March is a time of strength, reflection, and rebirth for the collective. March and the majority of April are the only months of 2022 with zero retrogrades. Meaning, if you want to make something happen, or at least get the ideas together and put the plans in motion, this is the month to do it. March is all about the mountains you have climbed, and the nice view at the top you are seeing now. Take time with your growth, reflect on all you have learned thus far this year, and know that things are moving forward right now.
The Sun and Moon both come together in Pisces on March 2 for the New Moon in Pisces. This is a New Moon of emotional renewal for the world, and emotions will be running high. Pisces is also a highly creative, intuitive, and spiritual sign, and the energy of the month has a dash of fantasy to it, especially during this New Moon. Get in touch with your inner child, create from the heart, and daydream about the fresh starts you want to see unfold this month. Venus and Mars move into Aquarius a few days later where they will remain until April, and love knows no bounds right now. Clear communication, light-heartedness, and an open mind are what the vibe is during this transit, as Venus and Mars in Aquarius seek to liberate.
Mercury enters Pisces on March 9, and communications are colored in emotion for the time being. Mercury in Pisces is all about creativity and communicating from the heart. Deep insights and an active dream life are what this time is all about for the collective, and it’s best to keep things transparent right now. By mid-month on March 18, there is a Worm Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon is here to clean house. Virgo is the healer, the multi-tasker, and the wise Goddess. She comes in when we need it the most, and this Full Moon is here to heal and bring things into order.
Aries Season begins a few days later, as well as the Spring Equinox and the beginning of the Astrological New Year, and we are moving through a time of rebirth in March overall.
Aries
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn March you are on a new vision quest, Aries. The month starts with the Sun in your 12th house of rejuvenation and reflection as we near your Solar Return later this month. The theme with you in March is one of self-discovery. You are broadening your horizons this month and looking beyond what you currently know now. This is a soul replenishing month for you as you bring attention to your inner world, your perspective right now, and the opportunities that are appearing for you this month.
On March 18, there is a Full Moon in Virgo, and this Full Moon will be influencing your working life, health habits, and daily routine. Culminations occur when it comes to what’s been happening on the day-to-day, and you get the clarity you have been looking for over the past month here. The beginning of the month is all about rest and renewal, and moving into March you are getting things done. Aries Season begins on March 20, and it’s your time to shine! Aries Season marks the beginning of the Astrological Calendar, and if you had a rough start to 2022, now is the time to claim your new beginnings, Aries.
Taurus
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about balance and trusting the process for you, Taurus. You are doing some reflection this month as you acknowledge how far you have come, and prepare for what is next for you. The month starts with a New Moon in Pisces on March 2, and you are seeing new beginnings within your community, friendships, and social network right now. This is a good time to set your intentions for who you want to collaborate with this year and the message you want to get across.
Moving into March, you are reaching new heights. Through the time you got for self-reflection, rejuvenation, and dedication to the process, you find yourself moving forward with new opportunities mid-month. The Full Moon happening on March 18 is occurring in fellow earth sign Virgo, and occurring in a romantic and playful area of your birth chart. Things are feeling good right now, and you are inspired by the full circle moments you are getting this month. March is here to remind you you are not alone, you are loved, and you deserve to be recognized for your greatness, Taurus.
Gemini
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is a time of healing, strength, and allowing yourself to shine, Gemini. The New Moon on March 2 is happening in a public area of your birth chart, and the spotlight is on you as you enter the month. Career matters take the forefront during this time and you get the opportunity to speak on what you know and grow stronger in your understanding of your soul purpose. The path you are on this month is one of strength, wisdom, and conviction to your personal truths.
Mars and Venus enter fellow air sign Aquarius on March 6, and this transition flows well with your insightful soul. As Mars and Venus move through your 9th house of adventure, travel, spirituality, and the higher mind you have full reign to move forward with all of the adventures and vocations you have been intending for. Although the time for healing, replenishment, and peace of mind is needed this month; you are overall seeing your intentions, goals, and spiritual inklings through in March, Gemini.
