
Power is defined as the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality. It is further explained to be the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. Well, I believe we all create our unique definition of power within our own realms. The word itself holds so much weight and pressure - luckily, that's how diamonds are created.
Related: 5 Boss Women Redefine The Power Suit
No matter your field or area of expertise, you must be armoured with coverings that will keep you fly and liberated. For many powerful women, that armor is a power dress. As we continue to make remarkable strides in the workplace we are enabled to establish our authority in a professional environment traditionally dominated by men. As busy as our lives become, something happens when you slip on your favorite power dress. Time stands still and you feel like all is right in the world.
We found some badass women killing it in in their respective roles. They dished on how they define power, a defining moment of their career and how their favorite dress exudes power.
Stephanie Moss

Courtesy of Stephanie Moss
Attorney & Creator of Legally Brown and Co.
I am a powerful woman because I learned that I was larger than any negative emotion or experience. I harnessed the power within when I decided to stop obsessing over things out of my control and instead focus on areas in my life where I could be productive and make great things happen.
Unfavorable things happen to all of us but what matters most is the way that we respond and react to those things.
As an African-American woman in a career field that is dominated by white men, I have lost count of those moments. If I could choose the most monumental of those moments, it would be the day I decided to leave my first job as an attorney. I was underpaid from the start but I just assumed that this is something I had to go through in order to get to the next level. The women that looked like me who were similarly situated were underpaid too. I wanted to make it work so I worked hard for a year in hopes of being recognized for it. I waited to be "valued" but I quickly learned it would just be more of the same if I allowed that to be my story. Shortly after, I was offered a meager raise, [so] I quit!
It was the most scary yet empowering thing I've ever done.
I didn't know how it would pan out but I knew that it would. The obstacles I had overcome on my journey to becoming an attorney gave me the courage to believe in myself. I was literally forced to get my MIND right. The practice of positive thinking saved my life.
I always feel powerful in a dress that is conservative enough for work but feminine enough to make me feel good about what I'm wearing. Although the law is traditional, I love staying true my personal sense of style.
Bukky Ade

Courtesy of Bukky Ade
Photographer
Power is about mental strength for me. The mental resilience I've developed over the years when faced with adversity has made me powerful. I've learned to stride in life and bounce back when life throws me curveballs. So, if I continue to put forth positive changes in my life, I'll be a fierce, unstoppable woman full of power.
As someone who was born with a chronic illness, I exert power on a daily basis.
When in pain, the slightest tasks can become very difficult. So, the ability to self-assess if I can push through the day is vital. Anytime I accomplish a task despite my circumstance, I feel more empowered.
Specifically, I think about the moment I completed a half-marathon. This is something that empowers me every day. I prepared my body to be physically capable for the long distance, but it was my mental strength that got me through those 13.1 miles. I know if I can do that, I can do anything I put my mind to.
Brandice Daniel

Courtesy of Brandice Daniel
CEO & Founder of Harlem's Fashion Row
Being a woman of faith makes me a powerful woman. Power comes from exercising your faith and risking your ego to do so.
There are so many moments when I've been forced to embrace my power. Starting Harlem's Fashion Row from scratch made me embrace my power because I never felt quite "qualified enough" to start it, but it was on my heart to do. Writing my book, Sponsored: How to Get Brands to Sponsor Your Next Event, made me embrace my power. I had to decide that I would take the process of writing a book and publishing it into my own hands.
Embracing your power always means that you're willing to overcome the fear that tries to hold us back.
This dress by Kimberly Goldson, that I absolutely love, makes me feel invincible.
Altremese Banks

Courtesy of Altremese Banks
Creative Consultant
I embody the strength of my ancestors who were brought to this country on slave ships.
Those who undoubtedly overcame the adversities of shackles and oppression, so now that I have the opportunity to assist in the progression of Black people.
I'm powerful because I'm a Black woman. It's genetics.
Embracing my natural hair texture was an extremely powerful moment for me. I have worn hair weaves since the age of 13 because I didn't believe I was beautiful with my natural hair. I decided to let go of those insecurities and go natural. I'm more confident than ever. I feel more beautiful every day. Black hair is magical – it defies gravity.
Embracing that power has enhanced my self-esteem.
I think my power dress captures my femininity in a sexy, but elegant way. I think a women owning her sexuality is powerful, especially in the era of the "me too" movement.
Ashley Noelle

Courtesy of Ashley Noelle
WCCB-TV Sports Anchor/Reporter
My confidence makes me powerful. In today's world, it's still a man's world, so women have to make our presence known. In my field of being a sports TV broadcaster, you have to have confidence and demand respect while keeping your strength. Of course, it's not easy being strong but you have to find your inner strength to get you through.
My strength isn't loud but it's gentle and humble.
I let it be known I am a team player and kind, but you won't walk over me either. I believe that's what allows me to take and welcome criticism along with asking for help when I need it. Being in an all-male locker room for the NFL and NBA, I've encountered many males question my knowledge of the game. I've had an athlete tell me that they wouldn't take my question as serious as a guy asking the question. Later, I pulled that specific guy to the side and proved to him I know the game and told him I should be respected just as any other male in the locker room. From there on, I never had a problem.
That situation taught me to always be confident in my questions, my demeanor and never second-guess myself because I am not a "male."
I don't wear dresses that much but when I do they make me feel liberated.
Tiffany Nichole

