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E! News Host Francesca Amiker Manifested The Gig Of Her Dreams
On a Tuesday evening, I am waiting for an interview that I know will be full of gems and will surely change a Black woman’s life. But I’m also full of nerves and anxiety. Friends and family members all around are testing positive and it's like Omarion took his hit song, "Touch" to a new level. My anxiety is on 1,000. Then, E! News host Francesca Amiker joins the Zoom call. Full of joy and light, I can’t lie, she brightened my day as soon as she turned on her camera, flashed that bright smile, and greeted me the only way a Southern belle would.
Born and raised in Atlanta, the Vanderbilt University graduate’s journey is simply inspirational. Francesca originally set out to follow in her father’s footsteps by studying political science and law, but something happened after a special person empowered her to lean into communications because of her brilliant way of captivating the class during public speaking. One idea led to another, and she started her first show, Francesca in The City, where she rode around Nashville with a little camcorder, traveling to museums, hotspots like The Bluebird Cafe, and local events to tell the story of the people.
“That’s when I got the bug. This can be me. I enjoy storytelling. I enjoy smiling at the audience and drawing them in and letting them know something that they didn’t know before.” And just like that, she switched her major to communications and garnered a gang of internships. By the time she graduated, the rising media maven completed 12 internships, from Country Music Television to local news in Nashville, all the way to Time Warner Cable in San Diego.
With detours and delays, Francesca is a testament to hard work and trusting divine timing. After nearly five years of including the position of her dreams at E! News on her vision board, she is now living out her wildest dreams. "I am a woman who is standing firm and who she is now. She knows what she wanted back then. She worked her butt off to get to this position literally to get to her dream job in Hollywood at E! News," she shares. "I’m someone who knows who she finally is, and I know what I bring to the table.”
xoNecole: I heard you say you put E! News on your vision board, so I wanted to talk about how you manifested your new role.
Francesca Amiker: It’s very interesting. If you are in an industry, for starters you need to know and have an idea of who else is in that industry who’s dominating. I knew of various entertainment shows but E! News is the brand that has stuck with me for years. Fifteen years ago, I watched Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic for the first time, owning that red carpet, captivating the audience, pulling in these interviews, and really getting people excited about the entertainment industry and doing it so effortlessly smack-dab in the middle of Hollywood. It was something I wanted to do—interviewing the biggest stars in the world and bringing them down to earth. Not talking to Oprah because she’s a billionaire, but talking to her about her humble beginnings. That gets me excited because then that creates an ability for viewers to relate.
When it comes to manifesting E! News, the year was 2011, and [I sent] a woman by the name of Jen Lanvin an email stating, "Hi, my name is Francesca Amiker, and I’m a sophomore at Vanderbilt University. I see that you have an E! News associates internship program, and I would love to be an intern for you all." No response. Seven years ago, "Hi there, I see that you guys are creating a digital entertainment show and you’re looking for PAs for that position. I would love to be a production assistant." I heard nothing back, but when I tell you, it’s all about timing.
'What can I do in the meantime to get me to E! News to attract them? How can the morning position in Lansing, Michigan, get me to where I want to be?' I immediately started thinking, 'Alright, I’m going to cover car accidents. I’m going to cover unfortunate vigils and homicides. But I’m also going to cover fun and lighter topics to build those chops for the news because I know I’m going to be there one day.' So I was doing live shots from a hot-air balloon to hosting shows with the Harlem Globetrotters.
So I continue to manifest E! News more and more and more. I said, "I am ready." I got to Atlanta, my hometown, and they created a position for me on the morning show as an entertainment anchor. It was the first time the station had that type of position and entertainment ever, but I knew I had to bring something to the table. I knew I was at a point where I’m now in a top 10 market in my hometown as their first-ever entertainment anchor. What can I do, because we talked about creating where you are, right? Don’t wait until Hollywood calls you. Create in the meantime.
