Hey, babes! It's your girl, the Mystic Model, checking in with your April horoscopes. This month brings a much needed refresher after wading through the murkiness of Pisces season in March. We're officially in Aries season, which also marks the beginning of the astrological new year.
On April 5th, we've got a New Moon in the sign of the ram that encourages us to take bold steps towards our dreams. Aries is all about the "self" and this dynamic energy just so happens to be exalted when the Sun is in this part of the sky. Over the next few weeks, the courage to boldly express who you are will come more easily along with the help of Mars in Gemini. This combination of elements—fire and air—will give you the energy to get shit done. However, this coupling can result in clumsiness and accidents if you're not mindful of what you're doing. There's also a tendency to burn out quickly, so try to balance enough time for rest.
Jupiter, the benevolent, goes retro on the 10th until August giving us the chance to engage more deeply with the soul-searching process. This is when the difficult lessons finally start clicking and we're able to see the blessings within our misfortune. On April 17th, Mercury moves into Aries joining the party with the Sun and Mars. Watch out for starting arguments just for the sake of ruffling feathers or proving a point. There's a tendency to be self-righteous and boisterous under this energy. Breathe and count to ten before you proceed with sending that nasty work email to your boss. The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th gives us another chance to revisit relationship issues that came to a head around the Full Moon in March. There's no coincidence that there are two back-to-back Full Moons in Libra this year, driving the message home about clearing our relationship karma and bringing ourselves—mind, body, and spirit—back into balance.
Check out your horoscope below to see what magic April has in store for you:
Aries
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Happy birthday, hottie! The month kicks off with a New Moon in your sign on the 4th, making this a potent time to plant the seeds for what you want to manifest six months from now. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro and over the next four months, you'll be integrating the spiritual insights you've been receiving through deeper research, study, and reflection. Once this retrograde is complete, you'll come out on the other side feeling more solid in what you believe. Mercury moving into your sign on the 17th blesses you with some brilliant ideas that can enhance your image and energy. People will be more argumentative during this transit. Avoid the drama and stay focused on the bag instead.
On the 19th, the Full Moon in Libra lights up your relationships marking a pivotal point of change, helping you release a long-standing issue with someone or a negative pattern in your relationship dynamics. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th bringing your focus to matters of love and money. Venus moves into your sign on the same day, heating up your life even more. Your personal magnetism is through the roof. All eyes are on you! (But what's new?) The month closes out with Pluto going retro on the 24th in your house of career, achievements, and social status. Saturn follows right behind on the 29th going retro in the same part of your sky. The work that you do over the Spring and Summer will have some life-changing rewards come Fall.
Taurus
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The month starts off a little more lowkey for you with the New Moon in Aries on the 4th bringing the focus to your inner-world. This is a time to discover who you are at the core and the programming that needs to be ditched for you to finally embrace the badass that you are. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro through your house of sex, death, and rebirth. The next four months can help you take a lighter approach to some of your heavier life experiences and the spiritual lessons you're integrating can be embraced with joy. Your personal mantra for the month is "Laughter is the best medicine". Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, activating your dream world and bringing your fears to the surface. Keep a journal to work through the emotions that come up at this time.
On the 19th, the Full Moon in Libra illuminates your daily routines, health, and possibly some hidden enemies. If you've been questioning whether someone is Team Taurus or not, your dreams can be surprisingly insightful. Any health concerns can come to a head at this point that requires you to tighten up your diet and exercise routine. The Sun moves into your sign on the 20th, ushering in your birthday season! Your ruling planet moves into Aries the same day. During this transit, you'll likely enjoy nesting with your lover away from the chaos of the world. At the end of the month, Pluto and Saturn go retro in your ninth house. Throughout the Spring and Summer, you're given the opportunity to dive deeper into your spiritual understanding. This is a perfect time to sign up for that Reiki class, connect with a spiritual guru, or return to your old meditation routine. Use the time to nurture and water the roots of your spiritual wellness.
Gemini
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The social butterfly of the zodiac can now emerge from its cocoon now that Aries season is here. Both the Sun and New Moon on the 4th bring your focus to new alliances and possibly bridging the gap between you and people you've lost touch with. The people that you're meeting at this time will play a major role in some of your big goals over the next six months. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in your house of relationships. You may find yourself revisiting a past relationship or working through some hang-ups during this transit. The energy is also favorable for reassessing any business contracts.
Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th. Be cautious of combativeness and competition amongst your social circle. It may be time to make an executive decision if someone isn't wiling to be a team player. Mars is currently in your sign, making you less tolerable for any negativity that is slowing down the group's momentum. The Full Moon on the 19th lights up romance and creativity for you, making this the perfect date night for some Sips & Strokes. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, giving you a chance to relax after a busy month before we enter your birthday season. Both Pluto and Saturn go retro at the end of the month, initiating you into a deeply transformative process that will heal some of your most tender traumas and empower you in mind-body-spirit.
Cancer
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Career advancement is your top priority this month, with both the Sun and New Moon on the 5th encouraging you to plant the seeds for what you would like to manifest six months from now. This is the perfect time to start working towards that promotion or launching your own business. On April 10th, Jupiter stations retrograde in a part of your sky that has to do with your daily routines and health. Use the next few months to study up on a new fitness regimen or diet that can enhance your well-being. Mercury finally leaves your sister sign on the 17th and moves into Aries. Watch out for power struggles with your boss or your worker bees if you're the HBIC! It's best to err on the side of caution with Mars in Gemini amping up the "know it all" combativeness that can show up in our interactions during this transit. On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra lights up the area of family and home. You may be saying goodbye to your childhood home in pursuit of making your own mark on the world. This is the perfect time to feng shui your space to invite more love into your home. Any issues with family can also be peacefully settled at this time.
The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to friends and your long-term vision. The people that you connect with now will play a major role in your life over the year to come. Venus moves into Aries on the same day. A workplace romance may be tempting during this transit, especially with someone in a position of power and affluence. The month wraps up with both Pluto and Saturn going retro in your house of relationships, making the next several months good for coming to terms with some heavy love issues and revamping existing partnerships (romantic and professional). Out of all of the signs, you're the one most likely to have an opportunity to revisit a significant relationship from your past to see if your power struggles can truly be rectified.
Leo
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This month is all about your spiritual ascension with the Sun and New Moon on the 5th, bringing the attention to dating, romance, and creativity. Things are heating up for you and this can mark the beginning of a new fling for you. Avoid getting too serious at this time and just enjoy the moment for what it is. On April 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with higher learning and spirituality. Over the next four months, you'll have the chance to dive deeper into your spiritual learnings and you may even decide to revisit a former practice of yours. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, making you even more flirtatious that usual. Keep in mind, that this energy can be super aggressive, and given your fiery nature, it's best to avoid discussions of politics and religion on the first date.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th brings your attention to friends and associations. This can possibly result in the ending of a connection to a group of people that no longer resonate with you. However, this can also be the healing balm to restore balance to your connections as well. The choice is yours. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, making the next month all about the home and family. This is a good time to visit your childhood home or revamp your current living space with some cozy decor! Venus moves into Aries the same day, encouraging you to really own your truth when it comes to your creative expression You may surprisingly find yourself attracted to someone you're collaborating with at this time. The month closes out with Pluto and Saturn going retro in an area of your life that has to do with sex, death, and rebirth. Over the next few months, you'll be undergoing an inner metamorphosis and healing issues around power (or powerlessness) to come out on the other side feeling stronger than ever before.
Virgo
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The beginning of the month may be a little more quiet for you with the Sun and New Moon on the 5th in a part of your sky that has to do with the psyche, inner transformation, and the taboo. This time is best spent excavating the inner workings of your mind and addressing any trauma that inhibits you from expressing yourself more authentically. On April 10th, Jupiter goes retrograde and over the next four months you'll be drawn to explore your roots, making this a great time to visit your childhood home. Mercury finally moves out of its post-shadow retrograde phase offering you a much-needed sigh of relief. Your ruling planet begins its transit through Aries on the 17th. If there's an area of your life that you've been struggling to overcome (whether it be an addiction, codependency, trauma), you're encouraged to seek support through counseling, group therapy, or a trusted confidant.
