As a marriage life coach, something that my clients know will cause me to roll my eyes all the way back into my head is when they tell me that it’s been a while since they’ve had sex — and it’s all because they don’t have time. Umm, studies say that most people prefer for the literal act of sex (you know, intercourse) to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes, and if you can’t find the time to make that happen a couple of times a week? Yeah, I’ve got questions. Lots and lots of ‘em too.
A favorite quote of mine is by an author by the name of Nick Chellsen. He once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to,” and because sexual intimacy is such an essential part of a long-term committed relationship, I definitely think that couples should be super intentional about prioritizing it. And if it is indeed true that it’s challenging to find — no make — time, then plans should definitely be put in place to have a sexcation…a vacation that is solely devoted to enjoying sex with your partner. And since this year’s Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday, why not make it a sexcation weekend? Just you and your bae enjoying all that copulation has to offer.
Does that sound like a great idea? If so, here are 12 things that can take things up a few more notches on the pleasure and pure ecstasy experience tip.
1. Lighting and Mirrors Are an Absolute Must
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Sex under (or around) candlelight? Does it get any sexier (and sensual and romantic) than that? Hmph, probably not — especially if the candles have an aphrodisiac scent like jasmine, vanilla, or sandalwood. Yeah, very few things are able to immediately set the mood quite like soft lighting. And while I will personally always be a big fan of (soy) candles, I also want to shout-out something that I purchased for my own bedroom: an RGB Smart Lamp. Mine is small, comes with a remote control, and has a variety of shades of different colors to choose from including blue, purple, and red. Definitely, another way to set the tone for a very sexy sexcation.
And while we’re here, don’t underestimate what mirrors can do for you too. By positioning yourself in front of one, not only can it bring out the exhibitionist in you, it can also help you to see, in real-time, the level of desire that your partner has for you because you’re able to visually experience them from other angles. Plus, if there are certain positions that you (both) prefer that make it impossible to have eye contact — that is no longer the issue if you’re having sex in front of a mirror, now is it?
Even if you purchase a full-length one from a local store, you can use it during your sexcation and then keep it in your closet…until the next time that the urge strikes.
2. Hang a Sex-Themed Piñata
I’m a big fan of incorporating a piñata into a sexual experience; so much, in fact, that I mentioned one a few years ago in the article, “I've Got REALLY HOT 15 Spring/Summer-Themed Sex Hacks To Try.” To me, it’s a cute way to bring fun into sex by filling one up with things like flavored condoms and lube, edible panties, and whatever else, sex-themed, you can think of (that will comfortably fit). In the spirit of a sexcation, hang a piñata that is in the shape of — eh hem — “him” (here) and/or “you” (here). With it, the blindfold on y’all’s faces, a bat, and all of the goodies inside, how could a sex-themed piñata not put a few smiles and even laughs on both of your faces? C’mon…
3. Create a Signature Libido-Boosting Mocktail
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Have you ever been to a wedding where the couple featured signature cocktails — or mocktails (non-alcoholic cocktails) — at their reception? Usually, not only are the drinks customized but they are named after something sweet or endearing about the twosome as well. Well, you don’t need a wedding to enjoy your own signature beverage, and the reason why I’m shouting out mocktails is you can get the hydration and health benefits of the ingredients that are in them without the downside of alcohol like hangovers. In fact, some mocktails can even give your libido a boost.
You can check out several delicious recipes via “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too” or, if you want to stick to the Valentine’s Day theme, get inspired by recipes like — Love Potion #9: Sparkling Cherry Spritzer - Valentine's Day Mocktail or Cocktail (here); Creamy Strawberry Cinnamon Mocktail (here); Valentine’s Day Aphrodisiac Mocktail (here); Sparkling Cranberry Kiss (here), or a Fig & Thyme Spritz (here). Add your own ingredients to specialize the drink and don’t forget to give masterpiece a sexy pet name to toast each other with.
