Whenever I get ready to take on a new couple as clients, I make sure that the introductory “test the waters first” session consists of speaking to each of them individually; that way, I can get the unedited version of what’s really going on without them worrying about what their partner thinks about, well, their thoughts. And I kid you not, 7.5 times out of 10, sex always comes up as a more-than-minor issue. Someone isn’t getting enough. Someone’s desires have shifted. Someone hasn’t been honest about their needs and feelings for years. Someone is unfulfilled. Someone doesn’t want to, umm, engage as much anymore…if at all.
And while, to a certain extent, certain sexual issues are normal, after close to 20 years of being in this marriage life coaching thing, if there’s one thing that I wholeheartedly believe, it’s that a lot of husbands and wives struggle when it comes to sex in their marriage due to the fact that they were ill-prepared for the responsibility that comes with being sexually active in such a long-term dynamic. It ain’t casual. It ain’t shallow. And it ain’t for the selfish, entitled, or relationally inconsistent. Sex in marriage is some really serious stuff — straight up.
So much in fact that let me tell it, whoever came up with the original traditional wedding vows did everyone a grave disservice by not mentioning sex once beyond the “be faithful only unto him/her” part — which really deals more with infidelity than coitus. And as a direct result, couples didn’t really vow anything about sex — an act that is literally designed to set marriage apart from all other relationships. And you know what? They should’ve.
I can’t do anything about the past and what other folks are on. All I can do is contribute where I can now in order to help people where they currently are. And that’s why I’m all for encouraging couples to exchange what I call sex vows. Like any other type of marital pledge, these aren’t set in stone and can certainly be “adjusted” to your own liking. However, my main objective is to show you why creating vows when it comes to addressing sexual intimacy can be highly beneficial, not just when it comes to your sex life but your relationship with your spouse overall.
“I will prioritize your needs.”
GiphyBack when I was writing my first book, my editors tried to “sell me” on naming it Single Sex. There are a few reasons why, yet the one that specifically applies to this article is my editors and I all agreed that, when you’re a single person, sex can be extremely selfish and self-centered. It’s all about having it when you feel like it and seeking out someone who meets your needs more than anything else.
When you’re married, that drastically changes — or at least, it should. Even the Bible says that you then are to share your body with your spouse, that neither should not deprive the other of sexual intimacy and that you each should give each other the affection that is needed (I Corinthians 7:1-5). And yes, sex is a need — it’s an essential necessity in a marriage. Otherwise, why not just stay friends? Or why pledge fidelity on your wedding day?
And if we’re going to get out of the “kiddie pool” about sex, even when you stop to think about the fact that oftentimes (not all of the time, mind you), men have the higher libido, if you’re someone who believes that husbands are to be the main provider and protector in a marital dynamic — check out the many ways that sperm benefits you, as a woman, when you get a chance via “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm.” One could say that a part of a man’s need for sex (the late and great Dr. Myles Munroe used to speak on it often) is the desire to give you so much of the scientifically-proven goodness that comes from having it (hmm…).
Again, single sex can have you out here seeing sex as only a want when that simply isn’t the case. Not only that, but sexless marriages, overall, are not healthy ones. A big part of the reason why is that when you pull that type of intimacy out of a marital dynamic, it reveals all kinds of other issues and problems within the relationship. And so, one way to not be a statistic in this way is to prioritize your partner’s sexual needs as they do the same thing for you — the amount, the kind, and the reasons why both are so important to them. Because yes, in marriage, sex is a legitimate and relevant need.
“I will not treat sex as only a physical release.”
GiphyWhenever I listen to our culture talk about sex, pardon the pun but, for the most part, it’s a turn-off instead of a turn-on. Sorry, but the way a lot of people broach the subject sounds like just a step up from dogs being in heat — and sex is designed to be so much more than that. Bringing Scripture back into the mix, another thing that the Good Book says is that “Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” (I Corinthians 6:16—Message).
The spirit speaks to a part of you that is connected to something that is far greater than yourself. Synonyms for spiritual include words like divine, sacred, and pure. Ah, so that brings in yet one more Bible verse on marriage — Hebrews 13:4 tells us that the marriage bed is undefiled, which basically means that it is pure.
