

Because I write so much about sex, there are never a lack of random questions that pop into my mind. One that I was wondering semi-recently is if there's a particular time of the day when men and women are hornier than others. Chile, when you decide to go digging for information, you'll be amazed what you'll find.
So, let's get into it. While horniness can come and go at any time of the day or night, you might be surprised to know that there is a (very) specific time when a lot of us want it more than usual. Read the article. Process it. Hop in the comments. More than anything, test the theory out. Because I don't know about you, but to me, sex is always good — having it when I'm especially horny, though, definitely takes everything up several notches, though.
What Does It Mean to Be “Horny”, Anyway?
OK. We're all big girls here, so of course, I know that you have a general idea of what it means to be horny — it's when you have a desire for some sort of sexual interaction. However, when I checked out The Cut's article entitled, "What Kind of Horny Are You?", interestingly enough, it addressed different types of horniness (including the kind of horny that simply wants a mild level of gratification and the kind of horny that's related to being overstimulated by things like caffeine or even anxiety). So, I decided to do a bit more digging on the topic.
From an overall health standpoint, all kinds of things can make us, well, horny. Eating certain foods. Smelling certain scents. Ovulation time in our cycle (yes, we were designed to want sex more when it's most probable that we will get pregnant). Seeing someone who turns us on. Alcohol. Weed. Pregnancy (due to our hormones shifting all over the place). A high libido (this happens for some people naturally; for others, it's due to things like exercise or a higher level of testosterone). Sometimes an argument can make you horny because of the adrenaline rush that comes from it (umm, make-up sex, anyone?). Even having to pee (because urine puts pressure on your bladder which can, in turn, put pressure on your genital region) can trigger feelings of horniness (a lot of women are huge fans of having sex when they feel like they've got to urinate; they say it intensifies the sensation of their orgasms).
Although there are a few other causes, for the most part, these 10 are the main reasons why you can go from being cool to suddenly wanting to get you some — quick, fast and in a hurry.
The reason why I thought it was important to share all of this is because, as you can clearly see, horniness doesn't "just happen". For the most part, there is always some sort of catalyst. And the reason why that is a relevant point is because, although I'm about to share with you the time of day when we find ourselves wanting to experience some sort of sexual stimuli the most, it's clear that other things can help to influence that desire too.
Whew. With all of that out of the way, just when are we the most interested in being sexually aroused? Good question.
When Are Women and Men Horniest? Why Does It Matter?
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the site that mentioned that a good time of the day for couples to engage in sexual activity is right around 3 p.m. Why? Well, apparently that is when our cortisol levels are elevated (which gives us more energy) and a man's estrogen levels are at their peak (which makes them want to bond with us more). It's kind of a trip how this all plays out because the online sex store Lovehoneyonce conducted a study (one that consisted of 2,300 individuals) which revealed that, while 3 p.m. may be a fair compromise, women actually prefer to have sex at — not sure where the exactness came from — 11:21 p.m. Yep. Most of us are apparently night owls on the copulation tip.
Why is that exactly? A lot of us are less stressed at night than during the daytime. Many of us feel willing to have sex when we're cuddled up with our partner. Some of us feel less self-conscious about our bodies when it's dark. Some of us wake up with too much on our minds in the morning to even really think about having morning sex.
Understood. Still, this is where it gets kinda interesting (if not straight-up challenging). When it comes to when men are their horniest, guess what time of day that is (also, it's pretty specific)? 7:54 a.m. Why? The main reason is because men experience a natural surge of testosterone in the early morning hours (which is the main reason why a lot of them also experience morning wood), so if you've got a partner who is constantly nudging you in the wee hours of the morning, there is literally something (internally within him) to that.
So, just what does all of this mean? That if he's not down at 11:21 p.m. or you're not interested at 7:54 a.m. that you're both gonna miss out on some really great sex? Well, let me first share something else that came up in the survey. While 11 p.m. is preferred, our peak horny window is between 11 p.m.-2 a.m. while a man's is somewhere between 6 a.m.-9 a.m. which leaves a little bit of wiggle room, right? Still, with 70 percent of the people who participated in the survey vouching for the fact that ending up with a partner who isn't on the same "horniness page" can make having sex when they really, really want to a challenge, I thought it would be a good idea to share a few tips on how to get in sexual sync, even if it can't be when your bodies naturally would most prefer each other to be.
