March is a time of strength, reflection, and rebirth for the collective. March and the majority of April are the only months of 2022 with zero retrogrades. Meaning, if you want to make something happen, or at least get the ideas together and put the plans in motion, this is the month to do it. March is all about the mountains you have climbed, and the nice view at the top you are seeing now. Take time with your growth, reflect on all you have learned thus far this year, and know that things are moving forward right now.
The Sun and Moon both come together in Pisces on March 2 for the New Moon in Pisces. This is a New Moon of emotional renewal for the world, and emotions will be running high. Pisces is also a highly creative, intuitive, and spiritual sign, and the energy of the month has a dash of fantasy to it, especially during this New Moon. Get in touch with your inner child, create from the heart, and daydream about the fresh starts you want to see unfold this month. Venus and Mars move into Aquarius a few days later where they will remain until April, and love knows no bounds right now. Clear communication, light-heartedness, and an open mind are what the vibe is during this transit, as Venus and Mars in Aquarius seek to liberate.
Mercury enters Pisces on March 9, and communications are colored in emotion for the time being. Mercury in Pisces is all about creativity and communicating from the heart. Deep insights and an active dream life are what this time is all about for the collective, and it’s best to keep things transparent right now. By mid-month on March 18, there is a Worm Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon is here to clean house. Virgo is the healer, the multi-tasker, and the wise Goddess. She comes in when we need it the most, and this Full Moon is here to heal and bring things into order.
Aries Season begins a few days later, as well as the Spring Equinox and the beginning of the Astrological New Year, and we are moving through a time of rebirth in March overall.
AriesAriesKyra Jay for xoNecole
In March you are on a new vision quest, Aries. The month starts with the Sun in your 12th house of rejuvenation and reflection as we near your Solar Return later this month. The theme with you in March is one of self-discovery. You are broadening your horizons this month and looking beyond what you currently know now. This is a soul replenishing month for you as you bring attention to your inner world, your perspective right now, and the opportunities that are appearing for you this month.
On March 18, there is a Full Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon will be influencing your working life, health habits, and daily routine. Culminations occur when it comes to what’s been happening on the day-to-day, and you get the clarity you have been looking for over the past month here. The beginning of the month is all about rest and renewal, and moving into March you are getting things done. Aries Season begins on March 20, and it’s your time to shine! Aries Season marks the beginning of the Astrological Calendar, and if you had a rough start to 2022, now is the time to claim your new beginnings, Aries.
TaurusTaurusKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is all about balance and trusting the process for you, Taurus. You are doing some reflection this month as you acknowledge how far you have come, and prepare for what is next for you. The month starts with a New Moon in Pisces on March 2, and you are seeing new beginnings within your community, friendships, and social network right now. This is a good time to set your intentions for who you want to collaborate with this year and the message you want to get across.
Moving into March, you are reaching new heights. Through the time you got for self-reflection, rejuvenation, and dedication to the process, you find yourself moving forward with new opportunities mid-month. The Full Moon happening on March 18 is occurring in fellow earth sign Virgo, and occurring in a romantic and playful area of your birth chart. Things are feeling good right now, and you are inspired by the full circle moments you are getting this month. March is here to remind you you are not alone, you are loved, and you deserve to be recognized for your greatness, Taurus.
GeminiGeminiKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is a time of healing, strength, and allowing yourself to shine, Gemini. The New Moon on March 2 is happening in a public area of your birth chart, and the spotlight is on you as you enter the month. Career matters take the forefront during this time and you get the opportunity to speak on what you know and grow stronger in your understanding of your soul purpose. The path you are on this month is one of strength, wisdom, and conviction to your personal truths.
Mars and Venus enter fellow air sign Aquarius on March 6, and this transition flows well with your insightful soul. As Mars and Venus move through your 9th house of adventure, travel, spirituality, and the higher mind you have full reign to move forward with all of the adventures and vocations you have been intending for. Although the time for healing, replenishment, and peace of mind is needed this month; you are overall seeing your intentions, goals, and spiritual inklings through in March, Gemini.
CancerCancerKyra Jay for xoNecole
This is your time of emergence, Cancer. The energy that is with you this month is one of synergy. With the Sun flowing through a fellow water sign for most of the month, you are experiencing an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is a good time to expand your horizons and say yes to new opportunities. A new perspective has been born from what you’ve already experienced this year, and you are rising above any past confusion and into clarity in March. Your power of manifestation is strong right now, Cancer.
