matters is finding someone who is on the same page as you are."
5. Aimee (31) and Preston (26). Been Together for Two Years.
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Aimee: “I don’t want a man to love me out of obligation — marriage comes with obligation. Some of my girls will say, ‘Aren’t you afraid that he could just leave one day and you get nothing?’ and it doesn’t cross my mind until they start saying that sh-t. [Preston] and I were friends before we decided to date. Living together was a natural next move. But it stops there for us. I trust him because of who he is, not because of some document he signed. We’re good.”
Preston: “I think more men should do what we’re doing! At least try it before marriage because you want to make sure you know as much as possible before jumping the broom or whatever folks are doing these days. Marriage isn’t something I wouldn’t do. I just don’t see why it’s necessary. We live together. We’re monogamous. There’s no drama. I don’t want to jinx it.”
6. Wanda (36) and Richard (42). Been Living Together for Seven Years.
Wanda: "Know what's crazy? I've been with [Richard] longer than either of my marriages lasted. I was really young the first time, and my last marriage was more about being afraid of being alone. This relationship gives me space and freedom to heal and get to know myself better. Marriage always felt like I was constantly having to prove myself. Just being with [Richard], choosing him every day, with no red tape — I wouldn't change it for the world."
Richard: "I've never been married before, so I'm not opposed to it. [Wanda] has been divorced twice, so I'm giving her the space to decide what's best for her. Living together isn't a problem; for most men, it wouldn't be. So long as she knows I'm not going anywhere, I'm good. If, at some point, a ring is what she'll need, I'm prepared."
7. Patrycia (29) and Krew (29). Been Living Together for Five Years.
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Patrycia: "We're both super ambitious people, and I was raised that when you get married, your spouse comes before all else. I don't disagree with that in theory. I'm just trying to decide if that is what I want to sign up for. In the meantime, he and I are each other's biggest supporters, but because 'marriage' isn't looming over our heads, we don't feel guilty about putting our careers first. It's worked for us really well to be cheerleaders instead of spouses."
Krew: "Not one time has Patrycia ever called me upset because I'm working late. Not one time have I been mad when she had to stay a few days later on a business trip. We're like a weird version of business partners who love each other. I don't think we're together to make a family. We're together to drive us both into the highest realms of success."
8. Stacey (39) and Stephan (35). Been Together for 10 Years.
Stacey: "I guess I'm a real-life 'runaway bride.' I've been engaged twice, and about six months before the first wedding and three months before the second, I called it off. Both were great guys; that had nothing to do with it. I just think that I was programmed to think that I had to get married if I loved someone — and I don't feel that way anymore. I like my space. I don't want to share bills. At the same time, I love my man and desire no one else. All of those things can be valid, and women like me should feel okay about it."
Stephan: "I think if I were to get married, I would end up ruining it because all I'd be thinking about is what was expected of me as a husband, which could prevent me from being a great partner, if that makes any sense. Some people are so focused on word titles that they forget what it means to just love someone and have them love you back. Having the space to love [Stacey] is what's kept me in this relationship for this long. It's the best one I've ever had. She may not be my wife, but she's definitely my everything."
9. Nyla (26) and Luther (27). Been Together for Six Years.
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Nyla: "What's so great about being a wife? I'm serious. I don't mean that I don't respect a woman's choice to be one. I just mean that I don't get how that's a pinnacle for so many people. If I do end up getting married, it'll be after I check off the billions of things that are before it on my list. That's why he and I work so well together — we met in college, we both have huge dreams, and we push each other to reach them. Marriage isn't one of those dreams right now. Don't see why that's a problem."
Luther: "I was raised by my father, and what he instilled in me is how to be a self-sufficient man who doesn't settle. I don't want to be a husband or have kids any time soon. If it comes to that, I know exactly the kind of woman I want and the kind of man I need to be. [Nyla] and I agree that because we both don't want a family, we don't have to worry about if we're right for each other when it comes to having one. We're right for each other as encouragers to get this money and be successful, and that is our focus. She's my best friend, and I love her. That beats the 'wife' word for me at this stage in my life."