And since the Word says that sex between a husband and his wife brings forth unexplained or unknown revelations (which is basically what a mystery is) — can you see how marital coitus is about so much more than just “getting off” or “getting some?" When you come together with the person who you vowed to love for the rest of your life, there are some divine, sacred, and pure insights that can come through that act that you might not receive any other way.
Hmph. No wonder the Bible also says that sex should only pause if mutual prayer and fasting are going on — God wants you to enjoy discovering certain insights, together in one of the most pleasurable ways possible. I can totally dig it.
“I will periodically ‘check in’ to see if your desires have changed.”
GiphyI am indeed a quotes girl, so they are something that I use, on repeat, especially in sessions with couples. One of my favorites is, “People change and forget to tell each other.” Sho ‘nuf, one of the hardest things about being married is trying to share your life with someone while you may be evolving in one way and they are in another. It requires a type of patience, maturity, and finesse that many prefer to avoid, so, unfortunately, they choose to leave their union instead of sticking it out…to figure it out.
And you know what? Just like you and your partner can (and will) change when it comes to certain perspectives, interests, and needs, that doesn’t happen in every area of your life but the bedroom. Indeed, the kind of sexual needs that the both of you had 20 years ago may have shifted drastically over time. And if that is indeed the case, the two of you need to discuss what has changed and what is desired in this season and stage of your sexual being. Never assume that things are all good. Never take on the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Assuming is rarely a beneficial act.
So, how often should you and your husband “take each other’s temperature” in this way? My two cents would be no less than twice a year. Sometimes what I recommend is scheduling an annual sexcation where two people can openly talk about all of their thoughts surrounding their sex life — since the vacation is sex-themed and sex-focused anyway.
Listen, I’ve had more than a few people tell me that they have ended up resenting their spouse, and it was all because they started to see sex differently than they once did. It’s not your spouse’s job to read your mind, nor is it your job to try and figure out what is transpiring in theirs. If you want the doors of sexual communication to remain open, vow to be proactive with each other about if the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the bedroom — or…not.
“I will encourage us both to remain mutually physically appealing.”
GiphyAnyone who tries to tell someone else that physical attraction isn’t — or even shouldn’t be — a big deal in a long-term relationship they are gaslighting. It is extremely essential. And that’s why I wholeheartedly believe that many spouses gaslight each other when they went into their relationship looking one way, over the years, they started to care less and less, and then they try to make their partner feel bad for not being as physically attracted to them as they once were.
Please hear me very clearly, when I say that someone can still love you and not find you as physically appealing as they once did. I’m working with a couple right now where the wife is dissatisfied with her husband’s weight gain, and the husband is fit-to-be-tied by how his wife looks when she gets ready for bed. And both issues have caused their sex life to tank.
This point makes me think of one of my favorite quotes from the movie The Fault in Our Stars. It’s when one of the characters said, “Oftentimes, people don’t understand the promises they make when they make them.” Say a word, SAY — A — WORD. And when someone promises to not have sex with anyone but you for the rest of their life, it’s not ridiculous to be intentional about remaining appealing so that they’ll want to. In fact, it’s wise that you do.
Not too long ago, during an interview, I was asked what I think is a rising cause of divorce these days. For years, I would say “boredom” and I continue to believe that to be the case. Oh, but one that truly is on the rise is LAZINESS. To be lazy is to be averse to activity and idle. Some synonyms for lazy include apathetic, careless, inattentive, indifferent, and passive — and many couples get this way, yes, sexually — and it’s not good for their marriage.
Just think about it: when you were dating or even when you first started having sex with your man, how much thought did you put into your appearance? Just because you’ve been together for a while, that is no excuse to stop being just as intentional as you used to be. In fact, since he signed up to not be with anyone else but you…that is all the more reason to care more than you ever have before — as he does the exact same thing for you, chile. No wiggle room on this logic either.
“I will be intentional about not getting stuck in sexual ruts.”