Moving into the month, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on March 18, and the Sun moves into an area of your chart that has to do with your career and public image a few days later. The message is clear this month, and you are getting yours across. You are inspired by the personal transformations you have been through recently, and claiming your power right now. March is all about making your voice heard and the vision come to life, Cancer.
LeoLeoKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is your month of rebirth, Leo. You have been through a journey of soul growth, and have been learning a lot through your relationships with others recently. With a New Moon in your 8th house of intimacy as the month begins, you are exploring the depths of your love, intimacy, and dedication to what’s blooming for you right now. With Mars and Venus moving into Aquarius and your 7th house of relationships, love, and marriage on March 6, the focus on nurture, balance, and hope is with you right now. You are motivated by the partnerships in your life and feeling the love this month.
The Worm Moon on March 18 is moving through your house of finances, income, assets, and self-esteem, and this is a good time to look at the balance within your spending and clear up anything that needs to be sorted. Confidence, self-assurance, and faith are key as you move into March. The patience and grace you have shown yourself are showing fruition for you this month. Fortunate circumstances appear when you can allow all to be and trust that you deserve the best for yourself, always, Leo.
VirgoVirgoKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is a time of paving your path and seeking out your new horizons, Virgo. You are spending time within, with your loved ones, and with the light that you are experiencing in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your 7th house of love right as you enter the month, and new beginnings within your romantic world are occurring for you now. This is a good time to set your intentions for love and to trust what partnership opportunities are coming together for you in March. Say yes to love, Virgo.
The Virgo Full Moon of the year is happening this month, and it’s occurring on March 18. This Full Moon is all about your personal growth and closing out a major chapter of your life. You are letting go of old stories or versions of yourself you no longer relate to and shedding the light on who you are today. This is a powerful Full Moon for you as one cycle of life transforms from an ending into a new beginning. You have done the work, continued to show up for yourself even when at times you’ve had to stand alone, and you are ready to move forward now, Virgo.
LibraLibraKyra Jay for xoNecole
Seek out your sanctuaries this month, Libra. March is about getting back to the basics and taking things one day at a time. It’s all about flow right now and finding a schedule or routine that works best for you. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is reminding you of the importance of a routine, and this is a good time to set new intentions for health and working matters. Your everyday life is the focus right now, and when this is good, all else falls into place for you.
As you spend time connecting to your safe spaces and what feels right for you this month, you are finding a way through anything that has kept you feeling stuck. Doors are opening for you, and you are taking the time weighing your options like the balanced Libra you are. Before Aries season begins and the Sun moves into your sister sign and into an area of your chart having to do with partnership and love; there is a Full Moon in your 12th house tying up any loose ends before the real fun begins. Release, renewal, and emotional clarity are where your heart is, Libra.
ScorpioScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is all about flowing through life effortlessly and letting things fall into place, Scorpio. Romance is in the air for you as you begin the month with a New Moon in a fellow water sign, Pisces, on March 2. This New Moon is moving through your 5th house of self-expression, playfulness, romance, and flirtation. Things are getting exciting for you in March, and you are setting the tone right now for the experiences you want to have and the love you want to feel this year. Give and receive freely, and allow yourself to be moved by the excitement and hope of it all right now.
This month is all about the stepping stones you have made to get you to where you are today, Scorpio. Peace of mind is priceless, and you have cashed in on these treasures of life. The Virgo Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your friendships and community, and the faith that is with you this month is undeniable. You are an inspiring force for others and your light is being recognized within your connections, Scorpio. The Sun moves into your 6th house before the month ends, and you are taking care of business right now.
SagittariusSagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
This is a month of radiance for you, Sagittarius. You are owning your light, and shining in all of your glory in March. Life is coming full circle for you this month and there are happy culminations in store for you right now. At the beginning of the month, there is a focus on home, family, and your foundations, and this is a good time to plant the seeds for what you want to grow here right now. Your security systems are in focus, and the things that bring you a sense of stability and safety are what you are resonating with right now.
The Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your career, professional life, reputation, and achievements, and you are seeing some working projects come full circle this month. This is the time to release anything that hasn’t been serving you within your career and to focus on what fulfilling your purpose means to you right now. Once the Sun moves into a fellow fire sign and Aries Season begins on March 20, you are blazing forward and into your dreams. This is the month of finding your happiness and making it a priority to do more of the things that get you in this space of gratitude, Sag.
CapricornCapricornKyra Jay for xoNecole
March is all about getting your ducks in a row. You love to be organized, and you are taking some time to sort things out right now, Capricorn. The New Moon in Pisces on March 2 is occurring in your 3rd house of communication, transportation, and local community, and you are receiving some important messages at the beginning of the month. The focus is on new beginnings for you right now, and you are clearing the air. As Mars and Venus move into your 2nd house a week later, you are thinking long-term this month and setting up plans for yourself and your future success.
The Full Moon in Virgo happening on March 18 is all about perspective. Life is coming full circle, and you are getting the full picture right now and seeing how everything has fallen into place for you. You are known for your strength, dedication, and resilience, and sometimes you need to be reminded of how great you are. March is giving you those realizations. There is a Last Quarter Moon in your sign on March 25 and you are reflecting on the intentions you set at the beginning of the month and moving forward here.
AquariusAquariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
Just because your season is over, doesn’t mean the light stops shining on you, Aquarius. March is a month of transformation and personal empowerment, as you rise and show up for yourself. There is a lot of magic with you this month with Venus and Mars both moving into Aquarius on March 5 for the entire month. Venus is love and receptivity, and Mars is passion and energy; the two combining in your sign is bringing forth a nice balance in your life. You are especially motivated right now with a lot of energy at your disposal, and with Venus officially in your sign, you are feeling the love this month, Aquarius.
You are like the lotus blooming this month, and you are moving out of any muddy waters. The Full Moon on March 18 is transiting your 8th house of intimacy, life, death, and rebirth, and the transformations you are seeing this month are bringing you closer to your soul. You are ready to renew, liberate, and define your path moving forward. Aries season begins before the month ends and the Sun moves into an area of your chart having to do with communication, publication, and daily activity; and you are getting things done as the month winds down.
PiscesPiscesKyra Jay for xoNecole
Pisces season is in full swing and the spotlight is on you, Pisces. This month brings with it full circle moments, happy outcomes, and the realization that there is gold at the end of the rainbow for you. As life ebbs and flows with the energy of your ocean soul this month, you are being made clear of what your priorities and needs are, and what you truly want to see in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your sign as the month begins, and you are seeing personal new beginnings and a new understanding of self. This month is all about you, your divine path, your intentions, and the courage to be your authentic self. You are reinventing yourself right now, Pisces.
On March 9, Mercury enters Pisces, and communication channels are opening for you right now. March is a good time to get your ideas heard, have some important conversations, and gain a new perspective. The Full Moon on March 18 is happening in your sister sign, Virgo, and this Full Moon is all about love, relationships, and emotional renewal for you. Life comes full circle in love, and you are moving forward with the relationships that have only grown stronger in the process, Pisces.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
Three Influencers Show Off Their 2022 Holiday Hair Looks Using Their SheaMoisture Faves
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
For Black women, there’s one compliment that will boost our confidence like none other: “Come through hair!” You know the vibe! Walking into a room with folks acknowledging that your hair is laid for the gawds, and the effort that it took to get it there, is a top five feeling. And with the holiday season just weeks away, you’ll be hearing that quite often. Between Thanksgiving gatherings with the family, Friendsgiving, company parties, and Christmas get-togethers, the opportunities to let your hair show up and show out aren’t too far away.
Apart from the holiday stuntin’, the end-of-year slow down is also the perfect opportunity to reevaluate the year your hair has had. Whether you kept it cute with protective braids, went big with blowouts, or let loose with textured twist-outs, this is the perfect time to give your hair the gift of TLC - tender lovin’ curls. Like the weather, our hair goes through seasons and has different needs depending on what we’ve put it through. Perhaps the transition into fall/winter has left your curls a bit parched and in need of some serious hydration. Or maybe your strands could use some restorative conditioning after taking it down from a convenient protective style. No matter what category you fall into, SheaMoisture has hundreds of ways that you can clean, treat and refresh your hair for a healthy shine that will bring you into the new year right. Bring your curls back to life with the nourishing and fragrant Coconut & Hibiscus line. Boosted with natural ingredients such as coconut oil, neem oil, carrot oil, and shea butter, this line is the antidote to reviving thirsty, dehydrated hair. Even better - with SheaMoisture’s custom quiz, you can get a hair analysis that will lead you to the right products for your hair needs. Say hello to sleek edges, and moisturized, stronger strands.
