When Michelle Obama shared that being in quarantine had caused her to experience a low-grade level of depression, I'm pretty sure that a lot of us could totally feel where she was coming from. The reality is, no matter how outgoing or introverted we are, this pandemic has definitely tried us when it comes to not being able to engage others (in the way that we're used to) and not going out on the regular, while also trying to figure out how to manage our job, finances, relationships and children (if we're parents). After a while, trying to balance all of this can take its toll.
That's why, it's so important to make sure that you practice self-care right through here, and that you reach out to your friends, just to make sure that they're good. If, when it comes to the latter, you're all about that, but you're not sure how to do it during this "new normal" of ours, here are 10 tips that can make your homies feel loved, encouraged and totally supported as we all continue to ride COVID-19 out.
1. Start Off the Morning with a Motivational Quote
I'm probably being a little biased when I say this, but since I am such a lover of quotes, I had to make sure this point topped the list. Anyone who's read any of my articles on here knows that I'm not the most succinct person on the planet (don't judge me). Yet that's actually why I dig quotes so much—they're a concise way to motivate, inspire or affirm someone. That's why I say that one way to support your friends is to make it a habit to wake up and text them a great quote; one that will encourage them to start their day off on the right foot. It can make them feel more positive while also making you feel great for being so thoughtful, at the same time.
2. Stay on Top of Their Love Language
As a marriage life coach, I'm a firm believer that one of the biggest struggles in relationships is assuming that the way you want love to be expressed is automatically the way someone else desires for it to be. And you know what? Until a lot of us accept that this way of thinking is more about our ego than anything else, we could get in our own way when it comes to getting closer to those we truly care about.
That's why, not only am I a fan of implementing love languages in romantic relationships, but when it comes to parenting and friendships too. Matter of fact, last year, I wrote an article entitled "This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships" to help you better understand how your own friends' love language(s) can be better applied. For instance, while my top one is words of affirmation, a lot of my friends are quality time folks. Since we're not seeing each other right now, they will shoot me a random email or mail me a card and I will set aside an hour to just chat about…shoot, whatever they want to chat about.
Trust me, making the time to even find out what your friend's love language is will make them feel like you are being truly proactive in meeting their relational needs. And proactiveness is a superpower beyond measure in any relationship. It really is.
3. Keep Up with Special Days
I think it's a Gemini thing that we're super over-the-top when it comes to birthdays. Matter of fact, I don't even observe holidays, so my friends know that, come June 17 of every year, I'm like, "What…is…UP?" However, my friends who also remember that I observe Rosh Hashanah (because Christ was a Jew, right?—Mark 15:2) and make sure to send a special shout-out on that day (especially since it changes every year)? That really warms my soul.
Everyone has a birthday. But most of us have special days besides that. Finding out what your friends' are is another way to take real initiative in the friendship. Plus, since the pandemic is causing days, weeks and months to kinda all run in together, reaching out to your friends, on their special days, can help them to feel like 2020 wasn't just one long—Monday (chile…chile).
4. Do Some Group Journaling
Journaling is dope. If you're not someone who does it on the regular, you'd be amazed by how much it can de-stress you and bring clarity to things you may be internalizing. Well, when it comes to group journaling, basically it consists of people getting together to do it. Everyone can offer up writing prompts (like themes or topics) for each session. Then, a time period is set aside to journal. Once everyone is done, they are encouraged to read some of what they shared out loud and expound, if they'd like. Then their audience (or in this case, their friends) can share their thoughts about their thoughts. Not only is group journaling a way to keep your creative juices flowing but it can help you to show real courage when it comes to being vulnerable with others. It can also help you to be more open to hearing other points of view.
When you look at group journaling from this perspective, who better to group journal with than your homies? You can even get each other super hyped up by agreeing to purchase a fresh journal for each other, while letting it be a surprise what the journal looks like until you each receive yours in the mail. (While we still have the mail. Lawd, get Trump outta here!)
5. Schedule Weekly (or Monthly) Face-to-Face Calls
Although a lot of us have the mindset that, so long as we see someone we care about like an IG post or tweet something out into cyberspace, they must be cool, there is nothing like holding an actual conversation with your friends. While you might not have the time (or emotional energy) to reach out on the daily, try and schedule a chat at least once a week or once a month. It's the easiest way to catch up and oftentimes the most effective way for people to feel like they aren't out here dealing, alone.
