I like themes. When it comes to sex specifically, I think it's a way to tap into your creative side and surprise your partner with new approaches to copulating. Well, since spring is officially here and summer is on its way, I figured that this would be a great time to share 15 ways where you can bring this time of year into your boudoir in ways that you may have not ever considered before.
Because, after all, the only thing better than sex is the kind that's got plenty of "Whoa. Where did that come from?" energy added to it.
1. Break Out Your Bikini
I know. Typically, when we talk about sex and the art of seduction, it's lingerie that's mentioned. Yet I was surprised that, when I asked some men to describe to me the look that turns them on, a lot of them said that they really enjoy seeing their partner in swimwear. And you know, when I really sit and think about it, I guess that makes sense because the styles of a lot of swimsuits are really sexy. So, in the spirit of spring and summer (which is when we all get into the pool and ocean the most), why not put on your (or his) favorite bathing suit? He probably won't see it coming, it's definitely on-theme and how could he not enjoy taking in the kinds of sights that only happen around this time of the year?
2. DIY Some Lavender Massage Oil
When folks are out on the beach, what's something that they commonly do? Rub sunscreen on their bodies—or each other—right? If you've got on your swimwear, switch it up a bit and swap out sunscreen for massage oil. Massages are beneficial because they relax you, improve blood circulation, increase flexibility, reduce cortisol (stress) levels and can definitely make you feel closer to your partner.
So, whether he's rubbing some oil all over your sex pressure points (check out "Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life") or you're out to give him a tantric massage (check out "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage"), you definitely can't go wrong by warming up some DIY massage oil first. Hands down, out of all of the essential oils that can help to put you into a mental state of tranquility, lavender would be it. And since it's also a popular summer flower, I'm pretty sure you can see why I went with giving it a massage-scented shout-out. If you want to go this route, a couple of easy recipes for lavender massage oil is located here and here.
3. Buy Some Cooling Sheets
Personally, I'm someone who likes to go to sleep when my bedroom is really cool. I'll turn down my thermostat and, don't put it past me to turn a portable fan on too. Still, I can't tell you how many times I have awakened in the middle of the night to try and figure out why I'm so hot. A few years back, I did some research and discovered that it's usually because our bodies change temperatures throughout the evening.
A way to combat that? Buy some cooling bedsheets. They're specifically designed to allow cool air to surround your body while wicking away moisture that can cause you to feel overheated. On the sex tip, this can really come in handy because most of us get a little hot 'n bothered (in the best way possible, of course) while we're doing-the-do. Anyway, if cooling sheets is something that you'd like to look into, The Sleep Foundation has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market. You can check their list out here.
4. Add Some Greenery
One of my favorite things about my bedroom is the tall fake tree that's in one of its corners. It being there just makes the entire space feel more comfortable. There are local arts and craft stores that sell them for a fair price. Shoot, if you put a couple of those in your bedroom and turn the fan on? You could easily find yourself feeling like you're straight up in the middle of a jungle or forest. It's like having outdoor sex without all of the outdoor drama.
5. DIY a Sex Piñata
Most of us know that piñatas are a Mexican-based tradition where a big container is filled with goodies. Usually, they are made out of something like papier-mâché, people are blindfolded and they try and hit it until something falls out. I don't recall ever seeing a piñata at any indoors party which is why I thought it would be cool to mention for this particular article.
Instead of putting candy inside of a piñata, why not put some sex-themed goodies in it instead? Flavored condoms. Small tubes of lube. Adult dice or sex tokens. Dark chocolate (since it is an aphrodisiac). Edible panties. Anything that is sex-focused that can fit into a piñata and won't hurt once it falls out. Go into your backyard, hang the piñata up, have you and your partner blindfold each other, take turns taking a whack at it and have some sort of sex-related "prize" for the one who is able to break it open.
Now tell me that's not creative and festive AF. Places like Party City, Michael's and the Oriental Trading Company typically carry them.
6. Make Your Own Lemonade Lubricant
Speaking of lubricants, the best thing about them is they make things wetter, right? And since we're talking about spring- and summer-themed sex, is there anything more refreshing that a tall glass of homemade lemonade? Why not merge the two things together by making your own lemonade-flavored lubricant? All you need to do is combine one-fourth cup of aloe vera gel with one-fourth cup of flaxseed gel. Then add 3-5 drops of natural lemon flavoring (which is the oil of the lemon not the juice) and BAM—a natural lubricant! While it's more for external use (oral sex) than intercourse, it can still be a real treat. Try it and report back.