In need of a little hair-spiration? We got you covered! xoNecole and SheaMoisture have teamed up with three natural hair influencers to debut their holiday hair looks. Meet Ambrosia Malbrough, Jasmin Moses, and Daye Covington - beauty bawses who’ve created some incredible holiday looks that are stylish and easy to achieve. They also gave us the scoop on the SheaMoisture products they’re loving right now, as well as their 2023 hair goals.
Read on for more:
Daye Covington Kicks Her Twist Out Up A Notch With A Voluminous Updo
“I wanted to create a style that was super cute but also easy to pull together, so I went with a puff and tendril combo! It's a style that can be done on freshly washed curls or one that can be done on old hair. [It’s perfect for] when we're short for time but want to add a little razzle-dazzle to our hair before a special occasion. It's very versatile!”
“My favorite Shea Moisture product hand's down is the Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie! That is definitely a #TeamNaturalHair staple. Coconut is one of the ingredients that my hair favors. I also find that medium/light creams absorb best in my hair, so it's no surprise that I get amazing definition and moisture when I use the Curl Enhancing Smoothie. I love it for twist-outs, braid-outs, and rod set styles. Any product that can give me versatility when it comes to styling plus added moisture, that's what a staple is for me!”
“I would love to dye my hair back to blue! It was my favorite hair color, but unfortunately, my 9-5 now prohibits unnatural hair colors. I'm pushing it with this dark plum color, but I look forward to the day where I can transition into a new stage of life and go back to blue. In the meantime, I'm focusing on length retention. I've been doing well for 2022 and have had no major cuts so I'm hoping to stay consistent with my routine in 2023.”
Follow Daye on Instagram @dayelasoul
Ambrosia Malbrough Made Magic With Poppin’ And Defined Finger Coils
“[Finger coils] is a style that I don’t do often, it takes much more time than my usual wash and go. But that extra time put in makes it extra special and so worth it. The results are beautiful. It’s a style that offers many days of wear, too!”
“[Earlier this year] I did my 4th big chop. This time around hit different as a mom of two. I don’t always have the extra time on my hands to put into my hair, so the short ‘do has been convenient. I’ve realized that not all wash days are created equal even if I use the same products. However, my 4c coils are loving the products I'm using now”
“Since I’ve been having my hair dyed, I’m looking forward to trying Shea Moisture’s new Mongongo and Jojoba Oils High Porosity Moisture Replenish Hair Masque. I am currently growing my hair out and plan on having fun with more highlights and a new shape - possibly a shag cut in 2023!”
Follow Ambrosia on Instagram at @brosiaaa
Jasmin Moses Shows The Secrets To Her Jaw-Dropping Curly Ponytail
“I love doing a sleek ponytail with my baby hairs laid to a T! It helps so my hair isn't in the way when I am cooking and running errands, but it's still snatched to provoke anyone in the room to stop me to say 'girllll your hair is laid!'. I like to add a little razzle dazzle by adding my cute, naturally curly ponytail extensions. It elevates the look perfectly for the holidays.”
“It took me from my freshman year of college to now, almost seven whole years, to know what works for my hair. I love protective styles like wigs and braids because my hair thrives when I don't mess with it. When I leave my hair alone, it grows the best, so I love taking off my wig when I get home, oiling my scalp and putting my bonnet on for bed! When I do wear my natural hair out, what helps me maintain the health of my hair is to get in a rhythm with my hair. [I do] my wash days on Sunday, wear it in a wash n’ go all week, and repeat the next Sunday.”
“My 2023 hair goal is to get back to my 2021 hair length! Recently, a hairstyle damaged my hair causing me to lose 4 inches in length, which was not fun. So I’m working on getting [my hair] back to its original health and keep growing from there! I am also looking forward to trying the Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie as a one-product wash n’ go! I hear such great things about it and I think it will give me hold while also keeping my hair lightweight and voluminous. I’m also excited about the Coconut & Hibiscus Defining Styling Gel and Edge Gel.”