I created my very own entertainment franchise called The A-Scene, AKA the Atlanta scene, and literally, the interviews started coming. I started getting calls like, "Hey Francesca, we’re going to be at the Waldorf Astoria. Would you like to interview Oprah Winfrey? Would you like to interview Ryan Reynolds?" The respect and credibility started building. My favorite part was educating my audience, so despite whether Hollywood ever called, I was now educating and creating a community of Hollywood or entertainment lovers right in my hometown. Four Emmys later and a bunch of eyeballs later, God is so good.
"The respect and credibility started building. My favorite part was educating my audience, so despite whether Hollywood ever called, I was now educating and creating a community of Hollywood or entertainment lovers right in my hometown. Four Emmys later and a bunch of eyeballs later, God is so good."
It was all about timing. I created a vision board right when I started in Atlanta. I printed off two photos of the [E! News] hosts at the time and then, on that third [spot] I put my face. It didn’t mean that I was going to be a third host, but it meant that I was going to be a part of the news family. And every other day I woke up, and I looked at that vision board, I would see myself and I’d be like, 'You got next. You got next. You got next.’ And right above the words E! News, it said, ‘Remain your authentic self,’ words by Oprah Winfrey and Viola Davis. Remain your authentic self and you will get to where you want to be, where you belong.
Four years [and] many jobs later, and this is where we are. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News 11 or 12 years ago when I emailed to be an intern. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News as a PA seven years ago. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News four years ago when I put a gift on one of the executive’s desks after visiting LA and having a moment in the cafe.
That’s just happenstance. That was just me being prepared for the moment. This was all about timing. It’s all about timing. I appreciate God hindering me and creating those roadblocks and saying not yet because now I have not one doubt of what I’m able to do with this company. I’m so excited because this is the gold standard in entertainment and to be a part of it is a blessing, but it’s a blessing I earned. I’m proud of not letting it go. I don’t take it for granted at all.
"Every other day I woke up, and I looked at that vision board, I would see myself and I’d be like, 'You got next. You got next. You got next.’ And right above the words E! News, it said, ‘Remain your authentic self.’ Remain your authentic self and you will get to where you want to be, where you belong. Four years [and] many jobs later, and this is where we are. This was all about timing. It’s all about timing."
Oh, and you shouldn't because it's so inspirational. I don't even have the words. It's so powerful seeing a Black woman be in this space. What do you love most about being a Black woman?
The power that we have when we walk into a room, people are immediately intrigued by us. People are immediately intrigued by what’s in our minds. Of course, naturally, each Black woman that walks anywhere, we are goddesses. We are gorgeous women. But aside from that, what I think is most beautiful about us are the different levels of thinking and what we possess, and the creative juices that each one of us has. Right now, in my current realm, some Black women are hairstylists, some Black women are makeup artists. Nina Parker, who I adore, is a Black woman who has taken me under her wing. And not just a Black woman who was hosting a TV show, but she is a woman who has now created her own Nina Parker empire.
To just be on the sidelines and seeing that happening, from what’s going on with her clothing line at Macy’s to what she has going on thereafter. I am now in the space of so much greatness, so many entrepreneurs walking by me every single day. We are so varied and so diverse and we’re able to do everything, and if we stick together, we can take over everything together. Black women are just phenomenal creatures, and it’s this little bit of sass about us, too.
It’s the magic for me. It’s the magic. It’s the flavor, and we can deliver it in such a classy, professional, sophisticated way. We are magical chameleons.
That's beautiful. So, as you're entering this new level, how have you learned to balance self-care with your career?
That’s an excellent question because at 31 I’m not sure that I have completely balanced it just yet. Talking about my career, this is one of the insecurities I have. I’m not the best at caring for myself and putting myself first. I’ll give you a prime example. And I said this to one of my girlfriends last month, a realization and I knew it, but I never really said it out loud. I waited and I want anyone who’s watching this or listening to this or hearing this. I don’t want them to make this mistake, and this is probably one of my biggest regrets, but something I appreciate about myself too.