Cancer
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is your time of emergence, Cancer. The energy that is with you this month is one of synergy. With the Sun flowing through a fellow water sign for most of the month, you are experiencing an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is a good time to expand your horizons and say yes to new opportunities. A new perspective has been born from what you’ve already experienced this year, and you are rising above any past confusion and into clarity in March. Your power of manifestation is strong right now, Cancer.
Moving into the month, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on March 18, and the Sun moves into an area of your chart that has to do with your career and public image a few days later. The message is clear this month, and you are getting yours across. You are inspired by the personal transformations you have been through recently, and claiming your power right now. March is all about making your voice heard and the vision come to life, Cancer.
Leo
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is your month of rebirth, Leo. You have been through a journey of soul growth, and have been learning a lot through your relationships with others recently. With a New Moon in your 8th house of intimacy as the month begins, you are exploring the depths of your love, intimacy, and dedication to what’s blooming for you right now. With Mars and Venus moving into Aquarius and your 7th house of relationships, love, and marriage on March 6, the focus on nurture, balance, and hope is with you right now. You are motivated by the partnerships in your life and feeling the love this month.
The Worm Moon on March 18 is moving through your house of finances, income, assets, and self-esteem, and this is a good time to look at the balance within your spending and clear up anything that needs to be sorted. Confidence, self-assurance, and faith are key as you move into March. The patience and grace you have shown yourself are showing fruition for you this month. Fortunate circumstances appear when you can allow all to be and trust that you deserve the best for yourself, always, Leo.
Virgo
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is a time of paving your path and seeking out your new horizons, Virgo. You are spending time within, with your loved ones, and with the light that you are experiencing in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your 7th house of love right as you enter the month, and new beginnings within your romantic world are occurring for you now. This is a good time to set your intentions for love and to trust what partnership opportunities are coming together for you in March. Say yes to love, Virgo.
The Virgo Full Moon of the year is happening this month, and it’s occurring on March 18. This Full Moon is all about your personal growth and closing out a major chapter of your life. You are letting go of old stories or versions of yourself you no longer relate to and shedding the light on who you are today. This is a powerful Full Moon for you as one cycle of life transforms from an ending into a new beginning. You have done the work, continued to show up for yourself even when at times you’ve had to stand alone, and you are ready to move forward now, Virgo.
Libra
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleSeek out your sanctuaries this month, Libra. March is about getting back to the basics and taking things one day at a time. It’s all about flow right now and finding a schedule or routine that works best for you. The New Moon at the beginning of the month is reminding you of the importance of a routine, and this is a good time to set new intentions for health and working matters. Your everyday life is the focus right now, and when this is good, all else falls into place for you.
As you spend time connecting to your safe spaces and what feels right for you this month, you are finding a way through anything that has kept you feeling stuck. Doors are opening for you, and you are taking the time weighing your options like the balanced Libra you are. Before Aries season begins and the Sun moves into your sister sign and into an area of your chart having to do with partnership and love; there is a Full Moon in your 12th house tying up any loose ends before the real fun begins. Release, renewal, and emotional clarity are where your heart is, Libra.
Scorpio
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about flowing through life effortlessly and letting things fall into place, Scorpio. Romance is in the air for you as you begin the month with a New Moon in a fellow water sign, Pisces, on March 2. This New Moon is moving through your 5th house of self-expression, playfulness, romance, and flirtation. Things are getting exciting for you in March, and you are setting the tone right now for the experiences you want to have and the love you want to feel this year. Give and receive freely, and allow yourself to be moved by the excitement and hope of it all right now.
This month is all about the stepping stones you have made to get you to where you are today, Scorpio. Peace of mind is priceless, and you have cashed in on these treasures of life. The Virgo Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your friendships and community, and the faith that is with you this month is undeniable. You are an inspiring force for others and your light is being recognized within your connections, Scorpio. The Sun moves into your 6th house before the month ends, and you are taking care of business right now.