Follow Jasmin on Instagram @slimreshae
Ladies, This Is How To Date Smart Instead Of Hard
While recently talking to a couple of early 30-something never-been-married-before women about how much they want to settle down, and yet, at the same time, they’ve gotten to the point where they almost loathe the thought of dating, I got inspired to write this article.
Now before getting into some tips that I’m hoping will help a few folks out, let me first say that I think it doesn’t really matter if someone is 24 or 54, is a single mom or has no kids, is an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, wants to get married someday or is simply looking for companionship (check out “Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON’T Desire Marriage?”) — dating definitely can be a bit of a challenge right through here.
In my opinion, some of it is because we’re still dealing with the aftershocks of the pandemic. Another reason is that things have become so damn transactional these days that I’m not sure if folks even get what the purpose of dating is anymore (mostly, it’s to get to know individuals better so that you can determine who is your right fit). Still, another reason is that when we do step out into the dating waters (that are sometimes raging), some of us are already a bit jaded due to our past experiences, our friends’ stories, and/or those (oftentimes) horrible tales that we hear on TikTok.
Let’s simplify it all a bit, shall we? Although online dating and long-distance relationships are continuing to thrive in their own way, the reality is that if you want to establish a solid connection with someone, chances are, you’re going to need to participate in some old-school dating on some level. So, in order to increase your chances of those encounters being truly successful for you, here are some things that I advise you to do along the way.
Be Clear About Why You’re Dating in the First Place — and Communicate ItGiphy
A woman recently told me that what’s pissing her off (her exact words) about the dating scene is, while she’s personally looking for her future husband when it comes to the kinds of men that she keeps running into, although they’ve wanted more than just a casual sex partner, marriage wasn’t on the menu. Not even a lil’ bit.
Yeah, one day, we’ll get into why more and more men are shying away from marriage — quite possibly more than ever before. For now, I’ll just say that if a person feels like they are meeting the needs of their partner while they’re also being told that theirs aren’t important, only for their partner to initiate divorce (over 70 percent of women do) and then take half of their earnings…I mean, I get why many guys are hard passing on the notion.
Anyway, because the men she was going out with didn’t want what she did, she’s been finding it discouraging to continue her dating journey. As she was talking to me about all of this, I asked her how long she would wait to bring her ultimate goals up.
Her: “I mean, I don’t want to scare men off, so I don’t really mention it at all.”
Yeah, that’s not good. Even though I get where she’s coming from, if you want to date in order to find your potential mate, you should never assume that the people you’re seeing automatically know that because not everyone is dating for the same purpose and reasons.
So, when should it come up? Not the first date because that’s basically a meet-and-greet to see if there’s anything “there” at all. However, if the second date goes well, it’s okay to say that your motive for dating is to ultimately find your life partner; that you’re not moving in fear or impatience, but you don’t see the point in dating indefinitely either. If a guy is on the same page, he’ll be fine with that.
If he’s not, he won’t — but at least you’ll both know where each other stands which can spare you from finding out that he was cool being with you but never wanted you to become his wife…three years down the pike.
Value Your TimeGiphy
When it comes to valuing time, some of my favorite quotes include "Trouble is, you think you have time" (Jack Kornfield); "Time and effort can get you anything you want in the world. But nothing in the world can get you more time" (Matt Fox); "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it" (M. Scott Peck); "The one that values his time can value the time of others as well" (Sunday Adelaja); and "Time is the wisest counsellor of all" (Pericles).
Keeping all of these in mind, another benefit of knowing why you do what you do is that it can help you to value your time better. For instance, I have no interest in dating someone who has young children. This means that it doesn't matter how fine or funny a man is, if I meet you and that is what you have going on, why would I waste your time or mine by continuing to date you?
I can't tell you how many single people have come to me all distraught because they ignored their own preferences, got emotionally caught up, and now they are trying to figure out if they should totally ignore the very things that they said they did — or didn't — want in the first place.
Bottom line, please value your time and feelings enough to know what are non-negotiables and then not go further with people who fall into those categories. It's not a selfish act. When it comes to valuing another person's time, too, it's actually a really thoughtful one.