I intentionally put off a lot in life, just to wait to be in a city that I felt was going to be my forever home. I put a lot off. I’ll start getting my nails done when I get to Cali. I’ll start getting my hair done frequently when I get to Cali. I’ll start dating when I get to Cali. I’ll start going to therapy when I get to Cali. I always put off taking care of myself mentally, physically. I waited until I got the dream job, but what if that never even happened? I never want another woman to make the mistake of putting off life and putting off love—because that’s a part of self-care as well, opening up to the world and allowing someone to love you—which is what I have not done at all for decades.
And allowing you to love yourself, of course, that’s the self-care I can bring to myself. I love myself dearly but as far as balance, I can do a lot better with that. I urge anyone who can take anything from this to put yourself first now because you don’t know if tomorrow’s promised or if next year is promised. You don’t know when that dream job is coming. You don’t know if your dream city is coming. Take care of yourself and protect yourself now.
I’m at a point, Joce, where I am now fortunate enough to take a step back. Let me explore my new city, let me go on a hike, let me go get my nails done, let me see what Black therapists are around this area so I can go to one weekly, because that is, thank goodness, my coworkers talk about that like it is so normal. Therapy is normal and it should be more normalized, so I’m still learning how to balance.
"I never want another woman to make the mistake of putting off life and putting off love—because that’s a part of self-care as well, opening up to the world and allowing someone to love you—which is what I have not done at all for decades. I urge anyone who can take anything from this to put yourself first now because you don’t know if tomorrow’s promised or if next year is promised. Take care of yourself and protect yourself now."
Absolutely. I watched the interview with Gabrielle Union, and she was talking about how the word 'balance' has somewhat of a negative connotation. Sometimes we might not achieve balance, and that's OK. What is something you wish 21-year-old Francesca knew that you know now?
I wish I dated. But do I want to say that?
I feel like that's honest, especially with who you're becoming. That's a very honest answer. You can have another answer, but I hear you when you say that.
Yeah I am. It’s OK to be vulnerable in that state and also be a boss at climbing toward your amazing professional life. For me, it was, 'You’re not about to get in my way.' I see all these girls getting pregnant or she’s upset about this relationship or she’s crying over here, and I did not want that to be me.
But you know what, 21-year-old Fran, she could have learned and begun trying to balance, instead of trying to learn the balance at 31. Ten years ago, I would have challenged her to be open to living life in that way. I lived life academically and professionally. I could have lived a little more and not tried to rush. We always put this limit. I want to get here before the age of 26. I want to have children by the age of 23.
I want us to live in the moment. I would have challenged myself to live in the moment and be in the moment and it’s OK. Let yourself be vulnerable in that way. I protected myself and kept my guard up for quite some time.
Right! I'm wondering if that was modeled for you to know balance was possible, because for me, it wasn't modeled. I always thought you had to pick one: devote yourself to this one thing, and that's it.
It’s interesting, you know, the thing I saw in my household. My parents have been together now for 40 years and have been married for 36 years. I saw my mother as a schoolteacher and my dad as the breadwinner of the home. My mom created an amazing outlook for us on balance. They have an amazing marriage, and I don’t know that my generation is going to measure up to that, so I avoided that at all costs.
And unfortunately, with social media nowadays, I look at social media, and even as a woman at 31, I’m like, 'Oh my gosh, there’s just no hope.' Where are the professional men out there who know how to treat a woman who isn’t thinking like a certain popular influencer, who just truly values a woman and also wants to be valued? I have the fear of never finding the love of my life like my parents. I still have that fear, but I am being more open. Social media has tainted our generation in our generation’s outlook on love—what love is.
And I'm wondering, if you applied the same pressure manifesting a man the way you manifested your dream job, how that would have turned out.
It’s funny because while I was interviewing Ciara I asked, "So you finally released this prayer!" She said, "Y’all have been begging for it. I just found it was the right time." For me, it’s all about timing. Maybe young Francesca was not ready. I wasn’t ready to dive into this amazing love. Maybe she would have been too immature. Maybe she would have not been willing to bend like she should because a relationship is about ebbs and flows. Right now, I realized that his time is just as valuable as mine, and my love and his love, it needs to equal out.
