5 Signs It's Time To End Your Friends With Benefits Relationship

Maybe it started off as just a friendship and, from there, sex got involved. Perhaps sex was the starting point and a friendship was built. There may have not even been sex involved at all. Maybe there was a friendship with sexual or emotional tension so thick that it could cut through ice.
Friends with benefit situations are extremely hard to escape from with both parties being completely unscathed. At some point or another, one of those two people are going to get their feelings hurt. If your friends with benefits situation has been holding on by a thread, it may just be time to cut him and yourself loose before things become even more complicated.
Here are 5 of the most common signs that it's time let the comforts of your Netflix and chill FWB go.
1.The Respect Is Gone
No relationship can be successful without respect. If you find yourself constantly trying to leverage with him to give you the bare minimum amount of respect you deserve, you no longer feel fulfilled in your friendship, or your closest girlfriends have pointed out on a number of occasions of how disrespectful he is towards you, the respect is definitely gone.
There is no point in sticking around trying to convince him why he should respect you. You know how you deserve to be treated and it's probably how you have continued to treat him regardless of his recent disrespectful streak.
The best way to gain your respect back is by showing him how much you respect yourself and gracefully bowing out. Perhaps in the future, a friendship can continue, but staying to try to convince someone you are worth respect is counterproductive to gaining the respect you deserve.
2.He's Moved On

Eventually, you both knew one or both of you would meet someone and eventually get into serious relationships. Maybe deep down inside, you hoped that special someone would be you, but things didn't exactly go that way. He might have sprung it on you out of nowhere or your investigation skills may have come into play and you figured it out on your own. Regardless of how you found out, you know now that you are no longer his number one.
I remember a situationship I was in, where I told the guy I was seeing, the moment I was no longer the one he wanted to share his memories with was the moment I would no longer be interested in carrying on the type of friendship I had with him. I knew my limits. I knew what I was comfortable with and I have never been comfortable not being the only one. As a woman, as hard as it can be to see the person you've been sharing your time, emotions, and possibly even body with has chosen someone else other than you, trying to convince him to stay, or worse, competing with another woman always ends badly.
If he wanted to be with you, he would have made that clear, and choosing to be with another woman says the exact opposite. Remember the beautiful memories you created together but don't stay in that place of regret or trying to fight for something that was never yours to begin with.
3.It's No Longer Fun

When you first became friends, things were fun! You saw each other when you wanted to, every moment with him was intense. It didn't matter what you were doing together, you knew you were going to have an amazing time. If you find yourself questioning why are you even still dealing with him, if he's not treating you how he did in the beginning or even middle, or if he seems uninterested in carrying on the friendship - why stress yourself out trying to make it work?
As a friend, it's always a good idea to find out if everything in his life is going okay. It could be stress or a slew of other problems bothering him, but if you feel it in your heart of hearts that it's something deeper and directly related to him no longer being interested in your friendship, bowing out may be the best bet, especially if he's man enough to be upfront with you.
4.You're In Too Deep

The slightest disagreement with him sends your emotions overboard. You find yourself checking all of his social media accounts to see what other women he's checking for or who is checking for him. The last time at his house, it took everything in you not to use his thumb to unlock his phone while he was sleeping. You ask him about other women, he laughs it off. You tell him how you've been feeling lately, he laughs that off as well
The mere thought of him no longer being in your life is enough to drive you to tears. The reality of friends with benefits type situations is that there is absolutely no commitment and that is both what attracts people and is usually the cause of their demise as well.
If it's clear his feelings are nowhere as deep as yours and you are driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why not, it's time to move on. You can't force a person to love you or share the feelings you do. You can't sex someone, feed someone, friend someone, or love someone into loving you. As harsh as it sounds, and as much as fuckboys say it, you knew what you signed up for. You can't get mad at him for not gaining the feelings that you did. In this case, it's best to let it go and realize that a friends with benefits situation is not something that you are truly seeking in a man. You want a relationship and that is fine, it just wont be with this guy at this time.
5.He Wants More And You Don't