10. Desi (41) and August (39). Been Living Together for Five Years.
Desi: "I hate the assumption people have that folks who live together are 'less committed' than people who are married. We live together. We share bills, a bed, and a life. The expense of a wedding is dumb. So is having a piece of paper that makes other people feel better about what we have going on. I've never been married, and maybe one day, I'll find it appealing. But with the divorce rate as high as it is? Hell, I think he and I are actually helping to contribute to the fact that you can be totally in love and not end up a statistic. If you're never married, you can't get divorced…right?"
August: "I was married before. It wasn't bad. This is way better, though. I got married because I was given an ultimatum; I got married to not lose my ex, not really because I really wanted to do it. With [Desi], she doesn't pressure me to do anything I'm not ready to do — that helps me to trust her more in my own time. What she doesn't know is if she wanted to get married tomorrow, we could do it because I am not stressed into choosing her. I wish more people got how big that is."
11. Erika (44) and Brice (47). Been Together for 15 Years.
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Erika: "Marriage, in some ways, is the natural progression of things; I get that. I just think that it's progression for people who have the goal of getting married someday — and I don't. Believe it or not, I respect traditional marriage and gender roles in them, and that's a huge part of the reason why I'm not interested. My grandparents are happily married and traditional. My parents are too. It's a beautiful thing. I've always been a rebel, though. Why get married and make someone miserable because I'm pushing back all of the time? I'd rather just date exclusively and have my own space and peace of mind."
Brice: "I have everything I need without getting married. I think that says it all."
12. Eryn (45) and Alex (50). Been Living Together for 12 Years.
Eryn: "Have you ever asked people why they want to get married? If they're not giving you a blank stare like 'That's what you're supposed to do' or cramming the Bible down your throat, they are talking about all of the things that they expect someone else to do for them. Me? I don't want to get married because I don't have a good enough reason to do it. What I do have is a good enough reason to love a man, stay with him and be okay with that without needing his last name, a diamond ring, or something to prove that we love each other. I come home every night feeling like what keeps us together is integrity. We don't need vows because our word to each other is good enough. We are the walking example of 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' We should get a welcome mat that says it."
Alex: "[Eryn] is a better woman to me than my wife ever was. She's more thoughtful. She's more supportive. And she's more generous. I used to think that you couldn't be loved the way she loves me unless a woman was married to you. [Eryn] has totally blown that theory out of water!
"Get married. Don't get married. Basically, look for someone who loves you completely and wants to live the kind of life that you do. I found that without being married, and it's made me a fan of living life…just this way."
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So, before we look up and — boom — we’re just a few weeks away from summer (because that really is how this year is going, y’all), take a moment to learn more about spring fever and how you can actually make it work for you in ways that you may not have ever even considered before.
Spring Fever. What Is It All About?
GiphyA fun fact about me is I was born in Lincoln, Nebraska. If you add to that the fact that my mother is a New Yorker, perhaps that is why my favorite times of the year are fall and winter (check out “There Are Actually Scientific Reasons Why So Many Of Us Adore The Fall Season”) — including the fact that, yes, I like it cold and dark. Oh, I so enjoy cuddling up in cable-knit blankets in a room that is filled with candles. It is absolutely my thing.
In fact, I hate that I didn’t plan better this year, so that I could take a vacation to Colorado during this month since, reportedly, March is when a lot of the state tends to have the most snow. And if you add to that the fact that I am a bona fide ambivert — listen, if anyone is perfectly content with spending most of my time indoors (my house, specifically) with a cup of hot chocolate and a book or a good movie…she is I and I am her.
Still, that doesn’t mean that, over the past week or so, I haven’t felt the urge to get out more than I typically do. And from what I’ve read, that is probably due to, yep, spring fever — a time when many people feel more restless and/or like they have more energy than usual. And although it’s not technically a medical condition, many experts on the topic say that spring fever should be taken quite seriously.
The main reason is because when daylight savings time “springs forward,” it gives us extra daylight. When that happens, it actually has an impact on your circadian rhythm (the pattern that your body experiences every 24-hour cycle). There are actually pros and cons to this because while, on one hand, “losing an hour of sleep” can up your stress levels (including when it comes to your heart) which is a con, more sunlight also has a way of increasing your serotonin levels which is a pro. You see, serotonin is one of the “feel-good hormones” in your body that causes you to feel happier; it also makes you want to stay awake for longer periods of time.
Something else about spring fever that has some science to back it: You do tend to take a bigger interest in dating and sex (even though fall is reportedly the best time of year for copulation — check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). There is actually a pretty scientific basis for why this is the case (that you can read here). For now, I guess the best way to explain it would be that sunlight hits your optic nerve which influences the part of your brain known as your pineal gland. When that happens, less melatonin is produced and, since melatonin can actually lower your libido — there you have it: suppressed melatonin can increase your interest in flirting, dating, and intimacy, and being out in the sun more helps to make all of this happen.
Not to mention the fact thatother reports have stated that spring is a time of the year when people tend to be more body image conscious too. Since layering season is gone and yet it’s not quite time to pull out a bathing suit (check out “These 12 Tips Will Make You Feel More Confident In Your Swimsuit”), springtime is a time of preparation. And since you’ve got all of that extra energy — and potential dating interest — spring fever can help to make you more focused on getting your body in the shape that you want it to be in over the course of the next few months.
A final thing about spring fever — it may causeyour moods to be a bit…erratic. That makes sense when you really stop to think about it because spring weather tends to be the same way with all of its roller-coaster ride temperatures, “April showers” and whatnot. So, more than usual, you may feel like you want to hang out for hours with friends one day and then not even want to answer your phone another — which is pretty much a reminder that spring is a season when you should really listen to your mind, body, and spirit to see what it needs.
5 Ways to Handle Spring Fever (So That It Doesn’t Control You)
GiphyOkay, so now that you know that spring fever isn’t just a saying, that it actually has some solid truth to it, here are a few tips that can help to keep it from throwing you off course:
1. Be intentional about stabilizing your moods. It’s not good enough to know that certain things will impact your moods in a random way and then do nothing about it. And since spring fever may have you a bit all over the place, eat foods that will help to make you feel better (check out “In A Bad Mood? These Foods Will Lift Your Spirits!”), look into supplements that will boost your moods (like probiotics, magnesium, and vitamin D), and do some meditating outdoors. The combination of sunlight and deep breathing can do wonders.
2. Get on a sleep schedule. More sun really can throw your sleep patterns off, so you might want to consider putting your body on a sleep schedule. Y’all, I actually read that spring is the season when heart attacks and strokes increase, in part, due to sleep deprivation — so please don’t be out here thinking that just because you may not feel like sleeping that you don’t actually need to. YOU. DO. (Check out “12 Monthly Sleep Habits To Transform Your Rest In 2025”).
3. Exercise…even if it’s in baby steps. There are a billion reasons why we all need to exercise, no matter what time of year it is; however, if the body image thing is really on your mind, there are so many ways to get your body toned up. Jumping jacks, lunges, squats, mountain climbers, bicycle crunches — these are all things that you can do from the comfort and convenience of your house. And walking around your neighborhood either before work or after dinner (or both), especially now that it’s warmer — that is a cool way to get some cardio in. Anyway, Healthline has a helpful article on this topic. Check out “30 Moves to Make the Most of Your At-Home Workout” when you get a chance.
4. Date with a “sober” mind. A wise person once said, “Feelings don’t have intellect.” Yeah, don’t get me to preachin’ up in here (again) about just how much I hate the saying “Follow your heart” when the Good Book clearly says that the heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9-10). For now, let’s just leave it at this: You get that science says that your urge to, umm, entertain more, may increase right now. Just make sure that you don’t just “go with the flow of your feelings”. Bring some common sense, street smarts, and even patience to the table. Springtime is just one season. Make choices that will make the rest of the year awesome as well.
5. Put all of that extra energy to wise use. You already read that feeling restless is pretty normal these days; that doesn’t mean that you’ve gotta do reckless things, though. The way that I see it, extra energy can help you to make some plans, reach a goal (whether it’s long-term or short-term), or try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Bottom line: just because spring fever may have you feeling like you’re all over the place, that doesn’t mean that you can’t cultivate some real direction. Use this time to make you end this year in a way that makes you smile. All because you used spring fever…instead of allowing it to use you!
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