I agree. You keep talking about divine timing. I'm in therapy and that's something I'm learning. I'm just thankful that you keep dropping these gems. What's next for you?
You know this week and next week I’m about to create that vision board. I do one every single year. I encourage everyone to not only write their vision but to go get those magazines, glue, tape, scissors, and a poster board. And even go to Google, search the item—the picture that you see for yourself—and you put that baby smack dab in the middle of your vision board. I urge everyone going into this new year, even with all the uncertainty, things are still possible. We can continue to live out our biggest, wildest dreams.
Some folks had the best two years, ever in the past two years, with this pandemic. Some people have tapped into things that they didn’t even realize they would have time to do, or they would have the mental capacity to create, and so I just want this to be a challenge to all of our xoNecole readers. There’s a reason you dream and you wake up and you go and you turn to the side, or you go to call your girlfriend and go, 'Can you believe that dream?' There’s a reason she may not fully understand what you’re talking about. Because God only gave you that dream.
It only showed up in your heart, it only showed up in your mind. I want people to seriously take those thoughts, those creative juices that happen now and then, write them down and take them seriously because we’re one action away from living our wildest dreams and creating financial lifestyles that we can only imagine. You’re one dream away from a billion-dollar contract with a company that goes, 'Wow, you’re the only person in the world that thought of that.'
I challenge us to just tap into ourselves more and to deliver on these dreams.
To learn more about Francesca, follow her on Instagram. You can also catch Francesca on E! News’ Daily Pop weekdays at 11 am ET on E!
Featured image courtesy of Francesca Amiker
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Dear Black Girls': How A'ja Wilson Is Helping Black Girls Heal & Bloom With Confidence
In recent years, books written by Black women, such as Viola Davis, Michelle Obama, and Taraji P. Henson, have adorned our shelves and shown the great trials and tribulations one has had to endure to become the woman we see today. Though their narratives show great accomplishments, they explain in detail the price that had to be paid to achieve their monumental success. Often, this price came at the cost of having to endure unspeakable tragedy. The world was being carried on their shoulders and backs, and they had to learn to balance the weight of it all. Despite the odds, they managed to grow and become exceptionally talented women with limited support or, most of the time, alone.
However, in A'ja Wilson's recently published book, Dear Black Girls, this narrative is changing for the better. The memoir shows that WNBA superstar, and growing legend, A'ja Wilson isn't just a force to reckon with on the court, racking up championships, MVP awards, Olympic gold, and season-record-breaking accomplishments. Her impact transcends the game, reaching into the hearts of young Black women and girls, who like me might have once felt a pang of otherness for embracing their inner tomboy.
Wilson's recently published book offered a powerful remedy, a story that mirrored my own experiences and gently soothed the wounds of not always fitting in. This collection of honest stories is not just about Wilson's journey, it's also a book that holds the potential to heal and inspire countless other Black girls who deserve to see themselves reflected in the pages of a champion.
Although Wilson discusses the tribulations she had to overcome, she didn't have to do them alone and often had more than one support system installed to ensure her success. This book ultimately shows the beauty that grows when Black girls are raised with nourishment, intentionality, and understanding rather than the unrelenting grief and sadness that many believe are necessary to raise Black girls.
In Dear Black Girls: How to Be True to You, the two-time MVP shows us that love, rather than unending tragedy, can be the source of success for all Black girls--past, present, and future. Wilson also shows us how love can occasionally come from an unexpected source--a stranger who only has compassion, empathy, and understanding to offer.
Living While Black
There comes a point in time, in every Black girl's life, where they learn that they are not just a girl, but a Black girl. For me, it was on the playground of my elementary school, where a white girl--who I thought was my friend--called me the n-word when I refused to join her in a fight against a mutual friend. For A'ja Wilson, it was when her "friend" refused to invite her to her house for a sleepover, unless she slept outside. When asked why she had to be the only one to sleep outside, she was quickly informed it had been due to her race. Though her parents discussed it with her and explained why she and the young lady could no longer be friends, A'ja Wilson offers a relatable lens to express the grief of realizing one's otherness.