Sagittarius
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of radiance for you, Sagittarius. You are owning your light, and shining in all of your glory in March. Life is coming full circle for you this month and there are happy culminations in store for you right now. At the beginning of the month, there is a focus on home, family, and your foundations, and this is a good time to plant the seeds for what you want to grow here right now. Your security systems are in focus, and the things that bring you a sense of stability and safety are what you are resonating with right now.
The Full Moon on March 18 is highlighting your career, professional life, reputation, and achievements, and you are seeing some working projects come full circle this month. This is the time to release anything that hasn’t been serving you within your career and to focus on what fulfilling your purpose means to you right now. Once the Sun moves into a fellow fire sign and Aries Season begins on March 20, you are blazing forward and into your dreams. This is the month of finding your happiness and making it a priority to do more of the things that get you in this space of gratitude, Sag.
Capricorn
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMarch is all about getting your ducks in a row. You love to be organized, and you are taking some time to sort things out right now, Capricorn. The New Moon in Pisces on March 2 is occurring in your 3rd house of communication, transportation, and local community, and you are receiving some important messages at the beginning of the month. The focus is on new beginnings for you right now, and you are clearing the air. As Mars and Venus move into your 2nd house a week later, you are thinking long-term this month and setting up plans for yourself and your future success.
The Full Moon in Virgo happening on March 18 is all about perspective. Life is coming full circle, and you are getting the full picture right now and seeing how everything has fallen into place for you. You are known for your strength, dedication, and resilience, and sometimes you need to be reminded of how great you are. March is giving you those realizations. There is a Last Quarter Moon in your sign on March 25 and you are reflecting on the intentions you set at the beginning of the month and moving forward here.
Aquarius
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJust because your season is over, doesn’t mean the light stops shining on you, Aquarius. March is a month of transformation and personal empowerment, as you rise and show up for yourself. There is a lot of magic with you this month with Venus and Mars both moving into Aquarius on March 5 for the entire month. Venus is love and receptivity, and Mars is passion and energy; the two combining in your sign is bringing forth a nice balance in your life. You are especially motivated right now with a lot of energy at your disposal, and with Venus officially in your sign, you are feeling the love this month, Aquarius.
You are like the lotus blooming this month, and you are moving out of any muddy waters. The Full Moon on March 18 is transiting your 8th house of intimacy, life, death, and rebirth, and the transformations you are seeing this month are bringing you closer to your soul. You are ready to renew, liberate, and define your path moving forward. Aries season begins before the month ends and the Sun moves into an area of your chart having to do with communication, publication, and daily activity; and you are getting things done as the month winds down.
Pisces
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePisces season is in full swing and the spotlight is on you, Pisces. This month brings with it full circle moments, happy outcomes, and the realization that there is gold at the end of the rainbow for you. As life ebbs and flows with the energy of your ocean soul this month, you are being made clear of what your priorities and needs are, and what you truly want to see in your life right now. There is a New Moon in your sign as the month begins, and you are seeing personal new beginnings and a new understanding of self. This month is all about you, your divine path, your intentions, and the courage to be your authentic self. You are reinventing yourself right now, Pisces.
On March 9, Mercury enters Pisces, and communication channels are opening for you right now. March is a good time to get your ideas heard, have some important conversations, and gain a new perspective. The Full Moon on March 18 is happening in your sister sign, Virgo, and this Full Moon is all about love, relationships, and emotional renewal for you. Life comes full circle in love, and you are moving forward with the relationships that have only grown stronger in the process, Pisces.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Some say that the Catholic church deemed it to be the only “non-sinful” position, and folks followed suit. Others believe that it’s tied into “patriarchy” since a man being on top puts a woman into a submissive receiving position (I mean, the Bible does tell wives to submit to their husbands, and sex is referenced for married couples, so that tracks — Ephesians 5, Colossians 3:18, I Peter 3:1-7, Genesis 2:24-25, I Corinthians 6:16-20). There are even stories about missionaries teaching people of African, Native American, and Chinese ethnicities that any other position is wrong and so those people came up with the term “missionary position” to make fun of the missionaries (chile).