4. DIY an Aphrodisiac Gift Basket
Customizing gift baskets can be a lot of fun — especially when the theme and focus is S-E-X. A local arts and crafts store is where you can find a basket and some cellophane wrap. As far as what to put in it: massage candles, edible massage gels, body paint, some (new) handcuffs, scented bath bombs, rose petals, body dust, edibles (check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better” and “Want More Frequent And Intensified Orgasms? Puff, Puff, Pass.” ), sex toys, Reddi-Wip…I think you get the picture. If you fill it up to the brim, you’ll have plenty of items that will keep you (sexually) motivated all weekend long.
5. Buy Each Other…Things to Wear
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Recently, I found myself in a state between finding something comical and damn near being triggered by it when a friend of mine told me that her husband told her that 1) he felt that he basically had no flaws and 2) he certainly doesn’t have them when it comes to how he expresses his love for her. Have mercy. It’s sheer nonsense like this that makes me say, more than I should ever have to, that WE alone cannot tell someone if we are a good lover or friend to them; THEY have to tell us (and vice versa). And what does that have to do with this point?
Although some of us are, certainly more than others, pretty much everyone is visually stimulated on some level and, although we may have some idea of what our partner likes — there’s no telling what we’d have on if it was left up to them to dress us. That said, why not use a Valentine’s Day sexcation as an opportunity to be each other’s…sensual stylist? Agree, beforehand, to only share each other’s sizes and then leave it up to one another to take it from there. You both might learn a thing or two about what (else) turns the two of you on if you do.
6. Increase Your Pheromones
Two things that many folks find themselves wondering about (as far as their legitimacy goes) are aphrodisiacs and pheromones. While aphrodisiacs are somewhat of a complex topic, when it comes to pheromones, specifically, it has been scientifically proven that they are substances/chemicals that one human secretes that grasp the attention of another. And how do sex pheromones increase?
Through exercise, sleep, and foods that contain the natural pheromones androstenone and androstenol including (believe it or not) celery, truffles, parsnips, and a blend of lavender and pumpkin pie. Out of all of this, did you peep that sleep raises (sex) pheromones? All I’m gonna say about that is check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Sex and sleep? Rinse and repeat? Does a sexcation become any more blissful than that? I highly doubt it.
7. Take an Online Sex Course
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Right around this time, about three years ago, BuzzFeed published an article entitled, “These 22 Black Sex Educators Are Changing The Way We Think And Talk About Sex.” When it comes to this article, what it got me to thinking about is how beneficial it could be to take an online sex course while you and your man are relaxing (and sexing) at home. A married couple whose site is simply called Vanessa and Xander Marin has several courses here. There are also other options that you can find by going to your favorite search engine and putting “online sex courses” in the search field.
8. Play “Sex Truth or Dare”
Listen, if you want to have a potentially stress-filled Valentine’s Day, play “Never Have I Ever” with your partner (chile…that reminds me of the skit “Tiny P? Loose V” by Jade the Fade is startlingly hilarious). On the other hand, if you want to learn more about each other while also having a lot of fun, play a sexual version of the old favorite “Truth or Dare.” If your man chooses “truth,” you can ask things like “What’s your favorite sexual position?,” “Do you prefer oral or intercourse more?” or “What would you like to do that we’ve never attempted before?” — you know, things that will get him to open up to you in some different ways.
As far as dares go? Well, I’ll let you come up with some of those, although my next point can help to inspire you a bit (or you can purchase a Kinky Truth or Dare canister that already has some ideas prepared for you here ).
9. Alternate Sex Fantasies
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Probably the easiest way to explain a fantasy: it’s an idea or concept that is birthed out of your imagination. And here’s the thing — when it comes to executing some of your sexual fantasies, so long as you and your bae are mutually willing to try them out, it can make your sex life more spontaneous, more creative and so much more exciting. That said, in honor of the Valentine’s Day theme of your sexcation, why not start the time together off by agreeing that you each will share a fantasy and that you both will give what’s been said a shot?
Again, it’s got to be something that both feel safe and comfortable with; however, because a lot of couples fall into the rut of just “doing what works,” oftentimes they fail to bring deep desires to the forefront. A sexcation is the perfect time to change that. (By the way, some of the current most popular fantasies include BDSM, having sex in an unusual location, and taking oral sex to another level, so check out “9 Oral Sex Hacks To Make 2025 Your Most Satisfying Year Yet” when it comes to that last one).
