March is a time of strength, reflection, and rebirth for the collective. March and the majority of April are the only months of 2022 with zero retrogrades. Meaning, if you want to make something happen, or at least get the ideas together and put the plans in motion, this is the month to do it. March is all about the mountains you have climbed, and the nice view at the top you are seeing now. Take time with your growth, reflect on all you have learned thus far this year, and know that things are moving forward right now.
The Sun and Moon both come together in Pisces on March 2 for the New Moon in Pisces. This is a New Moon of emotional renewal for the world, and emotions will be running high. Pisces is also a highly creative, intuitive, and spiritual sign, and the energy of the month has a dash of fantasy to it, especially during this New Moon. Get in touch with your inner child, create from the heart, and daydream about the fresh starts you want to see unfold this month. Venus and Mars move into Aquarius a few days later where they will remain until April, and love knows no bounds right now. Clear communication, light-heartedness, and an open mind are what the vibe is during this transit, as Venus and Mars in Aquarius seek to liberate.
Mercury enters Pisces on March 9, and communications are colored in emotion for the time being. Mercury in Pisces is all about creativity and communicating from the heart. Deep insights and an active dream life are what this time is all about for the collective, and it’s best to keep things transparent right now. By mid-month on March 18, there is a Worm Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon is here to clean house. Virgo is the healer, the multi-tasker, and the wise Goddess. She comes in when we need it the most, and this Full Moon is here to heal and bring things into order.
Aries Season begins a few days later, as well as the Spring Equinox and the beginning of the Astrological New Year, and we are moving through a time of rebirth in March overall.
Aries
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn March you are on a new vision quest, Aries. The month starts with the Sun in your 12th house of rejuvenation and reflection as we near your Solar Return later this month. The theme with you in March is one of self-discovery. You are broadening your horizons this month and looking beyond what you currently know now. This is a soul replenishing month for you as you bring attention to your inner world, your perspective right now, and the opportunities that are appearing for you this month.
On March 18, there is a Full Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon will be influencing your working life, health habits, and daily routine. Culminations occur when it comes to what’s been happening on the day-to-day, and you get the clarity you have been looking for over the past month here. The beginning of the month is all about rest and renewal, and moving into March you are getting things done. Aries Season begins on March 20, and it’s your time to shine! Aries Season marks the beginning of the Astrological Calendar, and if you had a rough start to 2022, now is the time to claim your new beginnings, Aries.
Taurus
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about balance and trusting the process for you, Taurus. You are doing some reflection this month as you acknowledge how far you have come, and prepare for what is next for you. The month starts with a New Moon in Pisces on March 2, and you are seeing new beginnings within your community, friendships, and social network right now. This is a good time to set your intentions for who you want to collaborate with this year and the message you want to get across.
Moving into March, you are reaching new heights. Through the time you got for self-reflection, rejuvenation, and dedication to the process, you find yourself moving forward with new opportunities mid-month. The Full Moon happening on March 18 is occurring in fellow earth sign Virgo, and occurring in a romantic and playful area of your birth chart. Things are feeling good right now, and you are inspired by the full circle moments you are getting this month. March is here to remind you you are not alone, you are loved, and you deserve to be recognized for your greatness, Taurus.
Gemini
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is a time of healing, strength, and allowing yourself to shine, Gemini. The New Moon on March 2 is happening in a public area of your birth chart, and the spotlight is on you as you enter the month. Career matters take the forefront during this time and you get the opportunity to speak on what you know and grow stronger in your understanding of your soul purpose. The path you are on this month is one of strength, wisdom, and conviction to your personal truths.
Mars and Venus enter fellow air sign Aquarius on March 6, and this transition flows well with your insightful soul. As Mars and Venus move through your 9th house of adventure, travel, spirituality, and the higher mind you have full reign to move forward with all of the adventures and vocations you have been intending for. Although the time for healing, replenishment, and peace of mind is needed this month; you are overall seeing your intentions, goals, and spiritual inklings through in March, Gemini.
Cancer
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is your time of emergence, Cancer. The energy that is with you this month is one of synergy. With the Sun flowing through a fellow water sign for most of the month, you are experiencing an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is a good time to expand your horizons and say yes to new opportunities. A new perspective has been born from what you’ve already experienced this year, and you are rising above any past confusion and into clarity in March. Your power of manifestation is strong right now, Cancer.
Moving into the month, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on March 18, and the Sun moves into an area of your chart that has to do with your career and public image a few days later. The message is clear this month, and you are getting yours across. You are inspired by the personal transformations you have been through recently, and claiming your power right now. March is all about making your voice heard and the vision come to life, Cancer.