6. Come Up with Your Own Theme Days
Charge it to that Gemini thing if you'd like, but one of my favorite sites is National Day Calendar. You'd be amazed the kind of days of observance are on the books (it's actually where I got the idea to write articles like "Make 'National Bathtub Party Day' Your Favorite Day Of The Year", "'National All Or Nothing Day' Reminds Us That Sometimes It Needs To Be Just That", "Celebrate What Makes You "YOU" On National Inner Beauty Day", "National Girls' Night In Day Is This Sunday. Here's How To Kick It This Weekend." and "Whew, Chile. It's National Orgasm Day!"). Well, who said that you and your friends can't come up with your own theme days? A wine day. A pamper day. A listen to nothing but 90s R&B day. A get-over-our-ex day. The anniversary of your friendship day. The sky is the limit here, but if you add a few theme days to your own calendar, it's something else that can definitely break up the monotony of this pandemic.
7. Send Them Something Thoughtful
Money is tight in the time of COVID-19. Boy, do I know it. But if there was ever a time when "it's the thought that counts" rings true, it would be during this season of life.
Sending something thoughtful to your friends doesn't mean that it has to be expensive. It can be a scented soy candle for their bedroom. A movie stream to add to their collection. Or shoot, a personalized mask.
I've copped a few myself on Etsy that have been quite the conversation piece when I'm out at the grocery store (which is basically the only place I go these days) because I make sure they all have a Black cultural message. There are plenty of merchants that will personalize a mask for you for under 20 bucks. Just go to the site and put "Black culture mask" or "personalized mask" in the search field to see what tickles your fancy.
8. Watch Movies (or Read a Book) Together (by Video or Phone)
I don't know about y'all, but I DEFINITELY did not think that 2020 was gonna be the year of watching more movies (or re-watching more movies) than my mind can comprehend. I also didn't believe that I would be getting back to chain reading like I did when I was a kid. But here we are. I'm personally the kind of person who prefers to watch and read alone (unless I'm boo'ed up which is a totally irrelevant point at this time). But if you're an extrovert or you've simply gotten to the point where cabin fever has you going insane, something else that you can do is have a virtual (or phone) meeting with your friends where y'all can watch movies or even read and/or discuss books together. On the movie tip, if coins are so tight that you had to cut your cable and streaming services, Tubi is a site that shows movies (and even some throwback television series), in all kinds of genres, for free. There are ads that pop up from time to time but again, since it's free, it's basically worth it.
9. Design Electronic Vision Boards Together
While "this too shall" pass isn't exactly Scriptural, that doesn't make it any less true. Besides, Ecclesiastes 3:1(NKJV) assures us that, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." So, while it might seem like this pandemic—and all of the fallout from it—is going to last FOR-E-VER, it won't. To make sure that you don't fall into a lethargic way of living your life until you are able to "get back out again", how about doing some electronic vision boards with your friends? It can be a professional one that is focused on careers goals, a personal one that is focused on personal development or even a relational one where you explore what you will do differently once you can actually go on real dates again. The reason why I recommend electronic ones is because they are easy, convenient and a cool way to exchange your visions without having to worry about mailing poster boards back and forth. Plus, doing a project like this can bring in glimmers of hope and excitement on low (or just sheer boredom) days. You can find different apps for this here.
10. Be Their Accountability Partner
An author by the name of Will Craig once said, "Accountability is the glue that bonds commitments to results." While your friends are grown and don't need another mother or proverbial hall monitor for their life, accountability is good in the sense of checking in, encouraging them to keep the goals that they set and yes, even calling them out on their ish when necessary. There are a lot of people out here who are suffering, BIG TIME, during COVID-19. A part of the reason why is because they lack a loving, loyal and compassionate accountability partner. It can never hurt to ask your friends if they feel like they need one. It also can't hurt for you to ask them to be one for you.
Accountability is simply about holding each other responsible. It's an anchor that can keep you and your friends secure until things level back out. Get one. Be one. It'll bless you both.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
Courtesy
In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy
As you’re thinking about all of what transpired over the past 12 months, here are some signs that certain things (or people) who are currently in your sphere may need to be significantly realigned or even, shoot…let go of. Ultimately, for your greater good.