10. Be Offline. THE ENTIRE TIME.
Unless you have young children (or sick parents), I don’t know why you need to be reachable during your sexcation. I also don’t know why it’s important to read news, scroll Instagram, or text folks for hours at a time. Hell, you can do all of that stuff when you get back to the real world. For now, enjoy the idea of focusing on no one and nothing else but you and your man. Besides, there is research to support the fact that intentional unplugging helps to reduce stress and stay in the moment which, interestingly enough, can increase your chances of having orgasms too. And speaking of orgasms…
11. Fill Up an “Orgasm Jar”
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Oh, the sex jar. If there is one thing that I wish that I had actually invented for my clients, it’s that. If you’ve never heard of one before, I once wrote about it: “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar”. Long story short, whenever a couple has sex, they should put money in a jar and agree to not take any out until 6-12 months later — then they spend it on something to do together. Whether it’s a movie or an international vacation, it’s totally up to them.
Well, something that I did just make up is an orgasm jar. While you’re on your sexcation, whether it’s from oral sex, intercourse, mutual masturbation, or whatever else, put money into a jar, each and every time one of you climaxes. At the end of the sexcation, go on a date. Again, the kind of date depends on how intentional both of you were (if you know what I mean). #wink
12. Stay Naked (As Much As Possible)
Clothes on…FOR WHAT? With the exception of the sexy fashion show that I referenced earlier, make the mutual decision to rock your birthday suits for the entire Valentine’s Day weekend. Being naked helps to boost your (sexual) self-confidence, keeps your vagina happy, increases male fertility (if baby-making is on the menu), decreases stress and it definitely promotes intimacy. And all of those are ingredients for having an exceptional sexcation.
BONUS: Rent a Vacation House
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The reason why I addressed having a sexcation from the comfort and convenience of your own home is because, if money is tight, that doesn’t mean that you have to skimp out on some mind-blowing sex — not at all. However, I did recently pen a piece about the fact that something as simple as changing the scenery of where you “engage” can also take your sexual experiences up a few notches (check out “How To Level Up Intimacy And Make 2025 Your Hottest Sex Year Yet”). So, if you’ve got a few extra bucks, splurge on a vacation house rental — then “Cupid” each and every room!
Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!
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Now, with more than 20 years of experience in professional aviation, starting with American Eagle Airlines and then on to becoming a captain at American Airlines, she has continued to pay it forward. In 2022, she made history as the first commercial airline captain to lead an all-Black, women-led flight crew. She has also written a biography on Bessie Coleman, the first African-American and Native-American woman to earn a pilot’s license, and produced and directed, Discovering Bessie Coleman, working alongside the family to get the project completed. Add to that her role as a founder of consulting firm LadyAv8rBeth, which offers a guide of pathways into aviation, and as a podcast host covering all things aviation.
For Women’s History Month, xoNecole caught up with the busy pilot, in between flights, to talk about her career journey, her role in a Bessie Coleman documentary and book, how she balances self-care and safety, and how other Black women can add to the aviation legacy:
xoNecole: You’ve built an successful career in aviation. And you were only 15 and already had your first flight. Were you afraid at all, or did it feel like second nature to you?
Beth Powell: It felt completely natural. There was no fear, just excitement and curiosity.
Now, it’s what they call STEM, and my teacher at the time thought that I was really good at numbers. He recommended three career paths, and I tried the first one.
I didn't understand why it made sense back then at 15, but as I grew up and met other pilots, I recognized that the reason I liked math and physics was that we were technical learners. So we like to break things apart and put them back together. We like to check procedures. We like to write manuals. We were technical artists.
xoN: That’s such an important message. Many young women and girls are often discouraged from pursuing careers in STEM or aviation, so it’s incredible to hear your story. Now, fast forward a bit—how did you transition into your corporate career with larger airlines?
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BP: After that first discovery flight, I quickly finished my high school classes and graduated at 16. By 17, I had earned my private pilot’s license, and by 18, my commercial license. Then, I moved to the U.S. to attend flight school in Florida. While working on my degree in professional aeronautics, I began working for American Eagle Airlines at just 21. Over the years, I’ve built my career and have now spent 25 years in the airline industry, including 14 years at American Eagle and 11 years at American Airlines. In terms of leadership, being a captain is key.