Leo
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is your month of rebirth, Leo. You have been through a journey of soul growth, and have been learning a lot through your relationships with others recently. With a New Moon in your 8th house of intimacy as the month begins, you are exploring the depths of your love, intimacy, and dedication to what’s blooming for you right now. With Mars and Venus moving into Aquarius and your 7th house of relationships, love, and marriage on March 6, the focus on nurture, balance, and hope is with you right now. You are motivated by the partnerships in your life and feeling the love this month.
The Worm Moon on March 18 is moving through your house of finances, income, assets, and self-esteem, and this is a good time to look at the balance within your spending and clear up anything that needs to be sorted. Confidence, self-assurance, and faith are key as you move into March. The patience and grace you have shown yourself are showing fruition for you this month. Fortunate circumstances appear when you can allow all to be and trust that you deserve the best for yourself, always, Leo.
Virgo
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is a time of paving your path and seeking out your new horizons, Virgo. You are spending time within, with your loved ones, and with the light that you are experiencing in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your 7th house of love right as you enter the month, and new beginnings within your romantic world are occurring for you now. This is a good time to set your intentions for love and to trust what partnership opportunities are coming together for you in March. Say yes to love, Virgo.
The Virgo Full Moon of the year is happening this month, and it’s occurring on March 18. This Full Moon is all about your personal growth and closing out a major chapter of your life. You are letting go of old stories or versions of yourself you no longer relate to and shedding the light on who you are today. This is a powerful Full Moon for you as one cycle of life transforms from an ending into a new beginning. You have done the work, continued to show up for yourself even when at times you’ve had to stand alone, and you are ready to move forward now, Virgo.
Libra
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleSeek out your sanctuaries this month, Libra. March is about getting back to the basics and taking things one day at a time. It’s all about flow right now and finding a schedule or routine that works best for you. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is reminding you of the importance of a routine, and this is a good time to set new intentions for health and working matters. Your everyday life is the focus right now, and when this is good, all else falls into place for you.
As you spend time connecting to your safe spaces and what feels right for you this month, you are finding a way through anything that has kept you feeling stuck. Doors are opening for you, and you are taking the time weighing your options like the balanced Libra you are. Before Aries season begins and the Sun moves into your sister sign and into an area of your chart having to do with partnership and love; there is a Full Moon in your 12th house tying up any loose ends before the real fun begins. Release, renewal, and emotional clarity are where your heart is, Libra.
Scorpio
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about flowing through life effortlessly and letting things fall into place, Scorpio. Romance is in the air for you as you begin the month with a New Moon in a fellow water sign, Pisces, on March 2. This New Moon is moving through your 5th house of self-expression, playfulness, romance, and flirtation. Things are getting exciting for you in March, and you are setting the tone right now for the experiences you want to have and the love you want to feel this year. Give and receive freely, and allow yourself to be moved by the excitement and hope of it all right now.
This month is all about the stepping stones you have made to get you to where you are today, Scorpio. Peace of mind is priceless, and you have cashed in on these treasures of life. The Virgo Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your friendships and community, and the faith that is with you this month is undeniable. You are an inspiring force for others and your light is being recognized within your connections, Scorpio. The Sun moves into your 6th house before the month ends, and you are taking care of business right now.
Sagittarius
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of radiance for you, Sagittarius. You are owning your light, and shining in all of your glory in March. Life is coming full circle for you this month and there are happy culminations in store for you right now. At the beginning of the month, there is a focus on home, family, and your foundations, and this is a good time to plant the seeds for what you want to grow here right now. Your security systems are in focus, and the things that bring you a sense of stability and safety are what you are resonating with right now.
The Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your career, professional life, reputation, and achievements, and you are seeing some working projects come full circle this month. This is the time to release anything that hasn’t been serving you within your career and to focus on what fulfilling your purpose means to you right now. Once the Sun moves into a fellow fire sign and Aries Season begins on March 20, you are blazing forward and into your dreams. This is the month of finding your happiness and making it a priority to do more of the things that get you in this space of gratitude, Sag.
Capricorn
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about getting your ducks in a row. You love to be organized, and you are taking some time to sort things out right now, Capricorn. The New Moon in Pisces on March 2 is occurring in your 3rd house of communication, transportation, and local community, and you are receiving some important messages at the beginning of the month. The focus is on new beginnings for you right now, and you are clearing the air. As Mars and Venus move into your 2nd house a week later, you are thinking long-term this month and setting up plans for yourself and your future success.
