In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on the daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
I was first introduced to Serayah on FOX's hit show Empire as "Tiana Brown", but she clearly hasn't slowed down on anything else that she has going for herself - and that's a Fendi fact. Since the release of her debut single "Driving Me" featuring Jazze Pha in 2017, the past three years have been nothing less than a rising success for the beautiful and talented sensation named Serayah McNeill.
As we've seen her grow into the artist, dancer and actress that she is today, the "Love It" songstress has gone into the entertainment world as more than just a one-hitter quitter on a television show. If you don't catch her between releasing new music with Blac Youngsta or making cute YouTube vids and TikTok challenges with her heartthrob bae Jacob Latimore, Serayah can be found on your radio or on a playlist across the nation and on your television screens on shows.
In addition to her undeniable talent, Serayah has enviably flawless skin. According to the California native, she owes a lot to feeding her skin what it needs. "I love natural products. Anything natural, I will try it first, but I have learned that there are some chemicals that are kind of good for your skin that keep it balanced like salicylic acid and glycolic acid. I've learned some things, but I'm glad I have because your skin changes as you get older and you try to manage it - those are some things that have helped me," she explained to xoNecole.
We had the chance to speak with the 24-year-old actress, singer and philanthropist about unwinding with wine and a good book, learning to go with the flow of her skin during the change in seasons and her growing obsession with Mario Badescu and Patrick Ta.
My earliest beauty memory...
"Stealing my mom's eyeliner - I think I was in seventh grade. I wanted to start wearing eyeliner and mascara, and I knew my mom had it. I snuck in there and I took some of her eyeliner before school, and she's like, 'I cannot find this eyeliner. I just cannot find my eyeliner!' Then she's like, 'Do you have on eyeliner?' And it was so funny. That was probably in seventh grade or somewhere around middle school."
My morning skincare routine consists of...
"It changes every once in a while because I learned that it's kind of good to not do the same exact thing everyday to give your skin a break on some products. My typical day-to-day is to wake up, try to meditate, get in the shower and things like that. For my beauty routine, right now I love the PCA [Skin Pigment] Bar. It has an exfoliator pad that it comes with and it's really, really good at getting the top surface of the skin off to be fresh for the day. Then, I've been following that with moisturizer. A good serum, a good moisturizer and good face wash is basically the three things I go for."
My evening routine looks like...
"A couple of drinks. No, I'm just kidding (laughs). No, for real - unwinding for me is wine or some type of light alcoholic beverage. Not every night, but I mean during quarantine, it's been more than usual. A bath or a night hot shower, drinks, something great on TV or a good book, and even some music to just sort of vibe out."
My skincare routine in the PM consists of...
"At night, I have more dry skin on the scale, so I tend to do the same routine, but I'll do a thicker, more moisturizing moisturizer before I go to bed."
How my skincare changes for the seasons...
"Fall and winter, I'm [into] tea tree oil, honey and coconut masks for my face and lots of masks to give moisture to my face because like I said, I'm more on the dry scale. Moisture, moisture, moisture is my thing! Anything that has great moisture without being too greasy, but it's just really moisturizing, my skin just sucks it up.
"[One of] my favorite [products] is the rosewater [facial spray] by Mario Badescu. Spring or summer, I try to carry around one of those for hydration throughout the day. Then for face wash, I try to do serums and I try to do stuff that [doesn't have] too much Vitamin C or isn't skin brightening just because the sun is out."
How I approach beauty from the inside-out...
"[I] work out, eat good, meditation, read, and journal. I'm reading - for the second time - The Four Agreements and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle.
My go-to makeup look consists of...
"I do wear makeup, and my go-to is a good bright under-eye, a medium coverage foundation, a really bronzy natural contour. I go for light powder, especially during the summer, because you don't want to be cakey and sweaty during the summer. Light powder, a more cream-based foundation, and I'll do some eyebrows, gloss and a big thing for me is highlighter. I love cream highlighters, powder highlighters, anything to make me look more sun-kissed is my vibe.
"A lot of people don't like this one because most people are oily or normal-to-oily, but I really love MAKE UP FOR EVER's Cream Foundation Stick. It works perfect for me and it doesn't move. One of my other favorite things right now is Morphe's Brow Pencil because it's more on the waxy side and I like that because it gives me room to build instead of my eyebrows being so dark, and for that natural bushy brow look. Another one of my favorites right now is Glow - it's this highlighter from Patrick Ta. He has some of my favorite lip glosses and highlighters right now."
What self-care looks like to me...
"My boyfriend calls me 'Walgreens'. Maybe it's because I'm a Gemini and I can't do the same thing everyday, but I just love having many body washes to choose from in my shower. Those are must-haves and moisturizers and lotions - I love it. I'm just into it, I try all different kinds, and I have so many different ones. It's just my thing.
"My favorite scents are definitely vanilla, peony, and I like the tobacco-infused candles as well. Mahogany is another favorite of mine."
My travel beauty essentials...
"I think a really cool thing is seeing people travel with masks and stuff, but I haven't gotten there yet. My favorite thing probably in the entire world is my lip moisture or Chapstick, especially because travel makes me drier. Mario Badescu has a really good lip balm that I'm loving right now, as well as that good ole cocoa butter lip balm is my favorite. Another travel must-have is taking some sort of travel-sized face to keep my face routine up while I'm traveling because I just have to exfoliate. If I don't, then I don't feel like my makeup is right and don't feel like I feel good. If I can take some type of exfoliation pad or exfoliating face wash, stuff like that would be amazing."
My most significant beauty lesson...
"Two things that I've learned are [to] sleep with a silk pillowcase and one other one would be masks. I did masks [when I was] a little bit older. I'm really into masks right now and a lot of them help with various different things that could be going on [with my skin]."
For more of Serayah, follow her on Instagram.
Shop Serayah's Beauty Favorites:
Featured image courtesy of Serayah
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy