Multi-Hyphenate Serayah Talks Compromise & Why She'll "Never Be The Same"
FOX's Empire coming to a close may be the end of the road for the Lyon family and longtime fan favorite Tiana but as far as Serayah is concerned--things are just getting started. Admitting to being bit by the performing bug at about five years old, the insanely beautiful multi-hyphenate had big dreams from that point on of making a name for herself in the industry--and it's pretty safe to say that she's now living those same dreams out day by day. The Cali native has since been linked to some of the biggest names in the music industry such as Taylor Swift and Chris Brown.
And after giving fans a taste of her own musical prowess with her debut EP Addicted in 2018, Serayah is serving up something new with her forthcoming project Ray in June. Let's just say, the "Never Be The Same" singer is now set and ready to take center stage. xoNecole recently got the chance to catch up with the 24-year-old entertainer to talk all things Empire, her quarantine self-care routine, and why she says learning to compromise is a major key in relationships.
xoNecole: How have you evolved personally and professionally since being a part of ‘Empire’?
Serayah: Professional-wise, I've learned so much about the business. Personally, I just grew up. I started at 19 and six years later: I'm in my twenties and I'm a different girl than I was when I was a teenager. I've definitely matured and learned so much about myself and what I want to be and who I want to be in this world.
"I've definitely matured and learned so much about myself and what I want to be and who I want to be in this world."
What life lessons have you learned from your co-stars that helped you along the way?
A major life lesson is probably just to go for it and don't hold yourself back. Taraji [P. Henson] always says just go for it and don't hold anything back. And I think that's her mantra as you can see, she's a powerhouse. So I've always taken that advice from her and just shake off anything else that I've been going through during my day and turn it into my art.
Has there ever been a moment in time, maybe in life or in love, in your past that has changed you or that you really learned a lot from? Where maybe you felt like you’ll never be the same after this?
Yeah, I think with past relationships: I learned what I like and what I don't like and not to hold grudges. I learned so many lessons in 2019, growing past immaturity and egotistical thinking. And I think that's a daily thing that we all should try to do and it's something that I'm aware of now. It's hard because you're dealing with yourself so you have to be completely 100% with yourself, right?
"I learned so many lessons in 2019, growing past immaturity and egotistical thinking. And I think that's a daily thing that we all should try to do and it's something that I'm aware of now. It's hard because you're dealing with yourself so you have to be completely 100% with yourself, right?"
What has been the most surprising thing to you when it comes to love?
Mmm, let me think about this one (laughs). Probably compromise is a big thing, I think. And understanding. I think before we judge and before we get so mad at certain things, we should try to understand where another person is coming from. I learned that you're dealing with another person's past and history and life, so I think in relationships you have to be a little bit more gentle with certain things. Everybody doesn't have the same triggers but some things don't go down smoothly with some people. So, I think learning those things and trying your best not to do them and compromising in certain areas is where it's at.
What has been the most challenging thing to you when it comes to love?
For so long, you're so used to running your life the way you want it to run, that you never really think of someone else's opinion or thoughts on something. Especially when you're an opinionated person. So I think for me, it was learning to see where someone else was coming from and putting myself in their shoes to understand things and not be defensive.
"I learned that you're dealing with another person's past and history and life, so I think in relationships you have to be a little bit more gentle with certain things. Everybody doesn't have the same triggers but some things don't go down smoothly with some people. So, I think learning those things and trying your best not to do them and compromising in certain areas is where it's at."
What's been your quarantine self-care routine? How are you dealing?
I've been trying to deal. I've been doing some deep conditioning with my hair. I've also been bored so some days I put on a wig and do my makeup. But really it's just: wake up, get coffee, check my emails, see if there's anything I need to do for the day, then the rest of the time I'm just thinking of ideas for content. Why not? We have all this time.
What's next for you?
I wish I knew for sure (laughs). But I am definitely releasing new music in June, I'm releasing my EP. I'm still auditioning and I have some things in the works for film ideas, but for the most part I'm just seeing what I can get into after all this quarantining is over.
"Miss You" and "Never Be The Same" are available to stream everywhere now. And for more of Serayah, catch her on Instagram: @serayah.
Featured image by Shaun Andru/Instagram
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images