The Full Moon in Virgo happening on March 18 is all about perspective. Life is coming full circle, and you are getting the full picture right now and seeing how everything has fallen into place for you. You are known for your strength, dedication, and resilience, and sometimes you need to be reminded of how great you are. March is giving you those realizations. There is a Last Quarter Moon in your sign on March 25 and you are reflecting on the intentions you set at the beginning of the month and moving forward here.
Aquarius
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJust because your season is over, doesn’t mean the light stops shining on you, Aquarius. March is a month of transformation and personal empowerment, as you rise and show up for yourself. There is a lot of magic with you this month with Venus and Mars both moving into Aquarius on March 5 for the entire month. Venus is love and receptivity, and Mars is passion and energy; the two combining in your sign is bringing forth a nice balance in your life. You are especially motivated right now with a lot of energy at your disposal, and with Venus officially in your sign, you are feeling the love this month, Aquarius.
You are like the lotus blooming this month, and you are moving out of any muddy waters. The Full Moon on March 18 is transiting your 8th house of intimacy, life, death, and rebirth, and the transformations you are seeing this month are bringing you closer to your soul. You are ready to renew, liberate, and define your path moving forward. Aries season begins before the month ends and the Sun moves into an area of your chart having to do with communication, publication, and daily activity; and you are getting things done as the month winds down.
Pisces
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePisces season is in full swing and the spotlight is on you, Pisces. This month brings with it full circle moments, happy outcomes, and the realization that there is gold at the end of the rainbow for you. As life ebbs and flows with the energy of your ocean soul this month, you are being made clear of what your priorities and needs are, and what you truly want to see in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your sign as the month begins, and you are seeing personal new beginnings and a new understanding of self. This month is all about you, your divine path, your intentions, and the courage to be your authentic self. You are reinventing yourself right now, Pisces.
On March 9, Mercury enters Pisces, and communication channels are opening for you right now. March is a good time to get your ideas heard, have some important conversations, and gain a new perspective. The Full Moon on March 18 is happening in your sister sign, Virgo, and this Full Moon is all about love, relationships, and emotional renewal for you. Life comes full circle in love, and you are moving forward with the relationships that have only grown stronger in the process, Pisces.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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Yeah, I’m not a fan of that because, once you’ve already “locked in” on that level, going to see a marriage counselor or life coach is pretty much only seen as a mere formality. In other words, you’re not really looking to dive deep to see if there are some potential red, orange, or even yellow flags — you’re just going to a couple of sessions because it sounds like the right thing to do.
And because of that mindset, far too many people go into marriage totally blindsided and/or thinking that they can deal with things later and/or believing that love (which usually is some emotional version, not the biblical one — I Corinthians 13) will conquer all — and because of that, divorce court ends up becoming their reality. If not semi-immediately…eventually.
That’s why I write articles like this. Wisdom says that if you want to get into something as serious as marriage and you’re going to look someone in their eyes and vow to be with them for the rest of your lives, you both should know as much as possible about what you’re getting yourselves into…beforehand.
The following eight questions can help to lead the way when it comes to this…
1. Childhood Issues
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself getting caught up in a movie on HBO Max calledOn Chesil Beach. It drags, so I’m not (necessarily) recommending it. However, it does help to drive home this first point that I’m trying to make because it’s all about the purely excruciating wedding “night” of a couple who waited to (attempt to) consummate their marriage. Although for a lot of it, the wife was pretty annoying, you do get glimpses of her childhood that help to shed light on all of her excuses and hesitancy (and there was A LOT of both).
If you do happen to want to watch the film, I won’t give all of what happens away. What I will say is that one of the main reasons why going to premarital counseling is so important is you and your bae should talk about childhood issues.
Listen, as one of my favorite quotes says, “Adulthood is surviving childhood.” Meaning, a lot of times, marriages struggle because it’s not two healed adults who are in the relationship; it’s more like two wounded (on some level, at least) kids who are trying to make a valiant attempt at an adult dynamic.
I know many people who grew up in hella dysfunctional homes who simply said, “I will never be like my parents when I grow up,” only to turn around and be just like them. How did that happen? It’s because of something that I tell a lot of my clients: we tend to do what’s familiar, not what’s right. The main way to prevent that from happening is by being open and honest about where we come from, how it all affected/infected/impacted us, and then getting help, if needed, before jumping the broom.
2. Greatest Heartbreak
GiphyAlthough I’m not sure that there is solid data on what I’m about to say, I stand ten toes down on the fact that I don’t think that men look to “fall in love” multiple times. If anything, they have a first love, their wife, and possibly someone in between. Why? Because contrary to what social media likes to cram down our throats about men, many men when they fall, they fall very hard and are all in. Case in point, I can’t tell you how many guys have told me how much of an influence their first love has had on them — even to this day. And when something monumental happens, it can totally change you (check out “Your Soulmate Might Be The One Who Broke You”).