Learn a Few Current Dating TrendsGiphy
At the end of the day, trends are simply something that's popular at any given time. As far as dating goes, knowing some current dating trends can prove to be beneficial because it can 1) provide some insight on how to potentially approach dating at any given time and/or 2) help you to detect some things that might be going on with someone while you're on your say, first, second or third date with them.
That said, some trends that are, well, trending this year include open casting and infla-dating.
As far as open casting goes, the best way to describe it is it's all about stepping out of your "type" (check out "According To Experts, We All Have A 'Type'") and instead being willing to date individuals who may not look or even act the way that you're accustomed to. Now for the record, this doesn't mean that you should compromise your standards, deal-breakers, or boundaries in any way. It's more about not being so rigid in wanting a guy who is 6'2" and chocolate that you're not willing to even consider 5'10" and caramel. Because the reality is that a good man (if that's truly what you are after) may not look exactly like you prefer, yet if he's truly right for you, making that kind of compromise really won't matter much at the end of the day. Trust me.
Another dating trend is known as infla-dating. Can you guess what it's all about? Basically, it's the kind of dating that takes into account the fact that a lot of us just don't have the coins that we used to. For instance, I live in Music City, and an article came out recently that said you basically have to work somewhere around 60 hours a week in order to afford the ever-skyrocketing rink of this place. SMDH. I wish I could say that Nashville is the exception, but it's not. So now folks are finding more creative ways to date so that they don't have to tap into their rent money or their savings account in order to do it.
And for the record, that kind of approach isn't being "cheap." It's being wise. Shoot, I know a lot of couples who are on the brink of calling it quits as we speak because one or both of them aren't financially savvy. So yeah, dating people who can think outside of the box and still create some awesome dating memories while also being able to handle their financial responsibilities and obligations in the process? That reveals a thoughtful individual who is good at adulting too. If that ain't a solid potential long-term partner candidate, I don't know who is.
Keep the First Date BriefGiphy
Listen, I'm a woman, and even I don't get all of this $200 first-date nonsense. If I was a guy, I would see that as a peak hustle, too, because there is no reason why a man who barely knows someone should be shelling out that kind of cash right out the gate. Know what else? There's no reason why a woman who values herself should want to automatically give someone the privilege of 2-3 hours of her time initially, either.
Honestly, unless you already know the person you're going on a first date with (for instance, a friendship is transitioning into something more or you've been talking to someone online or on the phone for a while and you're planning on meeting up for the first time), a first date needs to be light and not expected to go over more than an hour or so. Why? Because all that you're initially doing is trying to see if there is some chemistry and even a mutual interest to take things further — and you don't need more than a meet-up at a coffee shop or a bar for a glass or two of wine to do that.
If your immediate response is, "that's frugal AF," — I mean, if all your motive was is to get an expensive meal or reenact something you saw on some dating show on television…maybe. Yet, if you genuinely want to maximize your precious moments (not to mention energy and effort), a brief and semi-casual first date is the way to go. Besides, if there does happen to be a mutual spark, it's not like the two of you can't book a second date…hell, the next day if you want to.
Ask. Don’t Interrogate.
Reply to @jwillis808 Here’s my list! #datingtips #listofthings #dating #datingadvice
Listen, this woman said that she has a fiancé, so clearly, this method worked for her. THAT SAID, although I am a big fan of people knowing what they desire in a partner, I will say that if you plan on also coming up with an Old Testament scroll of characteristics and qualities, just make sure to keep in mind that sometimes what you want may not be exactly what you need — which is why it's a good idea to be flexible on some things. Also, the goal is not to find the perfect person but someone who is a great complement to your life (check out "If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life").
That’s why it’s also a good idea to not treat your dates like they are an interrogation. While it’s cool to touch on points that are of great importance to you, no one wants to feel like they are being bogged down with tons of inquiries.
So, how do you avoid wearing someone out on a date? Per date, think about 3-5 things that are a priority to you and ask about those. For instance, if you've had a pattern in the past of doing most of the work in your relationships, ask him about how he values reciprocity in a relationship. Or if spirituality is of the utmost importance, ask him what his spiritual practice is and how long it's been that way.