On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra illuminates your finances, values, and self-esteem. This can be a pivotal breakthrough for you when it comes to your own self-worth in love and money. Stop sleeping on yourself, Virgo. It's time to raise your price tag! The Sun moves into your sister sign, Taurus, on the 20th, making the next month all about higher learning, teaching, and foreign excursions. This is a great time to share your gifts and talents (and make some extra money while you're at it). Venus moves into Aries on the same day, setting you up for a passionate, lowkey rendezvous with a side of BDSM. April closes out with Pluto and Saturn going retro in your house of dating, romance, and creativity. Over the next few months, you may find yourself revisiting an old flame or breathing life into a hobby you've placed on the back burner.
Libra
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The Sun is in your opposite sign this month bringing the focus to relationships with the New Moon on the 5th, encouraging you to put yourself out there. You have the potential to meet an important person, romantic or business, that could figure into your life for some time to come. Jupiter goes retro on the 10th until August and the next few months will find you revisiting old friendships and associations that can be revamped to help you get one step closer towards your long-term goals. On the 17th, Mercury moves into Aries. Be cautious of picking fights with your lover or a business partner. This placement, along with Mars in Gemini, can have you (and others) feeling a little froggy. *cues "Knuck If You Buck"*
The Full Moon on the 19th in your sign places the spotlight on you! This is an ideal time to showcase anything you've been working on behind the scenes or simply posting that selfie of your big chop on IG. The Sun moves into down-to-earth Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus over the next month to your daily routines and health. This is the time of year when you feel the pressure of getting your summer bod ready. Better late than never! Venus, your ruling planet, moves into Aries the same day, heating up your personal magnetism. Things are getting hot in the love department but maybe not so serious. Have fun and don't place too many expectations on a new fling at the moment. We wrap up the month with Pluto and Saturn going retro in your 10th house, giving you a chance to revise your career goals and strategize a better plan of action for the 2nd and 3rd quarter of the year.
Scorpio
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The month starts off with you feeling empowered to overcome any obstacles related to your psychological wellbeing. With the Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th, you're definitely feeling the warrior spirit in any area of your life that's had you feeling defeated. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with the subconscious. Your dreamworld will be super active and you'll be receiving tons of insight via your Higher Self and Guides over the next four months. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, making you very vocal when it comes to what toxic behaviors you won't put up with (within yourself and from others). This marks a time when you make a clear shift from "Victim" to "Champion".
On the 19th, The Full Moon in Libra illuminates your finances, values, and self-esteem. This can be a powerful time of breakthrough for any issues surrounding your self-worth. There may also be news coming your way about a money opportunity or an expense that needs to be handled. Make sure you haven't been dodging those debt collectors. On the 20th, the Sun moves into your opposite sign bringing your attention to relationships and with Venus moving into Aries the same day, things can get pretty intense. A passionate, transcendental sexual experience can be just what the doctor ordered to unlock your coochie chakra. The month winds down with Pluto and Saturn going retro in the part of your sky that has to do with friends and your long-term goals, making this a great time to revisit old associations that can help make your vision a reality.
Sagittarius
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The Sun is currently in your sister sign, blessing you with a much-needed boost of energy after that heavy ass Pisces season. The New Moon on the 5th encourages you to do what you do best—level up. You're craving new knowledge, ideas, and philosophies at this time and this may be the beginning of a new spiritual journey for you. On the 10th, your ruler Jupiter goes retro until August, giving you the chance to go deeper into the areas of life that you've been expanding in. You may be feeling less social during this transit while you spend time integrating cosmic downloads that you'll need to help navigate your way ahead when Jupiter goes direct. On the 17th, Mercury moves into Aries, making you super chatty about all you've been learning. Avoid self-righteousness at this time. Mars is currently in Gemini, which can make you feel like you know-it-all. As Auntie Badu told us, "The man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all."
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your mind with an influx of ideas that you can use for that book, podcast, or blog you've been wanting to start. This is a favorable time to release a project via social media. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to your mental health. This could be a good time to start therapy or join group counseling to support you with any psychological battles. Venus moves into Aries on the same day and you may find yourself attracted to a spiritual guru or someone that shares similar beliefs to yours. April winds down with Saturn and Pluto going retro in through a part of your sky that has to do with your subconscious. The next few months can offer you deep insight and understanding into habits, karma, and past lives that contribute to a misuse and abuse of your power.
