Life can have its amazing moments of joy, advancement, and fun, but there are other not-so-fun challenges that we have to face in order to advance and grow. Ending something that is not serving you is one of them, especially when it comes to your career. Sometimes, you won't be forced out of a job that you've outgrown or simply don't like. You'll need to walk away.
Quitting a job can be a scary thing to even think about doing, especially when you have bills and other obligations. It can be even more difficult when you're comfortable, making a nice amount of money, and seemingly have a dream life, but you've been called to something else. You just don't feel fulfilled, or there's a push to go in another direction.
Well, allow a few bits of information to encourage you to replace fear with factual empowerment: First off, many Black women in today's work environments consistently face discrimination, micro-aggressions, underemployment, and unequal pay. In fact, 2 in 5 Black women have left jobs due to the aforementioned reasons. (That's 40 percent, y'all.) And they've survived and thrived, going on to other jobs, starting businesses, becoming full-time stay-at-home moms, digital nomads, or pursuing other destinies.
I once quit a job even after finally being promoted. I got tired of watching and reporting on others fulfilling their highest entrepreneurial dreams, and I wanted to try self-employment for myself. I felt God pushing me to take charge of my own advancement.
There were several confirmations of this in the form of getting more invites to speak, to host events, and to consult entrepreneurs outside of the usual work I'd done with that company. It was just time. While I would have loved to have advanced further within that company after the promotion (and it was something I'd been working hard toward for the past 7 years working there), I just knew that I had to go.
A decade later, I'm still self-employed, and while it hasn't always been a glamorous, dreamy journey, leaving that job to transition into this life was the best decision I ever made. As my now 94-year-old Granny always told me, "Life goes on. Your survival doesn't depend on a job. Use your brain. Make yourself happy. Go live life."
If you're struggling with taking the step to quit your job and move on to the next phase of your life, here are 10 affirmations to give you the boost you need:
1. "I have the tools, knowledge, and faith to land on my feet."
Your training, education, and experience are invaluable and can be used for many different things. Tap into the power of that and think about your options based on those factors.
2. "I am unique, talented, and experienced, and my skills are needed."
Skills are valuable to companies, especially when they're specialized. Remember what you bring to the table.
3. "I am confident that this is indeed the right time."
God often confirms things for us after telling us. You might be watching a TikTok video and feel a bit of discomfort observing someone you follow taking a risk in their career. You might be inspired by a movie you're watching, and you can't sleep after. You might have responded extremely negatively to a typical email your boss sent you that almost took you over the edge. You might meet a new bae who keeps encouraging you to start that business. The timing is always divine.
4. "I have been given all that I need to succeed."
This is often said, and I've known it to be true: You have everything around you to succeed. Even when quitting a job and doing something else seems too "big" of a thing to do, if you really tap in and look around, you'll notice the resources you have that you might have ignored or overlooked before.
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5. "I can be smart with my money and set up an exit plan that will work."
Exit plans are a thing, and they work. The fact that this concept exists and women have found success after resigning from a job tells you there's a tangible thing you can lean on to quit in a way that doesn't leave you high and dry. You can literally map out the steps you'll take to ensure you have a safety net once you quit and follow it in order to confidently walk away.
6. "The future will reward me for the positive steps I take today."
This one is key. What we do today definitely affects our future, and sometimes, the longer we wait to do something, the more unsavory the future consequences. Whenever you take steps to ensure the future, you would be proud; it's always a win.
7. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so I will not fail."
This affirmation has a Biblical foundation. Simply the belief that we all were made wondrous beings and, as a human with infinite potential, that you are a creation of supreme reverence and respect, this affirmation is powerful. If you embody this belief, your steps are ordered, bold, and unstoppable, so there's really no space for succumbing to fear.
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8. "I can make bold steps and fulfill my highest potential."
If you struggle with the courage to quit a job, this is the perfect fake-it-'til-you-believe-it affirmation. You'll need to repeat this to yourself and push forward with a sense of near-delusion until this becomes a strengthening mantra. As the popular saying goes, "If you can't beat fear, do it scared."
9. "I am always protected, loved and cherished by the Most High."
Tap radically into faith when fear gets you down. You have to have a sense that you're always taken care of and that your destiny is protected. You're loved divinely by God, so you will always land on your feet one way or another. You are indeed blessed and highly favored.
10. "I can sustain success because I am resilient and savvy."
Think of a time in the past, before you got the job you have now. Didn't you apply and get rejections then? Didn't you have bills to pay then? Didn't you do well in that interview and get the gig, out of hundreds of other applicants? Well, what's different about today? You've gotten through before, and you will again.
You'll be a bigger success. You'll see lucrative change. You'll walk in your purpose. You'll serve. You'll make another company money and negotiate a better salary. You'll create more art and finance the life you want. You'll close more deals. You'll lead more initiatives. Why? Because you're that girl and been that girl. 'Nuff said.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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