1. Your Mind, Body and Spirit Aren’t in Agreement (About It)
GiphyI believe I’ve shared before that, back when I was writing my first book, although I adored my editing team overall, it was still a Christian-based one, and so there were a few things that we would clash on. Take the term “human trinity,” for example. They kept wanting me to say something else for fear that it would appear “blasphemous” to certain readers.
Meanwhile, I kept giving pushback because "trinity" is not an actual biblical word. It literally means a group of three or a triad and while that can apply to the Godhead (I John 5:8), nothing is wrong with applying it to other situations and dynamics too...and, to me, the mind, body and spirit of a person equates to what I call their “human trinity” — and something that I oftentimes tell my clients is, “If your mind, body and spirit” are not all in agreement about something (or someone), take heed to that; at the very least, it’s an orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
So with that said, think about what you have going on in your life right now — if you’re not in a state of complete and total peace concerning everything, is it your mind that feels that way? Is it your body that seems a bit stressed? Is it your spirit that has you unsettled?
Always remember that your being — your mind, body, as well as your spirit — was created to work in harmony, and so, if that isn’t happening about a particular person, place, thing, or idea…you really should pause, ponder, and reflect before making any major moves. Oh, and if two parts of your trinity are struggling, 8/10, that is a sign that you definitely pump the brakes. At least until you figure out why.
2. It’s Spiritually Compromising You
GiphyI’m pretty sure that a lot of you have heard the quote, “You don't have a soul, you are a soul; you have a body,” before. If you thought that the writer C.S. Lewis authored it, many people do. Actually, it comes from a man whom he admired by the name of George MacDonald, and yes, it is quite profound when you stop to think about your spirit is the divine part of your being; yes, many consider it to also be your soul (check out “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul”).
Since the essence of who you are pretty much comes from the spiritual side of you (check out “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?”), it’s important that you are super intentional about nurturing and nourishing it; this includes keeping safeguards up in order to prevent anyone or anything from compromising you from giving your spirit exactly what it needs to thrive and flourish.
For some of you, you know this means letting go of your partner. For some of you, a toxic friend. For others, it’s really time to find a new career path, shift churches (LISTEN), to move to another location (even if that’s another state or country) or to totally reroute your daily routine — and you know this to be true because your spirit is currently feeling drained and/or bitter and/or resentful and/or confused and/or like you are losing a part of who you are just to keep “it” around.
Sis, it’s not worth it. Compromising yourself at the expense of it costing yourself never EVER is. If what I just said hit really close to home, you’ve still got a few hours to leave it all behind in time for a brand and spanking new year. It might not be easy yet do it anyway. Your spirit deserves it.
3. You’ve “Hit a/the Ceiling”
GiphyI ain’t got no lies to tell you — between the orange one in the White House and his uber-maniac ways and AI sinking its teeth deeper and deeper into so many different industries, I definitely think that 2026 is going to be a roller coaster ride for many people as far as the job market is concerned. So, while I am ABSOLUTELY NOT recommending that you flippantly, emotionally, or impulsively quit your job any time soon, I do think that you should ask yourself if you’ve “hit the ceiling” where you are, so that you can possibly plan to look for employment elsewhere or even pivot into something else entirely.
And what are some signs that you have indeed knocked your head up against said ceiling?
- You are bored as hell (or worse, miserable AF) at work
- There is no room for promotion
- Your boss couldn’t care less about your goals or ambitions
- You feel undervalued
- Your skills are underutilized
- There seems to be little to no improvement or progress within the company
- You haven’t received a raise in years
- You procrastinate because you don’t feel motivated or inspired
The fact that most of us spend the majority of our waking hours working, it makes not one bit of sense to be collecting a check at a place that is stressing you out, messing with your psyche and/or is causing you to feel like there’s not much more that life has to offer than, as they say, “paying bills and dying.” If that is what life is like for you right now, although you might not be able to quit this month, it is definitely time to put an exit strategy into place. You know, some say that a whopping 85 percent of people hate their job.
If you are one of them, let’s strive to have that no longer be the case in 2026.