Courtesy of Tiffany Nichole
Lifestyle Vlogger
I'm a powerful woman because I've realized that my power doesn't come from outside of me. My power doesn't lie in anything that can be taken away from me (money, status, people, etc). My power is always with me wherever I go and no matter what's going on around me. It comes from within.
The moment that forced me to embrace my power came after years of ignoring a call from God.
I was in pursuit of becoming a fully functioning bridal gown designer and I knew I was no longer happy with it. But I'd been pursuing it so hard and had never considered doing anything else. So I ignored that feeling and kept pursuing it. Long story short, I went into a deep depression because I was pursuing this thing that was no longer bringing me joy, I was broke and I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained.
All along, I'd been having an urge to write a blog and start a personal Instagram page to have a place to express my thoughts and feelings during this time, but I kept telling myself I had no time because I had to build this business to be able to make money. Finally, one day, as I'd started to accept the fact that designing wedding gowns was no longer for me, I was lying on the couch falling deeper and deeper into my depression, when it hit me!
Me and my excuses were the only things standing in the way of me writing that blog and starting my page, and it was the outlet that I needed in that moment.
So I got right up, did my makeup, took my first "portraits" using my iPhone 7+ and a ring light, and began building my page. Starting that page and writing my blogs have led me to realize my calling, and it's to inspire and encourage women to live their lives at 100% capacity! If I had not found my power in that moment and acknowledged it, I'd still be lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself. The power is always in us! We just have to embrace it!
Elizabeth Smith

Courtesy of Elizabeth Smith
Entercom Producer at V103 Atlanta
What makes me a powerful woman is my drive and observant ways. When I want something in life, I go after it no matter what obstacles are present. I will stop at nothing to achieve a goal of mine and give it my all until it is fulfilled. I always observe and study my surroundings and associates just enough to know when and how to move. I learn how to execute my task to the best of my ability and when the opportunity presents itself, I take full advantage and make it my own. I'm basically like a silent assassin! You never see me coming until it's too late, and I allow my work to speak for itself.
I had to embrace my power when I was overlooked and stereotyped at work.
I was the new and young employee with little experience at a major market. I didn't know anyone in the industry or anything about the city and culture of Atlanta. Everyone thought I was quiet and timid but little did they know, I was silently studying and observing my surroundings. I took notes physically and mentally to help prepare me for my next job position. I networked with everyone who passed the halls at my job. I practiced and I studied day in and day out until I felt one hundred percent comfort.
When it was time for me to show what I learned, I shocked everyone and in return received numerous opportunities to do exactly what I've dreamed of and loved. I was no longer the new, timid millennial and it felt great being recognized for my skills and contributions to the company.
I'm not much of a dress-wearing gal. You'll honestly catch me in pants and sneakers the majority of the time. However, I love this picture because I'm still dressed up but I'm still the down-to-earth, homegirl Liz that those close to me know and love.
Ashley Janelle

Courtesy of Ashley Janelle
User Experience Designer
What makes me a powerful woman is being a black woman in the male-dominated tech industry.
The moment that forced me to embrace my power was when I took a job that consisted of majority male employees. I had to constantly remind myself that I belonged in that role just as much as everyone else, even while being talked over, and my ideas being thrown out.
Knowing that my perspective might not have been respected but was most definitely needed is what got me through the tough days.
Cynthia Anunobi

Courtesy of Cynthia Anunobi
Internal Medicine Resident
I'm female. I'm African American. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm an educator. I'm a doctor. Each of these titles, in its own way, has contributed to the person I am today. My power lies in the responsibility that comes with the titles.
These titles could have stifled and hindered me in many ways but instead, they transformed me into a strong, confident, independent woman which is necessary, especially working in a field where I am continuously doubted by others and my successes are underappreciated.
I still I keep going – not only for me, but to pave the road for others.
I realized early in my career that as an African American woman in medicine, I was representing ALL African American women. On many occasions, at conferences and symposiums, I am one of the few minorities in the room. With heavy eyes on me, I feel obligated to exude a strong, confident face despite sometimes feeling less than such. On one particular instance, I was at a conference to present my research on a new protocol for thrombolytic management for pulmonary embolism and post-procedural surveillance at my hospital. I was already anxious about presenting that afternoon and a gentleman walked up and asked if I was staff working at the hotel.
When I said no, he concluded I was the spouse of one of the presenters. Initially, I was annoyed but hey, I am mistaken for a cleaning lady or nurse daily. Anyway, you can only imagine the look on his face that afternoon when I was called up to the stage to share my research. After an astounding applause, he walked up to me after the presentation, shook my hand, and apologized for the "misunderstanding". He proceeded to hand me his card in case I was interested in pursuing a fellowship at his institution—I guess he was impressed!
I believe that what you wear plays a role in how you feel as well as how you are perceived by others. There is an indisputable confidence that exudes when I wear a sleek, yet commanding dress. It allows me to feel feminine and also allows me to be a boss. Paired with the right heels and accessories, I feel like I can conquer the world.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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