Whatever the actual backstory is, what we know for sure is the missionary position continues to be super popular (although leave it to millennials to knock it out of first position and replace it with doggystyle these days), a great way to cultivate emotional intimacy (more on that in just a sec) — and it is oftentimes perceived as hella boring.
That last point is what I’m gonna address today. Because since it is indeed a great way to connect with your partner, it makes it easier to hit “your spot” (the G-spot, to be exact), and it’s also easy on your body (you know, if the desire is there but your limbs are not exactly cooperating), in my eyes, the missionary position needs to receive the proper respect that it deserves — and the best way to do that is to give it a few, perhaps much-needed, “upgrades.” Here are 15 of ‘em.
1. Do Some Eye Gazing Before Anything Else
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Recently, I was talking to a male friend of mine who told me that he doesn’t do casual sex in the missionary position. After asking him how he is subtly able to even pull that off (another article, another time), I then wanted to know the method behind his madness: “It’s too intimate and vulnerable. I need to be in something serious with you to be that…into you.”
One might say that literally putting your member into a woman’s vagina is “into her,” yet I digress. Instead, I’ll just focus on the fact that when they say that eyes are the windows to the soul, there is definitely some truth to that. And when it comes to cultivating intimacy with your partner, there is a practice known as eye gazing that can help to connect the two of you in a very special way.
In fact, there are studies to support that you can analyze how someone feels about you by looking into their eyes, you can increase your level of attraction to them by looking into their eyes, and you and your partner can go up a new level in trust if you look into each other’s eyes as well.
How long should the eye gazing last? Some experts say that the goal should be for five minutes while taking deep breaths in between. While doing that might feel awkward at first, look at it this way — y’all are gonna be face to face for a while anyway, right? Why not take the exchange of energy to another level while you’re doing it? And why not get into this mind of headspace by eye gazing as a form of emotional foreplay?
2. Bring Some Jasmine, Ylang-Ylang or Lavender and Vanilla
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One of the best things about the missionary position is it encourages you to shut out the rest of the world, ignore any distractions and really focus on your partner. Matter of fact, a sex therapist once told me that one of the perks of this particular position is it significantly decreases your chances of you and/or your partner fantasizing about other people during coitus (hey, it happens…way more than people care to admit too).
Something that can help to keep you and your partner centered on one another only is the scent of jasmine, ylang-ylang, and a combo of lavender and vanilla. As a bonus, all are also sensual, calming, and relaxing too. You can add a few drops to a carrier oil (like sweet almond or grapeseed) and create a DIY massage oil. You can sprinkle some of them onto your bedding. You can also add a few drops into your sexual pressure points for a nice surprise as far as your partner’s sense of smell goes.
3. Pull in (More) Pillows
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For some reason, I can’t find it now (sorry!), but a few weeks ago, I was cracking up at a video of a guy who was challenging his girlfriend to get into the position of being on top like a man and pushing for more than a minute straight. She failed miserably (it really was hilarious!). After I sent it to a few male friends, one wrote back and said, “Y’all have no idea what being on top can do to a brotha’s back sometimes.”
A workaround that will make everyone happy? Bring in some more pillows. It will elevate your body so that he won’t have to bend over quite so low. Plus, it will help him to penetrate you more deeply, which is almost always a good thing.
You can use the pillows that you already have (they should work just fine). Or you can invest in a sex pillow. They tend to be a bit firmer so that you don’t have to be slippin’ and slidin’ all over the place. Glamour did you a solid by providing a list of some of their favorite sex pillows here; Self did the same by providing their best-of-the-best list here.
4. Light Some Candles
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Back to the eye thing real quick. Yeah, I don’t know how y’all are gonna be able to stare deeply into each other’s eyes if it’s pitch black in the room. And here’s the thing about letting some light shine in; there was a study conducted that said when a light box (like the kind that’s used to treat depression) is brought into a man’s space, it can increase his levels of sexual desire. The reason why is it has a way of boosting his testosterone levels.
However, if you don’t want to feel like you’re standing — well, lying — in a room that has the ridiculous lighting that is in department store dressing rooms, go with candlelight instead. A soft glow can still help him to see your shapes and curves and the two of you to look at each other yet because everything with candles is way more subtle, it can help you to feel less self-conscious if you’re not as confident in the sex department as you would like to be (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”).