That’s why I also think it’s a good idea for you and your man to discuss what your greatest heartbreak was like — past (how it affected you) and present (how you feel about the experience now). It can shed great light into how you see relationships and love and why you make some of the decisions that you now do. It can also help you both to express if there are still some unresolved issues that are dormant there because I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who, when things got rocky in their marriage, the very first place they went to was Facebook or Instagram to see what their “long lost love” has been up to.
A writer by the name of Jodi Picoult once said, “Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall.” Both of you discussing how this saying relates to this particular topic can, as I put it, “cover up mouseholes.” What I mean by that is, by getting it all out in the open, your partner will be able to know your wounds and weaknesses in that area and offer up some support and even protection — in ways you, he, or both may not have known was needed…until the topic was actually brought up.
3. Financial Habits
GiphyYou know, I find it very interesting how the Good Book says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil (I Timothy 6:10), and yet, pretty much any time I tiptoe out to see what social media is yapping — sorry, I mean talking — about, “broke” comes up incessantly. Listen, should you want to be with someone who is financially savvy and stable? 1000 percent. Should you also be the kind of person who you want to be with? 10,000 percent.
That said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a premarital session and asked both people what their credit score was, only for them to look at me like I asked them to strip naked or something. LOL. Well, I guess, in a way, it’s the same thing because nothing reveals someone’s financial stuff like their credit score and what they’ve got in their savings account. Yet if you’re thinking that your soon-to-be spouse isn’t going to find all of that out anyway, you’re caught up in some sort of delusion that I’m not sure any therapist can get you out of.
Personally, I think that engaged couples should hire a financial advisor and get a financial mentor (preferably a married couple) to comb through both of their finances so that they can see each other’s current state, areas of strengths and weaknesses, and so they can come up with a financial plan for their first, third and fifth year of marriage.
You know, although actually the top reason for divorce these days has a lot to do witha lack of support (emotionally and otherwise),financial stuff is still up there. A part of the reason for that is that there’s no way around the fact that marriage is a business contract (among other things). If you’re signing up to do business with someone, you need to know what their finances look like. That’s common sense 101.
4. Character Weaknesses
GiphyAnyone who knows me knows that if someone tells me that they believe that they’ve met “the one,” while they are acting like that person is an angel on earth, the marriage life coach (and “Shellie”) in me is like, “Uh-huh. What are their character flaws, though?” It’s not to break their spirit or be a Debbie Downer or anything; it’s just that I have watched too many marriages crash and burn because they didn’t ask themselves questions like that before saying, “I do.”
For instance, one of my friends (who, yes, happens to be divorced now) told me that he had met who he believed was his soulmate; when I asked him about her potential character weaknesses, one of the things that he casually said was, “I mean, she has a bit of a jealousy streak but…” Umm, sir — you are handsome and an entertainer and you’re going to marry a jealous woman? Hacked emails and tons of drama later, he admits that he wished that he hadn’t underestimated that side of her personality.
Listen, no one is perfect — not by far. In fact, if you’re mature in your thinking, a part of what marriage is designed to do is give you the kind of accountability partner that will offer a safe space for you to address, refine, and improve some things about yourself.
However, in order for you and your partner to be able to do that, you need to know what those things are — and that needs to be discussed well before your wedding day, preferably in the presence of a reputable marriage therapist, counselor, or life coach who can help you to figure out what to do with the intel that the both of you are sharing.
5. Poor Boundaries
GiphyWhen you sign up to become someone’s spouse, your wedding day, in part, is about declaring to everyone that you want to make them the top priority in your life under God himself. And in order to keep anything from affecting that, you need to have some solid boundaries. Boundaries, at the end of the day, are nothing more than limits — and yes, you need to have limits as far as how much your family can know about your relationship, what your friends can and cannot speak on, and what kind of decisions y’all will make that, quite frankly, is no one else’s business…including the internet’s (because A LOT of people out here like to be passive aggressive about their relationship online).
Does it take a village to “raise a marriage?” In some ways, yes. However, when it comes to the vow-taking process, that is between a husband and his wife, and if they are religious, God. No one else made those promises and that means no one else should be as involved or invested as those two (or three) parties are.
Poor boundaries are the cause of so much drama in marriages and honestly, relationships, in general. You do not want to take the approach of, “We’ll figure out what limits we should have as problems present themselves.” Uh-uh. Talk about what your limits should look like ASAP, and make sure that you mutually agree on them too. This point alone can save your marriage more than just about anything else on here.
(P.S. A great book for you to check out isBoundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships. It’s by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.)