GiphyI truly can’t believe that it’s been three years since I wrote the piece, “7 Signs You're In A ‘Sex Rut’ & How To Get Out Of It” for the platform. And while there will be times when schedules aren’t in sync, life’s demands will cause your sex routine to shift, and you may go through some health issues or physical challenges that could affect frequency or intensity, none of those factors actually qualify as being a “sexual rut.” By definition, a rut is about settling into a situation or state of mind where things are so blah and boring that you end up losing interest — and when it comes to sex, it can happen a lot easier than you might think.
I can’t tell you how many couples — both husbands and wives — have told me that they cheated on their spouse, and a “rut” had a lot to do with it. Because what are you supposed to do when your partner shows zero interest in sex while your needs are totally off the charts? Indeed, some things aren’t justifiable, yet they are indeed explainable — and it’s pretty ridiculous to think that your partner should be fine with a sexless marriage just because, for whatever the reason, you seem to be.
Nothing worth having comes without some level of intentionality and effort. Sex bucket lists. Sexcations. Making sex more romantic. Doing things that will prevent you from falling into a sexual rut is another vow that can help to protect your marriage in ways that are truly underestimated by most.
“I will remember that intimacy is a part of our sexual experience.”
GiphyOne more Bible point because it’s relevant to this one. I always liked the fact that when it comes to the King James Version, when it speaks of husbands having sex with their wives, the word “know” is oftentimes used to define sex. For instance, Genesis 4:1(KJV) says, “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.”
Knowing speaks to a level of intimacy that goes beyond an exchange of body parts. By definition of know, when you know someone, you clearly understand them, you have a vast amount of knowledge about them, you are aware of some very unique and private things about them — and to get to that kind of place and position, you have to be proactive about learning about your spouse on a daily basis.
This requires quality time. This requires speaking their love language(s) fluently. This requires dating them more than once every couple of months. This requires asking questions and not thinking that you have the answers all of the time. This requires prioritizing them. This requires ever remaining in a state of humility by admitting, both to yourself and to them, that there will always be more about them that you need to get to…know.
Couples who remain curious about their partner oftentimes have a healthier level of intimacy with them because they are constantly looking for ways to go deeper in their connection. And when that happens, that can make their partner feel cherished, loved, and desired — and that definitely can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life. Indeed, great sex has a lot of intimacy in it — and intimacy is all about what you really and truly know.
“I will want you to feel wanted — always.”
GiphyThis last one might be phrased a bit odd, yet it’s by design. Live on this earth long enough, and you’ll realize that it’s no one’s job to MAKE someone feel or be ANYTHING. This includes making them happy because, listen, if you haven’t mastered how to make your own self happy 24 hours a day, why should you put that kind of pressure (which is really more like a burden) onto anyone else?
Along these same lines, you can’t MAKE someone feel WANTED, either. In fact, oftentimes, the people who think this way have such a low sense of self-worth that they think it’s another person’s responsibility to overcompensate for that fact. Not only is that unrealistic and totally draining, but it’s also extremely unfair. So no, it’s not your job to make your partner feel wanted. If they know that they are something special within themselves, they won’t need you to do so anyway. At the same time, however, if your mission is to make sure that you cosign on how good they feel about themselves, that is a healthy frame of mind to be in.
Compliment them. Flirt with them. INITIATE SEX WITH THEM. No one on the planet believes that their partner wants them if they are the one who has to initiate intimacy all of the time (you have no idea how many men tell me that this is one of the greatest issues in their relationship). Wanting your partner to feel wanted means that you are in the head and heart space of affirming them and celebrating them — that you enjoy expressing that you enjoy them on a myriad of different levels.
And someone who feels like their partner enjoys being with them typically will reciprocate that kind of energy…and what better place for two married people to do that than in their bedroom?
____
Remember, a vow is more than just “saying something”. A vow is a promise, pledge, and personal commitment. A vow is rooted in maturity and integrity. A vow is sacred and special. And when you chose the partner that you did, vows were put into place to help the two of you go the distance. That’s why it makes all of the sense in the world to express some SEX VOWS to one another.
For the sake of the longevity of your relationship, sis, please make sure that you do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She added, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy