Chlöe is a star - and that’s the sentence. Denying her talent, effervescence, and effortless beauty would be a disservice to Black women, girls, and the entertainment industry at large, as we’ve all watched her blossom from the younger version of her Parkwood Entertainment mentor Beyoncé in The Fighting Temptations to gearing up for her first headlining tour.
As she continues to rise to the top and establish her brand in addition to being one-half of 5x Grammy-nominated duo Chloe x Halle with her sister and The Little Mermaid star Halle Bailey, Chlöe uses her platform to normalize conversations around body image, sexuality, self-esteem, and self-love while showing the world she can stand on her own. However, as with anything worth having, nothing comes easy, and Miss Bailey is no exception to the rule when it comes to her climb to the top of the entertainment industry tackling singing, songwriting, performing, producing, and now starring in two upcoming projects.
Ahead of the premiere of Peacock’s Praise This and Prime Video’s Swarm, in which Chlöe nabbed a starring role in both, xoNecole spoke with the “Surprise” singer about being rooted in her faith in God, how crying helps her creativity, and how God’s timing allowed her to land a role with Donald Glover.
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Chlöe Is Keeping It Together - At Least She’s Trying
In an effort to keep herself balanced and in tune with the highest version of herself, the “Have Mercy” singer retains a strong relationship with her faith. “Without God, I probably would've run amuck by now. It definitely helps my mental health, that's for sure,” she told xoNecole openly and honestly. “All of the days where I feel like I can't carry on, I just pray and it just helps me believe in something greater than myself because when you take yourself out of your own thoughts, and your own mind, and how people might see you, just kind of think about, How can I give back? How can I let people see my heart? and really start thinking about the deeper and greater message.”
Keeping her mental health in order is absolutely a priority for the “For The Night” singer, especially as she takes on difficult characters and challenging storylines such as Donald Glover and Janine Nabers’ forthcoming horror series Swarm. As the show surrounds topics of cult-like fandom behavior, suicidal ideations, anxiety, and depression, the Atlanta-bred singer noted that taking on the storyline wasn’t as difficult as she envisioned because of her empathy for her character Marissa.
"All of the days where I feel like I can't carry on, I just pray and it just helps me believe in something greater than myself."
“It wasn't difficult at all. It wasn't hard at all. I think it was almost healing in a way, for me to portray Marissa because a lot of Marissa [is] Chlöe, and what I love about her is she is the glue that keeps everyone together,” she added, as she noted her Swarm character as “positive” and “optimistic,” who plays the love interest of Snowfall’s Damson Idris.
Though the show is categorized as thriller-suspense-horror, Marissa serves as the light that balances out Dominique Fishback’s character Dre through their bond and love of music. “I read the first episode and I broke down crying. It's such a unique and artistic way to talk about mental health. I think in today's society, the only way people really pay attention is when there's shock value, but when you peel back the layers, it's a story about sisterhood and mental health and how they hold each other up. I saw so much of myself in Marissa's character, and I want to do it, just from the first episode, because I saw myself in her.”
On the flip side, Chlöe’s character Sam in Peacock’s original film Praise This, which is set for release on April 7, is on the rise to superstardom with the support of her cousin (played by Moxie actress Anjelika Washington) while balancing her love for music and her faith in God. Similar to Sam, the former grown-ish star notes that her faith and spirituality play a large part in her discernment as she navigates through the industry as a 25-year-old multi-hyphenated icon in the making.
It’s All In His Timing
“I feel like knowing that I can rely [on] and lay all my troubles on God, it helps take the stress and the pressure off of myself. I can only speak for myself personally, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and to make minimal mistakes, and things of that nature, but when I relinquish that control and give it up to a higher power, it makes me beat up on myself less, and it makes me trust God's timing,” Chlöe admitted to xoNecole.
The “Treat Me” singer also noted that she’s learned about the external workings of God’s timing, especially when she tries to piece things together and they do not work out the way that she may have intended. "A prime example of that is the album, In Pieces; it's coming out March 31st. I began the project three years ago, and I could not pick a more perfect timing,” she said reassuring herself aloud. “It's a week apart from Praise This, and a week and a half away from my first headlining tour, so it's something that I couldn't have put together myself, or even thought of, or dreamt of. Seeing how everything is falling into place and working out, that is truly God.”
"Seeing how everything is falling into place and working out, that is truly God."
In the same vein of divine timing, Chlöe noted how her latest role in Prime Video’s Swarm series as Marissa was the perfect example of manifesting and trusting in God. After receiving an email in her inbox about an untitled Donald Glover project, the singer instantly geeked out as she’s been a fan of the Atlanta star and his Childish Gambino musical alias for years prior to the offer.
“On all of my vision boards, he was on them, which is crazy. I just put that together as I'm saying it out loud. Wow, that's crazy,” she said while smiling as she noted the same instance for her co-star Dominique Fishback who plays Dre. “Dom told me the same thing when we were filming it. He was on her vision board for the year before that she got this role, so it's crazy. Everything's meant to be in its right timing.”
Let Go and Let God
Admitting to Chlöe that her response about divine intervention and God’s timing made me emotional, she encouraged me that our conversation between me, her, and Praise This director Tina Gordon was a safe space for tears to be shed. “I'm a crier. I be crying, I cry at least one times a day. One to 20 times a day,” she said, joking but serious. In fact, she shared that some of her most creative ideas stem from a good ole fashioned Mariah Carey “We Belong Together” shower cry.
“You feel like you're in the music video, and then you feel like you're just getting it all out. You can cry out. Also, that's the best place for ideas,” Chlöe shared. “The second place for me to get ideas is the bathroom. There'd be so many times I'm in the studio and I'm stuck, I'm like, Okay, I need to go pee, use the restroom, and next thing you know, I'm sitting there and the idea pops in my head. Now because of that, I always bring my phone with me so I can record it on my phone because that's where the ideas will come.”
Gordon chimed in, “They say the reason for that is [the] shower is a sensory deprivation because you're not taking in so much. It's like the quiet idea again, you're in an encapsulated area. The water has a lot to do with it too, so you're able to listen more without distraction.” Chlöe and I both nodded in agreement that the small factoid made a large amount of sense.
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If You All Would Turn Your Pages To…
In times of doubt, fear, or insecurity, Chlöe is no stranger to leaning on the man upstairs, but there are certain quotes and bible verses that she turns to for reassurance. While the quote, “to whom much is given, much is expected” lives rent-free in her head as a motto by which she frequently lives by, the “Do It” singer’s favorite Bible verses are in fact, Isaiah 54:17 - “No weapon formed against me shall prosper” - and Philippians 4:13 - “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
“When I feel like the world and life kind of takes me down and tears me down, that's what I tell myself. God gave me this [gift]. God put this message in my heart and this purpose in my soul. It's up to me to pay it forward and give it back, and hopefully heal through the music, and let God's light shine through me,” Chlöe shared. “Every time I go on stage, what I say in my prayer, I'm like, God, please let people see your light shining through me. It just allows me to just release, and have fun, and let Him do the work.”
Gordon noted that Isaiah 54:17 is featured in the Peacock original film, which co-stars Quavo, Loren Lott, and Mack Wilds, because it serves as a “quick confidence boost” for her in dark times. “Whether I come out with what I envisioned or didn't, I can say that and go into the room,” she said. “By testing my own faith and knowing that there are things that I can actually relinquish control over, things that I can't control anyway, and I can watch God move in my life on my behalf.”
Chlöe stars in Praise This, which premieres on Peacock on April 7. Swarm premieres on March 7 on Prime Video.
Featured image by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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