7. Adjust the Lights
When it comes to setting up the overall atmosphere of your bedroom, overhead lighting is too harsh and complete darkness can sometimes impede the ambiance of it all. In walks, colored light bulbs. In honor of all things spring and summer, go with green or blue ones. As far as green goes, it represents nature, freshness, prosperity, fertility and harmony (I've always liked that there is a Scripture in the Bible that simply says "our bed is green"—Song of Solomon 1:16). Plus, did you know that green light helps to reduce migraine discomfort in some people? As far as blue goes, it's the color of water—and calm, serenity, inspiration, peace and trust. Y'all, when two naked bodies are moving around in dim green or blue lighting in the middle of the night? There is something about it that visually takes sexual arousal up a couple of notches—and then some.
8. Incorporate Citrus Scents
Smell is one of our five senses (the others are sight, taste, touch and sound). Whether you decide to go with an oil diffuser, a soy candle, a spray for your bedding or even a plug-in, consider using some citrus scents in your bedroom. Orange and lemon scents are signature spring and summer ones. They're also great because they improve your mood, give you more energy and relieve anxiety. Try 'em.
9. Try Some Strawberry-Flavored Deep Throat Numbing Spray
Speaking of oral sex, if something that you want to get better at is performing fellatio, have you ever heard of throat numbing spray? If you happen to have a sensitive gag reflex, spraying this on your throat can make being a "giver" easier. Although the brand GoodHead™ Deep Throat Spray comes in a few different flavors, since strawberries are a fruit that are at their peak around mid-May, why not go with that one? If you want to give it a shot, you can purchase a bottle of the spray (for under $14; the reviews are pretty good too) here.
10. Incorporate Some Wine Ice Cubes
Because red wine increases blood circulation, including to the genital region, it has long had the reputation of being an aphrodisiac. That said, the lead GIF for this? It comes from the movie Do the Right Thing when Mookie and Tina were enjoying some summer foreplay of their own.
Anyway, drastically changing the temperatures on your body from hot to cold can definitely heighten sexual arousal. So, rather than going with some regular ole' ice cubes, pour some red wine into your ice trays. Then, once they're frozen, rub them all over each other. It will feel and taste amazing. It will help to put you into the mood too.
If you're not a wine fan, another approach is to make some fruit cubes. All you're literally doing is putting tiny pieces of fruit and fruit juice or water into the ice trays instead of just water alone. Pineapple is great because it contains the enzyme bromelain which can naturally increase testosterone levels. Cucumbers work because the Vitamin C in them can improve bodily blood flow. Apples are another good idea because the polyphenols and antioxidants in them also increase blood circulation. Plus, fruit cubes taste really good.
11. Put Popsicles (or Frozen Berries) into Your Sex-Themed Cocktails
Back to Mookie. Something that he did to Tina while rubbing ice cubes all over her body was tell her the different things that he found to be sexy about her. If you're not someone who is stellar at dirty talk, a way to ease into it is to follow Mookie's lead. A less self-conscious approach would be to toast your partner (something that I'm naturally big on anyway). How?
Last summer, I wrote an article for the platform that featured summer-themed cocktails that can help to stir things up (check out "8 Summer-Themed Alcoholic Drinks That Can Boost Your Libido"). Put a couple of popsicles or a handful of frozen raspberries or blueberries into your glass. With each lick of the popsicle or each berry that you put into each other's mouths, take turns talking about what turns you on about each other. The words of affirmation combined with the licking visuals and the buzz of the alcohol can turn things into quite a special night.
12. Snack on Some Slices of Watermelon
Here's a food-related point that never gets old. Another fruit that is best eaten during the summertime (July thru August) is watermelon. And whew boy, if there's one fruit that has one of the best reputations around for being an aphrodisiac, this would be it. So much, in fact, that it has earned the nickname "natural Viagra". Watermelon is a sexy fruit because it contains a great amount of the amino acid citrulline. When it's consumed, it has a tendency to dilate blood vessels which is awesome when it comes to men who want to maintain their erection. As a bonus, since watermelon is 92 percent water, it's a natural way to keep you lubricated. And that's always a good thing.
