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From TMZ To Access Hollywood Live: Nina Parker Is Proof That It's Never Too Late To Follow Your Dream
It was 2007. Nina Parker—depressed and tired of answering phones as a call center agent for Verizon Wireless—cashed in her two weeks worth of vacation the following day, and drove to Los Angeles from Sacramento with a few thousand dollars in the bank and no place to live.
At 27 years old, she was starting over.
“My mom was like, 'You know you don't have to do this. You're in your 20s. You have a degree'," Parker says. “I wasn't married nor had kids. She was like, 'I don't understand why you're suffering everyday.'"
It's not that she was completely unsure of her passion in life. She grew up turning cardboard moving boxes into television sets, interviewing fellow classmates about their thoughts on drugs, and gaining valuable experience as an intern at a local news station. The San Francisco State graduate even had a job offer right out of college at NBC in Las Vegas, but turned it down in hopes of snagging a coveted gig as a MTV VJ. She packed her bags for New York City but quickly learned that a degree isn't a guarantee for immediate success.
Photo Credit: Nina Parker
“I was fresh out of college, arrogant, and they were like, 'Girl, you don't have any experience to do anything like that'," Parker says. It's hard to believe that the Access Hollywood contributor who got her big break as one of TMZ's first on-camera talent once struggled to find a job and shied away from the camera.
Hustling Hard
Parker arrived in L.A. with a dollar and a dream and was working as a temp in television when she got word that a new celebrity gossip site was hiring. Without hesitation, she submitted her resume despite her lack of experience working in entertainment news, and was offered a position as a runner. At the same time she was also up for a full-time opportunity with Paramount, who she had been temping for, but despite the pay being more, she chose the position that appeared to be less logical.
"I had to go where I felt I was going to be the most true to myself."
“At the time it was half of the money that I was making being in a corporate job, and I was like I want to do this because it spoke to my spirit to be there. I had to go where I felt I was going to be the most true to myself. I had decided when I moved to L.A. that I wasn't going to let money be a deciding factor for anything. I was okay with struggling for the short term to get a long-term goal that I knew would pay off later," says Parker.
A couple of weeks into her new gig, Parker was fired. “I was a horrible runner," she says. “I was really late with tapes and I didn't know most things Angelenos knew so I was really slow. Harvey [Levin] basically fired me and said that I didn't know where I was going, so I went to the bathroom and I cried."
Her instinct—and her ego—told her not to give up. After apologizing to the managing editor and expressing interest in writing and producing, she was brought back on as the writing PA, and within four months was promoted to producer. But it didn't come without its sacrifices. Working in a start-up entertainment company meant 12-hour workdays, including weekends and holidays.
“I didn't have a line for how hard I was willing to work," says Parker. “Sometimes people turn that switch off like I only want to work 40 hours a week, and to me if you're chasing a dream, you're always working on your craft. If you're not at a job all day, you should do something that day that benefits your craft. If you can outwork people, you're already winning because there are a lot of people who are really smart that aren't where they're supposed to be because they refuse to put in the work, and it's not going to be 40 hours a week."
While she excelled in her new position, Levin had another plan for the humorous and outspoken Parker, and found her to be a perfect candidate for the TMZ pilot show that they were shooting. But Parker, still battling with the insecurities of her 70-pound weight gain during her time in Sacramento, politely declined.
“I was very insecure, and basically you have this little Jewish man giving me this Black power speech where he's like, 'You have a voice, there's other black women that need to hear you, I think you can relate in a way that people understand. You're not afraid of me. You like to debate, and we need you on the show so I'm not really asking you that was just a courtesy, you're doing it.'"
Photo Credit: Nina Parker
As Levin predicted, Parker was a star in her own right, breaking stories and being a part of a new wave of reporting where people no longer relied on traditional television for their entertainment news—even if it meant spending 12-hour days outside of courthouses and hospitals hoping to be the first to catch a celebrity-sighting.