The year she discovered her Blackness meant a difference, Wilson felt alone and began isolating herself. It wasn't until she met a woman who worked in the cafeteria that she understood the importance of being seen by someone who looked like her. In Dear Black Girls, Wilson teaches the importance of representation and finding someone who "looks like you" and actively cares and checks in with you. Though the young readers of this book will most likely never meet Wilson, she provides her novel as a stand-in role model who actively sees how alone some Black girls feel in the world and tells them lovely: "I see you, I got you."
Finding Oneself
There is a certain power in discovering one's "why." In Dear Black Girls, Wilson explains that in order to find oneself or one's reasons for doing things, it might be important to look to your elders. The ones that could make you believe in yourself. For Wilson, it was her grandmother. Her grandmother was her place of solace and the person she felt closest to. Before she picked up the game of basketball, A'ja's grandmother believed she was special and would achieve so many things in life.
Through this belief, she nurtured Wilson and taught her to believe in the good that everyone had to possess. She taught Wilson that Black women could be heroes, and knew how to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk." She taught Wilson, and in turn, Wilson has taught Black girls, that finding oneself can be done at the hands of the ones that we love. And that if one's love is strong enough, we can "freeze it, and preserve that safe space forever."
It's Okay to Be Different
In school, Wilson was considered a "slow learner." Diagnosed with dyslexia at the late age of 16, she believed she had not been as "smart" as the other kids. Wilson would freeze up in class, and despite loving to write narratives and the school itself, she found she did not catch on with her peers as quickly as she liked. She spent hours on end stressing about being different, so much so, that at times the thought of her otherness became debilitating and all-consuming. With her family and in her solitude, she understood who she was. However, among her friends and in class, she found that she didn't know who she was, nor who they wanted her to be.
From this, she taught Black girls that being a teen is stressful enough, so being oneself should be easily embraced. Though, she admits to not knowing the right thing to say, do, or act, and therefore is unable to give us "cheat codes," the best thing a young Black girl can do, is just be.
Find Your Gardener
I often say that Black women have learned to grow without nourishment. So, in reading Dear Black Girl, it was a refreshing change of pace to read that Wilson had been adorned with love, guidance, honesty, and protection by strong support systems in her life. One of those support systems was Wilson's father. Her father taught her many things in life, but one that was most essential was the importance of perseverance and overcoming mediocrity. See, despite being the best in her career, Wilson and basketball did not mesh well from the start. Instead, she had been known to try many things and was lackluster at best.
Nevertheless, when Wilson was told that she did not play well by her father--after asking why she wasn't getting any playing time--she finally learned to overcome her challenges.
Not because she suddenly practiced more, or believed she could do anything with time. She became better because her father gave her the option to walk away from the sport. He allowed her to be scared, to be unsure of what she wanted in life, and freed her of the stress of absolutes. Through encouragement, he became her gardener--always trying to bring out the best in her through "easy" and "tough" love. In Dear BlackGirls, Wilson encourages Black girls to find their "gardeners," the people in their lives who bring out the best in them, drive them crazy and are never afraid to tell them how it is. The person that pulls out all of the weeds and negativity, and leaves enough space for you to receive sunlight and bloom.
Gaining a Nonsense Detector
While finding a gardener, Wilson also encourages Black girls to find or gain a "nonsense detector." A nonsense detector is just as it sounds, someone who can detect the nonsense that the world is attempting to bring to them and help them identify what it truly is. They are the person who is willing to approach a spade and call it by its name. In Wilson's life, this was her mother. A'ja's mom encouraged her to think logically about her education and its relationship to her basketball career.
She was the person Wilson called when she learned to drive in a new state or deal with the stress of her newfound career. Through her mother's encouragement, she learned not to chase after boys or some concept of a new sense of self, instead, she learned to make decisions with her best interest in mind. In doing so, she chose family, which meant more time with her grandmother, which she would not have had if she hadn't learned to listen to something that encourages no-nonsense.