Capricorn
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Aries season brings career matters to the forefront over the next few weeks and the New Moon on the 5th can mark the beginning of an exhilarating, new experience for you when it comes to what you do in the world. This can be a time in which you're rising up in the ranks and becoming more popular as well. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in an area of your sky that has to do with finances and values. Over the next four months, you'll spend some time revamping your budget and diving deeper into your relationship with money. It's time to address the poverty consciousness that may be wreaking havoc on your bank account. Mercury finally moves out of Pisces after an extended stay, and into Aries on the 17th, and the topic of discussion is about your career goals. Just be cautious of arguments with your boss or worker bees at this time.
On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra visits your fourth house again, possibly representing the end of your stay in one residence as you prepare to move elsewhere. This energy can also offer a much-needed recalibration amongst any imbalanced family relationships. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th bringing your focus to higher learning and spirituality over the next month. This is a good time to expand beyond your current comfort zone of consciousness. Venus moves into Aries the same day and you may find yourself attracted to someone in a position of power. Be mindful of workplace romances especially with a higher up. The month closes with both Pluto and Saturn going retro in your sign, making the next few months a little more introspective for you as you integrate the lessons you've been learning about your personal power.
Aquarius
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Happy April, babe! The Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th brings your attention to your social circle. It's time to branch out and meet some new people that are on your same wave. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with learning, communication, and social media. The next four months is a perfect time to dive deeper into your studies and to revamp your social media strategy. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, which can cause some tension amongst your friends if you're being too bossy or self-centered. Be open to compromise and creating a win-win situation for everyone involved.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your romance and creativity for you. This is an auspicious, harmonious time for you in matters of dating and you're likely to enjoy a peak experience with sweet connection at this time. If you've been working on a project behind the scenes, this energy is very favorable for your big reveal. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to career advancement over the next month. Take a practical, disciplined approach to the work that you're doing. On the same day, Venus moves into Aries and you may surprisingly find yourself falling head over heels for a friend or associate. The month wraps up with Pluto and Saturn going retro in a part of your sky that has to do with finances and values. Over the next few months, you'll discover the power of embracing and validating your gifts that you'll more openly share with the world come the Fall.
Pisces
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You are working your way around the astrological wheel once again with the Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th encouraging you to put your gifts and talents on display. This not only can benefit you financially but the positive reception you receive from others will boost your self-esteem as well. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retrograde in a part of your chart that focuses on your roots. You may be revisiting your childhood home over the summer or diving deep into your family's ancestry. Mercury finally moves out of your sign after an extended stay, and into Aries on the 17th, giving you a much-needed breath of fresh air. Your dreams will be super active, if you're not dealing with intense bouts of insomnia. Stock up on the chamomile tea and lavender essential oil to help calm your nerves.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your daily routines and health. A longstanding imbalance in these areas of your life may reach a critical boiling point forcing you to strive for balance in your every day affairs. What we consume plays a big role in our mood and energy. It may be time to let go of the caffeine or dairy if it's not sitting well with you. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your attention to your friends and organizations that you're a part of, making this the perfect time for volunteer work. You're a humanitarian at heart so make sure you're sharing your positive vibes, whether that's with your homegirl that's going through a rough time or a homeless person in need of a kind gesture. Venus moves into Aries on the same day. You'll likely want to lay low with your lover during this transit, preferring the privacy of what goes on behind closed doors.
We wrap up the month with Pluto and Saturn going retro in a part of your sky that has to do with learning and communication. Research and writing are supported at this time, making it an ideal transit to create new content that will get your social media accounts buzzing with more followers and engagement.
- Taurus Monthly Horoscope: April 2019 ›
- Your April 2019 Monthly Horoscope | Jessica Adams ›
- Aries Monthly Horoscope April 2019 ›
- Monthly Horoscopes by The AstroTwins, Ophira & Tali Edut ›
- Claire's Monthly Horoscopes April 2019 ›
- April 2019 Horoscope | Monthly Horoscopes ›
- April 2019 monthly horoscope- A surprising month! ›
- Aries April 2019 Monthly Horoscope Predictions | SunSigns.Org ›
- Monthly Astrology Forecast For April 2019, For Each Zodiac Sign ... ›
- Your April 2019 Monthly Horoscopes ›
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Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
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This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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