“I had gone from having to clock in and out to use the bathroom to being able to be free and do something that was entertainment," Parker says. “I'm bringing back this tape that's being watched by millions of people, so it was enough to motivate me to stay on that path. It was a crazy job to be coming out of Verizon Wireless, but it was refreshing to me after feeling like I wasn't in my purpose to now feeling like I wasn't doing what I wanted to do 100% but I knew I was on the path."
The Glow Up
Before hitting the set of Access Hollywood, Parker takes a few minutes to get her hair and makeup touched up, but she remembers when just a few years ago she couldn't afford to even get a touch up because her hustle was more important than her hair.
“Oh I died, I died!" she says with a laugh, sharing that she often sacrificed being social while living paycheck to paycheck. “It was hard. I had moments where I was at a check-cashing store."
Having a minimal budget meant that she had to get creative, such as hosting game nights with friends in lieu of going out, and finding side hustles to help make ends meet. “Ultimately I started getting involved in other projects and so it was like now I have multiple streams of income, so gradually it just got better and better. The buildings went from a bad neighborhood to a gated community. It definitely changed, but I had to be patient."
Parker's patience paid off as she began to build notoriety as a face of TMZ. But after five years, it was time for a change. She left the show in May 2011 without a job or an agent, but she did have valuable relationships that she had cultivated over the years. After taking time off for the summer she reached out to a Vice President at CBS through social media, who informed her that The Insider was looking for an Internet reporter. By the fall, she had secured a new contract.
"If you're good to people and they see you working hard, they give you opportunities that not everybody would have."
“This is why you have to network because in the real world you can't just hit up the VP of a network. If you're good to people and they see you working hard, they give you opportunities that not everybody would have."
While the position required Parker to be the face of their website, Parker made it her mission to also be involved in the television meetings, where her unique perspective as a woman of color caught the attention of the higher ups, who began booking her for shorter segments before offering her a television correspondent contract just a few months into working with the show.
“Sometimes you have to go in a place and if it's not necessarily the job that you want initially, you have to create it. You have to meet with the people inside and get them to respect you with your opinion and your work and you're able to translate that into something that pays off in the long run."
Photo Credit: Nina Parker
After a couple of years she left The Insider and went on to host the Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion as well as begin contributing to Access Hollywood Live. But more visibility also meant more criticism. “They're like who is this girl think she is as if being curvy eliminates me from having an opinion? As if a gap in my teeth means I'm less intelligent. As if because I don't have makeup on means I can't be passionate about my people."
It forced the woman who was once too shy to be in front the camera to turn her insecurities into empowerment. “I was like I don't care what this person says. I'm going to be on your TV and I'm going to tell you how I feel," she says. “You can say whatever you want, but every time you turn on the TV at this time you're going to see my face and you're going to hear my take. I can't imagine allowing the opinions of people I don't even know to affect my day to where I can't function properly. I wish I would let a stranger have that much power over me to determine my success. You're going to watch me get all of these checks."
"I can't imagine allowing the opinions of people I don't even know to affect my day to where I can't function properly."
Standing her ground and being a voice in an industry where women of color are few has given Parker a new purpose.
“I didn't have a lot of black women in this industry, as far as television news, that I could look up to and be like I want to do that. So, for me, it was important to be like, 'We don't have to get on TV and agree with everybody else. We don't have to agree with mainstream media, we don't have to placate anybody.' You can come and say what you have to say if you have a strong opinion and not offend anybody and give them a different point of view to look at. My experience, that's all I can speak about. I can't speak about a white experience. I had people in the community tell me how proud they were that I held my own."
Staying true to who she is and her vision has opened doors in ways she only once dreamed about. This year, you can catch Nina as a guest host on E!'s The Daily Pop and covering red carpets at The SAG Awards, Grammy's and more.
For someone who pressed the reset button on her career at a time when many are just settling into their positions, Parker is proof that there is no age limit to finding and walking in your purpose.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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