Maybe your friendship is based on him being the shoulder you cry on. He's your stability. He is the guy you can call at 2 a.m. to come fix your tire, but he's not boyfriend, zaddy, or husband material. Maybe your physical relationship is amazing, but you can't bring him to meet the parents nor would you ever want to. You know all the reasons why he will never be the man for you, but you like how things are going and he does too, right? Wrong!
You probably knew from the beginning that his feelings were deeper than yours, or perhaps lately he's been way more emotional than usual and he's not letting up on calling you his "girl" no matter how many times you've asked him not to. Just like women, men can catch feelings just as easily and fall just as hard. If you know that you would never want to be in a relationship with him, but he wont let up on the subject you have to end the benefits of the friendship, understand that means no more calling him with your emergencies in the middle of the night, no more sex, no more doing all of the relationship things that have aided in making him fall for you. To continue with the benefits aspect is not only confusing, it's cruel.
If you know you have no intentions in being with this man, stop making him believe he has a chance with you and torturing him even more. Moving on from the situation may be difficult because he has been your saving grace in more than a few occasions but you know it's only hurting him the more you continue with your friendship.
At the end of the day, friends with benefit situations can be doable for people that are ready and willing to handle the highs and the lows that can definitely come with sharing your heart, bed, or food with no strings. Yes, food too! Ya'll know a man can get attached once he's tasted your grandma's famous macaroni and cheese recipe, greens, and hot water cornbread. I digress. It's better to cut ties than to draw out the inevitable and create a blood bath of emotions.
Let it go now and save the friendship, or continue to hold on to a dead situation that can result in the end of a once beautiful friendship.
Love and light.
Featured image via Giphy
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Dreaming Of A White Christmas? These 7 Winter Wonderland Destinations Are Perfect For The Holidays
While most people opt for a tropical vacation during the winter months, there are still many people who want to fulfill their winter wonderland fantasies, which are more than likely centered on watching snow by the fireplace while sipping some hot cocoa.
With Thanksgiving vastly approaching and Christmas a little under a month away, there is still time to ditch the traditional Christmas home to visit family or friends.
Whether you’re looking to put a new stamp on your passport and keep things domestic with a destination in the States, xoNecole has you covered with a few hotspots for those itching to go somewhere cold (but with cozy vibes) this holiday season.
Aspen, Colorado
Our Christmas queen, Mariah Carey, has been taking an annual trip to this snowy destination since 1997, just three years after dropping the track that would make her the unofficial (but official to us) ambassador of the winter holiday.
Aside from being a key vacation spot for one of the culture’s greatest musicians, Aspen also offers travelers access to world-class skiing and snowboarding and four distinct mountains that provide the perfect backdrop for a winter vacation.
Whistler, British Columbia, Canada
Home to the largest ski resort in North America, Whistler Blackcomb, this destination is located in the Coast Mountain Range and is about 75 miles north of Vancouver.
From luxury spas like Scandinave Spa Whistler to Olympic Park, this is another top winter vacation spot that offers a unique experience for people who love snow and the thrill of a good adventure.
Western Massachusetts
Dubbed the place for a magical holiday escape, Springfield, Massachusetts, blends the warmth of small-town charm with unforgettable experiences like Grinchmas at Springfield Museums, Winterlights at Naumkeag in Stockbridge, Historic Deerfield’s Winter Frolic, and many others.
This destination offers something for all ages, and it’s close to home, making it all the more reason to place on your radar for a winter getaway.
Rovaniemi, Finland
If you want to really get into the Christmas spirit, this just may be the place for you. As the official home to Saint Nick himself, Rovaniemi, Finland offers reindeer sleigh rides, the opportunity to stay in a glass igloo, as well as an opportunity to experience the Santa Claus Village.
Lake Tahoe, California/Nevada
Who says that visits to the lake house are only reserved for summer vacation? A winter trip to Lake Tahoe is equipped with stunning lake views and top-notch ski resorts, including Heavenly and Northstar.
Chamonix, France
Sitting at the base of Mont Blanc, Chamonix, France, is known for its skiing and mountaineering. This destination is home to the Aiguille du Midi cable car, the charming Alpine village, and is also close to various other European ski destinations.
Northeastern Pennsylvania
This area of the U.S. state is home to the Poconos Mountains, whose renowned ski resorts include Camelback Mountain, Blue Mountain, and Jack Frost Big Boulder. Whether you’re a ski expert, a beginner, or just there for the vibes, this destination makes for a winter vacation that balances fun adventures and cozy getaways. Additionally, Pennsylvania is home to the Christmas Tree Capital of the world.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on November 23, 2024