As a captain, I’m responsible for the aircraft, the crew, and the passengers. It’s a huge responsibility, and you learn a lot about leadership when you’re in charge of so much.
Being a captain definitely teaches you leadership. You’re in charge of every aspect of the flight from the moment you sign in to the moment you sign out. From overseeing the crew to managing the safety and well-being of passengers, you have to make quick decisions and take responsibility. Even when you’re starting out as a first officer, you’re learning vital leadership skills that prepare you for the captain role.
xoN: There's a lot going on with airlines right now that might make someone feel afraid in terms of some of the tragedies that have recently happened. How do you sustain your self-care balance and your resilience in the aviation industry when those sorts of things happen?
BP: I truly believe that aviation is still the safest and the No. 1 safest means of transportation. I say that proudly. For any airline, any pilot, any air traffic controller—anyone who works in the industry—safety is our number one priority. However, of course, we see things happening in the news, and it is concerning to passengers.
What I'm telling everybody to do right now, including myself, is that it's very important to have your source of strength. I'm a Christian, and one of my sources of strength is prayers. I go deep within my prayers every morning, and I pray to God, giving things that I can't control to him, and the rest— I can do my best to deal with.
No. 2 is meditation on the Deepak Chopra app. Ever since COVID happened, that was the first time I thought that I needed something more than just my prayers to help me go through to calm down the noise around me.
And last but not least, I'm really big on self-development. I read, I read, and I read. If your foundation is strong, you have something to build from. And so, when I read, I learn a lot about myself. I learn about what triggers me and when something triggers me. I literally hear the Kendrick Lamar song, "TV Off" in my head, because sometimes you need to shut the noise off.
xoN: That's amazing—the combination of faith and just being excellent at what you do. Now, how did you get involved with the Bessie Coleman project?
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BP: I sit on the board of advisers for an organization called Sisters of the Skies, and was at a gala celebrating with all our Black women of our achievements. At the end of the night, Dr. Sheila Chamberlain walked up to me. She was the first Black woman U.S. combat intelligence aviator in the Army. So, if she's walking up to me, it's very serious. She said, ‘I have a favor to ask.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ I did not hear what the favor was. I didn't know what she was going to ask me, but somebody like that walking up to you saying, ‘a favor’? The answer is yes.
She told me [the project involved] helping the Bessie Coleman family elevate the story. ‘I'd like you to ask your company if they will do a flight in honor of Bessie Coleman.’ I went to the different departments at American Airlines, and the rest was literally history. We did that flight on August 8, 2022, and it became a historical flight because everyone on that flight, from the ground up, was a Black woman.
Gigi Coleman, Bessie’s grand-niece, was also on that flight. We started chatting at the end of the flight. Another night, we were hanging out—Sheila, Gigi, and I—and she kept telling me she wanted to write a book, that she wished there was a movie, and that people approached her about it. Nothing had been done as yet. And I thought, sounds like another mission.
I literally took it on. We do have a documentary with the family sharing their perspective of who Bessie Coleman is. And we do have a book called Queen of the Skies.
xoN: For the young women who are looking for career paths in aviation, what are some skills they need to thrive?
BP: While you don't necessarily have to love math to be a pilot, technical knowledge is important. You’ll need to understand aircraft systems and aerodynamics. This includes weather patterns and instrument training. It might seem daunting at first, but the great thing about flight training is that it builds on itself. The more you learn, the more it all clicks. Also, aviation is constantly changing, and you need to be adaptable.
It’s a field where you need to be ready for anything, from unexpected weather to technical issues. Being open to learning new things and adjusting to change is crucial.
My daughter, who has her private pilot’s license, once said, “This journey is both challenging and rewarding. I feel like I’ve grown so much since starting.” It’s important to keep going, even when it gets tough.
To help others, I’m outlining how they can go from “zero to hero” as a pilot. I offer this information freely on my Instagram account, and it’s something I’m passionate about sharing. I want everyone to have access to the resources they need to follow their dreams.
For more information on Beth Powell, the Bessie Coleman documentary, and aviation career resources, visit LadyAv8rBeth.com.
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