5. Add Some Flavored Lube
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Although pretty much all of us have heard the saying, “The wetter, the better,” at this point, this tip is a shout-out to the safe sex crowd (since reportedly, only one-third of men and one-quarter of women actually use condoms. SMDH). If you want to make bringing rubbers into a mix a much more pleasurable experience, go with some flavored lubricant. Although you might only think of its use in the context of oral sex (more on that in a bit), dabbing some on your neck (so that he can taste something sweet-er when he kisses you there) or on your wrists or forearm (so that he can lick them while your hands are pinned back) can be a truly welcome surprise.
And what are some of the best-tasting ones on the market these days? No worries. I got you:
6. Modify the Position…a Bit
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As we continue, I will be — no pun intended — deep diving into some tweaks that can be made to the standard missionary position in order to intensify sexual pleasure. For now, I’ll just say that spooning face to face, allowing your partner to pin your legs back, having sex while standing up, letting him ride cowboy (which means he’s literally in the position that you are typically in during the cowgirl) and your partner lying horizontally over your body instead of vertically — these all are twists to the missionary that could cause you to hear “missionary position” with new levels of excitement.
7. Apply the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)
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Speaking of modifying positions, what do y’all know about the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)? If you’re staring at your screen like, “What in the world is that?” it’s when your partner gets into the downward-facing dog yoga position while you’re on your back in the missionary one. This causes your partner’s penis to stimulate your clitoris as they are entering you and sometimes as they are going in and out. The (main) benefit is if you’re someone who finds experiencing a vaginal orgasm challenging, you significantly increase your chances of experiencing one since your clitoris will be stimulated during the act of intercourse.
Another bonus is “doing the CAT” can help a man to last longer if premature ejaculation is something that he is prone to experiencing.
8. Get Out of the Bed/Bedroom
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The older we get, the more bedroom sex makes sense. After all, beds were specifically designed to support our bodies. Still, if you’ve been in a long-term relationship for quite some time, just like approaching the missionary position the same way every time can get old, so can always being in your bed — or bedroom.
You’re paying good money to utilize more than just one room in your home, so why not maximize each one’s potential? And as far as the best room in the house to get busy, I recently read an article that said bathrooms and balconies are fan favorites, followed by closets and utility rooms. Personally, I’m with what a Men’s Health article stated, which is the living room is probably the most comfortable (and common) — yet whatever you do, just try and think outside of the box sometimes. In this case, think outside of your bed and bedroom to see what other places are comfortable for you both.
9. Or…Get on the Edge of the Bed
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So, what if you're like, "I hear you, but it's gonna be the bed for me, more times than not?" I hear you. There's a way to upgrade the missionary position and how you use your bed at the same time — have him pull you to the edge of the bed and either penetrate you by lifting your legs over his shoulders, or the two of you can just have "regular sex" that way (so long as he's good at maintaining his balance and keeping you from falling off at the same time).
The perks? For one, if his penis is more on the average side (check out "Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right)"), he will be able to penetrate you more deeply. Another benefit is if you like to bring vibrators into the mix, it will be easier to do (especially if your legs are up). Another is this is one way to get your clitoris, vagina, and cervix all stimulated all at the same time — in fact, this is why another name for the edge of the bed is "the edge of heaven" (makes sense).
10. Keep Your Bra on — Kinda
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As a doula, whenever new moms talk to me about easing back into sex, it's very common for them to talk about how "conflicted" they are when it comes to their breasts, especially if they are breastfeeding. It makes complete and total sense when you think about the fact that first, our breasts are ours alone, then men come in and use them as foreplay, and then here comes a baby who uses them as a food source. A top suggestion that I give is that moms invest in some super sexy nursing bras. That way, if they want to still keep their breasts covered up, there is something pretty for their partner to look at.
