

In my opinion, New Year's is the best time to start over. I love the first of the year because it inspires me to dream big again and to recommit to goals I didn't achieve the previous year, like getting back into the gym, eating healthier, and reading more books. New year resolutions help us become better versions of ourselves. But how about our sex lives? We rarely think of including our sexual lives in our new year resolutions.
A study by EdenFantasies found that one-third of Americans in relationships are unhappy with their sex life, which tells me more people should make sex a part of their resolutions. Sex resolutions are just like regular resolutions. You make them after reflecting on the past and deciding how you want things to be different in the future. A good sex resolution is one that makes sex more comfortable, pleasurable, and exciting. This could mean taking a whole new approach to the bedroom or just swapping out some old toys for new ones.
This year along with my usual New Year, New Me resolutions, I’m including resolutions that deal specifically with improving my sex life and I want you to add some too. Here are some sex resolutions we all can incorporate this year to have a better more fulfilled sex life this year and for years to come.
1.Stop faking orgasms.
In the name of everything sacred, please don't fake it anymore. If you do nothing else on this list in 2023, promise yourself and me that this will be the one thing you’ll do. In truth, faking orgasms causes more harm than good, because it's a lie. Your partner won't be able to improve if you're constantly lying to them. Rather than faking it, talk about it instead. Talk with your partner about your needs and/or what you dislike about sex and work together to improve it.
2.Have more sex outside the bedroom.
This year, have more sex outside the bedroom. A simple change in location can spice up your old routine and make sex feel exciting again. According to research from House Method, sex outside the bedroom may even help your relationship and sex life. They conducted a survey and found that people who were having sex outside the bedroom reported having more sex, more relationship satisfaction, and more sexual satisfaction.
3.Explore your fantasies.
Sex in public? Threesomes? BDSM? Fantasy is not just for children. Whatever your fantasies are, there are healthy ways to explore them. Exploration is a great teacher that reveals who we are, what excites us, and how colorful our imagination can be. Fantasies don’t have to be taboo secrets that we keep hidden away, rather they should be embraced. Repeat after me: It’s okay for me to pretend.
4.Buy a new sex toy.
The new year is the perfect time to try something new—why not try a sex toy? Whether you have a penis or vulva, there is a sex toy designed solely for your pleasure. Sex toys are meant to be used in collaboration, not competition. Although, most sex toys can be used solo, adding them into the mix with a partner can bring added excitement.
5.Take a sex class.
Any skill you want to learn can be taught in a class. For example, if you wanted to learn how to speak Chinese, you would enroll in a Chinese class. As teenagers, when we wanted to learn to drive, we took driver’s ed. The same applies to sex as well. Truth is, we all have room for improvement, and what better way to brush up on our skills than with a sex class? Contrary to popular belief, people do not just “know” how to have great sex, they are taught. Great sex is more practice than skill. So, just like a cooking class to improve your kitchen skills, sex classes improve your bedroom skills. Fortunately for all of us, there are plenty of sex classes available IRL and online to help improve our performance.
6.Masturbate more.
There are SO many health benefits to masturbation. Stress reduction. Better sleep. Fewer headaches. And of course orgasms! Masturbation isn’t just for single people. In fact, regular masturbation can bring back your sex drive, whether you're exploring on your own or with someone else. Masturbation strengthens the pleasure pathways in your brain, which make it easier to locate them.
7.Get tested at least once a year.
This is the most important resolution on the list. As sexually active adults, whether married or single, it’s important for us to know our status and get tested yearly. As long as you're sexually active, you should be tested for STDs at least once a year. If you have more than one partner, share intravenous (IV) needles, or don't always practice safer sex by using a condom each time you have intercourse, you should be tested every three to six months. Don’t put your sexual health in the hands of someone else this year, get tested!
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Skyh Black Says Wife KJ Smith "Saved The Second Part Of My Life"
Before the red carpets, acting gigs, and coupled-up photo ops with his wife KJ Smith, Skyh Black was grinding through self-doubt, LA struggle story, and the kind of inner questioning that has broken the spirit of many Hollywood dreamers.
Most of us might recognize the Miami-born actor for his breakout roles on Tyler Perry’s Sistas and All The Queen’s Men, but for Skyh, the road to success wasn’t easy. On this week's episode of xoMAN, the actor opened up about his Hollywood come-up, what he had to heal to get there, and the woman who not only saw him, but made him feel the safest he's ever felt.
"She Saved The Second Part Of My Life": Skyh Black On Finding Safety In Love
"I love, like that is my lifeline," Skyh said of KJ Smith, his wife and fellow actor. "I really feel she saved the second part of my life."
The two met while filming Sistas, but as Skyh shared with xoMAN host Kiara Walker, their love didn't actually blossom until later. "People think we got together there, but we didn’t even get together—we got together outside," he explained. "At that time, we were both in LA. So she called me right after I booked All the Queens Men. And she said, ‘Hey’—she DM'd me," he laughs. "She slid in the DMs. She did."
Watch the full podcast episode here:
From DMs To Soulmates: How Skyh & KJ’s Love Story Began
That DM turned into a three-hour phone call, a Malibu picnic first date, and the beginning of a love story that’s still unfolding, now with a baby on the way. “She did not let me get none that night,” Skyh joked, “But we have not been apart since the 7th of January. 2021.”
Their relationship, much like their careers, is deeply intertwined. The couple has a coffee brand together (BLACK. Coffee), a production company, and will soon star in an upcoming film. "It's going to be interesting," Skyh said of the forthcoming project. "We know each other so well. And we know each other's weaknesses, and we also know each other-- we're not nice to each other," he laughed. "We love each other too much to be nice to each other... when we're working."
When asked by Kiara if that dynamic ever gets annoying, Skyh didn’t hesitate: "Not at all. I've never met anybody that knows me better than me and knows what's better for me than me."
On How He Knew She Was His One
Skyh Black and KJ Smith
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There’s a depth to how Skyh talks about KJ that feels rare and moving, even from the outside looking in. "That is such a loaded question," he said when asked how he knew she was the one. "I mean, K is like. It's just like, it doesn't not make sense. It's just kinda like, 'That's the love of my life, bro.' I don't know, I just feel so safe."
And it shows. "Every little instance it's like a twinkle in your eye," Kiara pointed out during the interview. "I wish she was here," Skyh said with a smile.
At a time when vulnerability from Black men is still often seen as taboo, Skyh’s transparency is refreshing af. But it also serves as a reminder that real love can be healing, collaborative, and deeply affirming.
And as he enters a new chapter as a husband, actor, entrepreneur, and soon-to-be father (Baby Black is loading), it’s clear Skyh isn’t just surviving Hollywood, he’s building a legacy with his love right by his side.
Want more of Skyh’s love story, career gems, and what keeps him grounded? Catch the full episode of the xoMAN now streaming on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
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