Grief Has No Timeline, Knows No Bounds
In 2017, during her junior year of college, A'ja Wilson was known as one of the best players in the NCAA. After two seasons of coming up short of winning a national title, she had finally accomplished her goal of winning with Dawn Staley's South Caroline Gamecocks. However, the win was bittersweet, because the champ had been grieving the loss of her grandmother, one of her biggest support systems.
During this time, Wilson discovered that grief could not be neatly packed away in a box, waiting to be unraveled when she had prepared to deal with it. She noted that it was an unending rollercoaster where lows felt all-consuming and endless.
In Dear Black Girls, Wilson discusses the importance of experiencing grief at its pace, and on your own timeline. She explains to young Black girls that the feeling of despair and paralysis is normal and that instead of trying to climb out of the sadness, sometimes it is beneficial to wade through it, with the people you care about. Not only this, she encourages Black girls to embrace support that may be considered unexpected, through a beautiful anecdote involving Dawn Staley.
The champ mentioned the coach drove down to her house, upon hearing about the death of her grandmother, and sat in silence with the athlete as she cried. She informed her that she could take all of the time that she needed and that the "team would be waiting for her when she was ready to return."
You Don't Know What You Don't Know
The issue that many people hold today is they expect to be perfect. Though we know perfection is merely a concept, and the only thing perfect about perfection is the word itself, many dwell on being perfect and having the foresight to ensure it is so. When perfection is inevitably unattainable, we punish ourselves for not knowing better or being fallible. Nevertheless, dwelling on things, especially in relation to being perfect, is nothing more than wasted energy.
In Dear Black Girls, Wilson--through a humorous anecdote of her WNBA drafting day--points out that everyone makes mistakes and that many should not be ashamed for not knowing what they hadn't known before. Instead, beauty lies in learning and giving oneself credit for the knowledge that you now have for navigating future situations. Instead of beating yourself up, Wilson tells young Black girls there is no point in beating themselves up and to allow grace in moments of uncertainty and error.
Protect and Nurture Your Mental Health
The idea of seeking therapy is often a hurdle for Black women. With societal expectations and generational aversions, the concept of the "strong Black woman" often overpowers the necessary, and sometimes dire assistance Black women should seek. In Dear Black Girls, A'ja Wilson points out that most Black women are the first, or one of few, in their families to accomplish significant achievements, such as going to college, getting a corporate job, or making a high-figured salary.
This results in pressure that cannot be seen as relatable by family members, and often results in anxiety disorders, growing, unrelenting pressure, and crippling stress. To solve this, Wilson encourages Black girls to seek help outside of themselves and their friends, to ensure they are not taking on the weight of the world, simply because it was placed on their shoulders. Black women need someone to talk to, especially when it has been ingrained since birth that we should nurture and care for everyone but ourselves. By seeking a therapist, this narrative can change, and the idea of being a "strong Black woman" can come from the idea of learning to be vulnerable and asking for help.
Be Your Own Hero
It is heroic to take control of your own life. Being your own hero gives you confidence and reassurance to face obstacles directly, to follow your passion, and to define success how you see fit. It can be powerful and gratifying to become the best version of yourself and to allow yourself to be. In Dear Black Girls, Wilson teaches Black girls their final lesson, "If you can see them [your heroes], then you can be them." Many Black girls do not seek certain positions in life because they have never seen people who look like them in certain positions.
Nevertheless, Wilson explains the importance of having and seeking out representation, either in life or in media. Then, she encourages young girls to pursue that life they dream of, because anything is attainable with hard effort and--most importantly--love.
Check out A'ja Wilson and the 2024 Paris Women's Basketball Olympic team from July 26 through August 11.
xoNecole's I Read It So You Don't Have To is a recurring series of self-discovery that breaks down self-help books into a toolkit of takeaways and tips that are meant to assist you in finding the best life you can live. Take what works for you, and leave everything else where it is.
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