Along these same lines (kinda sorta), consider keeping your own bra on during missionary — well, kind of. Either get one that is extremely sheer or pull your breasts out so that they are hanging out over the front of your bra. Why? Well, a lot of men have told me over the years that while nothing really tops a woman in her birthday suit, the peek-a-boo effect of breasts over bras and crotchless panties turns them on in a way that they can't fully articulate. Plus, if you're a bit insecure, this can help you out like it can a new mom (believe it or not), especially if you're going to bring some lighting in (like I suggested earlier).
11. Enjoy His Nipples
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Speaking of breasts…although not everyone finds their nipples to be the ultimate erogenous zone (check out “So, What If ‘Typical Erogenous Zones’ Annoy TF Outta You?”), don’t automatically assume that your partner is one of them. The reality is men have the same glands and nerve endings that we do when it comes to their nipples which means a lot of them find their nipples getting some TLC to be super erotic and enjoyable.
A husband client of mine once told me in a session that he wished that his wife would lick on his nipples more, especially during intercourse, because it takes his orgasms to a completely different level. When his wife heard that, she asked, since she’s not a contortionist, how could she possibly pull that off in a comfortable way? This actually brings us to the next point.
12. Try Some Kama Sutra Piercing
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On the heels of what I just said, what do you know about the Kama Sutra approach known as piercing? It’s kind of similar to CAT, only with a twist. This time, a man should position his shoulders to where they are directly over your head — that way, as he is moving in and out, you can get direct clitoral stimulation.
How is this any different from the CAT? Well, with that position, his arch is backed farther away from you. Plus, it tends to feel the most amazing upon entry only. On the other hand, piercing makes it possible for you to do the whole nipple thing that we just talked about while he’s able to stimulate your clitoris more intentionally the entire time. A win/win for everyone, wouldn’t you say?
13. Engage in (Some or More) Edging
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Another way to almost guarantee that your orgasms will be next level is to engage in a bit of edging. If you're familiar with the word, yet you've never exactly researched and/or tried it before — let's just say that it's the kind of act that requires some stamina (on his part) and some self-discipline (for you both). The reason why I say that is because edging is all about having intercourse, your partner stopping for 15-30 seconds, and then you both starting back up all over again.
And why would someone want to send themselves through this mind of, in a way, mind f-ck? It builds anticipation and excitement, which can actually make your orgasms super intense. Hell, it could even lead to multiple orgasms if y'all play your cards right. Anyway, you can learn more about edging by reading "All About Edging: The Ways Prolonging Pleasure Makes For Mind-Blowing Orgasms" on our platform.
14. Stop. And Switch.
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As I was in the process of penning this piece, I asked a few people to share why they felt that some people take a ho-hum attitude about the missionary position. The general consensus was if that’s all you do the entire time, things can get old really quick.
Good point. That’s why it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that, just because you start off in missionary, no rule says that you have to stay there (unless you happen to live in Florida because, apparently, only the missionary is legal there; Florida stays wilin’ out). No rule says that once you start having sex that you can’t do some other, eh hem, activities in between positions too.
My vote? Be down to get into some oral, especially if you want to increase your chances of having an orgasm. A “good giver” is gonna get off so much on pleasuring you that you probably won’t have to worry about him needing to maintain an erection even if he spends a few moments downtown (cue SWV’s song). Oral sex intermissions are so unsung. Whew, chile.
15. Moan ‘N Whisper
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The last and final point. "Dirty talk" is always gonna be a winner when it comes to sex, period; however, when you're in the missionary position, it's really amazin' considering you're both right next to each other's ears.
And what if dirty talk isn't something that you've exactly mastered (yet)? The key is to not overthink it. Moan. Whisper the things that you like being done to you (or that you want him to try). Ask him what he likes (or wants more of). When he's got it right, praise him. If he's got a pet name, use it. If you want to go with his government name, he probably won't mind that either.
The main point here is to remember that great sex incorporates all of the senses — touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. And since words are our most effective form of communication, you can't go wrong with using some in the bedroom…especially when you're giving it all that you've got in the missionary position…especially as you're adding in some of these upgrades that I just shared.
Enjoy, sis. EN-freakin’-JOY!
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