13. Cop Some Waterproof Sex Toys
If you're always down for a good sex toy and you do plan on spending some time in the water this spring and summer seasons, do you have any waterproof sex toys that are currently in your possession? Whether it's a clitoral massager, a finger vibrator or a pocket-sized oral sex stimulator, when your toy can go into water, the sky really is the limit when it comes to your sex options—and locations.
14. Have Sex Outside
If you are a little daring and you're down for having sex outside, think outside of the box a little bit. Wait until dark and have sex in your car (make sure to bring along some of those ice cubes). Stand behind a tree and do it in the standing doggy or—if you're super limber—wheelbarrow position. Drive to a dead-end road and get on the hood of your vehicle. Go to an amusement park, request a private cab on a Ferris wheel and have at it. Go hiking and get off of the path (if you know what I mean). These are just a few suggestions that can help to get your imagination going.
15. Don’t Forget About National Orgasm Day
How much do I support folks having as many orgasms as possible? For now, I'll just share seven articles on the topic that I've written for the site:
- "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently"
- "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm"
- "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile."
- "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?"
- "10 Weird & Random Things That Can Prevent An Orgasm"
- "How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?"
- "U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight"
Orgasms are about experiencing an ultimate high with your partner and that is something that most of us never grow tired of. Well, in honor of all things orgasmic-related, did you know that July 31 is officially National Orgasm Day? Yep, there's an entire day, in the summer, that's totally devoted to you getting your freak on, as much as you want to. Back when I found that out, it had me so hype that I wrote about that as well (check out "Whew, Chile. It's National Orgasm Day!"). You've still got some time to get ready for that day like it's your birthday or Christmas or something. Make sure that you did and watch this be one of the HOTTEST spring and summer seasons for you yet!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Astrological Self-Care: What Black Women Need Right Now, According To The Stars
The political environment Black women in America are faced to live in at this time has taught us how important it is to give back to ourselves. When we feel pushed up against a wall, we ask ourselves what we have left to give, and oftentimes, what we have left to give needs to go to us. It feels like in society we take a few steps forward, just to take ten steps back, and this push and pull can be detrimental to our wellbeing.
When we take a look at what it feels like to be dismissed or discouraged like many of us are feeling now, this energy is a shock to our system. We must find ways to feel whole, nourished, and capable, no matter who else wants that to happen for us.
By taking care of ourselves during these uneasy or uncertain times, we build a foundation for not only strength but for love. We tell ourselves that we are worthy of a break or a new beginning and that we are more than worthy of experiencing everything we want in this life. If you are feeling a lack of energy or depleted, then rest is your medicine right now. If a light has been struck within you, motivating you to create change or to go after your dreams, use this as a fire to get you started. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your magic when you carry the whole world in your hands.
This is why so many Black women lean towards their spirituality or Astrology in these turbulent times. We know there are places to go even when we feel shut out, and that our connection to the universe, or God, is ever present in these trying times. We go to the places we know will heal, and we continue to build the parts of us the world has so often tried to take away.
When we need a little encouragement, we can connect to our intuition and the guidance of our soul, and ask the stars for a message. Read below for a message for your sign right now.
If you are an Aries...
Take some time to see where in your life you are currently experiencing abundance, or where you would like to. Look at the full picture at this time, and notice where some culminations have ended up being a positive change of pace for you. You are being reminded that there is nothing in this life that you can’t have and that you are meant to experience major blessings in this lifetime.
This is a good time to manage your finances wisely, look for new working opportunities, and advocate for yourself and your financial desires in the workplace. The work you do is meant to be acknowledged, supported, and paid accordingly, Aries.
If you are a Taurus...
The words we tell ourselves are the most significant words we have to live with. Right now, write a list of things you love and admire about yourself. Make post-it notes and put these words around your house in areas you know you will pass by often. It’s time to remember who you are and how loved you have always been. When you can take the time to look within and ask yourself what you really need right now, oftentimes it’s just a few kind words or a reminder of the significance of who you are.
If you are a Gemini...