6. Perspectives on Daily Lifestyle
GiphySomething else that I’ve observed while working with married folks (and talking to older couples in Cracker Barrel; believe it or not, the marriage advice in there is top-notch!) is marriages tend to end, not so much because of one “big” thing that happened — it’s more like it’s due to the culmination of a lot of little ones.
Take how a person lives, for instance. I’ve dealt with couples where the wife was appalled by her husband not wiping the toilet seat, and the same husband was disgusted by her dishes being left in the sink overnight. A couple of weeks of this, and it’s whatever. Oh, but let it be some years? You’d be surprised.
It can actually be quite sobering to take a moment to ponder and process that, at least when you sign up for a traditional marriage, you’re signing up to share a home, bed, and life — for the rest of your life. If there are certain things that are super “icks” for you, if there are certain chores that you absolutely hate, if there are little pet peeves like sleeping with the television on or your partner being a morning person when you aren’t — you had better bring all of this stuff up now.
Many people have assumed that love will supersede peace when it comes to daily living. Chile, the reality is that you can love a lot of people who you just can’t live with. Please don’t find that out after taking vows and filling out paperwork. Discuss as much as possible about the day-to-day of how you both move, just as soon as you possibly can.
7. Patterns in Past Relationships
GiphyIn interviews, some folks will ask me what I think about the whole “Does knowing someone’s body count really matter?” debate (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”). As it relates to this particular article, two things: one, check out TIME’s article, “How Previous Sexual Partners Affect Offspring,” when you get a chance. Secondly, let’s do it like this: if you were to find out that your boyfriend used to beat up on his girlfriends, but he hasn’t done it in a couple of years, would “That’s in the past” suffice as his rationale? BE HONEST.
No matter how nonchalant our culture chooses to be about sex, how we decide to move in that space is about more than recreation and experiencing orgasms. So yes, knowing about your past in this realm can shed light on your mindset, your perspective, and even some of your patterns — not just your sexual past, but your past, in general.
Anyone who wants to give pushback on that, I’ll just say this: it is human nature to brag about things that we’re proud of. When it comes to your sexual past, if you’re hiding or deflecting concerning it, why is that? And what would make you think that, eventually, the things that you are suppressing won’t somehow come out anyway? Real talk, a great sign that you’re over something or someone is when you can bring it or them up — not when you’re doing everything in your power to avoid it/them.
And when it comes to past relational patterns overall — have you always been the one to do most of the work? Do you tend to flee when things get too challenging? Do you ever stop to think about what you did wrong? Do you tend to handle things with ultimatums? Do you treat relationships as projects? Do you avoid things with sex? Do you not communicate your innermost feelings well?
A pattern is something that you do over and over, oftentimes very naturally. When it comes to the men of your past, what qualifies as a pattern for you? Getting married doesn’t miraculously make those patterns go away. Discussing them can help you to get to the root of those issues and if you need to break some of them on the front end.
8. Media Programming
GiphyA quote that I find myself saying often is by The Doors singer, Jim Morrison: “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” There is no way around the fact that media influences and impacts society on some pretty monumental levels (you can read more about thathere,here, andhere) — and so to think that what you take in when it comes to television programs that you view, movies that you watch, books that you read and social media accounts that you follow aren’t affecting you? That is some serious denial that you are in.
Case in point. I have a friend who also works in mental health. Whenever his wife is watching some trash reality television (and boy, is there A TON of it), he says that she is way more touchy to the point of almost being combative than when she isn’t. One time, he instituted a two-week fast from reality television. He said that the first week was rough for her, which caused her to realize that she was way more attached to the shows than she thought. The second week, she was calmer and far more peaceful (her words, not his). Did she totally give reality television up? I mean, we’re all a work in progress, right? LOL. She does watch it less, though, and their marriage is running smoother because of it.
As we close all of this out, definitely an underestimated influence in marriage is the media. Find out what your partner likes and why. See where the two of you are in sync, where you’re not, and what you think the compromises should be. Otherwise, you could end up with someone who is making judgment calls about your relationship based on what some random on TikTok said — you’d be amazed how many people do that. And it’s a damn shame that they do.
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There’s a reason why this article has the title that it does. Getting real — and I mean, really real — about relationships isn’t always the most comfortable thing to do; however, it is beneficial.
And what, after (genuinely) addressing things like this, you find out that you’re not as compatible as you thought? Eh. That doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Either — again, with the help of a marriage expert — figure out how to compromise or, if you ultimately can’t find enough common ground…as I oftentimes say, It’s always better to break up before marriage than divorce after it.
Words to live by. Promise you that.
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