4. There Is Little-to-No Reciprocity
GiphyI’m not a fan of transactional dating (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.” and “Should You Start Off As Friends? Science Says Absolutely.”); anyone who knows me will tell you that. And when guys talk to me about how drained they feel by a woman who seems to only take and not give (for instance, someone just talked to me about how his girlfriend of three years gave him a $20 gift card; meanwhile, he purchased her seven different presents…and she actually makes more money than he does — SMDH), I will oftentimes say, “If there’s no reciprocity, she is a liability.” And I mean it with everything in me.
This goes beyond romantic situations too. Take a friend of mine who, when I tell you that, when it comes to painful situations, she absolutely sucks at being a good support system. I know this because, for the past few weeks, I’ve been telling her that she has a pattern of not showing up in hurtful times and that my patience is wearing thin because I am just the opposite.
She shared with me that she realizes that she doesn’t show up for herself in her own painful moments, and so when something really uncomfortable, trying, or taxing happens to someone else, she tends to retreat instead of reaching out.
In other ways, she’s solid, and so we are working through the matter — but I’ll tell you this: At this point in my life, when I share where I need reciprocit,y and folks don’t want to give it, I have no problem shifting how I prioritize them in my world. Because it makes no sense to call someone “friend” (or partner) and you’re doing most of the work to make that word…relevant.
Bottom line with this one is, if you’re not getting what you need from your relationships — ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP — it just might be time to leave certain people behind…now (check out “Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead”)…so that you have room for who will be willing to show you what reciprocity in relationships looks and feels like.
5. You Feel “Stuck” in “It”
GiphyWhen it comes to the word “stuck,” the definition that I’m coming from here is “to become fastened, hindered, checked, or stationary by some obstruction” — and for the sake of time and space, what I want to amplify is the word “hinder.” One definition of hinder is “to cause delay, interruption, or difficulty in; hamper; impede,” while another is “to prevent from doing, acting, or happening; stop.”
Believe it or not, as a marriage life coach, there are actually clients who I have fired — and the reason was that they were wasting my time. Listen, when you get to the point in your life where you get that there is less time in front of you than behind you, you can’t really put a price tag on your precious moments, so when clients don’t do their homework and/or choose to remain in ridiculous situations (for years at a time) and/or really just want to be coddled instead of getting the tips and tools that they need to make wise decisions on their own — they cause me to feel “stuck” because they aren’t challenging me to be a better coach.
Progress in a client is what makes me better…and so, what I will typically do is put these types of people on probation for about 4-6 months and then release them if they remain in their hamster wheel of cyclic activity (after over a year of working with them).
This is an example of what “stuck” looks and feels like in my life; however, you need to figure out if and how that word may apply to your own. What I can tell you is anything that you know is interrupting or preventing you from doing what you know needs to happen in your world, whether it’s a person, place, thing or idea, you really need to ask yourself if it’s worth holding on to — and if you believe that it is, you definitely should realign your boundaries concerning it or then. Because again, life is too short (and precious) to be “stuck” in something that really isn’t serving you (or serving you any longer).
6. Your Present and Future Seem Super Foggy with It Around
GiphyWhat does this mean? Well, fogginess speaks to things being unclear, right? When it comes to your present, a lack of clarity can speak to feeling/being confused and confusion means that something is going on that either doesn’t make sense to us or is sending us all kinds of mixed messages and signals — and when you continue to dwell in that kind of space, there’s a pretty good chance that your future will be just as…foggy. Just as unclear. Just as confusing.
I’ll explain. Have you ever tried to drive in the fog? You typically can’t see very far ahead, which means that you kind of have to drag along in your car and, even with headlights, sometimes something can run out in front of you, catch you off guard and that can either make your nerves bad or cause you to wreck. Along these same lines, a “foggy situation” can do the same thing — you’ll be out here barely getting anything done because you’re so busy trying to figure out what the hell is going on with it or them…and that usually will cause a domino effect in other areas of your life too.
Sis, it’s not worth it. If you don’t get what’s going on in some area of your world, you’re missing information, you are being gaslit, and/or you are in denial about what is transpiring right before your very eyes. For all of this, purpose to get the answers (clarity) that you seek or leave it behind you.
As an author by the name of Shannon L. Alder once said, “The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.” Somebody REALLY needed to hear that today. I hope that you did.
Just in time for another year, and the things that you can feel really good and CRYSTAL CLEAR about.
Welcome to 2026, my dear.
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