It’s time to look at your goals, professional world, and financial intentions, and see if you are living the life you dream of here. What goals have you had for a long time and have pushed to the side due to timing or fear? This is the time to step into your inner knowing and power, to own your skills and work ethic, and to ask for what you need. You are experiencing an inner awakening that’s changing the way you look at your work life, what you really want to do here, and who you want to surround yourself with in this environment.
If you are a Cancer...
This time is reminding you that it’s okay to let go of what isn’t working for you. If you have felt like you have been putting more effort into things than what you are getting in return, it’s time to reevaluate where you are focusing your energy. Take some space to give yourself more of the nourishment and energy you so often give to others, and fill up your own cup right now, Cancer.
You take on a lot more than most, especially in the working environment as you always want to be someone others can lean on. Right now, however, it’s time to put your efforts into the things you want for yourself rather than what others want from you.
If you are a Leo...
Leo, you are meant to shine. There is not much that can dim your light because you know this truth. The more you can tap into your inner power right now and remember who you are, the more you can overcome and succeed. You are meant for big things in this lifetime and it’s time to remember your power. Think about your strengths and where you excel more than most. Remember that the unique gifts you were born with are meant for you for a reason, and shine, shine, shine, Leo!
If you are a Virgo...
You are a wise soul, Virgo, but you may not always trust this inner knowing. Your guidance at this time is to listen to your intuition more. If you are around certain people or environments that don’t feel right or supportive to you, trust that instinct and move away towards new energy. The more you can check in with yourself and listen to what your intuition is telling you, the more you can be in safer environments that don’t make you feel less than or out of place. You are being asked to protect your energy more and to only do the things you feel 100% about doing.
If you are a Libra...
Everyone deserves a new beginning, and that includes you, Libra. This time in your life is about taking a leap of faith in yourself. Sometimes things are worth taking a risk on, and you are looking at your personal goals right now and seeing what needs to be brought forth. Write a list of your current goals and intentions, and then write down concrete plans or strategies to see them through. A new beginning is meant for you right now, but you need to be the one to take that first step. Remember your confidence and your courage, and go after your dreams, Libra.
If you are a Scorpio...
Having more safe spaces to go to and nourish in would do your soul wonders right now. You need more stable foundations for your dreams to come to fruition, and there are people who will support you in making this happen. You deserve to relax, to rest, and to take more time out to nourish your inner world, and that is what is being asked of you now. Spend time with the people who provide you a safe space to just be, and focus on your long-term goals. Where do you see yourself and your life five years from now, and what can you do right now to feel a little bit more secure in the process?
If you are a Sagittarius...
It’s never too late to learn something new, and you are in a space of development and clarity right now, Sag. This is a good time to learn a new skill, develop your knowledge, and work on the things that hold importance for you. This time in your life is about getting focused and putting the effort in to back your intentions. You are someone who is always on the go and always focused on the bigger picture, but life is asking you to buckle down, focus on the details, and get started on that thing that you’ve always wanted to do. Who knows where your creativity, knowledge, and dedication will take you right now? Probably somewhere magical.
If you are a Capricorn...
Remember how loved you are, Capricorn. Nobody can take away the love you have for yourself and no one can take away your ability to love, and you are being reminded of the power of your heart. This is a good time to develop nourishing and stable relationships in your life and to focus more of your energy here. Build a strong community and support system in your life so that your heart doesn’t feel misunderstood or out of place. There are people who resonate with you and your energy, and it’s time to find those people or connect more with the ones you already know.
If you are an Aquarius...
You need a break right now, Aquarius. You are someone who is very connected to what is happening to the collective, and you are more in tune with this energy than most. Therefore, when things are feeling especially chaotic, this can be detrimental to your health and well-being. You need some space right now to let things come to fruition without you forcing them to. You need time to regain your strength and your energy, and to let things play out for you, trusting that they will be for your benefit. Go on a vacation and allow yourself to take a pause right now, and for time to do its thing.
If you are a Pisces...
This time in your life right now is about asking yourself what you truly want. New options are coming into clear view for you, and you are taking your challenges and turning them into opportunities. You are a powerful manifester, Pisces, and it’s time to start manifesting the intentions you dream of and are contemplating right now. There are a lot of things up in the air for you, but you have the power to turn them into your concrete reality. Ask yourself the tough questions, then prepare your heart to walk into a new door.
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