The definition of a power suit has changed over the past twenty years because women have redefined what it means to have power. In recent years, we have proven that the future is hella female and we will always create our own lane. With women adjusting their crowns and truly owning their power in their designated fields, the power suit has evolved from massive shoulder armor and bow ties.
Don't get me wrong, we will always be obsessed with women like Olivia Pope and Joan Clayton who could make any tailored suit look flawless. But now that women can decide what it means to have power and what style staples ignite that power, there is no stopping us.
We had the chance to chat with five powerful women and they shared their definition of a power suit and how they avow their power.
Kashmir Thompson
A funky pair of shades is a must in Kashmir's rendition of a power suit.
What She Does:
Designer and Owner of KashmirVIII
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I think what makes me powerful is my confidence in my abilities. I truly believe I can do WHATEVER I want to do, and successfully. I think people see that in me and respect that. And respect will always be a key to power."
Her Power Moment:
"I'm going to say last year when I was a vendor at Essence Festival. That was my first time vending there and for a venue so large, with such a large audience. Having so many of my supporters in one space was an eye-opening experience for me. There were soooo many of them. People coming up to me telling me how much they love me and my work was overwhelming. Not to mention meeting so many new people who didn't know me and who were in awe immediately. A lady came into my booth and saw one of my paintings titled, 'Easin', and literally cried. That experience was one that made me step back and say, 'Wow...look at what I can do.'"
Her Power Suit:
"A dope pair of sneakers, a beat face, one of my clutches, and a funky pair of shades are definitely my staples. If you ever see me, I'm going to have at least two of the four!"
Kumasi Aaron
Color is Kumasi's version of the power suit.
What She Does:
National Correspondent for E.W. Scripps
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I am powerful because I don't let doubts and fears keep me from letting the world see who I am. It's a process, but every day, I set the intention to do it and it becomes easier every time. I am a National Correspondent, rocking my natural hair, and bringing the fullness of who I am to every interview I do and every story I write. The way I ask a question, the way I craft a story is authentically me. I think that makes for more compelling journalism, but the real power is being able to connect with people in a truer way, and in turn, empowering them to share a little more of themselves with the world."
Her Power Moment:
"As an Anchor and Reporter at a TV news station in Florida, my bangs breaking off led me to discover the beauty that was my natural hair! So when I was off, it would be out in all its glory but while at work, I wore a wig. After a while, I started to feel like I was hiding who I was, and decided to talk with my manager about being able to wear my natural hair on air. She was okay with it, and although I was excited, I was unsure how our audience would react. I can still remember sitting behind the desk for the first time and telling myself, 'This is who you are. You love it, and so will they.' I anchored like I was the most powerful beautiful queen on the screen. And guess what? They love it too! But even if they hadn't, that moment forced me to embrace my power, and that was priceless."
Her Power Suit:
"Can a power suit be a jumpsuit? Mine is. I was a little hesitant to wear this on air first, but it just makes me feel so powerful, feminine, and confident, I just went with it anyway. Now it's one of the things I reach for when I want an outfit that stands out without being too loud. Another power suit for me is a dress in a color that pops. Armed with this and a smile, I feel powerful walking in any room!"
Tiffany Battle
For Tiffany, personality is her power.
What She Does:
Creator of The Werk! Place
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"There's power in being authentic. So, the ability to move authenticity from theory to reality is what makes me a powerful woman."
Her Power Moment:
"The transitional moments in life have forced me to get to know myself better. With each test and trial, I've found more strength to embrace my power."
Her Power Suit:
"With any look, I like to infuse my personality. So, my power suit is definitely going to have a little mixed print flavor to it."
Paige Parker
Paige believes flexibility is key for honing her power.
What She Does:
Founder of Whole Health Club
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"Connection, creation and, passion. I have the ability to connect with most people that I meet, on such a deep level that it feels like I have known them my whole life. I create relationships and bonds through trust and honesty. I choose to surround myself with like-minded individuals who aspire to conquer the same life goals; it's almost as if we are feeding off of each other's hustle, good vibes, and passion. I always knew I wanted to help women discover the healthiest version of themselves but I had to make sure I was the healthiest version of ME before I could help anyone else. I notice that when I make connections, create relationships and express my passion for health and wellness, I feel balanced and at ease. When I discovered how these three words made me feel, I realized I wanted to help others find their true value and purpose in life. When you feel balanced, everyone else around you can feel it too! I teach women how to see that they have value and purpose, I guide them to TRUE self-care, I help them see that their past DOES NOT define them and I show them the value of empowering/uplifting other women."
Her Power Moment:
"In 2016, I started Whole Health Club with my husband, Chase, and my best friend, Sam. We moved out to Colorado with the intention of opening up a gym that felt like home to our clients. We knew NO ONE, but we had a vision and we weren't going to stop until we made that vision a reality. Whole Health Club is the gym with the kitchen. We believe in taking the WHOLE approach to health and fitness, so we added a residential style kitchen to help our clients bring back cooking into their homes. We also have an open space with free weights and a classroom where I teach yoga. When we opened Whole Health Club, I had NO IDEA how much energy it was going to take to make it happen, I quickly learned that if I let every bump in the road get to me, then this path to success was going to be a LONG one. I had to go within and find what gave me the power to survive a day in the life of an entrepreneur. I knew if I made connections with the right people, created relationships that serve my divine path to success, and continued to express my passion for health and fitness, then NOTHING could stand in my way."
Her Power Suit:
"Yoga pants and any SOFT fabrics! Being in the fitness field is amazing because I get to wear comfortable outfits that fit my body and allow me to embrace my athletic body. I am all about LEGGINGS, anywhere from seamless and soft to tight and sporty. Alo Yoga is a brand that I love so much because of, not only their clothes, but everything that they stand for as a company. A-air L-land O-ocean are the perfect words, and truth that yoga can be done ANYWHERE. When I feel like I can move and breathe, I feel like my most powerful self."
Kesha McLeod
Bold color is how Kesha makes her powerful statement to the world.
What She Does:
Wardrobe Stylist & Owner of KMCME
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I'm powerful because Women are stronger. Men learn from us. We're amazing beings. We work, we nurture, we endure pain, then get back to business. We are all-around."
Her Power Moment:
"Stepping out on my own and leaving my previous agency forced me to do my own thing. I became a better person and I was more confident in myself. I never knew I wasn't confined, but I knew I had to make my OWN major decisions so that I knew I had power. Now it cannot be taken away from me. That feeling is priceless."
Related: How Kesha McLeod Went from Working In Retail to Styling The Biggest Names In Sports
Her Power Suit:
"My style staples are always a great color no matter if it's a suit, coat, or as simple as a sweater. I think anyone in a bold color can make a powerful statement!"
Featured image via Kesha McLeod/Instagram
Originally published February 12, 2018
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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