The reason why I provided these as examples is because…did you notice how they were worded in a way that still gets the results that you're looking for without someone feeling like they are being put on the spot?
I'm gonna be real, some folks end up self-sabotaging their dates, and it's because they come all anxious and hurried. You can't get to know everything that you need to know in two hours. Ask some questions, sure, yet also enjoy just learning someone's vibe too because it also reveals…quite a bit.
Expect Them to Have Expectations TooGiphy
On the heels of what I just said, it never ceases to amaze me how some people think that they can have a book of what they want in a person and then act shocked when someone comes with their own comprised list. It’s almost like the “book person” is on some “You need to be everything that I expect and more, but you shouldn’t expect anything more than me showing up because I am enough automatically.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure you can hear all of the ego that is just oozing out of that sentence, not to mention how unfair and even unrealistic that way of thinking is.
So, if you’re someone who thinks that you “are the table” (insert eye rolls here) and so there should be no questions asked of you — I already see why dating hasn’t been working in your favor.
Just like you want to see how a man can add to your life, men want to know the same thing. Going on the defensive only causes them to build up walls. In other words, prepare to be a lot of what you expect. If that’s a challenge for you…maybe shorten that list — or at least don’t articulate as much of it — up.
Emotionally Pace YourselfGiphy
What happens if, after the first date, the guy checks off all of your (initial) boxes, and you’re ready to call your mama and tell her that you think that he’s the one? Yeah, PLEASE DON’T. While it’s cool to be excited about someone, if you don’t emotionally pace yourself, the elation can have you coming off as rushing things or even being too pushy if you’re not careful.
How? Well, if you really do think that he’s a great match for you, you could start emotionally processing him that way which could cause you to have expectations that are premature: “You think I’m awesome, and I think you’re awesome, so why haven’t you texted me this morning?” or “You said that you want to do this again, so why has it been four days and you haven’t booked another date yet?” GOODNESS.
I once read a study that said that when it comes to cultivating a true friendship, it takes 40-60 hours to create a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to become an actual friend, and 200-plus hours to become good friends. And that’s friendship, so why would you expect a relationship to miraculously unfold after three dinner dates?
Almost any emotionally healthy person is going to gravitate to an atmosphere of calm and serenity. So, while it’s okay to express that you’re looking forward to where this could go, as Benjamin Franklin so poignantly once said, “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.” In other words, try not to allow your feelings to override the reality that everything has a time and purpose, and, as a wise person once said, “Time prevents everything from happening all at once.” In other other words, pulling on flower petals, trying to get them to hurry up and bloom, only ruins the flower.
Listen, if you don’t get anything else out of this article, please get how important it is to date from a place of mindfulness. And just what does that mean exactly? A simple explanation is when you are being mindful, you’re intentional about remaining in the moment. You’re not caught up in the past or consumed with the future.
When it comes to dating, in particular, mindfulness can be super beneficial because you’re not focused on comparing the current person with the people you’ve dated before, and you’re also not causing unnecessary anxiety and/or stress and/or drama by applying pressure on yourself or the person you’re getting to know by being obsessed with the possibilities of the future.
If you’d like to be more mindful in theory but you’re not exactly sure how to put it into practice, there are mindfulness principles that we all can stand to put into practice more often:
Reality. Reality is about what is rooted in truth and facts, not what you want or wish something to be. You can sho ‘nuff spare yourself some drama and trauma if you are someone who lives in reality while you’re dating instead of some rom-com or fairy tale that you’ve conjured up in your mind.
Accept. How would you feel if someone tried to change you? Exactly. Some people have a really bad habit of trying to “tweak folks” so that they can “make them fit” into their dating/relationship/marriage narrative. Avoid this, please. Accept people for who they are. If you can get wit it, awesome. If not, maybe they are just meant to be a friend — and that can be a blessing too.
Relax. To relax is to be less rigid, which speaks to being more flexible. When it comes to dating, this can help because if you’re willing to just let things reveal themselves as they come, that can help you to avoid overthinking or putting more stress on yourself than you should.
No one said that dating was easy. Still, if you’re a bit easier on yourself and the people you choose to go out with, each date can be an opportunity, a lesson, or a win. And all of these can be beneficial — if you choose to date smart instead of, well, hard.
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