How Do You Get in Sync with Him When It Comes to Arousal?
So, what if the reality is that you and your partner couldn't be on more different sex timetables? What is the workaround?
Go to bed together at the same time. This particular point especially applies if you are married or living with your partner. You know, I recently read that currently 1 in 4 couples are sleeping in separate beds and that it tends to affect the entire household (USA Today did an article on it; you can read it here). No time to get all super deep into that now. What I will say is if you and your partner are intentional about going to bed together, at least 2-3 times a week, at the same time, that makes it easier to pillow talk, cuddle up and maybe get a little nookie in during the midnight hour. Right around the time when a lot of us apparently like "it" most. #wink
Give some morning sex a shot. Whenever a married couple comes to me and says that they are in a sex slump, something that I will oftentimes recommend is that they engage in sex, every day, for a month straight (check out "Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?"). While sometimes they are skeptical at first (and I'm gonna be real, more times than not, the eye rolls come from the wife), about 90 percent of them are on cloud nine after trying it.
This is the same way that I feel about morning sex. Even if the thought of waking up at 6 a.m., just for that, seems far less appealing than catching a few extra zzz's, morning sex can help to make you feel closer to your partner, to get and keep you calmer and make it easier to focus throughout the day. So again, even if late at night is your preference, it can never hurt to try that time of the day that a lot of men are all hype about. If you stay open — no pun intended — you could end up liking it a heck of a lot more than you initially thought that you would/could.
Remember that there's more than one way to skin an, umm, cat. OK. Let's go back to the 11:21 p.m. and 7:54 a.m. thing. Even if you and/or yours are not in the mood for an all-out romp session, if one of you is horny around that time, who said that some manual stimulation, oral sex or a quickie can't be on the menu? I don't know about y'all but when I'm horny (and was having sex), mostly what I want is a release of some sort. Yes, intercourse is bomb yet if I can get one off, some kind of way, I'm still usually pretty good. Don't even act like I'm alone in that, chile.
Be flexible on the weekends. Staying up late at night or getting up early in the morning might not be quite as feasible on the weekdays as it is on the weekends. Even if you've got an action-packed one planned or kids running all throughout the house, setting aside an hour for you and yours to try 11 p.m. or 7 a.m. will probably be less stressful than when you've got work, school, etc. on your schedule. Let the kids watch TV and have a bowl of cereal. They can wait until you're…done.
Don't overthink it all. More than anything, this article was simply providing you with some food for thought. If after reading the times provided, you find yourself giving major pushback because that is definitely not you and/or your partner's personal experience, it's all good. One of the first rules of sex is to do what works best for you and yours, right? Bottom line, there's no need to put any pressure on yourself. Just make sure to pay attention to your urges and do what you can to get them met. Because being horny is fine — so long as something can be "done about it" as soon as possible. Feel me? (I figured you would.) #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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These 5 Simple Words Changed My Dating Life & Made It Easier To Let Go Of The Wrong Men
Dating in 2025 often feels like meandering through an obscure tropical jungle: It can be beautiful, exciting, and daunting, yet nebulous when you’re in the thick of it. When we can’t see the forest for the trees, we often turn to our closest friends, doting family, and even nosy co-workers for advice. While others can undoubtedly imbue a much-needed fresh perspective, some of the best advice you’re searching for already lies within you.
My dating life has been a whirlwind to put it mildly, and each time I’d heard a questionable response or witnessed an eyebrow-raising action from a potential beau, I’d overanalyze for hours despite the illuminating tug in my spirit or pit of my stomach churning. And then I’d hold a conference call with my trusted friends just to convince myself of an alternative scenario, even though I’d already been supernaturally tipped off that he was not in alignment with me.
Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
As the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Ouch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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